Part 11: Untitled

Itachi was scared. He had never been scared before, but recently over the past few months, that emotion seemed to bombard him heavily without mercy. And he noticed that, when he was scared, he lashed out in an attempt to protect what was rightfully his.

The end justified the means, he once thought, when he had chained Sasuke to the bed frame simply to physically keep him there with him. But now, even if he wanted to repeat his actions, he couldn't bring himself to… because he wanted– no, he needed his Otouto to want him, to want to be there with him.

Initially, he wanted to fuck the boy bare, but it was the emotional side of him, the side that yearned to feel wanted by his Otouto, that he denied himself the pleasure. Such an action only backfired in his face, causing him huge distress, simply because the tables were turned on him.

Don't want this anymore… let go… forget about it…

Those words, which casted Itachi aside as if he didn't matter, burned deeply into his brain. He hated those words, and he hated them so fiercely because they shook him, made him panic, and simultaneously ate at his soul. They left him unable to think for himself and process the situation.

It ripped apart his tattered heart each time, only to be mended by tape, giving it a raggedy appearance for a while before it was shredded once more. What remained was a poor excuse of a shell.

"It's okay," he heard through the fog in his brain, the utterances from the beautiful boy in his arms. "I'm not going anywhere, so make me feel good. Fuck me nice and gently, okay?"

Itachi had nodded furiously against Sasuke's sweaty skin, his movements hurried yet somewhat controlled after being lulled by those words. He moved as sweetly as he could against his love, the echoes of their moans mixed into one.

He did end up cumming inside his precious Otouto. Not once. Not twice.

Thrice.

Each succession of his ejaculations brought on an equivalent, if not more, amount of sperm, which he filled in the depths of the boy's hole. When all was said and done, after Itachi had held Sasuke as close to him as possible to deliver his promise, he latched on from behind and refused to pull out.

The tears that stained his cheeks never ebbed away nor did the hurt he felt somewhere deep inside his chest cavity. It probably showed on his face, too, but that hardly mattered at that point.

"I love you. It's my fault. I was bluffing. Don't leave me, please. I can't live without you. I was bluffing." The helpless, miserable murmurs of a madman if one were to look at it as a bystander.

Of course, the words that hung off his lips as he clasped his arms around Sasuke shot an arrow through the boy's heart, yet the man was in such distress that he couldn't recognize anything outside of his fears and ramblings.

"Aniki… I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said it like that. I didn't mean it like that," Sasuke stated on several occasions. "I was scared of your answer, so I just wanted to avoid hearing it. I didn't mean I was going to leave. I promised. Remember?"

H.J.

The arms around his waist were so tightly wounded that Sasuke had a hard time turning sideways to meet his Aniki's gaze. With a gentle palm on Itachi's hip, he twisted his neck back to look at the man.

"It's okay, baby," he whispered, the nickname completely foreign on his tongue. He patted Itachi's hip before adding a little pressure and pushing backward. "Pull out of me, okay? So I can turn around and give you my attention properly."

He heard his Aniki make an indignant noise at the back of his throat, as if denying his request, but much to Sasuke's surprise, the man's hips started pulling back.

Sasuke winced as the dry sensation of the man pulling out echoed along his inner walls, and to add to his surprise, the hands on him disappeared completely as Itachi began scooting away to the other side of the bed.

"Aniki, you don't have to move away," Sasuke murmured, finally turning around fully to lay on his other side. "Come," Sasuke said, splaying his arm around the man's lean waist and pulling himself closer.

Sasuke nuzzled Itachi's chest with his cheek and sighed contently. He always did think their bodies fit perfectly together. His Aniki's large, strong, and sturdy body against his lean and lithe figure. He always felt safe next to Itachi, protected by him to a degree that he felt he was invincible against harm.

His Aniki laid unmoving in his arms as if terrified to touch him now. A glance at his palms found them scrunched at his sides, and Sasuke released another sigh.

"What am I going to do with you?" the boy asked, his tone light and almost teasing.

It had been so obvious what Itachi wanted from him. After all, he had outright told him. He wanted to feel loved by Sasuke. He wanted Sasuke's undivided attention. He wanted his affections.

All of that wasn't impossible for Sasuke. It wasn't anything different than how they were previously before the whole incident occurred. He just needed to up his game just a bit and be more attentive to his Aniki.

