Authors Note: Hello! This is my first time publishing anything I've written, so please take it easy on me. I super appreciate constructive criticism! I hope you enjoy this story as much as I do.
Disclaimer: The only thing I own is my original character. Everything else is to Disney's Lucasfilm.
It hadn't been too long after the Battle of Geonosis when the Council came to Jana to inform her of the news. In fact, Jana thought it was all too much far too soon; it could have only been just short of a month since they had returned from that damned bug infested planet and not much longer from her death. But of course, a Jedi's emotions must be well kept, hidden under the wraps of the tunic yet unbuilt. She could not verbalize her feelings even if she wanted to. After the news was delivered she was grateful she hadn't wanted to anyways and that she had, in fact, been reassigned instead of pardoned.
Lots had changed in such a short time. She hadn't spoken a word since their return to the Temple due to the shock which had yet to wear off- it threw many for a loop that something had shut down the usually bubbly and prepared padawan. Still, not a word was uttered when she passed friends in the hallway on her way to meditation rooms. Jana simply ignored those who did not truly require acknowledgment and gave minuscule nods when those in authority did. Her behavior was so abnormal that General Skywalker was convinced something else had medically occurred, that she had taken a physical blow to the head somewhere along the battle. However, the medical droids refuted the claim. She was grieving, they said. That part became quite obvious as her typical space buns disappeared and black became an everyday part of her wardrobe. Instead, she wore her tightly curled blonde hair completely down aside from the traditional thin braid at her left side. Meanwhile, a velvet black cloak hid her from the light that always found itself beaming into the Jedi Temple.
This made it difficult on the Council's part to decide whether or not Jana should be reassigned. Jana had always proved herself a reliable student, but this demonstration of emotion was startling. It wasn't until Master Plo Koon sensed the strength of her connection to the force while outside the meditation rooms one morning that they were sure they wouldn't have to pardon her. Yet when around the Padawan they all sensed her inner turmoil: confusion, pain, anger. Master Yoda voiced his concern that the taunt the dark side most likely threw at her could be causing this emotional reaction. In the end, Master Plo Koon's observation saved Jana from pardoning, though she would remain clueless to that for many moons.
The day that the news was to come Jana had woken up with the same pain of heartbreak she had felt since the battle had occurred. It was stupid, she knew, to feel like this. She should have let go by now, but she simply couldn't. Not when she could have helped, or could have saved her, or could have just died with her... so many things ran through her head. Only when she meditated did she feel free from the emotional burden of anger at herself as well as Count Douku.
Her normal padawan attire was hung up in her closet next to the cloak she was about to select, but it didn't stop her from staring at it when she got up to change. Jana swore she could still see the blood of Padawan Ran Haren stained on the green of her tunic. Memories of his laughs and amazing saber technique flashed in her brain. Before long she could sense her emotions growing, and she hastily threw on the robe in order to escape to meditation. She didn't bother with brushing through her hair or any of that sort, because she didn't have time. She needed control.
The rooms were, of course, not too far from the padawan quarters. As she walked the hallways she kept her head down. Naturally she was not the only one still in grief, so the halls of the Temple had been uncharacteristically quiet the past weeks, even from the younglings. Nearing the end of her walk, Jana recognized the familiar attire of a certain friend that awaited by her typical meditation room. (Yes, she had a favorite. Consistency was always key when seeking control.)
"Kinall. Right on time, I see. You're really getting into mediation, aren't you? Don't go all Vos on me." Anakin Skywalker said with a bit of a laugh. So he's been watching me and memorizing my schedule- interesting.
Jana didn't respond but looked up so he could see her unamused face (Jana, standing at 5"2', knew he couldn't see her from his 6"2' height). He obviously was trying to not be awkward while working to address the elephant in the room, but he wasn't great at these things. He just knew she was hurting.
