A/N: I was unable to write much for the past 2 months, so as soon as I had a chance, I went and butchered Kohaku's character.
Loving Her
It was a tangled mess, what he felt. Over the years his emotions matured, morphed, mixed and now he was feeling as if he was wading out of a sea of mud into clearer waters.
He stood under the Sacred Tree, the tree that held so great an importance to Lord Inuyasha and Lady Kagome and now also to Lord Sesshomaru and Rin. Watching the dappled golden and green light seemed to soothe him whenever he felt antsy or uneasy. It was, after all, where she was, swaddled in light and magic, slumbering for years now.
He had grown to love her, love her in a way that he loved no other. He had fallen for her over time, as he had visited his sister and her family. Now, even when he was away, he carried his heart full of affection and memories of her. She was his friend, a companion in some adventures and a constant reminder that even in the darkest times truly good, kind people still lived.
There was still pain in his heart from the time when he had realized that to her he was going to always be just a friend. That, as close as they were, her heart was devoted to another. It had taken a long time to get over the ache of rejection, despite the fact that she had been gentle about it. But he had been unable to stay away from her for long. Accepting her choice, he had returned to visit her and spend time with her, wishing for her happiness first and foremost. She was in love with another, but that didn't mean that their friendship was no more.
For a long time he had hated the man she had chosen. He admired him at the same time, for he was strong, patient and driven. He was also dangerous and brought danger with himself wherever he went. More than once she had been in danger simply because she was following him and dear to him. She never got harmed, but he had despised him for the mere fact that by being a part of her life he endangered hers.
And this time Tenseiga wouldn't bring her back to them.
Now, she was immersed in a timeless slumber, cursed and removed from the world. She couldn't be a mother for her daughters or experience anything.
All because she had chosen the youkai lord.
Over the years he lost some of his hate for the lord for bringing such pain over her, because he could see the dedication and determination with which the lord fought to save her and not put their children in danger. He realized that she was not only his light and hope, but that she brought innocent joy and utmost trust to the otherwise bleak and barren life of the lord, bringing out in him qualities otherwise buried under his cold, stoic mask. Kohaku was still unsure about his feelings towards the lord. He was unsure he could forgive him for Rin's fate, even if a part of him understood that the lord had locked her in slumber to preserve her life. He missed her, dearly, and visited the tree, even if he could not go inside and see her. He still could talk to her, tell her about his life, about his family, about her daughter.
It was bittersweet to train their daughter and be reminded of his love, which after years changed to a dull ache and fond memories. It was so hard to find her in the young hanyou who carried herself like her father. And yet, as he observed the child, he found glimpses of Rin in her - the inner goodness that drew people to her and made them trust her. He trained her as best as he could, knowing that she needed to be capable and strong.
Because, one day, she was going to see her mother. There was no doubt in his mind that the man Rin had chosen would find a way to bring the light that was her smile back to this world. Even if it meant forsaking everything else.