Geez, can't a guy slip into a coma for a month without being disturbed? Oh well, here's an update.

Rap Rock? Blasphemy!

Some people may not be aware that spooning is an art. Like a sculpture, painting, or incredibly large ball of yarn, it has the ability to enrapture all those who have the pleasure of experiencing its divine beauty. If a man is not confident in his ability to deliver an award winning performance in this age old act of 'sleeping comfortably,' he should refrain from making any foolhardy attempt.

There are certain rules in spooning that should always be respected, lest one feels compelled to receive a violent ass whoopin' or simple, but effective, blow to the family inheritance. Here are the basics.

Rule 1: Be sure that your partner is comfortable with being held. If you are unsure or have a reason to believe she (or he, who am I to judge) may react violently, sleep somewhere else (in another country if she is the latter). If you have secured her consent keep the subsequent rules in mind.

Rule 2: First timers should beware never to let their hands wander to sensitive and private areas, unless of course your partner is chill like that. Always keep in mind that a simple brush against the breast of a she-devil could lead to a trip to the hospital. If you are unsure what you should do with your hand, I suggest you shove it up your ass and be thankful if you still have it in the morning.

Rule 3: Should your jury rise to greet the judge, do not allow them to enter her chambers without permission or they will never be allowed to make a verdict. Always have the decency to wake your partner if 'that' is on your mind.

First-timers around the world rejoice. Uchiha Sasuke, sole-survivor of the Uchiha clan massacre and prized pupil of the much feared and revered Orochimaru, managed to break all three stipulations on his first try.

Oddly enough, it wasn't even the boldness of Sasuke's roaming hands, or even the sideways tent poking at her leg that woke her up. Those details had managed to make their way into the sleeping girl's dream and were the reasons for the blush and cheshire grin spreading across her face. What did succeed in waking her was one of the giant mosquitoes, the very ones that made Antonio's village so unpopular for tourists, landing on her forehead and inserting its syringe-like sucker into the skin. Sakura, on reflex, sent her hand flying in the hellish insect's direction, succeeding in killing the bug and snapping herself back to reality.

Needless to say, the girl was pissed and looking to take her anxiety out on someone. Strike one.

The first thing she noticed was the hand gripping tenderly at her chest. It was not, in her opinion, unpleasant in any way and each gentle squeeze sent a jolt of electricity down her spine, causing her to arch her back. If she were still dreaming, she would have fought to stay asleep. However, this was not a dream and she did not remember giving anyone the right to her recently acquired assets. Strike two.

It was then that she became aware of the poking sensation. She knew immediately what it was, but the surprise of it all caused her to black out for a moment. When she came to it took her a few moments to get her bearings and analyze the situation. One, she had allowed Sasuke to share the bed with her. The night before had been very traumatic for Sasuke, with him having to face up to his old demons, and she genuinely felt uncomfortable sleeping in the homes of strangers. She had also been drunk off the thought of finally being able to sleep near her crush. Two, Sasuke's hand was playing with her boobs and she was torn between wanting him to continue and the desire to rip his arm out from its socket.

Three, Sasuke's woody was pecking at her leg. The room became chillingly cold.

"SA-SU-KE," she growled, rousing her former teammate from his slumber. You're out Sharingan-kid.

"What?" he demanded grumpily. He was completely unaware of his own actions at this point.

"What the fuck do you think your doing!" With that she grabbed the playful hand and, with all her might, she sent the poor shinobi flying into the wall. The impact lodged the Uchiha survivor upside down in the concrete wall and Sasuke was lost in his own bewilderment.

What the hell is going on? He asked himself.

My friend, you have completely redeemed yourself in the eyes of all men, that's what, said the voice in Sasuke's head. Who would have thought you capable of putting the moves on her while you were still asleep? My figurative hat goes off to you.

What are you talking about? He asked his libido. However, the voice was preoccupied with its own thoughts, cooing about how soft 'they' were, and how smooth 'it' was, and how warm 'she' was. Sasuke was beginning to worry. Jesus, don't tell me we did that in our sleep!

Relax you clueless moron, the voice reassured him. All you're guilty of is a little petting and morning wood. It's nothing to be ashamed about. And luckily for you she hasn't completely torn you limb from limb yet.

What do you mean?

Well, she's probably waiting for you to compliment her. Ninety-nine times out of a hundred, when a girl waits for an explanation, she's fishing for flattery. Just tell her how irresistibly beautiful she is and all will be well. God willing, she'll let us go all the way!

"What the hell are you waiting for Sasuke?" the pissed girl demand. "I want an exclamation!"

See! Make your move Casanova!

