A/N: Normally I wouldn't put a note at the beginning, but I do have some things I'd like to address before you continue, including a TRIGGER WARNING.
1. TRIGGERWARNING: there is one (1) warning that may be triggering: description of drug use (cannabis). It started with me wanting to share my first experience with it and thought it was funny to implement it into the story. Now, I don't condone what does happen thereafter, like going to fucking work high or anything. I am especially hesitant on even posting this chapter and if it truly and seriously upsets people, I will remove it out of respect (plz trolls, no attacc). I am the queen of making bad decisions.
2. I'm super sorry that it's been over three fucking years? I started this toward the end of 2019 which isn't much better but hadn't had too much inspiration to write. Honestly, I've been battling with my mental health and motivation to do literally anything.
3. I'm still not sure how to end this series. I really want to conclude it because it obviously cannot go on forever, but I'm struggling, which is probably why I haven't written much, either. I almost want to do something Valentine-y next, tho, since the season is approaching and seeing all the cute stuff at the store gives me inspiration, but I would want something more to come with it, as in story-progressing. I tend to ramble, and I apologize for that. I just really want to give these guys the proper send-off? Idk lol
4. I was re-reading the revamped version and editing it (again) to gain inspiration and realized that I never posted Emma's birthday changing to be with the canon, and what they celebrate is her adoption day (which would ultimately make her 18 before everything with Regina, I believe). I try to make myself feel better about the whole situation because now that I'm older it feels weird having a student/teacher relationship which is also why I changed Regina's age to be 10 years younger (even though that was the first thing I did when I started the sequel/revamp). Also wish I would have done things a lot differently, but hey I was 17 and impatient and awkward as hell. Still am. Not 17, but impatient & awkward af.
Thank you if you did read all this. Thank you if you didn't. I hope you enjoy the story if you still want to read!
When life becomes monotonous, years seem to be liquid, passing by within the blink of an eye. Henry was barely able to walk and now he was starting the first grade. Regina had been a substitute for far longer than she had anticipated and now she was to become principal. It was terrifying to think about that there was no way to stop time from passing; how she wanted to keep her youth and keep her baby boy small. Sometimes she had to stop and take a breath.
Today was the first day of school for both her and Henry. The little boy was far more excited while something slowly ate her up on the inside. She could feel it starting in her chest where it spiked through her veins and seized her lungs. Could she even do this? Wiping her sweaty palms against the too harsh fabric of her skirt, she released a long and slightly shaky sigh. There was no turning back now. She accepted this position; signed the papers, did the deal.
"Are you okay, baby?" She felt a pair of arms wrap around her waist from the backside and a chin rest against her shoulder. "Are you nervous for your first day?"
"I'd be lying if I said I wasn't," Regina said, gently touching Emma's arms. "Sometimes I feel like I can't breathe."
"Are you having a panic attack?" She could hear the frown in Emma's voice as her wife squeezed her tighter.
She inhaled deeply and felt her heart beating rapidly before releasing the air she had trapped within her lungs. Was she having a panic attack? She wasn't even sure if she'd ever had one before. It seemed silly, almost, to be panicking about something such as this – something that she had done several times before. But it was different – new. She was going to be the principal and the very thought brought her to her wit's end.
"Gina?" Warm lips met her neck and sent a shiver down her spine.
"I'm fine," she finally said, offering Emma a crooked smile. "Well, for the most part. I am freaking out a little bit."
"Just a little bit?" Emma unwrapped herself from her wife and stood before her, brow quirked.
"Okay, more than a little bit." As she crossed her arms, she felt her heart begin to rapidly beat once more, stealing her breath. "What if I do something wrong?" she asked, taking a question from the pool of thoughts in her mind. "Or the kids don't like me, or the teachers resent me, or-…"
Emma grabbed her arms, trying to take her out of the storm that clouded her. "Baby, baby, baby… You'll do fine!" But Regina merely swallowed and shook her head, casting doubt on her wife's reassuring words. "No one is going to resent you, or hate you, and you won't do anything wrong. Well, you might mess up, but it doesn't matter. You'll do fine!" she repeated the last phrase, offering a sweet smile, but the storm of butterflies in Regina's stomach failed to falter.
"Okay, so don't get mad at me, but I think I know something that can help." Emma tugged on her arm to pull her down onto the couch, a nervous look on her face.
Regina's eyes immediately narrowed as suspicion trickled in. "Why would I get mad?"
"Well, you remember a few years back when we first moved here, and I was so stressed with work because someone made me only do paperwork?"
"I don't like your tone," Regina quipped. "But, yes, I do recall."
Emma inhaled deeply before licking her lips, hesitating. "Okay, so I talked to Ruby during that time, and she gave me something." Regina quirked a brow. "…something to eat."
There was something telling Regina she already knew what it was just by the way Emma was skirting around it, but she pressed regardless. "She does work at a diner."
"Yes, yes, okay." Emma sighed, pushing a lock of hair behind her ear. "It was an edible."
"As in…?"
"Y'know, like weed brownies. But she made cookies and other shit, too." A soft gale of pink swept across her face. "She was experimenting with butter at the time and wanted me to be her guinea pig. So… I tried it. They were disgusting and,at first, I didn't think they worked, but after an hour… holy shit. It kicked in while I was talking to David, and I just couldn't concentrate on what he was saying."
Regina couldn't help but to chuckle, shaking her head. "Why didn't you tell me?"
"I-I don't know. I guess I thought you would… divorce me or something."
"Honey, if it helped you, I wouldn't have cared. If you became addicted, and did it around Henry… Well, that would be a different story." She grabbed Emma's hand and squeezed it with a smile. "Now, what the hell are you suggesting I do? Eat an edible?"
"Uh, actually, no. It would take too long to kick in. We have, what?" Quickly, she checked her phone. "…an hour or so before you have to go in? Smoking would be faster, 'specially since we'd have to pick it up and your anxiety is affecting you now."
