Turnabout Chapter 9, a pride and prejudice fanfic

Hove fun 😊

~~DGH~~

Collins

Mrs Bennet's hopes that Mr Collins would be a suitable suitor for one of her daughters were dashed the moment he stepped out of his hired conveyance.

He was such an odd mixture of pompous and obsequious that she immediately knew none of the sisters would consider him as a husband.

Collins complimented all the ladies as well as the house and every single thing therein. At least he was doing so when he was not singing the praises of his most esteemed patroness, Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Within half an hour of his arrival the three oldest sisters wished they could leave on the morrow, rather than on Wednesday as previously planned.

Jane in particular found his presence oppressive as his attention was immediately caught by her beauty and his eyes rarely left her form. As soon as dinner was over, while the gentlemen enjoyed their port, she claimed a headache and fled to her room.

Mrs Bennet quietly requested Elizabeth to go and look after her sister.

'Thank you, mama,' Elizabeth whispered in gratitude.

~~DGH~~

In the morning, Mr Collins being more accustomed to dealing with the mistress of an estate approached Mrs Bennet for a most important conversation.

'Mrs Bennet, as I intimated in my letter to Cousin Bennet, I have come hither to extend an olive branch to you and your daughters.'

'Indeed, it is very generous of you to come and make peace. I always think that families should not be divided, especially not by a quarrel for which no one can remember the cause.'

Collins squirmed in his seat as he replied, 'My father always claimed that he was cheated out of his inheritance, since he was the oldest male of the Bennet family.'

'As I understand it, Mr Collins was a nephew, not a son in the direct line,' Mrs Bennet answered. While it had taken many explanations by her father since Fanny was most vexed about the entail which prohibited her daughters from inheriting, and stubbornly protested the unfairness of it all, eventually she had listened long enough to the rules governing an entail to heirs male.

'Quite. I have no wish to speak ill of the dead, especially not my own father to whom I owe the respect due to a parent, but misfortunately, he was a determined man who did not take kindly to being thwarted. I on the other hand understand the rules of an entail. Because of that I wish to minimise the hardship which shall befall you and your lovely daughters at the passing of Cousin Bennet. Therefore, being a generous man, and on the advice of Lady Catherine, who has most generously given me leave for ten days, I have come to choose a wife from amongst your daughters.'

'Ten days!' cried Mrs Bennet. 'You cannot pick a wife the way you would walk into a haberdashery and within minutes pick a pretty ribbon, simply because you like the colour. You also need to consider if the patterns will suit you and if the colours are complimentary to you.'

When Collins gave her a bewildered look, Mrs Bennet continued to explain. 'You cannot choose a wife simply because you think her looks are pleasing. Her personality too must be suited to your temperament.'

Collins listened attentively and beamed when he grasped the explanation. 'Mrs Bennet, you have made me the happiest of men. Not only is Cousin Jane the most beautiful of your daughters, her delicate manners and gentle spirit are just what I want in a wife. Thank you for making my choice so very easy. Please excuse me while I inform Cousin Jane of her good fortune.'

As Collins opened the door, Mrs Bennet called out, 'STOP!'

When Collins obeyed and looked back over his shoulder she said, 'Mr Collins, while I appreciate that you wish to be generous, I have not given you leave to address any of my daughters.'

'But I thought you would want to see at least one of your daughters well married. Especially your oldest daughter who is not so very far off being on the shelf…'

Mrs Bennet bit back a vexed exclamation. She said instead, 'There is no need for you to be concerned for our welfare. If something should happen to Mr Bennet, my daughters and I are well provided for.' The lady smiled politely.

Collins turned back to her and gave her a bewildered look. 'But surely, Cousin Bennet is not in a position to adequately provide for five daughters, and Lady Catherine specifically instructed me to choose one of my cousins as my wife.'

'I wish for my daughters to be happy and marry for affection, rather than at the order of a woman wholly unconnected to us. You might feel obliged to obey Lady Catherine, but none of my daughters are beholden to her.'

'But they could be,' exclaimed Collins.

'Can you give me a good reason why they should want to be?'