He always did notice that, the more affection and attention he showed his Aniki, the more complacent and reachable the man was… even in his worst moments.

However, the thing he only recently discovered was that the way he phrased things had a huge impact on how Itachi acted. He never realized the degree of sensitivity his Aniki had to his words nor how much he, himself, could affect the man.

Sure, when he rejected Itachi's help or gifts or company growing up, his Aniki would sulk and mope around the house until Sasuke took back what he said and paid attention to the man. Sasuke always thought it was endearing and, feeling bad after, showered Itachi with more affection, which made the man happy. And that was that.

But never did his actions or words cause such a ruckus that led to Itachi crying. It was only after the initial incident that he began to exhibit such actions. As if he was a different person–no, actually as if the person he had locked away had awoken and broken out of its cage. In that sense, Sasuke had just as much responsibility in the matter as Itachi did.

His mood and words, he realized, carried so much weight, easily affecting his Aniki when delivered. And the reason why, the boy deduced, was because Sasuke was of great importance to Itachi. The confession only confirmed such.

"You love me a lot, don't you?" he asked quietly.

The furious nods he felt rocked against his body, ruffling his spikes.

"I… I love you more than anything," Itachi croaked. His voice was much lower than usual, and Sasuke had to hone in on his listening skills to pick it up.

"I believe you, you big oaf," Sasuke murmured with a hint of a smile. He could hear the man's heartbeat pick up, pounding harshly in his chest cavity. "You must be tired, Aniki. Get some sleep, okay?"

"Baby," the man whispered. "Call me 'baby' again."

Sasuke glanced at his Aniki in his arms, stunned, but the man did not meet his gaze as if embarrassed by the shy request. The boy simply huffed a laugh, a soft smile set on his lips, as he pulled Itachi's arm over to drape around his waist. "Get some sleep, baby," he murmured. "I'll be here when you wake up."

His Aniki made a distinct noise when he heard that, akin to a low purr, and his body relaxed into Sasuke's embrace.

It didn't take long for Itachi to fall asleep, and when he did, Sasuke eased out of the embrace and leaned back to get a good look at his Aniki's sleeping face.

Handsome as always, the man's features were smoothed out in his sleep, the blush on his soft, unblemished skin slowing ebbing away. His brother must have been exhausted to fall asleep so easily, and Sasuke prayed to the gods he'd sleep through the night.

He had only gotten up to pee a few minutes later, slowly and quietly pushing himself off the bed so as to not disturb the man. The sun had set a while ago and Sasuke only had the small night light at the other end of the room to maneuver around in the dark.

He must have forgotten that he was on the opposite side where he usually slept in bed before he happened to trip over his Aniki's bag on his way down, spilling its contents out onto the ground.

Sasuke winced, shooting a glance behind him, but his Aniki slept soundly and deeply. So he began packing the items back into Itachi's laptop bag. There wasn't much to put back: a laptop, charger, two ballpoint pens, and a book… no, not a book. Sasuke squinted in the dark. There was a picture of a kitten on the cover of the book and on the bottom right hand corner was the word 'journal.'

Sasuke's brows furrowed. His Aniki kept a journal? Since when? He'd never seen such a notebook at home before.

That was how the boy found himself on the living room sofa with the lamp on as he examined its contents. There was, in fact, a kitten on the cover. A grey and white one to be exact.

Sasuke flipped to the first page in the notebook, and the first thing written at the top of the page was a date. The boy swallowed hard. It wasn't just any date, but it coincided with the day Sasuke left home. Was this why this journal was foreign to him? Because Itachi got it after he disappeared?

Now, he felt guilty that he had sneaked off to read it. Would his Aniki mind? He always did tell Sasuke that anything of his also belonged to the boy. Did this count, too?

He was ready to put it away, but the first line caught his attention and his heart nearly stopped. And then he got sucked in and kept reading.

Entry 1:

I'm going crazy. I feel it in my chest, in my head, and deep in my bones. I want to die. Someone kill me.

Why did you leave me, Otouto? Was what we did really that bad? Do you regret it now? Do you hate me? I'm sorry. I'll take it back. I won't do it again. Please. Just come back to me. I realized too late. I don't know how to survive without you. Don't leave me like this.

I'm nothing without you. Please come back to me. I'm begging you. Aniki is begging you.

