I remember being surrounded with flames. Flames so intense that I knew I'd be burned for sure. I'd die for sure. After all, if exposed to Touda's flames that have the power to burn everything… anything… even a shinigami's regenerative prowess is useless. I was ready to die back then. Ready to give up everything. Everyone. There was nothing left for me. There was no other way I could ever atone for everything I've done. And for everyone I've killed.
But he came.
He opened a new path for me.
Even through the loud crashing of pillars and falling of debris, amidst the loud crackling of flames on wood, I clearly heard his voice. And even though my vision was slowly being clouded with darkness that I've longed for- and finally welcomed- from the deepest parts of my mind an image of his face resurfaced. Clear. Glowing. Beautiful.
He kept calling my name.
I heard him.
He tried to come to me.
I told him to turn back.
He wouldn't listen.
I told him I've had enough. That I was so tired of this life and all I wanted was to rest…
I wanted him… to let me go…
He didn't.
He never did.
He never will.
I won't let go of your hand a second time…
Hisoka wanted to be with me. To go with me wherever I was going. If I wanted to live, he'd stay by my side. If I wanted to die… He'd… He was willing to give up that much. Just to be with me. Always.
The promise of being together, I held on to that. Knowing that I would have someone by my side no matter what happens, and for the rest of my wretched existence, the prospect of being a shinigami seemed more bearable. As long as there was someone who shared my tears. Someone who gave me a reason to smile. And knowing that for the rest of my eternity, he'd be there. Just like he always was.
And forever will no longer be just mine…
Ours.
Our forever.
)-0-(
"That's right… we promised to be together, didn't we?" Because together… we'll defeat 'that man'… "But if you keep risking your life like this…"
One.
Two.
Three.
Blow…
"Dammit, Hisoka! You know you're the only reason why I'm still here!"
One.
Two.
Three.
Blow…"So, please breathe… Breathe for me…" His hands are so cold.
One.
Two.
Three.
Blow...
"I don't want to be alone anymore!"
When he reached out to me, held me and told me those things, he felt so warm.
But now…
"You, more than anyone else, should know how I would feel if something ever happened to you."
Is this fate's way of punishing me for my sins…?
Giving me someone to love… and yet letting me live in constant fear of losing him…
Because he's too kind!?
One.
Two.
Three.
Blow…
"Damn it Hisoka… Why'd you have to go this far!?"
I can't believe this. He did it again!
"Why…?" Why does he always have to risk everything just for me…?
Right, and he keeps calling me an idiot all the time. I swear, the moment he wakes up I'll scream right at his face the thousand kinds of idiot that he is. Why…?
He's coughing now… Thank goodness.
"N… nn…"
Hisoka?
"Hisoka!" He's coming to.
His eyes… I've never known how much I missed his eyes until now that I'm finally seeing them again. Those eyes that captivated me ever since the first moment I've seen him.
"Tsu…"
"Shhh…" Place a finger over his lips. They're really soft. So delicate.
Put my arms around him and hold him close. Hold him really tight.
"Tsuzuki…?"
"Just let me stay like this for a while…"
Let me hold you.
Feel you.
Until it sinks into my mind that I didn't lose you…
Though I almost did. Again.
"You're trembling…" He softly sighs as he puts his arms around me and leans closer.
"It's nothing." Pull back and touch his face. Looking into his eyes like this… It's proof enough, isn't it? He's alive. And that's all that matters right now. "Just don't scare me like that again."
"Tsuzuki-san! Hisoka-san!" That's Ayase's voice. I guess we all reached the shore then. That's good. "Are you two all right?"
"Yes, we're okay. Hisoka's still a bit dazed, but he'll be fine."
"Thank goodness…" He sighs in relief and kneels beside Hisoka.
"Don't worry, I'm fine." Hisoka tells him with a ghost of a smile.
And it's the first time I become aware of our surroundings. The white sand, the rhythm of the waves crashing against the shore, the gentle breeze… I'm surprised I haven't noticed the breathtaking sunset up until now.
Maybe because at that moment, there was nothing in the world but the two of us… Nothing else mattered.
)-0-(
"Thank you so much! It was so nice of you to give us a lift. Um… would you like to stay over for dinner? It's the least we can do" Ayase bows.
"Oh no, no, please, Ayase-sama. You and your friends must be tired, so I'll leave you on your own for now. Please rest well."
Kudou-san, a kind villager who drove us to Ayase's house, takes off his hat and bows. It's a medium size beach hut, quite a surprising contrast to the huge mansion his family owns back at the city.
"Please don't be too formal." Ayase's blushing.
"Ah, your father used to say the same thing…" The kind man grins blissfully, probably reminiscing old times.
"Yes…" Ayase smiles… but his eyes are anything but happy.
"Ah! Please do forgive me. That was terribly insensitive." He bows apologetically. "I'd better get going."
After closing the door, Ayase pulls a chair and sits beside me.
"How is he?" He looks at Hisoka, fast asleep on my back. Right, better put him down on the sofa.
"Hasn't woken up yet since we came here." He fell asleep on the way here. Must be terribly exhausted.
"Hisoka-san…?"
Hm?
Hisoka…
"Ah! Hisoka-san! How are you feeling now?"
His eyes flutter open, then he looks around him. After a moment, he meets Ayase's curious eyes.
Then he looks at me.