'Because Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a great lady of the peerage who shows prodigious condescension by freely giving advice to all in her purview.'

'I hate to contradict you, Cousin Collins,' said a new voice from the open door as Elizabeth stepped into the room. 'As the wife of a Baronet Lady Catherine is a commoner.' She turned to Mrs Bennet. 'Good morning, mother. My apologies for interrupting, but father requested me to convey a message to you.'

While Mrs Bennet often found her second daughter exasperating, she did not exactly dislike Elizabeth and at present was rather grateful for her presence since she had reached the limit of her ability to deal with that vexing man. 'What can I do for Mr Bennet?' she asked, hoping she would have an excuse to leave the room.

Elizabeth took her mother aside and said as quietly as she could, 'There is no message, but I thought you might wish for an excuse to leave.'

During Elizabeth's first words a look of dismay crossed Mrs Bennet's features, causing Collins to step closer trying to listen. All he heard was Mrs Bennet's response, 'You are a good girl, Lizzy. I will go immediately.'

The lady smiled at her daughter and squeezed her hand in thanks before turning back to Collins and giving him a withering look for approaching and said, 'You must excuse me. A household matter needs my immediate attention.' She inclined her head in dismissal and breezed out of the room, leaving the door open and trusting Elizabeth to deal with their guest.

~~DGH~~

Elizabeth had been on her way to her father's study to return the copy of Debrett's which she had borrowed the night before, when she passed the parlour and heard her mother's peremptory STOP.

Unable to resist temptation, she had stopped to listen and became incensed on behalf of her sister. Jane on the shelf? Indeed not. What was that man thinking to believe that he could come here and demand Jane as his wife. And to top it off, he seemed to think that any. of the sisters would consider it a favour and an honour to have such a ridiculous man as her husband.

When Collins claimed that Lady Catherine was a peer, Elizabeth had proof that the man was an idiot and decided to interfere.

By the time Mrs Bennet had left the parlour, Collins' mind caught up with Elizabeth's comment when she had entered the room. He rounded on her, 'Cousin Elizabeth it is most unseemly to contradict a gentleman and it borders on blasphemy to claim that Lady Catherine de Bourgh is a commoner.'

'Cousin Collins, you are in luck. As it happens, I have a copy of the latest Debrett's Peerage with me.' Elizabeth held up the book she was carrying and gave him a saccharine smile as she opened the volume and flicked to the entry for de Bourgh.

Elizabeth turned the book so that Collins could read the entry, which he did somewhat laboriously with the tip of his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth.

When he finished reading, he raised his eyes to his cousin with a frown. 'This confirms what I said earlier. Sir Lewis was a member of the peerage.'

Elizabeth's eyebrow quirked as she gave him a disbelieving look. Instead of answering, she took back the book and flicked to a different page, which defined the different titles. She turned the book back to Collins and pointed to the relevant paragraph.

A Baronet is a member of the lowest hereditary titled British order, with the status of a commoner but able to use the prefix 'Sir'.

When Collins finished reading, Elizabeth had the satisfaction of seeing a stunned expression on her cousin's countenance. 'This cannot be right. This must be a misprint. My most gracious patroness assured me that she was a member of the peerage. After all, she is the daughter of an Earl.'

'It seems that Lady Catherine did not pay enough attention during her education. Her father was a peer and so is her brother, the current Earl. But the junior offspring of a peer are commoners and when a woman marries, she takes on the status of her husband.'

Collins shook himself as if to rid himself of some contamination as he changed the subject. 'No matter. Lady Catherine de Bourgh is still my most revered patroness and I am bound to obey her. Therefore, I must go and find Cousin Jane to give her the joyous news that I have chosen her as my bride.'

'Did you not listen to my mother when she refused you permission to address her daughters on this subject.'

Collins was taken aback. What was the matter with this family? All the females were quite obstreperous and most unbecomingly opinionated. 'It is exceedingly unbecoming to listen in on private conversations,' he accused.

'Cousin Collins, the door was open, and my mother has a penetrating voice. Anyone in the house was able to hear her tell you not to raise that topic with her daughters.'

