A/N: This one-shot was inspired by a post in the Janet Evanovich Fan Fiction Facebook group. It's a little fun one-shot. No characters were harmed in the writing of this story. R&R, please!

Never Have I Ever

"I can't believe we had to cancel our event again. This is getting ridiculous," Ranger said, frustration clear in his voice.

Since opening Rangeman, each branch participated in a team-building weekend, filled with military-style games, paintball, laser tag, and hiking. The men all loved the event and even brought their girlfriends, wives, or in some cases, boyfriends along. However, the last event was held in February 2020 in Miami and 2019 for Trenton and Boston. When COVID first hit, everything was canceled. Then, 2021 was supposed to be a new year, restrictions gone, gatherings once again allowed, but no, once again, no event. Now, with the start of 2022 and omicron, it doesn't seem like Rangeman will have their event this year either.

"Ranger, what's wrong," Stephanie asks, looking up from her toes as she is putting the topcoat on her at-home pedicure.

"Since COVID is once again spiking, I have to cancel the Rangeman Team-building weekend for this year. We have several employees who have never had the opportunity to bond with the rest of the men, which shows in their job performance. I'm afraid I'm going to lose a few good hires as a result."

"What did you plan on doing?"

"The usual, weekend getaway with hiking, shooting, zip-lining, etc."

"Did you ever think about doing an in-house event?"

"In-house? What do you have in mind, Babe?"

Stephanie finished painting her little toe then closed the nail polish bottle. She sat up and looked straight at her boyfriend. "Well, you can do games."

"I know; that's what I'm trying to do."

"No, not those types of games. Have you ever heard of "Never Have I Ever?" Stephanie asked.

"Never Have I Ever? What the hell is that, Stephanie?"

Stephanie rolled her eyes and sighed. Ranger didn't think it was a good idea since he used her full first name. "I'll give you an example. Carlos, have you ever eaten rabbit?"

"Yes, of course," Ranger answered. "What about you?"

"Ewe, no…I can't eat Thumper."

"Babe, why did you ask me that?"

"Because that is the premise of the game. It asks people to give themselves a point for everything they have never done. We can post the questions in the breakroom, and the men can leave their scores on the bulletin board without their names. Then, give everyone the weekend to figure out who scores what number. And bonus if anyone can identify the items that the person did or didn't do."

Ranger thought about it for a moment. He knew almost everything about Lester, Tank, and Bobby since they had been in the biggest hell holes together, and that knowledge of each other built trust. They knew they could unequivocally trust each other because they knew so much about each other. Yes, this could be a clever idea. "Do you have a sample of questions?"

"Not right now, but I can find you one."

"Babe, please do. I think this activity could be a lot of fun."

"I'll do it only if I can participate as well."

"Deal, but don't have anything sex-related on there."

"Nothing?"

"Nothing that isn't PG-13."

"Spoilsport. Okay. I'll find one and show it to you."

Ranger stalked over to Stephanie and gave her a panty-ruining kiss. "I have to go meet Tank, but I shouldn't be home too late. Don't overwork that rib, you only broke it last week."

"Okay, I wont. Don't get shot."

"Don't go crazy."

As Ranger headed down to the garage, he couldn't help thinking how lucky he was to be with Stephanie. She and Joe called it quits a few months ago. They both suddenly realized that outside of sex, they had nothing in common. They had different goals and different dreams. After a long talk and a few tears on both sides, they agreed to move on and have split amicably. Since then, Joe has started dating a court reporter. Ranger made his move a few weeks later, and Stephanie immediately put the brakes on. She told Ranger that she didn't want their relationship based on sex, which she knew was great between them. She wasn't getting younger and wanted a partner to grow old with. Not necessarily a husband, but a partner. So, since they started dating, they had gone out on dates, primarily outdoor activities like hiking or skiing, and some dinners out, mostly on weeknights when the restaurants weren't as crowded. However, many nights were spent sitting on the couch, listening to classical music, and talking. After a week, it was clear they had more in common than they realized. As much as Ranger struggled with a massive case of blue balls, he was happy that they didn't dive into a sexual relationship. Now, what they had built, was a solid foundation. Ranger hoped it would continue for years to come. Then, a week ago, as Stephanie went to the Tasty Pastry for some donuts, she slipped on some ice and broke her rib. Now, she was out of commission for any sexual activities for the next six to eight weeks. Oh well, they have the rest of their lives make love, another few weeks won't hurt.

