We met up like we always did in my mom's gym after school. We had been going there since my parents had it put into the once vacant sun room and that was when I was ten. Now we were seventeen and it was still our hangout. Other kids had restaurants and old tree houses. We had a gym.
We wasn't very many. We was my friend David who had a bizarre obsession with The Little Mermaid, my friend Jack who was nothing if not insane, and my friend Skittery who was obsessed with his weight. And me of course. They called me Snitch because I had had a pretty awful tattling problem back in elementary school.
When we walked into the spacious room that day, Jack did what he always did. He jumped on my mother's mini-trampoline and bounced up and down. He had been doing that since he was ten and it had been cute. It was pretty funny looking now that he was 6'2". Skittery plopped down on a weight bench with a National Geographic magazine while David was already hard at work on his homework. I perched on the treadmill and watched Jack leap from the trampoline and begin aerobicizing in front of the ceiling-to-floor mirrors.
"Where were you fourth period?" David asked, not looking up.
It was no secret that David was in love with Jack…except maybe to Jack who didn't see anything past his mirror.
"Clinic," he explained, thrusting his fist out and kicking his leg up. "I caught the Big S again from blowing off some guy in a gas station bathroom."
I shook my head. "I love how you can discuss your STDs so casually, Jack."
He kept aerobicizing, fitting in some kickboxing moves that would have been cool had he not been dangerously close to breaking the mirrors.
"Whatever," he held up two fingers in my direction. "It's only the second time I've caught syphilis. So eat that!"
David cringed behind his history book but didn't say anything.
"Did you know," Skittery mumbled, off in his own little world. "That childhood obesity is at an all time high? I'm a victim of my generation!"
Skittery was possessed with his insane notion that he was fat. I'd say it was for attention but I once caught him puking in a bathroom after a good meal and he told me if I told, he'd feed me my dick.
That would be our cue to go: "You're not fat, Skittery."
He lifted his shirt and patted his stomach. "Tell that to him.'
I rolled my eyes and Jack went back to his aerobicizing. We were a small group, having been best friends forever and, rather conveniently if I do say so myself, all realized that we were gay.
David shut his textbook and bit on the end of his Ariel pencil, chewing ever so slightly. It must be torture for him, I thought, having to watch Jack shake his perfect perky ass in front of him and not be able to do anything about it. Not that I had a say in any of this…I was a stone cold virgin and utterly alone. Part of me wanted to just give in and date Skittery but that boy had way too much baggage to deal with. Cute though he may be.
"Jack," I said, for David's benefit. "Take some Ritalin or something and get over here."
He stopped his Olivia Newton John impression and came to join us.
"So, regale us in how you got this case of syphilis, Jack," I stated. "We do so want to hear about all of the guys you randomly hook up with in gas station bathrooms."
He grinned. "Glad you asked. Well, I was buying my nightly Mountain Dew and sno balls when the cute cashier caught my eye…"
David made a little 'ugh' sound.
"Spare us," I said sweetly. "I've stopped caring about how you buggered the cashier."
He shook his head. "I didn't bugger the cashier. I buggered the guy I saw buying Twinkies. The cashier was straight. And it was just oral, not technically sex."
David made that little 'ugh' sound again and bit down harder on the teal eraser of the pencil.
"I said 'spare us,'" I complained. "Jack, sometimes you sicken me."
He grinned sweetly at me and tapped my cheek.
"Hey," Skittery said again, this time reading some fashion magazine he pulled from his bag from the sixties. "Man, I'd kill to be this skinny."
He showed us all a picture of Twiggy.
"Would you also kill to have her vagina, Skits?" Jack queried, laughing.
He turned the magazine back around and went back to flipping through. "Whatever. She's gorgeous…"
We rolled our eyes at each other and took this moment to study Jack and David. I was certain, very certain, that I was going to bring them together.
--
I was all set to put Operation Get Jack to Realize That He's an Idiot and to Stop Having Sex and Getting STDs in Bathrooms and Figure Out that True Love is Right in Front of Him (I really needed to think of something less wordy) but I was caught off guard by a boy at the drinking fountain. I recognized him, vaguely, from a GSA meeting at the school. But I couldn't, for the life of me, remember his name. I wish I had.
"Hey," he said, noticing my staring. "Aren't you in GSA?"
I blinked my eyes, unable to remember my name let alone my extracurricular activities.
"Yes!" I shouted. "Yes, I am."
He smiled, revealing dazzling white teeth that really set off his ivory complexion. He blinked these melt-worthy almond shaped eyes that were actually the color of roasted almonds. They were so much better than my own boring blue ones.