Entry 2:

I had a dream about Otouto. In my dream, he looked so sad. He was crying and screaming at me to stay away from him. He wouldn't let me touch him, and when I tried to get near him, he slit his wrists and died in my arms.

Was that an omen? I don't understand why he hated me so much that he'd rather die than be touched by me. Am I that dirty? I must be disgusting to him.

Entry 3:

I woke up in the hospital today. I don't remember how I got there. My head hurts and it feels like I've swallowed sand.

The nurse said my blood alcohol content was 0.47%. She said, any higher, and I would have died. But that's okay. Maybe if I was dead, Sasuke would come see me.

Entry 4:

He changed his number. I know because he disconnected the one on our family line, and I found his name and new number registered in one of the phone carrier's databases.

Otouto knows what I do for work. He must have known that I would be able to get his new number because I called many times, but he wouldn't answer. I miss his voice so much, but as expected, he must hate my guts.

I've been abandoned. If he liked me, he wouldn't have left.

Entry 5:

My chest hurts so much that it has gone numb. I've sent text after text. But he's ignoring me. I must have screwed up. Did he hate sex with me that much? He must have been revolted after fucking his own Aniki.

I'm not important to him anymore. Otouto wants to forget me.

Entry 6:

The cops showed up at my door again. They said the neighbors called because they heard shattered glass and screaming.

How do I tell them it's because I trashed the house? It's not like I need it anymore. My kitten has run away and will never return to me because I'm disgusting. If I kill myself, will Otouto be happy?

Entry 7:

I jerked off thinking of Otouto this morning. I found one of the shirts he had left behind. It smelled like him, and I wanted to cry because I missed him so much.

It's been almost a month since Sasuke left me. He has not made contact with me at all. Is he really okay with never seeing me again?

Is he eating okay? Sleeping okay? I can't be there for him when he has nightmares, so hopefully he didn't have any.

Entry 8:

I've written Sasuke into my will and got it notarized today. I have to make sure Otouto gets my everything. All the money I've made over the years from my job has been allocated into a separate bank account in his name. I gave a copy to our family lawyer.

Entry 9:

I dreamt about Otouto again. This is the fourth time this week, but this one was different. I dreamt he came back home and ran into my arms. He laughed when I peppered kisses all over his face, and I made love to him on the living room floor.

He told me he'd stay with me forever. I believed him. And then I woke up, and the bed was empty. I don't know how much more of this I can take.

Entry 10:

I found him. I can't believe I found him. That's his face in the ID registry for a UC school. He looks like he wants to crawl into a hole and disappear. His face is neutral, but I can see the grimace. He hates being in front of the camera so it's only natural. He's wearing a form-fitting black bomber jacket over a white T-shirt. My Otouto looks so precious.

I can't find his name in the campus's dorms list. He must be renting off campus. I need to go see him.

Entry 11:

He ran when he saw me. The first time he has seen me in three months and he couldn't even look at me before he bolted. Am I that scary? I guess it can't be helped since I'm the unnatural one.

Entry 12:

Otouto is still wearing my ring on his finger. He hasn't forgotten about me. I'm happy.

Entry 13:

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. I DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND. HE RUNS FROM ME, HE HIDES FROM ME, AND IN THAT TIME, HE WAS WITH ANOTHER MAN? WHAT IS SO GOOD ABOUT THAT MAN? WHAT DOES HE HAVE THAT I DON'T? WHY DOES HE GET TO KNOW WHERE OTOUTO MOVED TO, AND I GET LEFT BEHIND IN THE DARK?

AM I THAT INSIGNIFICANT? WHY CAN'T SASUKE LOVE ME INSTEAD? DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG? WAS I TOO AGGRESSIVE? WHY DO I HAVE TO FEEL LIKE THIS? HAVEN'T I SUFFERED ENOUGH?

IS HE GOING TO LEAVE ME AGAIN? I CAN'T DO THIS A SECOND TIME. I JUST CAN'T. I'M GOING INSANE. I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT.

My chest hurts so much. I don't know what to do with myself. It feels like I'm dying inside.

Sasuke gritted his teeth to prevent tears from dribbling down his face. He must have been on the brink of hyperventilating because the room suddenly felt incredibly small and he was having a hard time getting oxygen into his lungs.