"Ranger, I found the perfect one! This is just great. Here, look at the statements." Stephanie tells Ranger excitedly two days later. She hands him a paper with the following written down.

NEVER HAVE I EVER

Give yourself 1 point for each thing you haven't done.

1. Skipped school

2. Broken a bone

3. Fired a gun

4. Done drugs

5. Been in a limo

6. Gotten a tattoo

7. Ridden a horse

8. Sung karaoke

9. Gotten a ticket

10. Been arrested

11. Gone zip lining

12. Been on TV

13. Been on a cruise

14. Gotten a piercing

15. Smoked

16. Met a celeb

17. Been skydiving

18. Had a one-night stand

19. Skinny dipped

20. Been drunk

Ranger studied the list and added up his points quickly. Three, not too shabby, he thought. "What did you score, Babe?"

"You'll find out when everyone else does. I spoke to Hector, and he created a program where everyone will fill out their number and which items they haven't done so that no one can lie when we have the reveal. If everyone puts $20 in to participate, we can give out prizes to whoever, if anyone, guesses someone else correctly, number and items. If more than one person wins, they will split the pot equally. If no one wins, we'll donate the money to charity."

"I like that idea, Babe. I think we'll try it out here, in Trenton, first. If it is successful here, then I'll send it out to the Boston and Miami teams."

Two days later, at the Monday morning meeting, Stephanie outlined the "Never Have I Ever" contest to the Merry Men, as she calls them. Immediately, their excitement was palpable. To ensure anonymity, each person would write their number on a slip of paper provided by Stephanie into a lockbox. At 5:00 on Friday, Stephanie, Ranger, and Tank will open the box and place the papers on the bulletin board. Everyone had until the following Friday to write down their guesses.

As soon as the numbers went up, the guessing began. Everyone was trying to figure out who was who. Even Ranger was confused. Soon, conversation amongst the employees revolved around trying to whittle out of each other which things they did. Everyone did their best to try and subtly interview their coworker. Stephanie, though, felt she knew who at least five people were, as she has had the most authentic conversations with all her Merry Men at some point. Ranger was utterly baffled. He couldn't believe how many people wrote down a number lower than five. He knew that many of his employees lived unconventional lives, but the fact that almost everyone had done virtually everything was hard for him to comprehend.

Finally, the big day had arrived. The day to find out which number belonged to which Rangeman. Everyone wrote down their form, and the results were tabulated. Ella was the only one who knew who won.

"Today, we will reveal numbers. Ella has informed me that one person has managed to guess eleven of you correctly. No one else matched anyone." Ranger still couldn't believe he didn't get Stephanie. He thought he knew everything about her. He knows that she doesn't have any tattoos, nor has she been on a cruise. However, she was not two. He was utterly confused.

As soon as Ella called out a number, starting with the most, people began calling out the guesses.

"With 15, we have."

"Binkie."

"Junior"

"Hal."

"Manny."

Ella just stood there staring at everyone. Quickly, they all quieted down. "Hal."

"What have you done?" Woody asked.

"Well, ridden a horse, skipped school, broke a bone, gotten a ticket, and been drunk." He answered, face turning red.

"You never had a one-night stand?" Manny incredulously asked.

"Now, now, boys, let's not ridicule Hal. Some of you should be embarrassed by your numbers," Ella said, chastising everyone.

"With 11, we have Binkie. He selected numbers 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, 16 and 19."

Wow, I thought I knew my men. I guess Binkie was not on assignment with that singer Brenda. I figured everyone "met a celebrity." While lost in his thoughts, he missed out on a few more numbers. Ella was down to 4.