Regina pressed her lips together. "I don't know, Emma…"
"Trust me. This isn't like that shitty ditch weed you tried in college. I thought it was gonna be like that, too, but Ruby let me have a couple hits off one she had before, and it did the job."
"I don't want to stand in front of an audience of teenagers on my first day completely stoned out of my mind."
"No, see… Only a little bit will calm you down enough and take those nerves away. Just a little bit…"
"I was taught about people like you." Regina smirked and stood from the couch. "Peer pressure is an awful thing."
"Okay, I know it what it sounds like, but trust me. And it's legal here!" Emma followed suit, a wide grin on her face. "So, you're in?"
"Gods, I don't know what I'm doing." There was a little voice in the back of her mind telling her to decline her wife's offer, but then there was another part of her that was far too curious – and far too anxious – to do so. "We don't have anything-"
"Ruby does!" she chimed, taking Regina's hand. "Look, I'll ask her what's best and see what she has for us. Want to come with?"
Pursing her lips, Regina knew she could not refuse. "Fine. We have to drop Henry off with your mother, anyway."
"Henry!" Emma called out and soon after their seven-year-old son bounded into the room, an excited smile on his face.
"Are we leaving now?" Regina smiled fondly at the boy. Henry was far too excited about school and had talked nonstop about how he and Neal would be in the same class together. She was glad that he had at least someone to talk to during school, even if it was technically his uncle.
"You're going to Nana's first," Emma said, "because Mommy and I have an errand to run."
"Okay!" He didn't bother to ask why, instead, he rambled on about how he was going to show Neal his cool new clothes. "…and Neal said that he was going to get dinosaur shirts!"
Regina laughed, knowing all too well how the two of them were obsessed with dinosaurs. Henry's entire bedroom consisted of them from toy to bedding to decoration. Soon, she knew, he would tire of them, but for now they indulged his obsession. Although Emma tended to spoil Henry more than she liked by buying him an extra toy too many.
"Don't forget to show him your dino folder, kid!" Emma said, ushering the boy out of the living room.
"I will!" He skipped all the way outside and to the car, leaving his mothers to chuckle and follow behind. The trip to Emma's parents' house was short and before Regina knew it, they were waving at Henry as they pulled away. Her stomach did a flip as they continued toward the diner.
"You okay, baby?" Emma pulled Regina out of the thoughts that were starting to sprout in her mind.
Of course not! she wanted to reply, fingers wringing her blouse. "Of course," she said instead, offering her wife a smile. She could tell Emma didn't buy it the way her lips pursed, but she said nothing to confirm it. "I didn't realize Ruby was a cannabis enthusiast."
"Really?" Laughter soon followed. "I guess she doesn't really advocate it much. Granny absolutely hated it and threatened to kick Ruby out if she 'ever smelled it on her again.' 'Course, that was before it was legal, and she was still in high school."
"You told me you smoked before when you were in foster care, but did you ever do it with Ruby? I mean, before Granny, uh… passed."
During their many conversations years ago, Regina had divulged to her wife that she had tried a couple puffs from a blunt in college during a party. It had tasted disgusting, made her throat burn, and barely lifted her into a high, but the others had seemed affected, so she pretended to be, too. Emma then spilled that when she was fourteen, she had snuck out with a friend and their older cousin to smoke, though her experience was much the same.
"Hell no," Emma answered. "I would have, but at the time Mary Margaret and David were new to me and I didn't want to give them a reason to kick me out. Ruby tried to get me to smoke on multiple occasions, but it was always just her and Graham while me and Belle watched and laughed at how stupid they acted."
"Well, I certainly don't want to act stupid." The thought sent an uneasy chill down her spine. Should she have even contemplated such a thing when it was her first day as principal? She had only heard negative things throughout her life about drugs which didn't help the argument.
"You won't, baby. I've been high in front of you twice and you didn't notice a thing." She smirked. "Don't worry about it, okay? You have control over yourself more than you would think. You just tend to be a little more spaced out and relaxed. And sometimes, with certain strains, you'd also be giggly."
Regina had nothing to say and instead shook her head, trusting her wife's statement. She knew how to handle herself in most situations. But there was still that nagging voice in the back of her mind casting doubt on the whole situation.
"Besides, it won't last forever, okay?" Her wife took her hand and squeezed it. "And it'll just be enough to take the edge off."
"You know I am only doing this because I'm trusting what you're saying, right?"
"I know." As she said the words, they pulled into a spot in front of the diner. "Ready?"
"No," Regina said, unbuckling her seatbelt, "but I have to be."
"We're still doing it at home," Emma said, doing the same thing.
Regina licked her lips before opening the door, her mind buzzing as they made their way into the diner. She could feel her body go through the motions, but she was only along for the ride. Ruby had appeared with a smirk on her face before leading them toward the bed and breakfast. Before she could gather what was happening, she was faced before a wide assortment of items from pipes to bongs to rolling papers and a baggie of the little plant itself.
"I can't believe you're getting Regina to smoke," Ruby said, the same wolfish grin on her face that she had greeted them with.
"She's tried it before." Emma picked up a pipe whose bowl was shaped like a turtle shell. "Instead of doing the normal thing like taking anxiety medication, we're trying this. Well, hopefully this will work unlike the meds."
"Wait, wait, wait, you can't just blow past that. You've smoked before?" Ruby's dark eyes pulled Regina's attention from the pipe that Emma had taken a fondness to.
"In college," she responded, feeling a little too hot under her gaze. Her blouse was once again the victim of her fingers as they tugged the fabric. "You only have the one strain?"
"It's real good, I promise you that." Ruby chuckled, picking up the baggie that had Regina's sudden attention. "You won't be getting all of this, but I'll give you enough. Just don't smoke too much because it will knock you on your ass. A bowl should do, but it might still be too much."
