Despite a few considerable hangovers within the court, the war council began the very next morning. Lydia chewed her lip as she watched Peter and Edmund argue with a very serious looking centaur over soldier distribution.
Susan and Lucy had ridden out that morning to oversee soldier training and check on weapon supplies. Being so close to Pevensies, Lydia had been invited along to the meeting and whilst she was flattered that her opinions were valued, she wasn't entirely sure she wanted to give them.
She highly doubted "don't fight" would be a welcome opinion in the middle of a heated war council.
"We can't split our army so early on. It would cripple us!" Peter glared at the centaur who stamped his hoof on the ground.
"Your Majesties, with all due respect, you have no experience of seeing the Calormen army in battle. They would never pit all their hopes in one battle and will certainly carry out multiple attacks simultaneously. The only way to avoid being surrounded is to split our army."
Edmund shook his head. "It would be suicide to fight a war on two fronts. We would certainly be outnumbered on at least one front if not both."
"And what happens if you take all your army to one battle and Calormen send half their men to attack you from behind?" The centaur asked. "This will not be like the war with the White Witch; Calormen is a much bigger nation and have many resources at their disposal."
Peter sighed and looked over at the rest of the Narnian generals who were stood round a huge map laid on a table in the middle of the room. "Where do you all suppose we take our separate armies then?"
An old man who Lydia assumed was partly dwarf, considering his height, picked up one of the lions that represented part of the Narnian army and placed it on the border of Archenland.
"It would be unwise to try and fight the Calormen's in their own desert but we cannot ask Archenland to get involved." He pointed to the very top of the desert. "therefore, should we attack, I feel it should be right on the border." He looked up at Peter and Edmund. "Assuming of course, that the Calormen don't attack us first."
Edmund moved round the end of the table "I think some of our army, if we are indeed splitting it, should go to Glasswater Bay; it's the easiest way for Calormen to attack us by sea." He moved one of the lions towards the Narnian coast.
"How can we be so sure Calormen will attack by sea?" Peter asked "I wouldn't put it past the Calormen to try and take Archenland at the same time."
Edmund rolled his eyes "Come on Pete, you know Archenland is Calormen's main trading partner at the moment seeing as they're at war with practically everyone else; they would never risk it."
"Fine," Peter sighed. "I suppose you're right, it would be foolish of them." He looked over to where Lydia was still stood in the corner, "Any ideas on what we should do Lydia?"
By this point, Lydia, having only been in Narnia a few weeks, had never even heard of some of the places being mentioned, neve rmind their strategical importance in the upcoming war.
Therefore, in response to Peter's question, she shook her head. "I'm afraid geography never was my strong suit." She shrugged. "But I have heard that fighting a war on two fronts is never a good idea."
"Your Majesties, I must insist!" The centaur from earlier looked desperately at Peter and Edmund upon hearing Lydia's attempt at advice.
"We have to cover all our points of weakness, we cannot simply charge into battle with one half of the Calormen army while the other half ambush us from behind!"
"It's such a huge risk though, we're already outnumbered by Calormen even before we halve our fighting force." Peter said wearily.
"There is no alternative, my King." The centaur said solemnly. Peter turned to exchange glances with his brother and at Edmunds slight nod of the head, he turned back to the table. Lydia found it odd to think that they were only twenty one and eighteen and yet were stood planning a war.
"We'll deploy half of our army at the border with Archenland and then send the rest to Glasswater Bay." He said firmly and his council nodded and muttered various forms of agreement.
Peter turned to look at them. "These movements must be put into action immediately," he said "As soon as Queen Susan and Queen Lucy return; the soldiers must be ready to leave. See that they are prepared." There was a commanding edge to his voice and even though Lydia had seen him in his crown and all his finery, in her eyes, Peter, despite his young age had never looked more like a king.
The various creatures and men surrounding Peter gave short bows and then retreated from the room.
Edmund watched them go, his face unreadable but soon as the door shut behind the last bowing dwarf, he turned round to look back at the map and bit his lip.
"And what happens if we're completely wrong and one half of our army ends up getting slaughtered?"
Peter took one look at his brother, groaned and sunk down into a chair at the head of the table. "It's game over I suppose." He flicked the closest lion to him over.
Lydia watched the statue crash onto the table.
Her fists curled up and she could feel a blush creeping up her neck.
"I think that I need to go outside for a minute" she muttered and then fled from the room, ignoring the brother's confused glances.
She didn't stop running until she was well out of the castle and finally stopping in a stone courtyard which was thankfully deserted. As she leant against one of the walls trying to steady her breathing, the reality of what she'd done started to kick in. She banged her head against the wall and groaned
"What are you doing out here?" Lydia looked round and saw Edmund, looking slightly flushed as if he'd just been running.
"I've been looking for you everywhere. Peter is worried he may have offended you. He would've come himself but there's still so much to do." He paused as if expecting an explanation and on receiving none, he moved closer and asked "What happened back there? Why did you leave?"
Lydia shrugged, her face a mask of indifference.