'What kind of an unnatural family is this? Five unmarried sisters and a mother who would refuse a respectable and eligible suitor?'

'Mrs Bennet is exceedingly concerned that her daughters should have felicitous marriages with husbands whom we can love and respect and who love and respect us in return. None of my sister and certainly not I would consider marrying a man who is more devoted to his patroness than his wife.'

Elizabeth grimaced slightly as she knew that the main reason for Mrs Bennet's attitude was her own less than happy marriage. 'Even Mary, who is the most likely of all of us to one day marry a clergyman, would never consider marrying a man who reveres his patroness more than god.'

'Are you claiming that such is the case for me?'

'You yourself stated that calling the lady a commoner borders on heresy. According to my knowledge, and feel free to correct me if I am wrong, the term heresy pertains to a belief or opinion contrary to orthodox religious doctrine, yet I have not read of Lady Catherine being mentioned in any recognised religious text.'

'Perhaps I misspoke when I used the word heresy, but I wanted to impress upon you that Lady Catherine is deserving of the highest respect from all and her advice is to be humbly accepted and followed, especially by lowly persons such as your family.'

His ludicrous statement took Elizabeth by such surprise that she needed a moment to formulate her reply and missed her chance to speak.

'But women have to marry to ensure that they have a man to protect them and take care of them. After all, since they are the weaker sex and incapable of rational thought, they need a man to guide them through life. Therefore, I shall follow Lady Catherine's orders and marry Cousin Jane to ensure that when your father passes, I will be in a position to teach you and your sisters proper decorum and respect for your lords and masters.'

Elizabeth took a deep breath to stifle the scream she was desperate to utter. If looks could kill, the parson would have expired immediately. She was certain that the pompous and self-satisfied man who expressed such ridiculous notions would be hard-pressed to count past ten without taking off his shoes. Yet he had the temerity to claim that she was irrational.

She slowly counted to ten to rein in her temper while she glared at him. Since her dander was still at an excessively high level, and she did not wish to say anything which might confirm that women could be unstable when irritated beyond reason, she counted backwards from ten under her breath… this time in Greek.

The tactic was successful, and Elizabeth was able to speak in even tones. 'Cousin, you should remember that while women have next to no rights in this country, we are allowed one very important choice. No one can force us to marry a man we do not wish to marry.'

Collins let out a snort as he raised his head to look down his nose at her and huffed, 'Have you considered that unless I am married to one of the Bennet sisters, I will not be inclined to house and feed you ladies after your father's passing. Without having husbands to look after you, you will not find the world a very accommodating place.'

'You assume that we are beggars?' Elizabeth burst out laughing. 'I hate to disappoint you, but the Bennet ladies have a lovely home to go to and adequate funds to live in comfort without having to put up with some obnoxious man, whoever he might be.'

While Collins was still staring at her with his mouth open, Elizabeth stalked to the door and delivered a parting shot. 'You might as well return to your beloved patroness. You will not find a bride at Longbourn.'

~~DGH~~

Mr Collins was most perturbed when he spied a lavish travelling coach with four outriders pulling up at Longbourn that afternoon. The single passenger who exited the conveyance was a modestly dressed woman of middle age.

'Who is this lady who can afford to travel in such luxury? Even Lady Catherine does not have a coach to rival it.' Collins mused out loud.

'Oh. That must be Mrs Milford. She is to chaperone our girls on their way to London,' said Mrs Bennet. 'My brother, who arranged for the carriage and her services. assures me that the girls will be perfectly safe in her company.'

The original plan for the Gardiners to come and collect the girls had been changed since Mrs Gardiner was expecting her fourth child and Mr Gardiner was reluctant for her to travel and also refused to be away from her for any length of time.

Collins looked again at the coach and four. Turning back to his hostess he said in bewilderment, 'I thought that your brother is a tradesman.'

'He is a tradesman… a very successful one.' Mrs Bennet beamed at her guest. If there was just a hint of maliciousness in her smile, she felt that no one could fault her.

~~DGH~~