"I solemnly swear," Emma said, raising a hand. "… maybe. I make no promises. I don't have to work today."
"Bitch, you're lucky." Emma's friend laughed again, and it wasn't until Regina took another look at her that she had noticed the younger woman's eyes were slightly red.
"How much is this running us?"
"It's on me! I ain't no dealer, girl." Ruby was already pulling out a few of the buds from the bag and distributing them into another. "That includes the pipe, and you can keep her. I've found a friend with this motherfucker," she picked up a multicolored bong the size of her forearm. "Also, I already have so many, it's ridiculous. If you guys wanna keep comin', I'll keep supplyin', then you don't have to worry about it."
"You're higher than a kite, aren't you?" Emma asked, laughter lilting her words.
"I might have taken a couple rips before you guys came. Hey! I only have to manage today." She handed Emma the baggie. Regina was still fascinated with the amount of glass pieces on the table, all sporting different colors and designs. She did like the turtle.
"Well, thanks." Emma waved the baggie in the air before stuffing it into her pocket. "Ready to go, Gina?"
Regina merely nodded. "Thank you, Ruby."
"Hey, no problem! Come back anytime to Ruby's Dispensary." She winked. "Also, we've got new edibles nearly every day if you ever wanna be my guinea pig."
Emma quickly shook her head. "But the taste is so-"
"Bitch, are you really ragging on my cooking?"
"I'm ragging on the cannabutter."
The two shared a laugh before Regina turned toward the door, Emma following behind. They said their goodbyes and before Regina knew it, they were back home and in the ensuite bathroom with the door shut and the fan on. The few candles that lined the tub were lit, their flames gently flickering in the warm morning breeze from the cracked window. She wanted to make sure the scent didn't linger.
As soon as Emma emptied the contents of the little baggie onto the plate did it hit her, bringing back the memories from years ago. The aroma could only be described as a skunk's pungent rear end juice. She was never fond of the smell, even though she found herself grabbing one of the nuggets to examine.
"Are you sure we need this much?" she asked, examining the fine hairs of the sticky green specimen in hand. "Ruby said it should only take a bowl, if even."
"Well, there's two of us," Emma said, the corner of her mouth pulling up when she saw what her wife was doing. "And, besides, we can smoke the rest later."
"Not around Henry." Regina replaced the bud and leaned against the sink, watching her wife as she plopped it into a grinder that the woman must have swiped without her notice. "Even if he's in the other room. I don't want this around him."
Emma looked up, eyes widening. "No, no, I understand, baby. I don't, either. Maybe the next time he has a sleepover with Neal?"
"Maybe," Regina said, noting the light in her wife's eyes.
"You ready?"
"Not necessarily, but I don't think I ever will be." She wiped the palms of her hands on her skirt and licked her lips as she watched Emma offer her the pipe with a cheeky grin. "You go first," she said, but knew that stalling was only an option for so long.
Without another word, Emma brought it to her lips and held the lighter above the bowl. Within seconds, she was inhaling, then choking, then laughing. "Be careful of that! It's hard to get used to, especially when it's your first time. Or has been a while." Emma looked up with tears in her eyes as she offered it to Regina.
"Okay…" She stared at the burnt mound for a long while, not quite sure if she wanted to fall down this rabbit hole. But when she looked up, she saw Emma's expectant gaze and the slight smirk on her lips. "What?"
"Nothin'." There was a mischievous sparkle in her eyes as she handed her the pipe. "You can back out if you want."
"No." Regina pressed her lips together, giving it another thoughtful look before lighting it up and inhaling. Almost instantly the smoke burned her throat, forcing her to expel it with a coughing fit. Her lungs burned as she tried for air, but each breath was lost to another cough as the air only made her throat irritated.
"Holy shit, babe, you okay?" She could feel Emma's hand on her back, but that did little to satiate the episode. Her lungs felt as if they were on fire.
"Sure," she muttered, leaning over the sink to catch her breath. Her face was hot, and her stomach muscles ached from the spell, but as she was finally recovering, she could feel her head spin slightly. Emma's dubious smile was the first thing she saw when she looked up. "Isn't it your turn?" she asked, wiping the tears from her eyes.
Instead of answering, her wife merely nodded and took her own hit, inhaling deeply. Regina's lungs burned just watching her and only intensified when the pipe was passed her way once again. Things continued this way with a puff, a cough, and a pass until Regina really started to feel something other than the need to clear her throat and the burning sensation in her lungs.
It felt as if her saliva had absorbed the smoke. It was all she could taste, and it very nearly drove her insane. She soon found herself licking her hand to see if it were true, but the saliva that now coated her hand was still clear.
"What the hell are you doing?"
"I thought my spit would be smokey… It certainly tastes like it." It wasn't until that moment that she realized how ludicrous she sounded. Shamefully, she wiped her hand on her skirt and laughed it off.
"You are high, baby. That's the weirdest shit I've ever heard." Emma laughed before lighting up again, taking the hit without a single cough. Regina questioned how often her wife indulged in such a thing for how well her lungs were taking it. That would be something to be angry about later, she thought, filing it in the back of her mind because she just could not muster the urge to care.
Emma looked at the pipe for a long moment before turning it upside down in the trashcan, muttering, "It's empty." It didn't take her long to fill it again, leaving little room for Regina to say a word about how much they had already gone through.
When she next reached for the pipe, her hand almost felt like it belonged to someone else. There was a filter placed on her brain, making it feel heavy even though her body felt as if it were about to lift off the ground. After grabbing the piece, she slid down the wall feeling no longer viable to stand.
"Shit," she muttered, staring at the lighter that her wife was passing.
"You look so high, baby," Emma giggled, watching as Regina lit the fresh bowl and inhaled. "And for someone who didn't want to smoke a lot…"
"Shut-" Smoke poured forth from Regina's lungs, burning her throat and forcing a coughing fit upon her.