His grip tightened on the journal in his hands, and he rubbed furiously at his eyes. An insurmountable level of guilt weighed him down in that moment as every single word and emotion was burned into his brain.

The pages he had flipped through were rough, textured and wavy, the ink blurred in some areas as the writing grew more and more erratic. Judging by the circular blots on the pages, his Aniki must have been crying almost every single time he had written in that journal.

The pain bled through the pages and stained Sasuke's trembling hands.

"Otouto?"

Sasuke's shoulders jerked in surprise when he heard Itachi's groggy voice coming from the bedroom, which was followed by soft footsteps. He glanced behind the sofa and saw his Aniki rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"Where did you go?" Itachi mumbled, looking up sleepily. "You said you'd be there when I—"

The man's sentence was abruptly cut off when he noticed Sasuke's deer-caught-in-headlights expression and recognized the book in his hands. His eyes widened to an inhumane degree and he froze completely.

"A-Aniki…" Sasuke began hesitantly.

"DON'T!" Itachi yelled, causing the boy to wince. The man fisted either side of his pants, and his head hung low. He mumbled something that Sasuke couldn't quite hear, and the boy pushed himself to stand.

"What did you say, Aniki?" Sasuke asked quietly. He slowly closed the book in his hands and contemplated approaching Itachi.

"I said PUT IT DOWN!" Itachi shrieked, hysterical. "PUT IT DOWN. PUT IT DOWN. PUT IT DOWN."

Sasuke's eyes widened and dread filled his chest, but he immediately dropped the journal. It landed on the carpet with a resounding thud and laid open on the last page Sasuke had read as if mocking them.

"I'm sorry!" the boy blurted out. "I didn't mean to."

"How… How much did you read?" Itachi whispered, staring at the ground.

"I... all of it, Aniki," Sasuke admitted quietly, unable to repress the shudder that racked his body when Itachi made a low, torturous noise at the back of his throat.

Subconsciously, Sasuke caught himself inching backward and forced himself to stop, but not before his Aniki noticed the little detail.

"Why… Why are you backing away from me? It's not like I'm going to hurt you," Itachi said, his voice dropping an octave.

Sasuke flinched at the tone, unable to grasp the man's expression. It was difficult to tell if he stopped then and there because his body froze or if he willingly believed his Aniki wouldn't harm him. After all, he had done it purely on reflex. The boy could only guess that something about Itachi's tone and stance made him a little on edge.

"I… I'm sorry, Achi," Sasuke stuttered, his fingers gripping the sides of his shorts. "I just wanted to know what you were thinking a little better…."

"... Did you find out everything you wished to know?" Itachi whispered angrily.

His Aniki refused to look at him as if the mere sight of the boy would make him flip his lid. The knuckles that gripped so desperately at his side were stripped of color, and his body seemed to tremble with every word he uttered.

Sasuke held back his tears.

This wasn't worth it.

He should have asked. He should not have snooped like that. As soon as he realized what kind of journal it was, he should have closed it and put it away. But Sasuke had been greedy. He wanted to know everything. Deep inside, a vile part of him wanted to relish in how his absence affected the man, to ascertain how special he was, but three sentences into Itachi's diary, and Sasuke felt like hurling out his guts for having such a thought to begin with.

His brother had suffered irreparably because of him. The things he had written down… those thoughts… they were beyond his scope of imagination.

As if Itachi knew exactly what he was thinking, he laughed. The low, obnoxious chuckle was like a punch to his guts, knocking out his lungs instantaneously.

"That must have been a shock, huh?" Itachi muttered. "To find out how messed up I am. Aniki's not as cool as you thought he was."

Sasuke's words all those months ago came back to haunt him. Itachi had asked if Sasuke had been ashamed of him for being such a terrible person to others.

But Sasuke had replied, "No, Aniki. I think you're the coolest."

And now, for some reason, his Aniki had somehow believed that, because of what he had written down, Sasuke would toss him aside. Is that how little faith he had in him?

Sasuke settled his gaze on his Aniki, lips forming a thin line in a disapproving frown. Even now, the man refused to look at him. "Aniki, you know, when I first left, I felt angry and hurt," the boy said almost too softly. "I thought you were unreasonable and only wanted me for my body." Itachi made a disgruntled growl at that, but Sasuke ignored him. His Aniki can speak up for himself if he wished to interject. "You can't really blame me. I knew you tried to hide it from me, but it wasn't hard to tell that you slept around. Did you know there were random men showing up at our house from time to time late at night when you were out?"

