Chapter Two: Painted From Memory

Such a picture of loveliness
Didn't you notice the resemblance?
Doesn't it look like she could speak?
Those eyes I tried to capture
They are lost to me now forever
They smile for someone else
Funny, how looks can be deceiving
But she's not easily
Painted from memory

Elvis Costello

…

Derek made his way from the operating room to answer a page he'd received on a neuro consult. He had a lot on his mind, but there was no better way to forget things than to throw himself into his work. And today's board was a far cry from quiet.

Meredith, who was still in Leni's room finishing up an ultrasound, noticed Leni was very still all of a sudden. The young girl listened for a moment, then a smile crossed her face as she stated, "That's Shep."

And the next instant, Derek walked through the door. Like Addison, he stopped and stared in disbelief. "Leni?"

"The one and only," she teased. "I've missed you, Derek Shepherd. Apparently Seattle is too far away from New York for a phone call. But I'll yell at you about that later," she told him with the same smile she'd worn when Addison walked into the room.

Derek smiled as well, and both Meredith and Leni relished in the sight. Had they spoken of it, they would have agreed that it had been too long since they had seen him smile. "You're a sight for sore eyes, Leni. I think you may have been what I missed most about New York."

"Of course I was," she grinned. "But onto more serious matters." Leni glanced at Meredith, who handed the chart to Derek.

He looked over it, and his smile faded. "I think you and I both know what this means."

Leni nodded. "Another tumor. Only this time, the stakes are raised."

"What do you mean?"

She placed her hand on her stomach. "When it rains, it pours. She's sick, Shep, but Addie's going to try to fix her. Spina bifida," she added in reply to his silent question. "As soon as I got her diagnosis, I flew here. When I got to the hospital last night, I had a seizure right in the front lobby. At least my timing is good if my health isn't."

Derek smiled again; Leni was the one person who could always bring a smile to his face, no matter what. "We'll fix you and your little girl up, Leni," Derek assured her. "But you know this is going to mean tests and needles and all the other stuff you just love."

"Gosh, I can't wait!" Leni exclaimed sarcastically.

He gave her a quick kiss atop her head and whispered, "Missed you, kiddo." To Meredith, he said with a grin, "Take good care of her for me."

When he walked out of the room, Meredith turned to Leni and asked, "Right before he got here, how did you know it was him?"

She shrugged. "I've known Derek Shepherd pretty much my entire life. There are some things that you just remember, and you don't know how you do it, but you never forget. For me, it's the sound of his footsteps coming down the hall. Do you know what I mean?"

Meredith nodded; somehow, she knew exactly what Leni meant.

…

"So, what's the deal with that kid and the Shepherds?" Cristina wondered to Meredith as the latter joined their group for lunch.

"Yeah, I've never seen Addison like that," Izzie added. "Leni seemed sweet though." In a way, she had a soft spot for the young girl because she remembered so vividly being in a similar position. However, she shook the thought from her mind and focused on what the others had to say.

Alex, who had just taken a bite of his sandwich, added, "She's got them totally wrapped. Doesn't seem like too much of a pain in the ass, though."

Izzie rolled her eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

"What?" he demanded.

"She's a sick kid; you could at least have a little bit of sympathy."

"I think that's asking a little much," Cristina quipped with a smirk.

But Alex defended himself. "That's crap, Yang. I can have sympathy. It sucks that she's sick, but Shepherd'll remove the tumor, and she'll be fine. It's a textbook case."

However, for some reason that she couldn't begin to explain, Meredith had the sinking feeling that it wouldn't be that easy.

…

"Hey, Sweetheart. Are you feeling all right?" Addison asked as she entered Leni's room later that afternoon.

The young girl was sitting in bed, reading an old copy of The Sun Also Rises. Derek had given it to her years before, and although she knew the story by heart, she continued to read it time and again. "Hey, Addie. I'm all right," Leni replied as Addison sat down on the edge of her bed. "What's wrong?"

Addison sighed. Leni knew about everything that had happened before Addison left New York; she was, however, debating whether or not to tell her the course of events that had occurred since Seattle. She couldn't bear the thought of Leni thinking that Derek was anything but wonderful. "It's nothing."

"Oh, yeah, now I'm convinced." She grabbed Addison's hand, looked into her eyes and whispered, "You can tell me. Whatever happened, I won't judge. You know that."

"No, it's nothing like that. Really, I'm okay. I just… I think I may be losing him, Leni," she finally confessed.

"Have you two… talked about it? I mean, really talked about it?"

"In bits and pieces. Just when I think we're getting better—that we're starting to heal—everything just goes to crap. I don't know what to do, Leni; I don't know how to fix this. Then Mark shows up out of nowhere, and now… I just don't know anymore, Leni. I'm getting tired of fighting a losing battle."