The two weren't incredibly close since their missions typically didn't line up, but they had bonded while in training despite Anakin's special training arrangements. He was different from the others, especially with how the Jedi treated him, but Jana didn't mind. At the same time, he was full of power, and Jana also didn't seem intimidated in the slightest by him. When Jana's saber also ended up blue, they officially bonded as friends over common motives. Hence, they got along well and kept up with one another despite differences in rates of growth. Anakin had had entirely too much fun making fun of Jana for her youngling status until she got assigned to a master since she was two years younger than him (she was now seventeen). But also as a big role of Geonosis, Anakin knew what she was trying to internalize, and her silence was more than unnerving.
"Come on, Jan, just say something. Even council members are getting wound up over your weird behavior." Jana remained silent during his prod and opened the door to the meditation room, walking in and closing the blinds so she could take her cloak off that revealed the green leggings and black turtleneck she adorned. "Listen to me and respond!" The emotion in his voice irked her slightly as it sounded almost angry. "Your sudden change is effecting how the Council elects what to do with you! Do you want to be discharged?! I know it's hard, but just talk!" His voice was loud, and it caused her to jolt. The last time she had heard yelling was on that damned battlefield. Jana sat on the circular bench to look at Anakin with a pointed and stoic look as if to say I will do what I want, and I will not speak.
"Jana, please. Talk to me, then. Just about something- are you feeling okay? Tell me how you feel." He walked in fully to sit next to her as the doors shut behind him. Jana stared at him silently and observed the hope in his eyes, then looked down at the floor. The silence was eerie, but the anger she could feel beginning to radiate from him was far more so. Wanting to avoid conflict with her friend, Jana closed her eyes and inhaled, focusing on the pain in her heart that had refused to wane in the past month.
Initially Anakin was livid. How dare she flat out ignore him, one of her friends? He had just begged her to say something. Anakin Skywalker, begging. He was about to storm out or pull the "I'm the general and that's an order" card when he felt the emotions in the air. Jana was not prepared to speak of what was happening, because if she verbalized it the past would all become real. But as another way of communication she could make him feel the hell of her emotions through the Force. Anakin moved to the same meditating position she did: left leg over right, hands on each knee, eyes closed. Reaching out mentally, he entered her connection with the Force.
Immediately he felt transported back to Tattooine not so long ago with the pain, the heartbreak, the sensation of losing his mother, the knowing he could have done something to save her or to change it. Jana's emotions nearly mirrored the whole event he had experienced, and it caused the worst of his past to resurface. But angrily pushing through his own memories he gained access to Jana's. It was like tearing through thick cobwebs in order to access photos in an attic corner, but all it is are photos of those you can no longer love. And along with all her pain he felt that anger she held in. The yearn to burn Geonosis alive, to kill Douku, to scream at Master Yoda for not permitting padawans into the arena. The same level of anger he had felt when he acted out and killed so many.
Finally, he withdrew his contact. He wanted to say something, to tell her he knew those feelings and that it would get better, but when he looked up she remained still and in the moment, so concentrated that sweat dripped down her brow. He moved to speak to her without scaring her out of meditation, but the doors opened to their surprise. The two Jedi looked ahead to see a bunny droid.
"Greetings! You, Jana Kinall, have been summoned to the Council room to discuss your next move on the Jedi's path. Please follow me, alone." Usually Jana would have gone on about how cute the bunny droid was and bounced down the corridor with it, but instead her lips tightened as she just stood there. Anakin for the first time felt something other than anger and sorrow from her in the past weeks, and it was fear. It was a bad mix of emotions for a Jedi to feel, and he knew if she arrived at the Council that way she would be turned away or at least grilled far more than needed.
"Jana, you're going to be alright. Whatever it is, we're gonna work through it together when you get back. I know what you feel, and I want to help you. We still have to get back out on the field to keep building that droid kill count, right?" He put his hand on her shoulder, surprised that at his touch she flinched. He realized it was the first time she had felt his prosthetic hand. Her lips were still tight, but the fear eased into basic anxiety. She bowed her head and threw back on her cloak to cover up the out of code attire she had on but left the hood down. Breathing in, she left the safety of the meditation room and followed the bunny droid to the Council room, a once familiar path when she had traveled it with her master.