Itachi's widened eyes shot up at that. "I never brought anyone into our home."

Sasuke almost scoffed. "Does it matter? They still found out where you lived. You know how many arguments I got dragged into by these men, and the pure bullshit they slung my way because they thought I was your lover? Some of the things they said were awful, but I defended you because you're my Aniki, and that's all that matters. However, what you did that next day in bed to me was not okay, and I couldn't help but think about some of the things those men said."

"It's not true!" Itachi insisted. "Anything they said about me has nothing to do with you, Otouto. You're different. They don't mean anything to me."

"Anyway, I thought that, if I got away for a while, it would help clear my head and figure out what was going on. I switched schools and changed my number and where I lived. I wanted time to adjust to what had happened and figure out what I was thinking." Sasuke sighed. "I wasn't going to hide from you forever, but you were so goddamn insistent. I just wanted space, and you couldn't even give me that. You know I keep wondering if things would have turned out the way they did if you had just left it be that morning. I kept asking myself why you did that because I couldn't understand why you would hold me against my will like that."

Sasuke could see the man shrink back, flinching at the words being shoved his way as memories resurfaced. But Sasuke never intended for the words to be taken lightly. At the very least, the man looked somewhat guilt-ridden about his actions.

"I was jealous," Itachi whispered, looking away with a tilt of his head. His bangs rushed to hide his eyes as he spoke. "We had just made love, and all you talked about was leaving me. It made me upset."

"I had a midterm!" Sasuke hissed. "If I didn't take it, I would have failed the class, and then— you know what? No, I'm not going to do this right now." The boy rubbed his temple and inhaled a deep breath. "How is it that you hid this sensitive side of yours from me for nineteen years? NINETEEN YEARS, Aniki! What the hell?"

The man had the audacity to look guilty.

Sasuke pinched the bridge of his nose. "Whatever. Long story short, I haven't forgiven you for what happened. Even thinking about it makes me angry. Ugh, this irritates me so much. Even though I was scared of what you would do to me, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I left so I could have time for myself, not think about you constantly every single day."

"You… thought of me?" Itachi's eyes gleamed with unrepressed hope and awe.

"Of course, that's all you heard," Sasuke grumbled.

"I'm sorry, Otouto," the man mourned. "I hear you. I'm sorry for scaring you."

"Why did you do that to me? You were always so nice to me. Was that all an act?"

Itachi's brows wrinkled in denial. "I'm nice to you because I love you. And I did it because I was afraid of losing you."

"Those things you wrote in the notebook… is that how you really feel?"

"If I said yes, would you hate me?"

"No," Sasuke sighed. "I wouldn't hate you, especially not for feeling the way you do. But do you really want to die? I can't overlook something like that."

"No! I don't want to go anywhere, Otouto!" Itachi insisted. "I just want to be with you. There's no way I'd leave you."

A pause.

"You're telling the truth? Because some of the things you wrote in there aren't exactly—"

"I'm sure," his Aniki responded, cutting him off.

The boy could easily tell the contents of the journal were too much for the man. Itachi seemed to hate reminiscing about bad memories, and if he said it with such seriousness, then he'd leave it be for now.

Sasuke exhaled loudly and found his way to the couch, sinking into the cushions. He tapped the spot next to him. "Come sit, Aniki," Sasuke said. "This must be the furthest you've stood from me since you've arrived," he half-joked.

The man did as he instructed, but didn't utter a word. He sat stiffly next to the boy with his hands in his lap and eyes casted downward.

"I'm sorry for being insensitive and running away without a word," Sasuke said quietly, staring at his brother. "Since we're in the present, it doesn't help to ruminate about the past….What is it?" Sasuke asked, tucking his legs in a criss-cross format. He knew his Aniki wanted to say something, judging by the way he bit his lip and the way his body trembled as if on edge, but he seemed to be grappling with himself on whether to push the words out of his own mouth.

"Otouto… you… you're not ashamed of me?" Those crestfallen words matched their owner's expression, which was turned to Sasuke. Alarmed, terrified eyes forcing themselves to make eye contact with the boy. "You don't find me disgusting?" The word was spat out like it was his lifelong enemy.