"With four, we have three men: Lester, Bobby, and Cal."

"Lester, what haven't you done?" Bobby asked, clearly amused.

"I haven't gotten a tattoo, gotten a piercing, singing karaoke, or skipped school. What about you, Bobby?"

"No tattoos, piercings, drugs, or smoking," Bobby stated proudly. "Cal?"

"Never have I ever been in a limo, ridden a horse, been on TV, or gone zip lining."

Ella continues, "Next up, Ranger and Tank, who both have 3."

Tank goes first. "I have never ridden a horse; I'd probably crush it. I haven't gotten a piercing or a tattoo."

Ranger looks at his men and then states, "Never have I gotten a tattoo, sung karaoke, or been on a cruise."

By now, everyone was trying to figure out who was left. Suddenly, Hector spoke up. "I am 1. Never met a celeb."

No one was shocked at that revelation. Most of the men thought he was the zero. "Wait, but that means that the zero belongs to…Steph?" Manny says, thoroughly confused.

"Yup, that's me."

"Babe?" Ranger asked, clearly confused. He knows that she doesn't have a tattoo, or does she?

"Well, I skipped school whenever I could. When I was eight, I broke my arm, fired a gun courtesy of Ranger, smoked marijuana in college, been in a limo, rode a horse many times, sang karaoke, gotten a ticket, and was arrested in college for protesting. I've gone zip lining a few times, been on TV with the whole Brenda fiasco, which was when I met a celeb. I went on a cruise for my honeymoon, had my ears pierced. I have smoked cigarettes in college, and I went skydiving a week after my divorce was finalized. I have had a one-night stand and have gone skinny dipping. I have been drunk."

"What about the tattoo, Steph?"

"Yes, Babe, what about the tattoo?" Ranger asked, looking at her with amusement and wonderment.

"Well, that is a fairly…recent edition. It's only a few weeks old." Now it made sense why Steph never seemed to shower while Ranger was home and why she was adamant that only Bobby could check her rib. The question was, where is the tattoo because he knows the men will want to see it.

The men were looking at Ranger. How could he not know that Stephanie had a tattoo? They practically undressed each other at every available moment.

"We want to see it!"

"Yes, we do!"

The men started to shout. Ranger was ready to put a stop to it, but Steph said, "It's okay. I'll show you."

She turned around and lifted her shirt. On her lower back was the Batman logo with a heart, followed by the Wonder Woman logo. None of the men knew it, but Ranger and Stephanie had married a month ago. It was a secret, but one she wanted to share.

"Holy shit, Bomber is the number one Rangeman Bad-Ass," Lester stated, clearly in awe.

"Who would have thought that this white girl from the Burg was such a miscreant?"

"And Morelli calls us thugs…huh."

"Please don't ever use Morelli's name in my husband's presence," Stephanie stated, reaching for Ranger's hand.

"Husband…did you say, husband?" Ella asked hand clutched at her heart. Stephanie nodded.

"Dios mio! Oh, congratulations. I'm so glad you are married." Ella pulled both Stephanie and Ranger into a tight embrace.

"Ella, my ribs," Steph exclaimed.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, dear," Ella quickly apologized and loosened her grip. Soon, everyone else was hugging them or fist-bumping.

After another hour of talking and light-hearted teasing, the party atmosphere broke up.

Back in their apartment on seven, Ranger spoke to Stephanie. "This was a huge success, Babe. Thank you. The other offices will be doing it soon."

"I think everyone had fun."

"They did. Now, about that tattoo?"

"Yes, Ranger?"

"When?"

"Three weeks ago. About three days after our wedding. Since we both agreed not to wear rings, I wanted something that symbolized us. To me, this was the best thing. And on my lower back, it's only visible if I choose to make it visible."

"I like it, Babe; and I can't wait to show you how much."

Ranger swooped Stephanie up in his arms and quickly brought her into the bedroom. He thanked his lucky stars that Bobby cleared Steph earlier this morning. Yes, Batman does love his bad-ass Wonder Woman.

The End