Good Ol'Times
It was about half past four in the morning, and Colonel Roy Mustang was slumped over his desk which was cluttered with unfinished paperwork.
"Make sure you do your paperwork sir." Roy imitated his subordinate Lieutenant Riza Hawkeye.
"It's damn close till sunrise. I should be at home relaxing... or doing some in-depth off the record research on Hughes' killer." Roy sighed yet again and reached into the bottom left drawer. He removed a stack of empty yellow folders and pushed down on the back of the drawer. The front of the drawer lifted up and Roy reached inside, pulling out an unopened bottle of whisky.
"Now this is what I call relaxed." He smiled as he read the label. He put the folders back into the drawer, then closed it. He stood up, removed his blue jacket and butt skirt and walked over to the closet behind Riza's small metal desk and dug out a radio. He plugged it in and just listened to the music that was coming off the random station. Roy sat down and looked at a photograph of Lieutenant Colonel Maes Hughes and himself which was sitting framed on the corner of his desk. Roy looked back at the bottle in his hands. The date stopped him. It was the year Maes died. And to be exact, Maes had given Roy this exact bottle of whisky only three months before he died. Roy just stared.
"I was hopping to share this with you buddy. Just like the good ol'days. You and me. A random bar till 3am. We were at the bottom of the military food chain then. You had just started dating Gracia. Remember?" He started to drink from the bottle.
"Guess I'll still share it with you ol' buddy ol' pal." Roy made a toast to the picture. A man's voice came over the radio and began to introduce the next song Roy stopped for a moment and listened. He took another swig from his bottle.
"Reminds me of us. Me and Hawkeye that is. All she does is nag nag nag nag nag me about paperwork." Roy slouched forward and pointed the bottle at Riza's desk. His speech was already becoming slurred.
"I was getting kinda tired of her endless chatter. Nothing I could say ever seemed to matter." Roy began to sing along with the radio, the whisky bottle swinging in his left hand.
"So I took a little drive just to clear my head. I saw a flashing neon up ahead. It looked like a place to find some satisfaction." Roy stood up, staggered a bit and began to walk around the office.
"With a little less talk. And a lot more action!" Roy tripped on air and stumbled into Riza's desk, knocking some paper onto the floor. He silently cursed his feet and removed his boots and socks. He began to walk around again in the dimly lit office.
"I paid the man at the door and pushed my way to the bar. Shouted for a drink over a screaming guitar. A drunk on a stool tried to mess with my head, but I didn't even listen to a word he said." Roy moved ungracefully across the room and picked up the photograph of him and Maes. Roy pushed the stuff that cluttered his desk onto the floor, papers scattering everywhere.
"I knew somewhere amid all this distraction. Was a little less talk. And a lot more action." Roy placed the picture on his chair and walked across the room towards the door. "A little less talk. If you please. A lot more loving, is what I need!" Roy walked back and forth, taking short swigs from his bottle and stumbling over air. He swung the bottle to the beat of the music and often found himself tripping and landing on his ass on the floor. "Let's get on down to the main attraction. With a little less talk, and a lot more action." Roy stood up and ran at the sofa which was across the room from Riza's desk. He jumped, but completely miss judged and ended up slamming into the wall which knocked a bunch of framed things down. "Well she was fighting them off. At a corner table. She had a longneck bottle, she was peeling the label." Roy began to use his now half empty bottle as a microphone, still lying on his back on the floor next to the wall. He took another long swig from his bottle and somehow managed to stand. "The look on her face, it was perfectly clear. She said, somebody please get me out of here. The look she shot me, through the glass refraction. Said a little less talk. And a lot more action" Roy began to lose all control for the alcohol was completely taking over his body. He put the bottle down on his desk and began to play on an invisible electric guitar. He walked up and down in front of his desk and a loose nail caught his baggy pants and he stumbled and fell. He cursed out loud and then began to undo his belt. He tossed it and it landed on Riza's desk with a loud clang from the belt buckle. "A little less talk. If you please." Roy removed his pants, tossed them and they landed in a heap at the door.
"A lot more loving, is what I need." Now in nothing but his alchemist gloves and black boxers, Roy stood up on his desk. After stumbling a few times, he managed to gain balance on the hard wood desk top.
"Let's get on down to the main attraction." Roy picked up his bottle and took one last swing, leaving a mouthful left. He walked back and forth on his desk, still playing his invisible guitar.
"With a little less talk." He started to spin and walk backwards. Somehow managing not to fall. Just as the song was about to end, the office door opened and shown bright light into the dark office. Roy turned to look, his vision blurry, but he was still able to make out the owner of the siloquet in his doorway.
"And a lot more action!" Roy cried out and took one more step backwards, stumbling off the desk and landing with a thud on the floor. A light was switched on over his head and he shielded his eyes.
"Colonel, sir?" Came the startled voice of his subordinate, Lt. Hawkeye. Riza just stared as her colonel picked himself up off the floor and stood in the middle of the office. Roy smiled and reached the bottle of whisky towards Riza.
"Want some, hun?" He slurred as Riza began to blush. She was staring at her commanding officer, in his boxers.
"Sir?" Riza adverted her eyes towards the ground, her cheeks bright red. Behind her, three of Mustang's other subordinates peeked into the office. At her feet, black Hayate walked into the office and stopped to stare at Roy. Black Hayate tilted his head in confusion as Riza pulled out her gun and fired one shot, not looking, next to Roy. The bullet just missing his head, Roy jumped and shook his head, slowly becoming aware of his surroundings. Roy blushed as the men in the hall left, fearing Riza's gun. Roy looked down at the floor.
"Sorry lieutenant. I umm..." Roy fumbled for the right words but came up empty. Riza picked up his pants and threw them at him, and he quickly put them on. Once able to look up, Riza began to gather his clothes and tossed them at him one by one, shutting the radio off as she did. Once dressed he began to pick up the mess around the office with Riza's help. He glanced at the photo on the chair and stopped.
"Good ol' time buddy, the good ol' times."
A/N-Wouldn't that be funny if it really happened in an episode. Riza would so die right then and there (as would Mustang). As much as he really wanted her to see him like that (and she wants to see, too), I think better planning was in order on Mustang's part. So please Read and review. Constructive criticism accepted, No Flames (Roy is the only person who reserves that right)
Butt skirt - No clue what to call it. It's that piece that cover's the butts of the military, it's not connected to the jacket. It looks like an upside down V. If you know the real name, please do tell me.
Please look in my profile oo0AnimeChild0oo for all my other stories. I have finished stories, in progress stories and some stories that are forever on going with no end. I also often make request in my profile for help finding information. So please, check out my profile. And again, thanks for reading.