Sasuke felt a pang of guilt in his chest, submerged in greater feelings of concern and a desire to console. Had Itachi believed that the contents of the journal would have him kicked to the curb? His brows scrunched up and he found himself closing the distance that Itachi had placed between their seated bodies.

"Of course not. It's okay to feel the way you do, Aniki. People don't have the right to trample over your emotions, and it's good that you wrote it out."

"So it's okay for me to hope?" Itachi whispered.

Sasuke inched closer until his crossed knee was brushing against Itachi's thigh. He reached out to grasp one of the man's hands to entwine and hold in his. "That depends. What are you hoping for?"

"This," Itachi responded, tightening his grip in Sasuke's, only to bring their entwined fingers up to his lips. He pressed his lips against Sasuke's palm gently, keeping them against the boy's skin.

Sasuke's gaze followed his Aniki's movements until they remained unwavering when his hand was kept in place against Itachi's warm, soft lips. He could feel heat rising on his cheek, but chose to ignore it.

"I don't know…" he began, an edge of mischief in his tone. "You're pretty rude toward people, Aniki…."

Itachi kissed his hand again. "But I treat you well."

"You get jealous over every little thing. It's hard to make friends with you around."

"That's because I love you so much I can't hand you over to anyone." Another kiss. This time on the boy's wrist.

"You stalk me even when I tell you where I'm going."

"I'll do my best not to in the future." A kiss placed further up his arm.

"Sometimes, you're mean to me when you're angry or upset."

"It's only when I'm jealous or worried. I'm sorry." A peck to his cheek this time.

"You're overprotective."

"Because you're too defenseless, Otouto." A kiss along his jawline.

"Hey!" Sasuke pouted. "Well, you bully me in bed…."

"That's because you're so fucking sexy. I can't help it."

Sasuke released a yelp when he was suddenly pulled into the man's awaiting lap, his back hitting Itachi's firm chest with a small thud. Arms overlapped around his waist and he had to reposition his legs so they were comfortable. The man hugged him tightly from behind as if refusing to even allow him even the chance to escape.

Sasuke wiggled around a bit, but settled down with a huff. "But to be serious," he mumbled, "I do need my space sometimes. At school and when I'm studying. Like before when we were in Japan."

"… Okay," Itachi conceded solemnly.

The boy could tell he was not happy about it, but seemed willing enough to compromise. Following through was another story though. That would probably take some practice. Trial and error.

"And you need to go back to work, too. Maybe you can look around for a gym you like…. I know you're giving me a look right now, Aniki. Stop it."

Sasuke craned his neck back, and, sure enough, the man was pouting. Sasuke nearly laughed his butt off.

"Pfft. That expression doesn't suit your face, Aniki," he said, patting one of the hands around his waist.

"If I go back to doing those things, will you make time for me?"

The serious tone caught the boy off guard.

"Yes. Of course. And if you need my attention or time, you can ask me. I can't read minds, you know."

He was pretty sure he heard a 'hmph' from his brother, and Sasuke did his best not to snicker. How could an athletic giant like his Aniki be so childish? He wondered who the elder brother was here.

"You still haven't answered my question, Otouto. Is it okay for me to hope?"

Sasuke sighed. Joking aside, this was a serious predicament they were in, guaranteed to affect their future. Their entire lives. "What exactly do you want from me?"

"I want you to love only me, Otouto." Itachi's arms were squeezing so tightly now that Sasuke nearly had difficulty breathing. "I want you to be my lover. Stay with me forever."

H.J.

Itachi knew his body was trembling, but he couldn't control it. Eyes pinched tightly shut, he dug his face into Sasuke's neck. This may be the last time he'd ever be able to hold his Otouto like this in his arms. He had to cherish every second of it.

What would he do once Sasuke rejected him? Would Sasuke call him disgusting? Would he get kicked out? Would the boy demand that Itachi never show his face again? God, what if his Otouto hated him now?

"I promise I'll do my best to be good," he found himself muttering against Sasuke's nape after the silence stretched along between them. The boy remained still in his arms, but Itachi was sure that he had heard him. "I won't follow you when you go out. I'll do my work. I won't drink. I won't bully you as much in bed. I'll even be nice to your friends, Otouto. Just give me a chance. I— I won't—"

"Aniki! Hey, Aniki, calm down!" Sasuke berated, and Itachi suddenly felt a smack against his thigh.