Edmund tried a different approach. "Okay well you never gave your opinion of our new strategy. Do you approve of it?"
"It is not my place to tell a seasoned war veteran how to conduct a battle, especially when he just so happens to be a King." As soon as the words left her mouth, Lydia wished she could take them back again. She knew she sounded upset and Edmund's raised eyebrows confirmed her suspicion.
"Is this about you leaving?" His tone didn't imply anger or even sadness. It was just Edmund, looking out for her, as usual.
Lydia smiled sadly. "I've seen war, I've seen what it does to people. It killed my father and has made my mother incredibly sick as a result." It was like she'd opened a floodgate once she started speaking, the words seemed to pour out of her.
"Being in today's meeting clarified for me how much I need to go home, how fighting a war for a country I don't know against a country I know even less about just isn't where I need to be right now. I have to go home."
To his credit, Edmund didn't try and interrupt her. He just moved closer and Lydia felt like his physical presence was a reassurance somehow.
"You have to do what's best for you Lydia." His breath was hot against her neck and she shuddered involuntarily. "But if you're leaving because you're scared then you should know, we're all scared. Every time we have a diplomatic breakdown with another land, I'm scared, scared that I have no clue what I'm doing. To go war with someone? I'm absolutely petrified."
"You hide it so much better than me," she whispered turning to face him, not realising how close he'd gotten so their noses almost bumped together.
"You hide it better than anyone," he said softly.
Every inch of her was screaming to close the gap between them and as she closed her eyes, she felt his mouth press lightly against hers. There was a pause and she wanted to pull him towards her, to feel that spark again but she forced her head back.
"I'm sorry it has to be this way." She said but her body was still leaning towards him slightly.
Edmund nodded as though he was trying to convince himself of something then pushed her shoulders back slightly until she was fully upright.
He blinked, regaining his composure. "Your mother needs you. They'll understand."
#
Telling the other Pevensies was predictably painful. Lydia had waited until dinner that evening to break the news. She'd got through her explantion of Aslan's dream by focusing on Edmund who was fiddling with the tablecloth looking slightly sick.
At the mention of her forgetting Narnia, however, she began to tear up which had set Lucy and Susan off.
"I just don't get why you want to go." Lucy had sniffled, "Do you not like it here?"
"I do, I really do." Lydia had insisted, "But I obviously don't belong here. You're all going to be so busy now, Susan you've even postponed returning to Redhaven." She spread her hands out in defeat, "I have to go home now and as much as I don't want to forget, I know I'm making the right decision."
Once she'd made a decision and committed herself to it, it felt like a weight had lifted off her shoulders. She wasn't Narnian, she had a sick parent at home. Anyone else would've done the same as her.
That she'd just kissed someone the day before she left did not, could not make any difference whatsoever.
And now morning had come and she stood at the castle entrance, staring up at Cair Pavarel.
"Lydia" Peter jogged out the doors, his siblings behind him and gave her a bone crushing hug.
"You've been such a good friend to us all." He stepped back and gestured to a centaur that was stood by the castle door. "Silorn is going to accompany you on your journey to make sure you get there safely. Unfortunatley, none of us can afford to leave Cair Pavarel right now." He apologised but Lydia shook her head blinking back tears again.
"I completely understand, thank you."
Her and Peter exchanged glances which showed that they understood each other before she turned to Lucy and Susan who were both crying again.
"I'm going to miss you so much" Lydia said as the three hugged, "I'm sorry it had to end like this."
Lucy gave her one last squeeze whilst Susan kissed her on the cheek before they went and stood next to Peter.
"Do I get a hug goodbye?" Edmund was trying to look calm but his lip was trembling slightly.
"Of course you do." She smiled weakly and went to hug him, desperately ignoring the way her skin tingled against his.
She tried to think of something to say but then he leant up to her ear and whispered, "I won't forget you."
Lydia stepped back and looked at his trembling lip before turning away sharply and nodding to the centaur, "I'm ready.".
She held her hand up in farewell, not opening her mouth lest she burst into tears again.
The Pevensies were all yelling goodbyes but as she turned away it was Edmund's words ringing in her ears.
#
The two walked in silence, Lydia looked up at Silorn's immoveable face and felt her sense of guilt increasing with every step.
Finally she could take it no longer.
"I suppose you think I'm a coward." she said gloomily but the centaur shook his head.
"No, you have no ties to Narnia. The Kings and Queens know that." he said, still looking straight ahead.
"Yes but I'm not sure I would fight for my home either." Lydia muttered "And you'd never think twice of dying for Narnia would you?"
Silorn turned and gave her a long cold stare. "There are no heroes, not in war. I have killed many times and by the grace of Aslan, I have survived to fight another battle."
There wasn't much Lydia could say to that so she stayed silent, watching the centaur to see if he would speak again.
After a minute or so he muttered "War is just about surviving. It doesn't matter what your intentions are, once the fighting, it's just you and your weapon, trying to survive."
Lydia looked at his still expressionless face and the bow and arrows slung over his shoulder.
