Chapter Ten: The Tide


No, Heaven's not a place that you go when you die
It's that moment in life when you touch her and feel alive
So live for the moment
And take this advice, live by every word
Love's completely real, so forget anything that you've heard
And live for the moment now

The Spill Canvas

…

"Hey, Sweetheart. I know you don't want to leave Elle, but you really need to get your rest," Addison replied with a yawn as she rubbed the sleeping teenager's back. It was about three o'clock in the morning, and Leni had been in the NICU since a little past midnight.

"I can't leave her, Addie," Leni replied, her hand still wrapped around Elena's. "I don't want to miss a second with her."

However, Derek found himself agreeing with Addison. "C'mon, Princess. You need your sleep," he whispered as he scooped her up into his arms. "I'll stay with you, and Addison will stay will Elle, and you can come back after you get a few hours of sleep."

Normally, she would have put up more of a fight, but she knew that they were right and she was exhausted. Instead of arguing, she just wrapped her arms around Derek's neck while he carried her back to her room.

He placed her onto her bed and tucked her in, just like he'd done countless times before. No matter how old she got, he'd always see her as his little girl. Sitting down beside her, he suddenly found himself wondering, "Len, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Shep," she agreed sleepily.

He took a deep breath and asked shakily, "Did you know? About Mark, I mean. Did you know that Addison was having an affair?"

"I knew that something wasn't right between you and Addie. I tried to get you to listen, Shep; you wouldn't listen to her, but I thought that maybe you would listen to me. But you just… didn't want to hear. Maybe you weren't ready," she told him, studying the expression on his face. He sort of looked like a scared little boy, she decided. "I knew that something was wrong, but I didn't know about the affair until you told me."

"Do you think we can fix this?"

She smiled and assured him, "There's a way to fix it, Shep. And we both know what that is… The real question isn't 'Can it be fixed?' but 'Will you fix it?' You're a good person, and I know you'll make the right choice. But I can tell you this: Life is far too precious to waste being unhappy. It isn't fair to waste your time or theirs."

…

"Oh. I didn't think anybody else would be in here this early," Alex replied as he walked into the NICU and spotted Addison sitting in a chair by Elena's incubator. "I'll just come back later."

But she stood up and replied, "Actually, I was just about to leave to go check on a few patients, so I'm glad you stopped by. I'm sure Leni will be back in here any minute and I'll be back as soon as I can, but I really didn't want to leave Elle alone in the meantime. Would you mind staying until then?"

"No, of course not. How was her night?" he wondered, warily approaching the incubator where Addison—or Satan's whore, as she was better known among the interns—stood smiling as she looked at Elena.

"It was good. Long and stressful, but she came through just fine. She's pulled through the worst of it, so all we have left to do now is wait." She looked up and added, "I know I've said it a hundred times already, but thank you. And… I'm going to talk to Dr. Bailey today and let her know that you are no longer obligated to my service."

A moment later, Alex found himself alone with Elena—with the exception of the NICU nurse who was tending to another child at the moment. "Hey, Green Eyes. You're looking better this morning." He grinned and added, "And you got me off the gyno-squad. You're my hero, kid."

Izzie watched quietly from the doorway while Alex talked sweetly to Elena. As much of an ass as he could be sometimes, things like this made her realize that deep down, there really was more. She just wished he wouldn't be so determined to keep that hidden. "Hey, how's she doing?"

"Good. She's good," he answered as he straightened up, realizing that there was someone else in the room.

"Why do you do that?"

"Do what?"

She sighed. "Act so sweet and gentle when you think you're alone with Elle, and the second someone comes around, you put on that tough act. Why can't you just admit that maybe there's somebody in this world that gets to you? That little girl gets to you, doesn't she? She makes you care, and it kills you to realize that. I saw how worried you were about them, so don't pretend you don't care." She started to leave but turned back around and added, "You shouldn't be so afraid to let people in, Alex. You might be surprised."

"Yeah, right," he muttered under his breath right after she walked out the door. "Elle, promise me something, okay? Promise me that when you grow up, you won't be one of those crazy girls who has no idea what she wants and changes her mind every ten seconds."