The pressure in Itachi's chest nearly exploded, and he released his grip instantaneously like he'd been shocked by electricity. His Otouto's voice had been louder than usual and Itachi swore that the boy would scream profanity in his face before storming off, but when his Otouto maneuvered himself to face him in his lap, a small smile was forming on his lips.

Itachi was floored. Dumbstruck into silence at that tiny, fond smile on Sasuke's face as the boy rested his hands on his shoulders while he shook his head.

"Are you trying to ask me to be your lover or sell me something, Aniki?" the boy asked, tilting his head coyly as if teasing the man.

Itachi's brows furrowed. He didn't understand. Why was his baby smiling at him?

The boy trembled in his lap, the knees on either side of Itachi's hips shaking along with him, and Itachi realized that the boy was suppressing a huge bout of laughter. It exploded then like a landmine going off, and Itachi had himself an armful of a giggling boy.

"Is this how you usually ask someone out, Aniki?" Sasuke forced out in between laughter. It got so bad he had to slam his palm on Itachi's shoulders a couple of times.

Oh. Itachi got it then. He was being made fun of. With a soft growl, he lunged at the boy in his arms. He received a yelp and Sasuke fell to the ground in his haste to scoot back, before he hurriedly got up and booked it through the living room with an agitated man on his heels.

"Come here, you!"

Sasuke's laughter blared throughout the apartment, such a beautiful, nostalgic melody, which blessed Itachi's ears so much that he didn't realize he was smiling ear-to-ear along with the boy until he had finally caught up to his Otouto from behind and picked him up skyward.

The boy screamed and thrashed his arms and legs in the air, but could not reign in his laughter even as he finally raised his hands in surrender. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! I was wrong!" Sasuke heaved, wiping tears from the corner of his eye.

"Didn't I say not to run from me?" Itachi chastised, even though the corner of his lips were tilted upward. He set the boy down on his feet and turned him around only to hug Sasuke close to his own body.

They were both panting, but somehow their heartbeats synchronized. Finally, when it calmed, Itachi spoke. "You're the first person I've ever confessed to, you know," he muttered atop Sasuke's unruly spikes. He felt foreign heat momentarily rise to his cheeks.

"Yeah?" came Sasuke's muffled voice. "You never had a boyfriend or girlfriend, Aniki?"

Itachi grimaced at those words, especially upon hearing the term 'girlfriend.'

"Never."

"… So I'll be the first?" his Otouto asked, sounding oddly delighted as if Itachi had just announced they were going to buy snacks.

"You'll be the only," he responded.

The man nudged the boy back slightly, tilting his chin down to catch a glimpse of Sasuke's face. As if time had slowed down, Itachi watched this time with anticipation as his Otouto opened his mouth.

"Can I think about it?" Sasuke muttered.

What's there to think about? Who else, but me? Don't you love me? Am I not good enough?

One after another, thoughts chased him around in his mind, hardly giving him any time to relax. But this… was definitely better than a flatout no, Itachi reasoned. Definitely. Infinitely better. But still, it didn't quite sit right with the man.

"Yes." It took him a lifetime to ground that single syllable word out, dismay in his muttered word.

It's not a no. It's not a no. He had to repeat that to himself several times to convince himself to release Sasuke from his embrace when the boy began nudging against his chest. He must have felt suffocated. Itachi was suffocating him with his confession.

He let go, shoving his twitching fingers in his pockets instead and took a step back. There, he reasoned. Space. That's what his Otouto wanted.

Warm fingertips brought his face back into Sasuke's line of vision. The boy had pressed himself on his tiptoes to get closer to Itachi's line of sight, and, had it been for any other situation, Itachi would have thought it was absolutely adorable. He received a smile he could only peg as Sasuke-like, warm and kind. Like a warm ray of sunshine on a Sunday morning.

Itachi's heart shuddered in his chest.

That smile was directed at him.

He wanted to possess that smile.

"We'll be okay," Sasuke reassured.

God, why was he so beautiful?

"...Will we?" Itachi croaked, grasping onto the palm against his cheek. He felt like his chest was being split open. Was that supposed to be normal?

"Yes. Always." Another radiant smile. This time, sweeter and more gentle.

Oh, Itachi thought, enraptured. This was what being in love was like.