Hisoka…
"You idiot…" I think this time it's my turn to call him that. I have every right to after what happened. "Hisoka, being a shinigami doesn't mean you won't drown!"
I just yelled at him. What am I doing? All I want is to hug him. Tell him how happy I am that he's okay…
"And I give the exact same words back to you." He retorts.
"You'd think some like you- What?" What did he just say?
"Honestly, you were too busy fussing over me and the fact that I can't swim you forgot to breathe properly before we dived in! And you were the one who told me about getting enough air before going. Idiot."
I did?
"What's with that look? What, you think I wouldn't notice something like that?" He raises an eyebrow at me. Darn it.
"Still-"
"Tsuzuki! We're all alive and that's what matters. End of discussion."
Drat. Why do I have the feeling that I never get to win any argument with him?
"Hisoka… Just…. Just don't be that reckless again okay?" I nearly lost him. Again. How many times has it been that he came so close to his second death all because of me. He does so much for me. Too much. "I'll never forgive myself if something happened to you. Especially if that's because you were trying to put your life in the line just to save my unworthy ass."
"Tsuzuki…"
"Think about me for once, Hisoka. What will I be without you? You're… the only one I cling to now."
The very string that I hold on to just so I can keep my sanity...
"Sorry…" He mutters softly.
"Idiot" Ruffle his hair. "I don't want your apology. Just… be careful next time okay?"
And he automatically scowls.
Don't pat me am I a dog!?
Yes… Back when we were aboard Queen Camellia, Hisoka got mad when I patted him. I guess even until now he still instinctively remembers that doesn't like these affectionate touches. He doesn't like feeling like a child. Silly Hisoka.
"Whatever" he rolls his eyes at me. So cute.
"I'm kinda hungry… Ayase, want to have dinner ou-"
"Shh!" Hisoka puts his index finger on his lips.
What?
Oh… Looks like Ayase dozed off.
"He must be really tired too. Tsuzuki, lay him down here. He'll get cramps if we let him sleep there."
He's right. At least the sofa's more comfortable than that wooden chair.
"Right." He looks so peaceful asleep. Must be having a nice dream. Here goes. Heave Ho! "Wow… He's heavier than he looks."
"I'll tell Ayase when he wakes up."
"Please don't!"
Such a meanie.
)-0-(
Our first day went relatively well. We started the day with cleaning the house, Hisoka and I cleaned the rooms while Ayase cooked breakfast. But halfway I had to let Hisoka rest because he wouldn't stop sneezing with all the dust. Although… I had to admit listening to him try to talk and insist to continue helping between sneezing was quite amusing.After that we decided to spend the rest of the day at home to rest. And right now we're playing poker. With Hisoka just plainly winning every round.
"Hm…" Ayase furrows his brows, glaring at the cards in his hand. "Aha! Here."He slams the cards on the table. "I win." He grins from ear to ear.
"Sorry." Hisoka sighs and lays his cards on the table. "But I win." He playfully smirks. Yet again, it's a winning set. This time it's a Royal Straight Flush. Yes… I remember that. That was the combination that saved me from that perverted psycho back then. Hisoka's becoming pretty good at this game.
"Not fair…" Ayase whines then his head drops. "Another round?"
"Looks like Ayase won't stop until he wins huh?" A soft chuckle escapes my lips.
"What do you mean!?" He pouts. "Of course I'll win!" He sticks his tongue out at me.
"Hai hai." Ruffle his hair.
Did I hear someone knock just now?
"I'll get it." Hisoka gets up and peeps through the pinhole. He turns to us first and mouths 'police' before opening the door.
Why would the police be here?
Hisoka nods to them before turning to us. "They want to talk to Ayase."
"Huh?" Ayase eyes them curiously before he turns to me, then to Hisoka then nods "Okay." He walks out of the room and proceeds to talk to them in private.
"What did they want?" Curiosity always gets the better of me.
"They… have the reports about the yacht." Hisoka starts hesitantly. "But they didn't tell me anything, because they wanted to talk to the owner first and ask for his consent before they inform anyone else of what happened."
"Then that means the findings must be sensitive." Otherwise they would've told us about it too.
"Un." Hisoka nods.
The door opens and in comes Ayase, keeping his eyes on the floor, looking a bit… distraught?
"Ayase?" My voice breaks the uneasy silence that engulfed us the second he came in, making the person whose name I called startle.
"Oh sorry… I… Did I space out?" He smiles timidly.
"What did the reports say?" I hope he doesn't mind me asking.
"Um…" He fidgets with the hem of his gray hooded shirt. "They said… What happened in the yacht wasn't an accident." He slowly staggers to the couch then flops onto the spot where Hisoka sat earlier while they played poker. "There… There were traces of foul play."
)-0-(
tbc?
Um… terribly sorry for the late update -.-;; Busy at school, as usual. (And was busy procrastinating, as usual) And I'm stuck. I really don't know what to write next. T.T
note: in the manga, Hisoka didn't tell Tsuzuki to live just for him. His thoughts were something like 'My special place… is right here. With you only… So, wherever you go, I'll go with you… To that world where you are going…' Clearly, to live or die, whatever Tsuzuki wanted, he was going to be with him. Live with him? Die with him? It didn't matter to Hisoka, as long as he was with Tsuzuki. Just one of the many reasons I love the manga more than the anime… ;-p