"Sorry, Alex, but we're all like that," Leni teased as she walked up to them.

"Hey, look at you. Guess you're feeling all right."

She nodded then grinned. "But enough about me. So, Elle and I are curious to know what's going on between you and…" She leaned in and whispered, "Izzie." When he tried to shrug off the question, she replied, "Alex Karev, I trusted you to cut me open and deliver my kid, but you won't trust us with this? Seriously!"

"You've definitely been spending too much time with Meredith and Izzie and Cristina," he laughed as he pulled up a chair for Leni. "I messed up. I screwed up royally, Len."

"People mess up," she assured him. "But that's the beauty of it—if you try hard enough, sometimes people forgive you. Then you realize how close you came to losing something wonderful, and you work twice as hard for the rest of your life to never lose it again."

"Leni, there you are," George said as he joined them.

"You looked a little… busy. So I decided I'd give you a moment," Leni replied cheerfully. "By the way, she's cute, George. Does she have a name?"

"Who? Ortho Chick?" Alex questioned.

"Ooh, Ortho Chick. So, what's her name? Is it serious?" Leni asked.

"Her name is Callie Torres," he answered shyly. Then he shot a look in Alex's direction before admitting hesitantly, "Yeah, it's kind of serious."

Leni could tell that he wanted to say more, but he held back because of what Alex might say. She sighed as she realized just how much work she was going to have to do in a very short time.

…

"Hey, have you gotten any sleep yet?" Addison questioned Derek as she crossed him in front of the surgery board. "You look exhausted."

"Huh?" he wondered, hardly paying attention to what she was saying. Leni's words had been on his mind all day, and he barely heard anything else.

"I asked if you had gotten any sleep," she repeated.

"I slept for a few hours in Leni's room. But I don't have any more surgeries scheduled today, so I'll just head back up there for a while," he answered distantly, never once looking away from the board.

Addison noticed his distraction but tried her best to ignore it. "You should go home and get some rest. I'm gonna be here a while longer, and there's no point in both of us being exhausted. I'll call you if there's any change in Elena's condition, but she's been holding steady all day."

"Okay. I'll just go see them for a second, then I'll head home," he decided and habitually kissed her cheek before walking away.

He was surprised to discover that no one was hovering over Elena at the moment; it seemed that ever since she was born, she'd had a crowd surrounding her. But nonetheless, he was glad to have a few moments of quiet alone with the little girl; it would give him time to sort out the thoughts that were racing through his mind. "Hey, Elle," he whispered, stroking her tiny cheek with his finger.

Despite all the wires and machines that surrounded her tiny body, he could see that she was strong. For a moment, he watched her small stomach move rhythmically up and down, reminding him what it felt like to be alive. No matter how confusing the things in his life seemed to be, at that moment as he watched Elena sleep, it made sense.

"Did you know that the human brain has about one hundred billion neurons and over one hundred trillion synapses? And despite that, I can't for the life of me get any one of them to come up with a reasonable thought. Why do you think that is, Elle?" he wondered aloud to her; strangely enough, the conversation was strangely reminiscent of something that he would have said to Leni, even at that age.

Suddenly, however, he heard footsteps behind him and turned to see Meredith, who smiled fleetingly back at him. "I told Leni I'd check on her. Is she still doing all right?"

He nodded. "She's fine. How's Leni?"

"She seems to be back to her usual self. I was with her right before I came here, and she said she was feeling fine. Just that she wanted to take a quick nap before coming back in here," Meredith reported as she leaned over toward Elena and rubbed her small hand with the back of her thumb.

"I just wanted you to know," he started to say, and she looked up at him. "I just wanted you to know that I'm really proud of you for stepping up and taking charge when Leni and Elle needed you." He paused for a moment and quickly added, "You know, you and the others. That's a big achievement for a group of interns. You did a good job. Thank you."

"It was mostly Alex," Meredith answered with a shrug. "But I'm just glad they're both okay." She looked at him for a moment. There were a hundred things she wanted to say, but all she could manage was, "You look tired," as she turned her gaze back to Elena.

"I am," he whispered.