"O-ho, shit! Are you okay?" The giggle that spurted from her wife turned into a full bout of laughter, turning her face red. "Please don't die. I wouldn't know how to explain it to… literally anyone besides Ruby."
Her entire head pounded afterward and the glare that she tried to flash to Emma didn't quite make it to fruition because the woman merely continued to laugh. "I think I'm done," she said softly, passing the offending piece back to Emma. "I just…" She shook her head, unable to think of what she wanted to say. Perhaps that was just reason enough to stop this. They had already gone too far.
"Yeah, you look fucking lit," Emma agreed, then proceeded to take another hit. "Just wait 'til it catches up to you."
Just wait! It felt like it already had the longer she sat there, unmoving. She felt as if she were spinning where she sat, swaying to an unknown beat. Am I swaying? she thought to herself, trying to climb out of the clouds that swallowed her reality. A dream is what she felt like she was in, each way she looked seemed as if they were separate images merging. Sometimes when she stared too long at something, she imagined it into shapes and colors that merged and throbbed into animation. But, within the blink of an eye, they were gone.
"You kinda are, baby."
Emma's voice was a jolt through her body, pulling her momentarily out of the trance she found herself lost in. "Did I say that out loud?" she asked, not having recalled speaking at all. Even the question she asked felt like it dissolved into a memory.
"Mhm." Emma was all smiles as she leaned closer to her wife. "It's honestly weird trying to do literally anything."
Regina let her head fall back against the wall. Her entire body felt as if it didn't exist.
"So, how do you feel?"
The question thrust Regina back to reality for a single moment before she began to slip back into her dream; the question fading into a memory. But there was a tug that kept pulling her back up. At first, she denied it, wanting to sink further into the waters she floated in, but it kept nagging.
Emma's question.
"Uh…" She didn't know how much time had passed, but it felt as if the seconds were hours. "I feel…" She wracked her brain for an answer on how to describe what she felt, but then suddenly she was pulling herself out of a darkness that pulled her aside for moment.
Emma's giggles brought her back to reality, forcing the prior question back into her mind.
"I feel like when you close your eyes while you're in a pool, but your eyes are open, but you know you don't experience the same as you would when your eyes are closed… or open…?" She trailed off in slight confusion before bringing herself back on point. "Anyways, it feels like you're floating in water, gently getting tossed back and forth in its waves. And the top of your head feels numb, then you suddenly realize your whole body feels numb."
"I… Uh…" Emma butted in; her brows pressed together as she searched for the same description Regina was looking for earlier. "It's like total, uh, relaxation. Yeah… total relaxation!"
Regina giggled softly at her wife's newfound realization. "How the hell am I going to get up when I'm this relaxed?" Her head slumped against the wall. "I need to get going."
"Oh, shit…" Emma burst into a fit of giggles, turning her face red. "I'm imagining you standing there in front of all the students spacing out trying to give your welcome speech."
Regina could feel the heat creep up her neck and flush her face. She shoved Emma's arm with a scowl, but it quickly dissipated as she began to giggle too.
"Fuh-huh-huh-ck!" she laughed. "I can't even remember what my thought was ten seconds ago; how the hell am I going to remember what I wanted to greet everyone with?" She pressed her fingers to her forehead with a sigh. "Mr. Gold is going to be there to hand me off. Shit."
"H-hey, don't worry!" Emma popped up from the toilet, holding her arm up before whipping the door open. "First, you might want to shower. Or spray something in your hair and change your clothes. Definitely change your clothes."
Regina looked up at her and felt herself melt into the ground. "I can't even move, Emma."
"C'mon, baby, you can." She held out her hand.
Regina stared at it for a long moment before willing herself to grab Emma's hand. With her newfound strength, she pulled herself off the ground. "Everything's still spinning," she muttered, feeling herself sway in the waves.
"I know, but you gotta push through it," Emma said, giggling as Regina attempted to find ground. She felt as if she could fall back onto her ass again, but she put one foot before the other and made her way out of the bathroom. It smelled of fresh air mixed with the pleasant odor of a skunk's rear end. Never did she think she'd find herself attracted to the smell; perhaps it was because she was under its influence.
"I think I'm going to shower," she said behind her, or to wherever Emma was, because she certainly lost track of the woman. She was standing in her closet now, staring at the clothes and swaying slightly as she tried to keep herself upright. What was she to wear?
"You should wear that one red shirt. It's super sexy," Emma purred.
Regina scoffed softly but searched for that shirt and a pair of black slacks. The longer she stood here testing her will, the more difficult it was to escape the desire to lay in bed and stare at the ceiling as she ate up this feeling. Quickly, she made her way back into the bathroom, and it felt as if she walked into a wall of that stench.
"You should probably join me, dear," Regina said, already removing the outfit she had picked for the day. Shame, purple was her favorite color.
Emma watched her as she leaned against the doorway. "Nah, I'm not going anywhere so I don't give a fuck."
"Of course, dear."
"I'll take one later, 'kay? I know your sister's comin'."
"Even more reason to take one," she said, turning the shower on, then turning her gaze on Emma. But the other woman merely shook her head and gave her a cheeky grin. "Fine, but don't interrupt me. I don't have much time."
"Of course, babe," she wiggled her fingers at her before exiting the bathroom and shutting her in.
It didn't take long for Regina to shower for she tried to do it in record time. When she said she didn't have much time, that wasn't a lie. School would be starting in under an hour and she needed to get there to prepare, whatever that meant to her shallow mind.
"I should be more concerned about this," she muttered, trying to dredge up the feeling – or any feeling at all. It really did take away her anxiety, but it also took much, much more.
"You've got this, don't worry, baby. Walking should help," Emma reassured, leaning a little too far in to give her a kiss on the cheek. "Didn't you say you wrote down what you wanted to say?"