"The tall boy who told us about how he managed to have sex in the theater during Batman Begins…he called you Snitch, right?"
Who? Tall boy? Wait…my brain finally started working. I knew of only one person who would have sex in a movie theater.
"Yes!" I said again, hating how I kept yelling it. "He called me Snitch."
The mention of Jack's sexcapades brought me back to the fact that I was on a mission. I had nary a moment to lose with cute Asian boy in the green track jacket and the tight jeans that…shut up.
"They call me Swifty," he said. "My friends. Because I take my sweet time getting places."
I think I was supposed to laugh but the sound of his voice again made all rational thought fly from my head. I just grinned stupidly and nodded. Swifty started to walk away and my mind was still reeling.
"Oh," he turned. "I like your shirt. Arrested Development rocked. Didn't know they made shirts though."
They did and I bought this shirt off of Cafepress. But I was too busy being awed that this guy shared a show with me to tell him that. So I just grinned stupidly and nodded again.
Thankfully, once Swifty had left, my mind began to return to normal. However, I was still blushing and blinking rapidly. Giggling seemed to be in the immediate future. I felt like a fourth grade girl with a crush.
Never mind. I had to tell myself not to get distracted by the hot Asian boy. Jack and David were my first priority. My own love life was too…I didn't even think about it. My friends were always my top priority. Friends first.
--
The problem was, since I met Swifty, I hadn't been able to concentrate on Operation: Jack and David (I managed to cut it down significantly). And it sucked worse because Jack was rhapsodizing about this guy he hooked up with last night's lack of tongue technique to David who was staring into his Sebastian day planner like he had no idea he harbored feelings for him.
The signs were obvious too:
David, a notorious motormouth, always got tongue-tied and quiet when Jack literally gave him a blow-by-blow of his last encounter.
He always blushed when he was around.
He never reprimanded him like I did for when he did something especially stupid like think it was okay to give oral on the first date.
Ergo, Jack was incredibly stupid and, frankly, outside his stellar physical appearance, I had no idea what David saw in him. I always figured him for being deeper than that. But, then again, he and Jack were friends long before they teamed up with Skits and myself. It probably had something to do with that.
I shook my head, trying to remember what the teacher was talking about but I all I heard were Charlie Brown noises: "waaah waaah' and all that. I glanced over at Skittery who had lifted his shirt up a little and was investigating his stomach, probably wondering if he had gained weight since lunch. He probably just rejected it into the toilet anyway so I didn't see the issue.
"Jack," Mr. Denton's 'waaah waaah' temporarily went away when his voice came through to the back of the room, crystal clear. "I don't care if the guy had a forked tongue. Pay attention."
I laughed. Mr. Denton was pretty cool. He was the only out teacher in the school and was head of the GSA. The parents didn't even have a problem with him because he was so likable. Still, I was finding it impossible to concentrate. I kept thinking of Swifty in that green track jacket…
After class, Jack was continuing his story while David kept his head bowed and I was having enough of it. However, I had yet to formulate a good enough plan to make Jack shut up and realize that David was in love with him. My mind kept returning to Swifty.
"Who's the hottie?" Jack asked suddenly.
My thoughts turned to reality as I noticed Swifty moseying down the hallways with a boy with Aladdin hair.
"Hey, Snitch," he smiled as they neared us. "This is your friend, right? Movie theater sex?"
Once again, my mind went down the toilet. Who was he talking about again? Oh, right…Jack.
"Yes!" I squeaked. "That's him."
Jack smiled flirtatiously at Swifty who blushed a little because it was impossible not to blush when Jack smiled at you—unless you knew him like I did. I felt jealousy burn in my stomach.
"So," Jack smiled. "My reputation secedes me."
"Precedes but whatever," Swifty smiled back.
David let out that little 'ugh' sound again before storming off.
"What's his damage?" Jack wondered.
Wow, he was so dense. And he was making me super jealous. My body began to quake as Jack flirted with Swifty. I had seen him first! It wasn't fair!
"Maybe you'd wanna go out sometime?" Jack asked.
Aladdin hair rolled his eyes and walked away, having not said a word to anyone.
"I wouldn't go out with him if I were you," I heard myself say in this venomous voice. "Unless you want syphilis!"
I didn't wait for their reactions. I turned on my heel and stormed off. Stupid Jack. I was doing him a favor by getting him and David together and this was how he repaid me! Flirting with the guy I liked! Okay, so Jack didn't know I liked Swifty but still! It was the principle of the matter. Swifty seemed so…perfect. So intelligent and attractive and nice. Jack was just a whore.
