Laid-Back Lamentation
L sighed.
He was feeling, well, rather bored.
Yagami-kun had ran out of the building in tears, as he saw on the monitoring cameras, and then pushed some old lady out of her taxi and sped off somewhere. In order to cease this boredom, he needed to drag Raito back and make fun of him. Except for the fact that he couldn't go outside because streets weren't very bare-foot-friendly. Now he need to catch both Kira and Raito- unless Kira was Raito, that'd make everything so much easier. Or harder, depending on how you looked at the situation.
What else could he do in this oversized office? He'd already build a 5.3 foot high pyramid of sugar cubes, as well as a minature of the Leaning Tower of Pisa (to scale, of course), and baked a six-tiered strawberry wedding cake that he'd eaten almost a third of (but gained no weight from).
So he decided, after all that sugar intake, to sit there and do what Raito did when he was feeling emo. Not that L was emo though, because L's too cool to be emo.
He decided to angst.
Well, what was there to angst about?
L, despite the bags under his eyes people thought looked like emo makeup, wasn't very...angsty.
He started to make a mental list of every possible thing about himself that was even the slightest bit sad - in chronological order.
Hm, for one, he was an orphan. That was sad wasn't it? He never thought much about it... Hm...parents...he couldn't remember them too well. Oh, Mother! Ah, that one time...
'Ne, Leslie,' she reached up and touched his cheeck, 'Grow up to be a fine woman, ne?'
'But Mother...I'm a boy..." he sighed, "And my name isn't Leslie."
She just smiled.
That was about the last memory he had of her before she passed away due to eyeball cancer.
That was sad, wasn't it?
Oh, then there was that time a few weeks ago when all the bakeries within a five hour radius had been closed. It had been some sort of absurd holiday or something. It was horrible. He had to get Watari to helicopter all the way to Hokkaido from Tokyo to purchase the strawberry shortcake parfaits from a boat bakery. The time! The money! His life day could've been better spent! And it wasn't even worth it. Watari ate half of them before he got back and the other half barely survived the trip.
And an L that hasn't had his sugar isn't a very happy L.
And ugh, he'd been drinking his tea, like any normal person, and piling up those little adorable sugar cubes when he thought up the great idea of opening ianother/i box. He joyfully skipp- slouched into his private kitchen hidden within a closet hidden in a pantry of yet another kitchen hidden in the secret closet triggered open by his socks drawer.
Yes, ladies and gentleman, that is why L wears no socks. They're all busy covering up his secret sugar stash.
And to his horror, when he stepped into said secret closet, he found only fifty- yes, fifty- boxes of sugar cubes left. He could've sworn there was about three hundred at least last time! Someone must've found his secret sugar cube stash! Someone must've ate his sugar cubes!
He had been monitoring all his sweets ever since. Mini-cameras and such. Around two thousand of them.
And the weather! He never knew what the weather was because: 1) He never goes outside. Why would L need to go outside? He'd ruin his perfectly ghostly complexion, hurt his feet, and waste valuable sugar eati- Kira investigating time. 2) The weather-girl was always wrong. L learned not to trust him a long time ago. When he was, like, three. And the Weather Man told him it'd be nice and sunny tomorrow so he, like the little innocent toddler he was, believed him.
It was downright pouring the next day.
He sighed and stacked the 629th sugar cube atop his masterpiece. What now? Angsting was about the stupidest thing someone could do; he couldn't understand why Raito did it all the time.
Where was that moron, anyway?
A/N: Gintama is crack. I need my crack. Viz needs to either release all the volumes now or unliscence it.
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