"Yeah, I did." She spotted the papers on the chaise lounge and collected them. It was something that she had written long before this day had come in an apprehensive state to organize her mind. She would have loved to thank her past self for thinking ahead, though that still did little to satiate the dull panic that hid underneath the cap of this high.
"Are you going to leave or are you going to just stand there?"
Regina hadn't even realized that her thoughts cemented her feet to the ground. It was far too easy to get lost now. She only hoped that this wouldn't be the case when it came to her speech.
Without a word, she left the bedroom with Emma to follow suit. There was even less time now to get to the school and she certainly didn't want to be late on her first day. "Do I have everything?" she asked, pausing in the foyer. Her purse was by the door along with her keys, though she wouldn't be driving. She wasn't that irresponsible.
"Uh…" Emma squinted, eyes darting around as if she were to find something forgotten. "You're asking the wrong person."
"Of course," she muttered, snatching up her bag and stuffing the keys inside. "I'll see you later, okay? Don't smoke too much while I'm gone."
"I wouldn't!" Her wife looked offended by the statement, but Regina knew better. "Okay, I might finish the bowl, but that's it, I promise!"
"Sure, Emma," Regina chuckled and leaned in to give her a quick kiss. "Don't think too hard, now."
"My brain might explode if I do," she laughed too and tucked a piece of hair behind her ear. "Go! Don't be late! You got this!"
"Okay, okay." Regina gave her wife one last glance before leaving out the door. The fresh air tasted amazing as it greeted her, filling her lungs. For a moment, she knew she could do this.
As she walked, the warm air caressing her face, she could feel the high drifting off. When she stopped to cross the street, though, it returned and drowned her once again in its mysterious clouds. At least walking helped and, perhaps, by the time she reached the school, it will have worn off and she would be just fine. But the longer she paused, the more she could feel it consume her again, and that sent a pit into her belly. Fortunately, the feeling dissolved rather quickly, but unfortunately, she couldn't gather a single thought without it soon drifting away.
When she approached the school doors, her anxiety was a dull tug at her stomach, and her head swam once again. She did have a moment to prepare in the office before school started and she desperately hoped that it was enough time to gather her thoughts and slip out of this fog that she found herself in. As she wandered the halls to her new office, she could feel the familiar snaking dread that pumped from her heart. The principal was supposed to exude confidence, not be frightened by the mere thought of leadership, yet she found herself slinking into the empty office nearly out of breath.
Great.
She tried to aim her focus on the outline of her speech, but each word she read evaporated from her mind. The longer she sat in the chair she didn't even remember slumping in, she could feel the familiar sensation return and bog her down once again. It was certainly a delicious feeling, but not one she would prefer to be experiencing just before addressing the entire school.
"Mrs. Mills," a voice greeted, snapping Regina's attention to the doorway as she tried to swallow her heart from her throat. "Are you excited for your first day?"
"Certainly," Regina said, sitting rod stiff in her seat as she eyed Mr. Gold's approaching form. He leaned his cane against the desk and offered a smile. "I was just going through what I wanted to say."
"You make this seem to be a larger chore than it is," he said as he eyed the stack of papers. "You needn't worry about what to say. It's just an introduction to the students…"
As he continued to reassure her, Regina couldn't seem to keep her concentration long on the conversation. At one point, she wished she could pause and rewind to understand what he had told her. At that point she knew that she was screwed, and it was all Emma's fault.
Okay, perhaps that wasn't true, but she had to blame someone other than herself because she had no other rational thought in mind.
"… thus just let what comes most easily to you guide what you say," he finished, his fingers splaying on the desk. The clouds continued to swaddle her in their soft embrace, but she nodded and forced her vision clear. "Are you alright, Regina?"
"Just a little anxious," she admitted, straightening herself back up after having realized she had been slowly slumping in her spot. "I have quite a lot on my mind." Or quite the opposite, actually.
"Everything will be fine." Mr. Gold grabbed his cane after a swift glance toward the clock. "We should head to the gymnasium to prepare; the assembly will start soon."
"Of course." It was quite harder than she remembered trying to stand, as if a weight were keeping her limbs frozen, but she managed with a smile and collected the papers despite Gold's reassurance. As they made their way to the gym, she could feel her mind clearing again, though her feet felt unstable as they had during her trip to the school. If he noticed, Mr. Gold didn't say a word as she attempted to conceal the underlying worry of the affects from earlier. Perhaps Emma was right; you had more control than let on.
"We just have to make sure the mics are working properly," he said as they entered the gym. There was a single podium just before the bleachers which were readily pulled out for the students. "We have about twenty minutes before the students are called down."
Regina nodded as they approached the podium and placed her papers onto it, now wrinkled from her tight grip. She scanned them quickly, trying to find a place to start, but she could still feel herself lulling into some sort of trance as she stared at the words that faded from her mind as she thought them. Mr. Gold grabbed her attention before she melted into the ground and busied her until students started to pour into the gymnasium. It didn't take long for the bleachers to fill and the former principal to start his speech.
She tried her best to smile for the audience as he spoke, starting, "As many of you know, I have retired last year. This year, Mrs. Mills will be my replacement and hopefully will serve the school for many, many years to come."
Gods willing, if I don't fuck it up today.
Swallowing, she took Mr. Gold's place at the podium and knew that there was no turning back now. "Hello everyone! I do hope your first day back has been… good thus far. As some of you already know, I am Regina Mills," she started, her mind swamped the longer she stood against the podium, leaving little room for thought. Her body felt as if it were sinking into the floor, and her brain went right along with it.
Don't let it control you, she told herself, fingers curling into her palms. There were a sea of faces staring at her and, though the anxious mess that she had been was gone, she would rather not embarrass herself and face the consequences later.
"I started off years ago teaching English here at the school," she continued. "I moved to Boston for a short time before returning to Storybrooke to become a substitute teacher." The ease on her shoulders as she began to talk made it far easier to remember what she wanted to say. Of course, when she paused to gain her thought, her mind had completely melted away.