--
Even though I had made a promise to myself not to speak to Jack for this stupid—even to me—reason for flirting with Swifty, I had an even bigger promise to fulfill. I needed to get him and David together. It would really be best for all parties involved.
Once again, I was finding it hard to concentrate on a good plan. However, this time was more because Skittery was calculating calories under his breath rather than thoughts of Swifty.
"That was low, Snitch," Jack snapped, bouncing away on my mom's mini-tramp. "And I got the vaccine anyway!"
I ignored him, making a point to turn myself away.
"So what if I wanted to date him? What's it to you?"
Still ignoring.
"Leave it be," David said. "That kid's in GSA. Snitch probably didn't want him exposed."
Jack ceased his jumping and marched over to him. I gave David a round of mental applause for that comment.
"Exposed to what?"
"You," he said, biting his lip. "You're kind of wild, Jack."
He grinned. "Thanks!"
"It wasn't a compliment," I broke my vow of silence. "Jack, I don't want him getting involved with you because you're a stupid slut who fucks guys and then leaves them in the dirt and he deserves better than that!"
I was surprised that those words came out of my mouth. Jack, however, looked impressed.
"So I'm a slut?" he cocked a brow. "Does everyone feel that way?"
Skittery pretended not to hear him and just went on trying to mentally calculate how many calories he had eaten that day. David became very absorbed in his Flounder-covered, History notebook.
"Wow," he stated. "I never…wait…Snitch. Do you like him?"
No, duh.
"A little, yes," I shrugged. "But I don't have time for a boyfriend. I have things to do."
Like set you up with the cute Jewish boy you're looming over.
"Right," he smirked. "You don't know what to do!"
I hated Jack at that moment. He didn't deserve my Cupid skills. I was pretty much offering him a way out of his slut-bag life and into the arms of a solid relationship and he was pulling this.
"Shut up, Jack," I stated. "And leave me alone, okay?"
--
"So does he have syphilis?" Swifty had loped over to where I was sitting alone at lunch.
Damn, that pointed that he did like Jack. I shrugged. My mind, though, was busy processing the fact that his crotch was just about at back level.
"Yes!" I squeaked in that horrible voice. "Twice. But he got it taken care of."
Swifty laughed. "I love how excited you sound when you say 'yes.'"
My heart hammered. Did he say that he loved something about me? Did he like me? No, I needed to prioritize! But wait, I was pissed at Jack. Did that mean I no longer had to help him?
"So you like Jack?" I blurted out.
Swifty sat next to me on the long bench. "No…I mean, he's hot and everything but not my style. I prefer blue eyes, Mediterranean skin, dark hair…"
It took me a minute to realize he was talking about me. But I had no time for a boyfriend! And I'd never had one. What would I do with him? I stood up abruptly.
"I have to go," I said hurriedly. "Something suddenly came up."
I couldn't bear to look at his face and I raced to get out of the cafeteria. What was wrong with me?
--
I cut the rest of the day. My parents, being these anthropologist types were almost always out of the country, leaving me to my own devices. Thus, there was no parental problem in me coming home almost three hours early and plopping down on the couch to immerse myself in season one of Arrested Development. God, what was my problem? A guy finally showed interest in me and I ran away like a frightened, I dunno, some sort of hoofed animal.
I was so screwed. I had to help Jack and David realize that they were in love, right? I mean, sure, I was pissed as hell at Jack but that didn't mean that David didn't deserve happiness with that slut. But was it a public service if I didn't put them together? Save David from all manner of STDs and everything?
My irrational train of thought was derailed when my house phone rang. Sighing, I hit pause and got up.
"Snitch, where are you?" it was David.
I checked the clock. Strange, shouldn't he be in Denton's class?
"Home…where are you?"
"Skipping," he said it in a rushed tone and I could practically see his blue eyes flitting left to right as if waiting for ropes to unfurl from out of nowhere and the SWAT team to come reprimand him for his truancy.
"You don't have to skip just to call me," I said, trying to laugh but it came out sounding more like a cough.
"You seemed kind of antsy yesterday and…you didn't sit with us today," David said in a shrugging voice. "I was a little worried. You know Jack doesn't mean it when he makes fun of you. He's just pissed that Swifty doesn't want to bang him."
"Like some people?"
"Shut up," he said tiredly. "You can't help who you fall in love with."
And something clicked. I didn't know what but I felt different, better.
"You're right," I said. "You can't."
Because of the sudden epiphany, I was seized with an idea. If David had been here in person, I would've jumped up and down, throwing my arms around him and screaming.