Her master. What an amazing human being, impressive and strong in every way one could imagine. Yet she had not been the strongest, and that was the catalyst to the downfall on Geonosis. The lack of a second set of foot steps hurt Jana's heart, but remembering Anakin's words, she pushed those feelings behind her.
"You may proceed." The bunny droid stopped outside the double doors of the Council room. Jana controlled her breathing. Control and the Force will guide me. She forced her best foot forward and entered.
Inside the room sat the most respected Jedi Knights alive in the galaxy. She always had found such awe in this room, but she now just found a sense of doom somehow.
"Padawan Jana Kinall, welcome back." Master Windu leaned forward in his seat and studied her. Words bubbled from her stomach but quickly died down in her throat. She knew it was less respectful to remain silent, but in place of words she bowed slightly.
"In you many changes there have been, Jana. Difficulty coming to a decision, the Council has had." Master Yoda spoke up.
"How interesting that even now, in the face of your future on the Jedi path, you refuse to speak. As you may have guessed, this concerns the Council. Perhaps your emotions are uncontrollable, though we haven't seen this type of behavior before in you." Master Mundi commented, cutting right to the chase.
"Yes, I must agree, it has been difficult to decipher your reasoning for this extent of grief. It is almost like your whole personality has done a 180, Padawan." Master Kenobi confirmed. Jana refused to give into the urge to nervously shift her weight. They have all the reason to think this, just accept it with grace. She chose to bow her head in acknowledgment.
"However, Padawan, losing a master is not easy, especially one as great as Master Sarissa Jeng. The Council does not overlook that loss still causes grief. Furthermore, you have been nothing aside from reliable in the past." Master Secura almost argued. Jana felt a flood of gratefulness for her defense, but the name caused the familiar pang in her heart.
"Suffering, you feel, Padawan?" Jana's thoughts stuttered as she felt Master Yoda's presence cross into her connection, his noises of concentration silencing the others. "Much anger in you, I sense... Tempted by the dark side you may be, young one?" At this point Jana knew that if she did not bring herself to speak, she would be turned away. If she did not show that darkness did not control her, and instead she controlled it, she would fail herself and her previous master. She summoned the passion she had for her duty as a striving Jedi resurface, for protecting those who needed it, for justice, just enough to push the words out.
"N-No!" Her voice was raspy from the previous lack of use, and it nearly brought tears to her eyes to hear it. The Council stared at her calmly, waiting for her explanation. "Masters, forgive me of my struggles." She said slowly, getting used to the vibration in her throat again. "But don't mistake my grief for weakness to the darkness. Master Jeng taught me too much for me to allow myself to slip, and I will not hand myself over to what destroyed her. There is anger right now with such a fresh wound, but I promise you it is turning into a hunger for justice." She finally raised her head up as an act of confidence, using every bit of strength she possessed to speak. Master Kenobi smiled fondly, as he had grown quite accustomed to the girl, and Master Windu relaxed back in his seat. Thats always a good sign. Jana began to hope again.
"Careful you must be, Padawan, with the feelings of justice and anger. A line there is between those emotions, and small at that. However, agree, the Council does. Reassigned you have been, to Master Plo Koon." Master Yoda's expression eased slightly at the reveal, and Jana felt her stomach drop. She wanted to cry from relief, but she wouldn't as she nodded her head in a thankful way to her new master.
"Congratulations, Padawan. We hope to see you continue the growth you showed previously." Master Shaak Ti smiled as well, always having had faith in the young girl.
"You are free to leave, Padawan, and I will call for you when I am ready for you." Master Plo Koon tapped his communicator to indicate how they would communicate with a nod.
"Thank you, Council. I will not let you down." Jana bowed before leaving, the voice crack not escaping the notice of her or the Council. Her heart pounded in both excitement and pain.
She had a new master.
But would she be able to keep up with him and remain in the light?