Chapter 6
One week later.
"How are you feeling? Has the medication helped since the last seizure?" A therapist calmly asks, sitting opposite Blaze.
"I'm feeling much better now".
"Was there anything that upset you or caused anxiety on the day?"
"I lost my job" Blaze bluntly answers.
"Well losing a job can be an anxious and stressful ordeal so of course you were prone to another seizure. Just give yourself all the time you need and a break from any dancing for a while".
"But dancing helps me" Blaze replies feeling puzzled.
"Can you describe why?" The female therapist in her mid 50s asks.
"Because it distracts my mind and body from trying to understand the truth and what really happened to me. Dancing gives me a purpose, it probably has done so all my life".
"That's good. Dance and movement are a therapy in themselves. But something tells me this isn't just about dancing. You have to ask yourself, why are you really trying to distract yourself away from finding your past?"
"I'm not sure," Blaze replies, looking down towards her palms.
"I can suggest two possible reasons - the first is you've already succumbed to the fact that your mind will only ever remember the future. And so you have already let the past go."
"What's the second reason?" She asks, feeling intrigued.
"You're still determined to discover your past but you're afraid of what you will find when you do. Kinda like opening Pandora's box".
"That makes sense" she raises her eyebrows.
"So would you like to try one more time today?" The therapist calmly asks.
"Ok" Blaze nods.
"In a moment I'm going to ask you to close your eyes. First I will try to question you to state known facts so that you release anything working on your conscious mind. Then I will ask you to try and relax, exhaling out and paying close attention to your breath before we try to tap into your past memories. Any questions before we begin?"
"No" Blaze answers.
"Close your eyes and sit comfortably in your chair".
Blaze follows.
"Before we delve deeper I'm going to ask a series of questions. Say out the first thing that comes to mind and keep your eyes closed…".
"What country do we reside in?"... "America".
"Where does your accent come from?"... "England"
"What is your full name?"...
"Blaze".
"I'm sorry I can only take confirmed facts right now… what is your full name?"...
"Jane Doe"
"What is your occupation?"...
"Dance instructor".
"Who do you live with?"...
"My pet dog, Charlie".
"Good, those were quick responses. Now I want you to breathe outwards, releasing any tension in your body. Remember this is a safe space. Your mind is a safe space…. Let's start back to the day you woke up from a coma 8 years ago…."
"The room was bright and I was laying on my back. I opened my eyes and there was a surgeon in a mask staring down at me. She said.. 'Blaze? Can you hear me?' I thought I was having a nightmare. It was like waking up from nothing then suddenly living inside a dream. I couldn't tell if it was night or day, I just knew I was in hospital".
"Try and think back to your senses - could you smell or feel touch?"
"My head felt like a cloud that had just opened. My eyes were blurred, the room was so bright I couldn't make out anything around me. I could also hear a baby crying in the background. One of the nurses picked the baby up then I felt them placing him or her on my chest. I couldn't tell if it was a boy or a girl but I was too weak to hold them so they took the baby away. For some reason, the doctors were frantically rushing around panicking. I could feel one of them holding up my wrist to cut off my wrist band. Then my head started to cloud again"...
"Do you remember anything after that?" The therapist probes.
"When I woke up the second time I was still in hospital but in a different room. The whole place was full of music in every corner. Must have been the radio or a classical concert playing. Suddenly everyone around me started going crazy, smashing things and killing each other. There was blood everywhere. I panicked and called out for help. One doctor came and pulled out the drip. He helped me up out of the bed then shouted at me to run and get out. Next thing I remember, a patient was stabbing him in the back as I got away".
Her breathing starts to become heavy.
"It's ok, stay focused again on your outward breathing" the therapist encourages.
"I remember holding onto the walls. It was so hard to walk…. my stomach and my head were in so much pain. I tried my best to keep my eyes open and to stay awake. Somehow I made it outside into the street. There were so many people running and screaming everywhere."
"What happened once you were outside?" The therapist encourages her to continue.
"A group of soldiers approached me at the scene. They took me and several other patients away. I kept screaming at them my baby is in there, let me go back inside but they told me that the building was about to explode due to a bomb and that it was too late. They transported us to another hospital further away outside the city district. Once I arrived they gave me painkillers but told me that any records at the other hospital were destroyed in the explosion. I couldn't remember anything, my full name or my date of birth. The doctors there concluded that I was insane. I spent the next 6 months inside an asylum until they realised I was ok and wasn't a danger to myself or others. They concluded that I'd lost my memory after a head trauma but they refused to help me find out who I was. I didn't have the 20,000$ to pay for an investigation, so they let me go.