"David, when's the Spring Semi-formal?"
"Next Saturday…why? I thought we weren't going."
I smiled even though he couldn't see it. Although, somehow, he seemed to feel it.
"Snitch, we aren't going," he said. "We don't have dates!"
"We'll be each other's dates," I said. "Come, Dave. Trust me on this one."
There was a whoosh of air on the other line I took to be David sighing. "I'm probably going to regret saying this but…fine. We'll go to the stupid dance. I guess this is punishment for skipping."
I laughed. "Yup. And dress pretty, David. You clean up pretty good."
--
Through divine powers (i.e.: me) I set it up so Jack and David were "acting" as a couple and then Skits and myself. He was being a pretty shitty makeshift date, though. He kept reading the nutrition facts off of the bottle of whisky Jack brought along.
David had taken my advice and wore a suit in shades of blue. He was currently staring up at Jack with love-besotted eyes. Jack, of course, was oblivious to the entire thing.
"Come on," I said with a smile. "Let's go."
The gym had been half-heartedly decorated with crepe paper wound around the basketball hoops and a disco ball suspended from the ceiling. Pretty yawn-worthy. Skittery disappeared into the bathroom the moment we got there. I swear, if I hadn't known him since I was seven, I would have hated the guy. He was such a bulimic downer.
"Go dance," I said supportively.
Jack cocked a brow. "I thought we were just going as makeshift dates."
I laughed and shooed them off, feeling rather pleased with myself. That feeling, though, evaporated the moment I sat down on the risers and realized that I was utterly alone. Well, I could just keep an eye on Jack and David. It perked me up only marginally when I saw Jack put his hand on David's waist and saw his face soften.
"You seem lonely." I looked up to see Swifty hovering above me in a silk shirt and tight slacks. I nearly melted.
"I guess," I shrugged.
He slid down next to me. "Hey, it's okay if you don't like me. If you're straight…"
I started laughing. "Me? Straight?"
Swifty looked surprised. "Well, I mean, you just freaked out so badly when I told you that I liked you that I figured you were…"
He started laughing and I joined him. I guess that what they say really was true: laughter was infectious.
"So you don't like me?" Swifty asked, inching a little closer.
The second he said those words, my mind shut down. Oh, shit.
"Snitch?"
"Yes!" I squeaked. "Yes, I really like you, Swifty."
He smiled. "Oh, okay then."
That was it? 'Oh, okay then'? Had I expected something more? Sighing, I turned back to the dance floor where I felt a surge of pride and delight. It was the perfect moment to look too. The exact moment that Jack tilted up David's chin and kissed him.
"Cute," Swifty said. "That's cute. Even if Jack's a little…"
"You can say it," I assured him. "Jack's a whore."
He laughed and put an arm around me. I didn't see it coming, really I didn't. I was still smiling that my Cupid skills were that spot-on when Swifty turned and looked at me with his roasted almond eyes.
"I really like you, Snitch," he said and I was aware that our lips were dangerously close. "Really like you. A lot. From the second I saw you in the hall."
Me too! Me too!
Our breath mingled. My heart sped up a little. Admittedly, I've never kissed a guy in my entire life. I've never kissed anyone in my entire life.
"I like you too," I said quietly, feeling as though I had to whisper even though the DJ was blaring some Black Eyed Peas song. "Really, um, really."
Swifty put his hand on the side of my face and tilted my head up a little. I remembered Jack trying to teach me how to kiss in fifth grade on a pillow. He told me to turn my head to the right. I did but I felt more like a curious puppy than a cunning, I don't know, soap opera starlet or something.
To my relief, Swifty tilted his head a little and probably looked a lot better than I did at it. Our faces neared as the song ended and a slower one on came on. Single people left the floor and sat around us on the risers.
"Kiss me?" I heard myself ask stupidly.
"I thought that was what we were doing," Swifty said with a small smile.
And he kissed me. The moment seemed to go on forever. It was just him and me under the disco ball in the crappy gym.
"Aww," I heard Jack coo behind me.
Groggily, I turned around to see him with his arm around David who looked happier than ever.
"We're cutting out of here," he said. "Just wanted to let you know. We'll be at Burger King if you need us."
They turned to go and I saw Jack place a small kiss on David's temple. A few steps away, he turned his head over his shoulder.
"Do everything I would do," he said with a laugh.
After they left, I turned back to Swifty. Okay, now this was awkward. Should I kiss him again? Was the moment over? Turns out that I didn't need all of that thinking.
He answered my mind by kissing me again.