"I still think-"
She was cut off by a grunt of pain, she turned round and Silorn had an arrow lodged in his thigh.
"Get down!" he shouted, bow in hand, scanning the surrounding forest for their ambushers.
When Lydia found herself rooted to the spot, staring at the arrow in shock, he shoved her sideways and she found herself sprawled on the ground.
"The bushes." Sinlorn shouted, still looking up in the trees for his attacker. Lydia crawled into the nearest bush and watched, her heart pounding as the centaur aimed his arrow into the trees, at something she couldn't see. He let the arrow loose, there was a small thud, a rustle of leaves and then a man fell out of the tree and landed spread eagled on the ground, unmoving.
There was a distant cry of outrage and a volley of arrows flew out from beyond the trees. Silorn dived for cover but not before another arrow landed in his thigh. The centaur stood behind a large oak tree just next to where Lydia was crouching.
When she saw the blood pouring from the centaur's wounds, she couldn't help but gasp.
"We have to get you back to Cair Pavarel" she hissed, desperately trying to ignore the sinking feeling of having to return; who knew when she'd have another chance to leave. She tugged at her dress, attempting to rip it to make some sort of appliance she could use to apply pressure to the wounds.
"Be quiet." Silorn whispered to her. "I can hear something coming." He was looking ahead of him, away from the tree that had held the bowman and when Lydia paused to listen, she could hear the pounding of hooves and a hoarse shout of a man.
"Calormen soldiers." Silorn said grimly. "They've started to attack already. We must warn the High King." He looked at Lydia. "That one was just a look out, we shall have to fight our way out."
"But I don't have a weapon, and you're injured." Lydia said.
Silorn had strung another arrow onto his bow "If we're fortunate, there will only be ten men or so; I have enough arrows to see them off."
There was another cry, considerably closer this time and Lydia could barely hear the horses' hooves over the pounding of her own heart. She supposed this was what it felt like before the start of a real battle and she wasn't even about to do any fighting.
"They are not far off." Silorn muttered, his voice coming out in pants that Lydia assumed was from the pain he must be feeling. "If I was on my own, I would've ran out to meet them." he said and Lydia felt another wave of guilt wash over her.
She felt so helpless and despite all her views on fighting, she itched for a weapon in hand, just so she could try and help the injured centaur.
Having a better line of sight than Silorn, she popped her head out over the bush to see if she could count their soon to be attackers, who were coming up the forest path.
What she saw made her stomach drop.
"We're outnumbered." she gasped turning back to look at Silorn.
"There must be about thirty of them, five on horseback."
Silorn looked away for a moment "We can still fight. They must not reach their destination; none of Narnia is prepared."
"We'll be overrun." Lydia said quietly. The concept of imminent death hadn't quite reached her yet; she knew that would be the likely outcome, especially with her being defenceless but she couldn't fully comprehend that this was it.
She was going to end up dying for Narnia anyway.
Silorn's gruff voice brought her out of her thoughts. "You go on, I'll hold them off."
Lydia's automatic response was to shake her head "No way. I can't just leave you here." But even as she said this, a sense of relief was beginning to creep its way through her at the thought of avoiding the oncoming confrontation.
"I'll move out, make myself a target." Silorn carried on as if Lydia hadn't said anything. "When a horse goes near this bush, I'll shoot the rider and you can grab the reins and take the horse to Cair Pavarel to warn the High King."
"But you're injured. It would be wrong of me to leave." Lydia said.
Silorn turned his piercing gaze on her. "Do not think of us. This is war and you need to get back and warn the people." Lydia nodded and turned away from him, her eyes clouded by tears. The two of them stayed in silence as the oncoming soldiers got closer with every second.
"Silorn?" He turned to look at her.
"You are a hero, even if you don't think so."
Lydia saw the centaur's mouth turn up into a small smile before yelling "For Narnia!" and galloping out into the clearing, his bow raised.
The soldiers were immediately on him and Lydia watched the bodies fall with screams. as the centaur furiously sent arrow after arrow into the oncoming crowd.
She wasn't sure whether she wanted to run in and help or turn away and vomit but she did neither of these things and instead watched as one of the horsemen riding a white mare shot past Silorn in an attempt to attack him from behind.
The centaur noticed and Lydia held her breath as he launched an arrow at the rider who fell with a scream a couple of metres away from Lydia's feet, blood pouring from his neck where the arrow had hit.
She wanted to be sick but the panicking horse looked like it could bolt any second so she leapt out of her hiding spot, grabbed the stirrup of the dead man's horse, yanked the reins with the other hand then somehow managed to pull herself up, the hours spent riding with the Pevensie's clearly paying off.
She chanced a quick look back and saw Silorn still managing to hold his own ground as most of the soldiers hadn't yet reached him.
"Go!" he yelled at her just as an arrow sunk into his flank. His face was screwed up in pain but he nodded at Lydia who, barely blinking back tears, urged the horse forward into a gallop.
When she eventually heard Silorn cry out, she didn't look back.