I was alone, I had nobody. I started with cleaning jobs, pot washing - anything to help me stand on my own two feet and get me off the streets.
A couple of years later I found an audition for a theatre company. The one thing I did remember was how to dance so I must have had professional training before. The rest is history…"
"What about prior to the day of the explosion and your coma? Do you remember anything?"
"No…." she directly answers.
"Ok, I'm going to count down from 3, when I do open your eyes. 3, 2, 1…"
Blaze takes a deep breath.
"Ok Blaze, it's clear that you want to find out your past and rightly so. I'm going to make a suggestion, let me know what you think".
"Ok…"
"Sometimes memories trigger from flashbacks - familiar sights, familiar smells and sounds. I'm going to suggest that you move back to Wood Oak City. You said it yourself, you need to start a new job and it's not too far from this town, only an hour's drive away".
"I don't know…" Blaze replies with uncertainty "I mean, I have no idea if the trauma to my head was an accident or if someone out there did this to me? There are no records left…"
"It's up to you but I think locating back there near to the hospital you were in might provide you with some answers. Do you have any savings left?"
"I get my last paycheque tomorrow... "
"Good, invest it wisely. There are plenty more dance spaces in the city you can use."
"Can't we continue here trying to figure it out?" Blaze worriedly asks.
The therapist smiles "we've been trying for almost a year. I think it's time you take a leap of faith and relocate if you really wish to discover your past".
Blaze forces a smile before saying goodbye then getting up to leave, unsure if this is the right thing to do.
2 months later.
"Surprisingly, after almost 9 years, I'm really gonna miss this place…I'm not sure if I'm ready to do this, I got so used to it here" Axel says with regret to Adam as the two of them finish loading the rest of the truck.
"I know you built this place from scratch and it's been your home, but Judge Wilson confirmed your sentence is finished now. You don't have anything to feel guilty about…" Adam replies. The two of them have stayed up all night packing and now with dawn fast approaching, it's time to go so that they don't miss the ship in 7 hours.
"Besides Leon and Cherry are both really excited to see you when we get back! Cherry and I have attended all of his soccer games and sports days this term. He's very talented you know! And I think it's about time you see for yourself."
Axel sighs, contemplating to himself feeling anxious.
"What's wrong man? I thought you'd be happy!" Adam huffs.
"You know what's wrong!" He raises his voice then continues. "Returning to Wood Oak… everything there reminds me of Blaze. From the streets we once owned and fought on, to all the places we dated and explored together - it's all there. Except this time she's no longer there" he frowns.
"Is that why you wont talk to Leon about her?"
"I don't know how to. I've done my best raising him but the kid has missed out on having a mother in his life."
"You know we can't change the past. But I honestly think that moving close to the city, as painful as it is for you, it's the best thing you can do for Leon right now" Adam says, placing his hand on Axel's shoulder. "And when the time is right to talk to him about Blaze, you'll just know it".
Axel nods in agreement, swallowing his pride as he takes out the last box from the cabin hidden under several planks of the wooden floor.
"Sometimes I take these out and look at them when I'm on my own and when I've had too much to smoke or drink... If anything happens to me, I want you to give this to Leon one day". He passes the box to Adam.
"Mind if I…?"
"Go ahead.." Axel shrugs, looking in the opposite direction out into the distance with his hands in the pockets of his jeans.
A mixture of emotions suddenly hit Adam when he opens the small cardboard box. First he finds at least 50 old photographs, mainly of Axel and Blaze together or of her posing by herself. There are also a few old work photos of the three of them together.
"We were so young here…." Adam smiles to himself with a tear in his eye whilst holding up a photo of the three of them as cops when Blaze was first transferred to their office.
"Shit, this one was at my wedding!" Adam's jaw drops with surprise. "Remember when Blaze got drunk at the reception then she was almost kicked out the hotel….she was so pissed with you that day!"
"Yeah, I was probably being a jerk" Axel laughs "the things we use to argue about were so stupid but somehow we always fixed it".
"I forgot you still had this…" He says, taking out Blaze's engagement ring.
"You know, along with meeting Leon for the first time, that was the best night of my life". Axel thinks back looking down at the ring.
"Ready to leave this place?" Adam asks as he closes the box.
"Ready as I'll ever be" Axel replies, glancing back at the place he built and that same familiar wilderness view for the very last time.