Chapter Four

They sat in silence for a long time. Their joined hands said enough.

Besides the standard idea that she would get married and have children some day, Carter had never seriously given any thought to the idea. Years earlier, when Janet had mentioned the possibility of Jolinar having affected her ability to conceive, Carter hadn't been upset. She didn't know if she even wanted kids, but she knew it was something she would have preferred to decide for herself. And, she thought wryly, consulting with a willing father would have been something for her to strive for.

She was still shell-shocked, something she suspected she would continue to feel for a long time. It didn't even seem real, especially following the sudden departure of everyone in the room. Her mind worked to figure out another reason for her to be collapsed on the floor of the briefing room holding Jack's hand, but nothing came to mind - not even Thor dropping in and giving them a baby.

She thought about Jack's immediate response - to protect his child - an instinct it appeared she didn't share. Despite the idea she'd always had that he would never want another child, she'd witnessed his gut reaction. It seemed that he might want to keep the baby, even if Carter decided otherwise. It was something she knew she would have to take into consideration because she knew Jack would fight to the death for someone he loved.

The idea of raising a kid with Jack, sharing something so profound with him, sent a chill through her. Having a baby didn't seem so scary when she thought about having Jack there with her. In fact, when she really thought about it, she started to wonder if the reason she didn't want kids was based mostly, or entirely, on the fact that she believed the only man with whom she would want to have kids didn't want them.

Jack released her hand suddenly, but by the time she turned to look at him, his arm had curled around her back. His head leaned close to hers and she wondered if the situation had removed any boundaries between them. She didn't think that would last for long - it wasn't like they'd made a baby. They were just given one. Although, it was theirs. Together. The psychological ramifications of that thought were too much for her and she shuddered.

Jack's arm tightened around her and his voice sounded softly in her ear. "Are you ok?"

She looked at him, seeing compassion and concern in his eyes. She reminded herself that, stolen genes made into baby or not, he was her CO and he likely always would be since she didn't see either of them going anywhere anytime in the near future. She opened her mouth to assure him that she was fine, but found she couldn't lie. "I don't know."

He nodded, full of understanding. "Me either." He took a deep breath and climbed to his feet, offering his hand to help her up. "We should probably go make sure Janet's not poking the poor thing full of holes."

She accepted his help, but didn't release his hand as he led the way to the infirmary. She needed the moral support, cameras be damned. Besides no one would care about a little hand-holding once the rumors starting circulating, she thought with an irrational giggle; she was the mother of his child after all.

Her giggle earned her a curious glance from Jack, but he didn't say a word. His hurried pace continued, practically dragging her along behind him through their joined hands. She saw his hurry and his single-mindedness in getting to the baby. That infant was already number one in his eyes. It made her sad to realize it because she'd already been replaced without ever getting to experience being his number one. She wanted to cry as they rounded the corner that led to the infirmary and idly wondered if it was possible to have post-partum depression without having been pregnant.

The baby's shrill cries drowned out any other thoughts. Carter dropped Jack's hand, choosing to stay back by the door. She told herself it was scientific detachment, that there was always a good chance the baby was a bomb and that hadn't really been Thor that dropped her off.

"Doc? Is she ok?" Jack was visibly disturbed by the cries. Carter was pleased for a moment, thinking he was having the same thought as her as to why someone didn't shut it the hell up. But then she saw the distress on his face and knew that he was worried.

She'd always heard that it was instinct, that a mother instantly loved her child. But Carter had decided, in the half hour she'd been a mother, that it was an instinct one developed during pregnancy, because she certainly didn't have it.

Janet stepped toward the cot where the baby was lying, seeming even smaller in such a large space than she had in the briefing room. "The physical exam was routine. I'm going to do a CT scan to be sure everything is normal. I'll also need to draw some blood."

Carter wanted to hug her friend for her utter professionalism in not mentioning the pedigree of the baby. She saw the relief in Jack's eyes as he reached out, gently touching the baby's miniature hand. She hoped he wouldn't be too disappointed in her for her complete lack of maternal instincts. At least they wouldn't have to worry about a custody battle since she had no interest in raising the child.

Carter watched stoically as Jack leaned forward, shushing the baby, soothing her with his gentle touches. She'd never seen him so careful, so loving, so gentle. And then Janet crossed into her line of sight. The doctor was carrying what Carter figured was a normal syringe, one the same size as the million or so she'd been stuck with in her lifetime. But compared with the baby's body, the needle seemed unduly large and Carter was certain it would cause unbearable pain.

"No!" Carter surged forward, pushing Janet out of the way and placing herself between the petite doctor and the baby. "You can't hurt her."

"Sam, I just need to take some blood. It won't cause her anymore pain than it would cause you or I." Janet's concerned expression mirrored that of Jack and Daniel and everyone else in the room, but it only vaguely registered to Carter.

"I won't let you hurt her." Tears pricked her eyes and she got very angry at herself for showing emotion, completely unaware of the emotion she was showing beside her tears. "She's only three days old, Janet. Please don't hurt her."

She felt strong hands wrap around her shoulders, gently pulling her away from her daughter. She looked up, expecting to find Teal'c or Daniel behind her. It was Jack, looking at her with every bit of the concern he'd been showing their baby. "Sam, it's ok. Janet's not going to hurt her."

Carter watched as Janet, who seemed to be in slow motion, turned to one of the nurses. "I'm going to need some Xanax over here, please."

Carter jerked right out of Jack's grasp. "You can't give that to a baby! You'll kill her!"

Jack's chuckle seemed cruel and callous as he moved his arms around her once again. She wondered why he wasn't trying to protect the baby anymore. "Carter, I think that's for you, honey."

Janet's eyes moved up over Carter's head and she slowly approached with another syringe. "I think she's in shock, sir."

"I think that's understandable, doc. Speaking of which, can you spare a little of that?"

Janet's snicker was followed by a prick on her shoulder and within seconds, Carter felt her knees give out. It was barely a second after that when the world went dark.