Chapter Six: Fix You
Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I…
Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I…
Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you
Coldplay
…
"What were you thinking taking her down there like that, Cristina? You're a doctor; I know that you know better than that," Addison fumed as they stood in Leni's room an hour later. Upon the news of Leni's episode, she and Derek had rushed right to the hospital; their disheveled appearances clearly said that they'd literally picked up everything and headed straight to Leni's side.
"Addie, don't yell at her; it's my fault," Leni said as she lay still in her bed while Derek examined her.
But Addison continued. "Do you have any idea what kind of damage could have been inflicted on her? On the baby? What were you thinking? Or better yet, were you even thinking at all?"
"Addison, stop it!" Leni demanded as she sat up, despite Derek's attempt to keep her still. "Don't yell at her. I know it's your job to be the boss, but did you ever think that maybe it's a good thing that she was with me? I was the one wandering around the hospital, and if Cristina hadn't seen me and brought me with her, I would've been alone when it happened."
Addison sighed and turned her attention to the young girl. "Leni, Sweetheart, there are rules that have to be followed, and Dr. Yang—" she started to explain, but Leni interrupted.
"Rules? Do you seriously wanna talk about rules, Addie?"
"You're tired and upset, Len; you've been through a lot these past few days, and I think it's starting to take its toll on you. Just close your eyes and get some sleep, okay?" Derek said gently as he tried to calm her down.
"You're right about one thing, Shep; I am tired. I'm tired of the lies and the secrets and everything else. Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to watch you pretend like everything's fine? How exhausting it is to pretend like I'm fine? I didn't speak up before and maybe I should have, so now I will."
"Cristina, will you excuse us please?" Addison requested, and Cristina hurried out of the room with a grateful glance in Leni's direction. "Leni, there are some things that you just can't understand until you've been through them."
"What is it that you're both trying so hard to prove?" the young girl demanded in exasperation; Derek and Addison shared a glance at one another, yet neither could quite find the answer.
…
"Dr. Bailey, I'd like to be taken off of Leni Campbell's case," Meredith requested immediately upon arriving at the hospital later that morning.
"Do I look like your cruise director?" Bailey questioned. "You are a professional; that means whatever personal problems you may be having are second to providing care to your patients. Understand?"
"Look, I'll take anything else. Whatever you want me to do, it's done," she practically pleaded.
After a moment of contemplation, she answered, "O'Malley, you're with Karev on Leni's case, then. Grey, you get the pit today."
"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith replied as she breathed a sigh of relief. As much as she hated to leave Leni's case, she just couldn't bear to be around Derek right now. It was too much, and she already had enough going on in her life without adding more unnecessary tension.
"You dropped a surgery for the pit. What's your problem, Mer?" Cristina demanded as they walked out of the locker room.
"I just don't want to deal with Derek right now. I just… can't, Cristina," she answered with a look of pure exhaustion.
"Well, if it makes you feel any better, I got my wish, and I seriously pissed off the She-Shepherd," Cristina shrugged. "I took Leni downstairs and she had a seizure, and Addison went ballistic."
Meredith's expression suddenly changed to worry. "Leni had a seizure? Well, is she all right? What about the baby? What happened?"
She just shrugged and answered, "One minute, she was fine. She was talking and everything was normal; the next thing I knew, she was jerking around with her eyes rolling back. That tumor must be growing like crazy. Have you seen the CT? What did it look like?"
Meredith sighed; it certainly wasn't good. And according to Leni's medical history, this had been the second occurrence of the oligodendroglioma; the first had been when she was only four years old. Although it was an extremely rare form of cancer in children, it had a high rate of reoccurrence. And the odds were especially daunting for a case such as Leni's. "There's always hope, right?"
…
"And when you wake up, I'll be right there, okay, Sweetheart?" Addison whispered minutes before it was time to put Leni under. "I will be here the whole time, and Derek is coming soon, so you don't need to worry about anything."
"What about your other patients?"
Addison smiled and assured her, "You're my only patient today. Now just take a few deep breaths and the next time you open your eyes, it'll be all done."
A moment later, Addison took a deep breath and began. "Dr. Karev, I want you to keep your full attention on the fetal heart monitor, understand? If there is even the slightest change, I want you to alert me immediately."
The surgery was painstakingly delicate, and Addison did her best to think like a surgeon. "All right; I'm about to open up the uterus; can someone page Dr. Shepherd for me?"
"No need. I'm here," Derek said as he walked into the OR. "How's she doing?"
"So far, so good. They're both holding out strong." After a brief pause, she whispered, "I'm in."
There was a moment of silent awe as the tiny hand gripped tightly around Addison's gloved finger. She fought back a tear as she whispered, "Hello there, Elena. We're going to make you better, Sweetheart. You just hold on for us."
"Look at that," Derek said in amazement. "Let's get this done, shall we? It's a beautiful day to save lives."
…
"Addie?" Leni whispered hoarsely as she woke in the ICU a few hours later. She was still a bit groggy from the medication, but bits and pieces were slowly coming back to her.
"I'm right here. You and Elle both did great; you're both doing fine."
"Where is Shep?"
"He had another surgery, but he'll be here later," she explained. "Are you feeling all right? Is there anything I can get for you?"
"No. Where are Alex and Meredith?"
A question like that from Leni didn't surprise Addison; Leni was already attached to the interns who had been caring for her, and Addison didn't doubt that they were fond of her as well. Even as a little girl, the first question from Leni was always to ask where "her interns" were. "Dr. Karev is seeing to another patient at the moment, and Dr. Grey… has asked to be taken off of your case." She expected Leni to be somewhat upset, but the young girl's reaction surprised her.
"Oh. She must still be mad at Shep, then. Alex told me they got into a fight the other night," Leni remarked, only halfway aware of the words that were coming out of her mouth. Under normal circumstances, she wouldn't have even mentioned it, but the combination of medication and exhaustion was taking its toll on her.
The comment, however, caught Addison's attention. "What exactly did Alex tell you, Leni?"
But Leni had fallen asleep before she could answer the question that was now weighing heavily on Addison's mind.
"Hey, how is she?" Derek asked as he entered her room. Affectionately, he brushed back a strand of Leni's dark hair and smiled.
"She just woke up for a minute; she was asking where everyone was, so I think she'll be okay."
"That's great," Derek smiled, relieved to know that even in this state, Leni was still Leni. Each operation she'd ever had—and there had been quite a few—always made Derek uneasy. Leni meant the world to him, and the thought of anything happening to her… He pushed the idea from his mind and savored the fact that at least for one more day, they still had her. "Did she say anything else?"
Addison started to repeat Leni's revelation, but she stopped abruptly and instead turned her attention to Leni and stroked her cheek distractedly as she slept. "No, nothing else."