Leni could see the pain in Addison's eyes, and it hurt her. She wanted to make everything better and wished desperately that she knew the answers. However, she could only offer, "I can talk to Derek about it if you want me to. I won't tell him you mentioned it, but maybe I can get him to open up."

Leni had always been their little peace-maker. Somehow, she always managed to turn the blame away from one particular person and helped them to see when they were both wrong. "Yeah, okay. So, about your baby… Have you decided what you're going to do?"

"You mean keep her or give her up for adoption?" Leni asked, and Addison nodded. "I'm going to give her the best life possible. Everything is already taken care of, so there's no need for you to worry about that."

"Okay, then," she nodded, and then a smile crossed her face. "Have you picked out a name yet?"

Leni nodded. "I've decided to call her Elena Amélie."

Elena had been the name of Leni's mother, Addison knew. Even if the young girl hadn't been practically a mirror image of her mother, Addison still would have remembered Elena Cortez perfectly; she had been the most beautiful woman that Addison had ever seen in her life. What she remembered most, however, was the young woman's absolute adoration of the child who had yet to be born. Even as she had lain near death upon Leni's birth, her only concern had been for her daughter. The memory of the look in Elena's eyes still haunted Addison to this day.

And, of course she remembered Amélie very well. She was a doll that Derek had given to Leni for being a flower girl in their wedding, and she could scarcely recall a time that Leni was without her.

"That's beautiful," she whispered, wiping a tear from her eye.

"Addie, what's the matter? Why are you crying?"

"My baby is having a baby. It's a lot to take in. That's all."

"Are you disappointed in me?"

She smiled sadly as she put her hand to Leni's cheek. "You know something funny? I asked you the same question not so long ago. Remember what you told me? You said that you loved me and you could never be disappointed in me. Remember?"

Leni nodded. "I remember."

"That's the same answer that I have for you, Sweetheart. You could never, ever disappoint me. All right?"

"All right."

"Do you have any questions or anything about your surgery? Or Elena's?"

She shook her head. "I think I pretty much understand; I did some research before I came here. But if I think of anything, I'll be sure to ask."

"Okay," she agreed and stood to leave. "You get some rest now, Leni. I'll be back in the morning."

"Good night, Addie. See you tomorrow. I love you."

"I love you, too, Sweetheart. Everything will be all right, Leni," Addison said; her intent had been to reassure the young girl, but she soon realized that she had only said those words to comfort herself.

"'Isn't it pretty to think so?'" Leni whispered softly, quoting the final line of the novel she had been reading.

…

"Hey," Derek said from the bedroom as Addison walked into the trailer later that evening.

"Hey," she smiled. "What a day, huh?"

"You can say that again. Leni… Well, it's a shock to see her grown up. When I think of her, I think of a little girl, but… she's not anymore, is she?"

Addison shook her head. "No, I guess not. But you know, in a way, she never really was; she's always been so beyond her years. It's funny, though… Seems like just yesterday that I was sneaking off to read her a bedtime story."

Derek laughed. "Thinking back, we probably spent about half of our residency up in Leni's room, didn't we? I think it became habit to fall asleep in a chair next to her bed."

"It was the only place to actually get some peace and quiet," Addison agreed, smiling at the memory. "Did you two get a chance to talk? I know she was really looking forward to seeing you."

"We had a little while to talk, but not long enough. I'm going to go in early tomorrow morning, though. Is she handling things all right? She seemed okay to me, but… did she tell you anything?"

"She's fine. More worried about everyone else than herself, like always. Did she tell you what she's naming the baby?" When Derek shook his head, Addison grinned, "Elena Amélie. Isn't that a beautiful name?"

He smiled and replied, "Yeah, it is. You think the baby will be all right? I mean, is this surgery something you're sure about or should we expect the worst?"

"It's surgery, Derek; there are always risks. But I'm confident that I can do this. Elena's case isn't one of the worst I've seen, and with this surgery, I'm hopeful that she'll go on to live a relatively normal life with few complications. If everything goes well, she should be fine. Do you think she'll look like Leni?"

Derek shrugged. "I don't know. Probably. Of course, to tell you the truth, she could be purple with green spots, and I'd still think she was beautiful," he replied jokingly.

"Yeah," Addison agreed. "Derek, do you think things would've been different if we would've been able to have children? Do you think things would have ended up the way they did anyway, or do you think that maybe we would've tried harder before things got so bad?"

After a moment of silence between them, Derek finally said, "It's been a long day, Addie, and I'm exhausted. Can we just talk about this later?"

"Yeah… sure," she agreed with a defeated sigh. Strangely enough, and even though it hurt her to realize it, she had come to expect that kind of response from him.