Chapter Four: Light House

And don't expect too much, okay?
'Cause the best, the worst might have passed anyway
And like the lighthouse, we watched it spin 'round and 'round
There's just some things
They aren't meant to touch the ground

Maria Taylor

…

"Meredith, did you hear me?" Finn asked from across the table as they sat in the small, quiet restaurant that he'd introduced her to a few days before.

"Huh? Oh, yeah… That's unbelievable," she replied.

"You have no idea what I was talking about, do you?" he laughed.

She grinned back and answered, "Sorry. No. I'm a little bit distracted, I guess. Sorry."

But Finn shook his head. "No need to apologize. You wanna talk about it? Maybe I can help. What's on your mind?"

She sighed and took another sip of her wine. "I can't exactly talk about it; it's a patient thing, you know? I'm just worried about her, I guess. And something she said has really been on my mind." Leni's words were still echoing through her thoughts: Everyone has something to tell… "How about we get out of here and go have a drink at Joe's?" she found herself suggesting, although she could barely believe that she had.

"Okay," Finn agreed and motioned for the waitress to bring their bill.

Twenty minutes later, they walked into Joe's. Meredith looked around and saw a few familiar faces, but Derek was nowhere to be found. In a way, she was relieved; it would have been terribly awkward. But a tiny part of her was feeling a twinge of… disappointment?

However, just when she thought all was safe, she heard Finn remark, "Oh, hey, there's Derek. He's by himself; maybe we should invite him to sit with us?" Before she could remark, however, he was already halfway there.

"Hey, there, Derek. Meredith and I noticed you were alone and wanted to invite you to join us for a drink," Finn offered.

For a moment, Derek sat in silent contemplation. He looked at Meredith for a moment, and despite the expression on her face, he finally said, "Thank you, Finn. I'd be glad to join you." He ordered another single-malt scotch from Joe and followed them to an empty table.

Trying to make the best of an uncomfortable situation, Meredith attempted some small talk. It was slightly painful to realize that conversation was becoming more and more difficult between them, but she pushed the thought from her mind. "So, where's Addison tonight? Still at the hospital?"

He shrugged and stared down at his drink. "She said something about a headache. She's probably at home."

"So, Derek, how is Doc doing? Is he eating all right? Acting normally?" Finn wondered, attempting to follow Meredith's cue and initiate some form of conversation.

He nodded. "Yeah, he's fine." A smile came over his face as he remarked suddenly, "Looks like you two are starting to get serious. I have to say I'm a little surprised."

Meredith shot him a look that would have shut him up immediately had he been sober, but Finn, who didn't see it, wondered, "Really? Why is that surprising?"

Derek laughed and answered, "Well, Mer's been working on her track record lately, if you know what I mean."

Finn looked a little bit flustered, but that was crossing the line as far as Meredith was concerned. "I cannot believe you just said that! I've put up with a lot of crap from you, but that's enough. What is your problem?"

"I'm leaving," he said suddenly and stood to go.

"Don't you dare think about driving anywhere like that," Meredith stated. "Joe, call Dr. Shepherd a cab. He's much too drunk to drive anywhere."

"You'd know all about that, wouldn't you?" he fumed.

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" she demanded angrily, as she fought back tears that were already beginning to form in her eyes.

"Nothing. I'm fine. And I'm going; I'll get my own damn cab," he snapped and stormed out the door, causing a few questioning glances and speculating whispering.

"What was that all about?" Finn wondered, genuinely perplexed.

Meredith sighed and brushed away a stray tear with the back of her hand. "Nothing. Just don't worry about it. It's nothing."

But it was painfully obvious to both of them that it was so much more than "nothing."

…

Leni looked up as she heard a knock at her door and was greeted with a smile from a pretty blonde doctor who looked vaguely familiar. "Hi," Leni smiled cheerfully.

"Hey, Leni. I'm Dr. Stevens, but you can just call me Izzie. I'm on call tonight, and there's not much going on, so I thought I'd stop by for a quick visit. Is that okay?"

"Izzie? Of course, come in," she nodded. So this was Alex's Izzie… the one he had spoken of to her when he thought she was asleep. The one who—although Leni knew he would take ages to admit—had his heart. "I'm always up for company; it gets really boring late at night."

Izzie smiled at her as she pulled up a chair beside Leni's bed. "What are you reading?"

"Addie brought me a bunch of magazines earlier since I'm not much of a TV person. Right now, I'm actually reading some sort of cooking one," she replied and held it up for Izzie to see. "The article is about tiramisu. I seriously need to learn how to bake; it seems so fun."

"I love to bake," Izzie smiled. "It isn't hard to learn; you could probably pick up on it really quick."

"I'll have to give it a try when I get out of here, then," Leni agreed. "So, what's on your mind?"

"Nothing really. I just… wanted to talk to you about your baby. I was wondering what you were planning to do."

Leni smiled; it was easy to see Izzie's genuine concern. "I've gotten everything taken care of. Elle is going to have a wonderful life. She'll be loved and looked after, and she'll never have to worry about anything."

She nodded and smiled. "Okay, then. It sounds like you've really thought this out. I just wanted make sure that you knew all your options. I know it's hard, but I wanted to make sure you were thinking about your baby and yourself."

"I am," Leni assured her.

Just then, the Chief showed up in the doorway. Both Izzie and Leni turned their attention to him, to which he responded, "If I'm interrupting, I can… come back later."

"No, Chief, I should actually be going anyway. I have to check on a few other patients," Izzie said quickly and stood to leave, secretly grinning because of what Leni had revealed about him earlier. "See you, Leni. Take care."

"You, too, Izzie," Leni smiled. As the Chief sat down in the chair that Izzie had just left, Leni noticed what he was holding in his hand. "You brought ice cream."

He nodded and echoed, "I brought ice cream. You still like ice cream, right?"

"I do. Thank you, Uncle Richard," she smiled and took the bowl that he handed her. "Or should I call you 'Chief' now, since you're a big-shot around here and all?"

Richard laughed. "You can call me whatever you want to, Leni. It's good to see that you're still the same, even after all this time. It's good to have you around again."

"It's good to be with all of you again; I've really missed you. So much has happened since everyone left New York, Uncle Richard. I tried to keep everything from falling apart, but it did anyway, didn't it?"

Richard knew that Leni was talking about what had happened between Derek and Addison. He realized that it must have hit her just as hard as anyone else when Derek left for Seattle. "There was nothing you could've done about that, Leni."

"I knew that something wasn't right, Uncle Richard, but I didn't say anything. I can't help but wonder what would've happened if I would've spoken up. I have to make sure that this is fixed." After a momentary pause, she added sadly, "Whatever 'fixed' ends up being."