"I- uh," she stumbled over her thoughtless brain, wracking it for what she wanted to lead with next. Desperately, she looked to her papers and found incoherent scribbles of broken thoughts. "I apologize, I'm not quite…" She laughed nervously before pinpointing a topic – family. "To tell a little more about myself, I have a son who is starting the first grade today. His name is Henry." There was not much excitement from the crowd as was to be expected. She continued anyway and said, "I also have a cat named Millie that is a little bit older than my son, and a dog that we adopted from the shelter this summer. His name is Bear."
The students continued to look unenthused by her ramblings, but she pressed forth anyway. "My wife, Emma, is the deputy who many of you might have met last year during the…" Wait, what was it called again? "…annual drug and safety speech, and who will return later this year to do the same." What an advocate, she thought, considering.
Though through the pause, when she mentioned Emma, there was a murmur moving across the crowd, but as she continued to speak, it quickly died down. By the time she was done, she felt winded, and the students looked bored, but she was proud to have gotten through her speech. Her high also seemed to have worn off for she found stability with the ground and clarity in her mind.
She concluded with, "I hope that this year and many more will be fulfilling for us all."
It was not long until she found herself back in her new office with Mr. Gold chattering about how well she had done. "I did promise there was nothing to worry about," he said, smiling widely. "You will do a most excellent job as principal; I have no doubt. That is why I recommended you."
"Thank you," Regina said, dipping her head slightly before finding her spot at the desk. Just behind her left eye, she could feel a dull ache, and when she swallowed as the former principal stared at her, she realized how parched she felt. "I certainly hope that I will live up to everyone's expectations."
"Do not worry about others, they will merely get in your way," he said, leaning heavily on his cane. "Getting too bothered by the thoughts of others will only lead to failure."
"I understand. I try not to, of course."
He nodded, offering a tight-lipped smile before hitting his cane on the ground a couple times. "I should take my leave. If you ever have any questions, or simply wish to chat, you know where to find me."
"Thank you once again, Mr. Gold," Regina politely said and watched as he left, closing the door behind him.
She released a sigh and leaned against her chair, a little too overwhelmed now that she was alone. Of course, she knew what to do for she had to go through prior training last year with Mr. Gold, basically acting as his assistant as he showed her the ropes. It was far too real now that she was here, though, left to her own devices.
She could certainly go for another hit about now.
"No, no… I'm not going to rely on that," she told herself as she shuffled her wrinkled papers before shoving them into the trash can. With another sigh, she booted up her computer and started with her day.
When she finally got home, she felt as if she could collapse on the couch and never get up. Even though she was sitting throughout most of her day, it was certainly exhausting, especially with people in and out of her office all day. Having a migraine on top of it didn't help, either, although she had been wise enough to put a bottle of Ibuprofen in her purse.
"Hey Gina, how was your day?" Regina didn't even open her eyes when she felt the weight of her wife on the couch beside her. "That long, huh?"
"It was fine," she said, finally lifting her head off the back of the couch when she felt someone crawl into her lap. Henry offered her a cute little grin. "How was your first day of school, Hen?"
His eyes immediately lit up. "Awesome!" he exclaimed, bouncing slightly. "Neal showed me his new dinosaur backpack. It was so cool! And there was this girl named Paige that had dino folders!"
"Really?" Regina nodded along with his words, unable to help smiling. Their son was such a precious ball of excitement, and it warmed her heart to see him so happy. "Did you talk to her?"
"Yeah! She said she likes dinosaurs too and has a bunch of toys at home!" he said.
"That's cool, kid! Maybe you'll be friends?" Emma reached over to tousle his hair.
He nodded, a big smile on his face. Regina was proud to have a child so open to becoming friends with anyone. She had feared before that perhaps he wouldn't want to become friends with a girl for most of his friends were boys that had the sentiment that girls were icky.
"I love you, Henry," she said to the little boy, wrapping her arms around him to give him a tight squeeze. He giggled and squirmed in her grip but returned the hug still.
"I love you, too! And I love you, mama!"
"Aww, I love you both. You're so sweet," Emma chimed in, pulling the two toward her, engulfing them in her arms. Regina leaned into her, not knowing that this was what she really needed at the end of her day. There certainly was no better place to be.
They stayed like that for a while and Regina didn't mind. The way Emma's fingers moved through her hair was relaxing, nearly lulling her to sleep until it stopped when it felt like a hair was plucked.
"What are you doing?" Regina immediately reached for the spot and glared at her wife.
"I found a grey hair," she said, offering the little strand up.
Regina squinted at it, finally seeing a silvery sheen. She often didn't pay too close attention to her hair, but she did find a few off-colored strands weeks ago. It was only another gripping reminder that she was getting older.
"Don't remind me," she muttered, knocking the strand of hair out of her wife's hand. "You'll have them, too, and I'll be the first to let you know."
"Okay, okay, sorry." Emma wasn't sorry at all; she could see the laughter in her eyes.
"Does it mean you're a grandma?" Henry asked, breaking her glare.
"Not quite, Hen," Regina chuckled at his naivety, her fingers combing through his short brown hair. "It just means I'm getting older."
He frowned at that. "I don't want you to get older, mommy."
"Trust me, I don't want to get older, either. But we all do eventually." She sighed softly and shook the thought away. Getting older certainly wasn't something she wanted to think about. Emma being younger than her made a constant pit in her stomach as she thought about what her wife would want in the future. Would she want someone that aged so much quicker than her?
"Why don't we get dinner ready?" Emma suggested, leaning in to give her wife and son each a kiss on the cheek.
"Can I go play?"
"Of course, honey," Regina said to her son. He didn't waste any time in getting up from her lap to run off to his room. She lagged, still invested in Emma's arms.
"Shall we?"
"Can we stay here for a minute longer?" she asked, closing her eyes. Emma didn't say anything and held her closer as she listened to the rhythmic beating of her heart. Regina never wanted this moment to end, but like all things, it wouldn't last forever. "I love you, Emma," she said, looking into her wife's eyes and promptly getting lost. She loved the color green so.
"I love you, too, Gina." Emma cupped her cheek and leaned down, letting their lips meet for a brief moment. This was another thing that Regina wished could last forever, but she took it for what it was and breathed deeply, her heart pounding.
"We should get to the kitchen," Regina said, revitalized now, and pushed away from her wife and the couch to stand. Emma followed suit before the two made their way to the kitchen.
Just as Regina finished pulling out the ingredients for dinner, she heard the doorbell. "I'll get it," she said to Emma who was still in the pantry doing something suspicious. No doubt getting a snack in before dinner. She didn't have the time to reprimand her for she went straight to the foyer.
Zelena stood on the other side of the door with her little clone beside her, both smiling the same. Robyn was the spitting image of her mother with wavy red hair, a sweet grin, and a snarky personality to boot. The two had moved out a few years ago and now resided in the same apartment that the Nolans used to inhabit. Her job at the library helped put her back on her feet. Regina loved seeing her sister enjoy motherhood, thus made it hard to believe that Zelena nearly gave it all up. As much as Regina would have loved a daughter, her sister deserved to be a mother, and she had no regrets convincing her otherwise.
"So, how was your first day?" she asked as they made their way to the kitchen. Emma was no longer in the pantry, or the kitchen at all, by the time they reached it. She wondered if her wife made off with her snacks for she noticed an empty spot on the shelf.
Robyn tugged at her mother's shirt before Regina could answer the question and whispered when she leaned down. "Can I go play with Henry?"
"Of course, little bird," Zelena chuckled.
"He's in his room," Regina added as Robyn zoomed out of the kitchen in search of her cousin. Shaking her head, she began to organize the ingredients for lasagna and finally answered her sister's question. "It went well enough."
Zelena snorted. "Well enough? What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
"Well, it certainly could have gone better." Should she divulge what she had done to make this day tolerable? Zelena was the last person that would judge Regina's actions as she had been supportive for as long as she had been around after their mother's passing.
"Okay, what did you do?"
Regina fumbled with the jar of her homemade sauce, heat creeping up her neck. "I may or may not have indulged in pot smoking before going to work this morning."
"What?" Zelena's shocked face could have made Regina laugh, but instead, she wanted to cry. Suddenly, laughter bellowed out of her sister and all worry escaped her, allowing for her to breathe once again. "I meant what did you screw up, not what you smoked. Are you pulling my leg?"
One could call Regina a tomato for she was sure she resembled one the way her face suddenly felt as if it were completely aflame. She concentrated on the jar for a long moment, shaking her head. "Emma made me do it."
"I deny whatever it is she's trying to blame on me," Emma said as she entered the kitchen, smelling like an absolute skunk. Zelena's nose wrinkled before breaking into laughter.
"I think I believe my sister on this one."
"Oh shit, I forgot to change! Why didn't you remind me?"
"I did. Several times." Regina quirked a brow. "I told you to take a shower with me this morning, but you said, and I quote, 'I'm not going anywhere, so I don't give a fuck.'"
"You two are hilarious, never stop."
Regina chuckled softly. "With Emma, things will never be dull. Also, honey, could you open this jar?" She winked at her wife as she handed the jar over, her fingers aching.
"I shouldn't agree, but I just can't seem to resist your charm," Emma muttered. She hit the bottom of the jar with her palm a few times before popping it open almost immediately. Regina felt a tad deflated.
"Thank you," she said, taking the now-open jar to spread on top of the pasta. Emma leaned in to kiss her cheek before dipping her finger in the sauce. Regina quickly smacked her hand away with a scold, as if she were still a child. "Why do you insist on doing that?"
"It's just so good, baby." Emma popped her finger into her mouth with a smile. "So, I take it you told Zelena about earlier, huh?" When Regina nodded, her wife smirked. "Did you tell her how it went at the school?"
"Not quite yet," Regina muttered, not quick to relive that moment. Now that the film on her brain was peeled away and she was once again able to have access to clarity and logic, she felt a tremendous amount of embarrassment for how she had dealt with her first day. Even though no one had said a word and Mr. Gold had basically applauded her, she knew the day could have gone better because deep down she had done something she shouldn't have.
"How did it go?" Zelena asked, elbows on the counter as she curiously leaned forward.
Emma was the first to answer, saying, "For starters, Gina had to walk to work because she couldn't feel her brain."
"I couldn't feel my body, Emma."
"Okay, fine, her body. Did walking even help?"
"Only a small bit, until I stood still enough for it to catch back up to me." Regina admitted, thinking back to earlier that day when she stood at the crosswalk for a little too long, her mind essentially gone.
Zelena merely shook her head, but the little quirk of her lips was telling. "How do you get yourself into these situations, Regina? And now, I ask this out of love, of course."
"They just tend to happen," she said, eyeing her wife. It was Emma that mainly got her into trouble, but she didn't mind it, and it was partly her fault, too. They always went through these things together and she'd rather have that than no one at all. It kept her life interesting. After all, where would she be without Emma?
"Well, do try to stay out of trouble, sis." Zelena also looked to Emma, making the younger woman shrink under the scrutinization.
"I have a feeling you're talking about me," Emma said, her eyes narrowing slightly. "Look, consent is a two-sided coin. I'm not forcing anyone into trouble."
"I never said that you forced me to do anything, Emma." Regina reached out to take her wife's hand and squeezed it as she pulled her closer. "Honestly, I get myself into these situations. Even though you're there most of the time."
"All of the time," Zelena coughed.
Regina shot a haughty look at her sister, but Emma's words brought her attention back to the other woman. "I get it. We get into a lot of trouble together. Unintentionally, of course."
"Of course," Regina echoed, then gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I should get this lasagna in before it gets too late."
"Why are we always having lasagna?" Emma complained as Regina did as she said, but quickly stood upright to snap her attention to her audacious wife.
"Because I like lasagna," she simply said, closing the oven door with a little too much oomph.
Zelena raised her hands and backed away from the counter. "I see that you two have some issues to work out."
"What issue? There's no issue here."
Emma nodded her head with an agreeing, "nope."
"Whatever you say," Zelena said, but Regina knew she doubted it. Ever since they fought in front of her many years ago while she was still living under their roof, she had periodically asked if everything was alright. Regina understood that it was the sisterly thing to do, but sometimes relationships weren't unicorns and rainbows, and it took some effort to convince her that she was indeed happy. "Why don't you finish telling me about your day?"
Regina had nearly forgotten the conversation from earlier but went straight into telling Zelena how her day had gone and how horrible she thought it was. But as she had recalled her day, she realized that it could have taken a worse direction. Zelena hardly laughed, and only did when she mentioned telling the students about Emma, saying, "They probably like the idea. Anything is more interesting than Gold, anyways."
"Definitely! His crusty ass was just about as interesting as a crack in the ground," Emma chimed in. "And he was creepy as-"
"I do recall your sentiments toward Mr. Gold." Regina gently shook her head, though smiled all the same. Even though he may have been disinteresting to most and creepy to Emma, she found something endearing about the man. He treated her something akin to a daughter, though there were moments where she thought he saw her with a different eye in their earlier years of working together. She had never confided her sexuality to him which hadn't helped the matter until after she had gotten married to Emma.
Speaking of the very woman, Emma had snorted at her prior statement and asked, "You don't see it?"
"Before I got to know him, I thought very much the same." She could recall the long stares, though now that she thought about it, they were never longing nor flirtatious. It made her think a bit more deeply. "But enough about him, I smell dinner!"
"The only lasagna I like!" Emma perked up and turned to pull their dinner out of the oven.
With a few quick calls for the children, all of them were soon seated at the dining table with plates full of the delicious entrée. Passive chatter was had as were a few laughs as they enjoyed their meal. But all good things eventually come to an end and the late-night chatter didn't last very long.
It wasn't until after Zelena had gone home and Henry had laid down did Regina feel like she could breathe again. She collapsed into bed after changing into her pajamas and laid there for a long moment, still smelling the remnants of the pungent skunky scent on the sheets where Emma must have been. It was oddly sweet smelling, making a part of her want to dip her toes into its waters again.
"Now that we're alone," Emma started as she climbed into bed beside her, "How do you really feel about it?"
"It?" Regina's lips twitched, amusement bubbling in her throat. "Well, to be honest, I wouldn't mind trying it again during a time I can just enjoy the sensation. You know, without worrying about how much of an idiot I look in front of the entire school."
"Oh, baby, I bet you didn't look like an idiot."
"You weren't there."
"You said no one noticed." Emma refuted, pulling Regina into her arms. She gladly accepted the spot, curling sweetly against her. "They probably thought you were nervous or something."
That wasn't a thought that crossed her mind, but she still held doubt. "I don't want to think about it," she said, glad that the day was over. She had poured so much energy into this day and now that it was over, she felt a huge relief off her shoulders.
"So, you wanna try it again, huh?"
Regina rolled her eyes. She should have known that Emma would circle back to what she had said.
"We do have some left over." She wanted to wipe Emma's smirk off her face, but a part of her couldn't help but to grin, too.
"Hey, no shame in that!"
Shame.
The smile quickly disappeared as she thought about earlier once again and the weakness that had overcame her. Fingers immediately intertwined with her own and squeezed her hand.
"I know, I know. It was a lapse in judgement on both our parts." Emma frowned along with her. "Look, I can give it all back to Ruby, no big deal. I really shouldn't be reliant on it, either, or I don't want to be. I'm the police, y'know?"
"I know, Emma," Regina said, looking back at her wife. "Let's hide it for now and forget about it, and maybe there will be a right time or maybe there won't be. I just don't want Henry-"
"I know a place and it's already there."
"Good."
Emma's smile returned, fluttering Regina's heart. "I promise I'll change the bedding tomorrow. I just now realize that you can still smell it."
"At least you finally took your shower." Regina's lips twitched in amusement because she had almost literally shoved her wife into the shower just earlier in the night. There was no way that she was going to cuddle her smelling like that.
"Does that mean you approve of a goodnight kiss?"
"Let me think about it…" Before she could pseudo-ponder, Emma's fingers were attacking her sides, bubbling up laughter in her throat. She tried to wiggle away and quiet herself as to not wake up their son, but any further and she would find herself on the floor. Thankfully, Emma's torture wasn't long-lived, and the younger woman scooped Regina close to her in a warm embrace.
"Now I don't know if you deserve a kiss," she mumbled into honeyed locks.
"Unfair!"
"Not entirely," she said, pulling slightly away to look up at her. "You did tickle-attack me, after all. Without an apology afterward, mind you."
"I'm sorry?" Emma offered her a puppy-dog-eyed look, and, for some reason, Regina just couldn't resist even though the apology was certainly half-baked.
"You better be," she said, already leaning in to plant a kiss on her wife's lips. Emma happily complied and returned it, squeezing Regina closer against her. Sometimes Regina wished it could last forever, but she knew that she had plenty of sweet kisses in the future with Emma and that thought set her heart on fire.
Emma laughed and pulled away, leaving the older woman breathless. "I love you, you know that, right?"
"I do," Regina said, smiling as widely as her face would allow. "And, of course, I love you, too."
"Good," said the blonde before she leaned in again to give Regina what she had always longed for at the end of the day, and what she will continue to long for until the end of her days.