Sasuke pried himself out of the wall and patted himself down as he thought of something thoughtful he could say about her. He looked at her and it was like seeing her for the first time. She really was a beautiful woman, young as she was. The tangled and messy hair she woke up with, the seething scowl on her face, and the bug bite on her forehead did little to diminish her charm. Sasuke may have been able to deny it up until then, but there was no denying it anymore. The words simply spilled out of his mouth but they came from the heart.

"You're beautiful."

Sakura seemed shocked. Her eyes softened and the scowl disappeared as she uttered, "Sasuke, you…"

Her silent pause was interrupted in Sasuke's head as his mojo began to celebrate. SCORE! What did I tell you? Ninety-nine percent success rate baby! She's finally going to make a man out of us. If I had control of those tear ducts I'd be crying tears of blissful joy. I'm so fucking happy right now! Then all hell broke loose.

"Do you honestly think that load of crap is going to get you out of what you just did!" As enamored as Sasuke was just a moment before, he knew that this was a shit-yourself moment and his pride was the only thing keeping his shorts clean.

As Sakura slowly proceeded to break each and every bone in the poor teenager's body, Sasuke's mojo realized one thing and one thing only. Sasuke's luck could give the legendary sucker's a run for its money.

Next Morning…

Sara was humming peacefully as she prepared breakfast like she did every morning while Antonio took a shower. Today was special for her since it was not often she and Antonio had guests over. Well, normal guests. Antonio would, at times, bring his band mates over to visit but they were drunk half the time. Compared to the way they were intoxicated, the couple that spent the night was a breath of fresh air…even if they were a bit violent.

She heard the sounds of unfamiliar footsteps and concluded that their guests were awake. She stopped what she was doing to greet them, but nearly fainted at the scene before her.

"What on earth happened to you?" She inquired of the bruised and bloodied man.

Sasuke merely rubbed his aching jaw and said, "I fell out of bed." He hoped that it would be enough to satisfy her, but as with most women, it was not.

"Don't be ridiculous!" she shouted in a concerned tone. "Antonio falls out of bed every morning and I've never seen him end up like you. Do you want me to call someone? Doctor? Lawyer? We have both on speed dial."

"I'm a medic-nin so don't bother calling a doctor," chimed in the pink haired princess. "And if you're going to call a lawyer ask for someone who specializes in sexual assault cases."

Sasuke mumbled something which provoked a smack to the back of the head by Sakura. "What did he say?" asked a curious Sara.

"Something about there not being a jury in the world that would convict him. Ooooh, something smells good."

Sara beamed with pride and went on and on about what she was preparing, signifying the end of a very uncomfortable topic. Well, almost. "Sakura, I just have to two questions and then I'll drop the subject. If you're a medic-nin, while exactly haven't you healed Sasuke's injuries?"

The girl gave an angry scowl at the boy before answering. "Retribution," she said.

"Okay." Sara felt a wave of pity for the injured man but to some degree was envious of the pink haired girl's dominating attitude. Sometimes Antonio needed to be put in his place, but Sara conceded that she and Sakura each had their individual ways of handling the men in their lives. What worked for one might not necessarily work for the other. "I also noticed that you're actually wearing your forehead protector on your forehead. Any special reason why?"

"N-N-Not really," she stammered as she laughed nervously. Truth be told, her medical skills fell short when it came to insect bites and the one she received that night was a whopper.

Sakura and Sasuke took their seats at the dining room table opposite each other. Sakura found it odd that Sasuke had this confused look on his face and that he was doing his best not to look at her. At first she thought it was just guilt but as time went on she was not so sure.

"I see the lovebirds managed not to kill each other last night," said a refreshed voice from the hallway. Antonio emerged wearing nothing more than a bathrobe and walked over to Sara to give her a warm, 'good morning' kiss. Sakura was certain that something was wrong when she caught Sasuke fidget at the gesture.

"What's the matter Sasuke-kun," the pink haired girl teased meanly. "Does a sincere show of affection make you uncomfortable or are you still upset that I woke up before you could do anything."

Sakura was uncertain why she said what she did. By then she had already figured what Sasuke did was an accident and it was partially her fault for saying they should share the bed. With her knowledge as a medic-nin, it should have been obvious what was going to happen.

There was something in the way that he had looked at her when he said that she was beautiful that had hurt her, but she was not sure why. She had wanted to hear those words for years but they never came, and now that he had finally uttered them, she found herself unable to accept them.

Why?

Sasuke turned his head to look at her and Sakura had half-expected him to be scowling angrily. He was not. Instead he had the strangest look on his face that was uncommon him or any other Uchiha she had ever heard of; his face seemed apologetic.

He had a hurt look in his eyes different from the pain his bruised face suggested and his expression gave the feeling that he truly regretted upsetting her. The feeling was surreal for Sakura since she never thought it was possible. There was still an ounce of doubt as to whether or not her eyes were playing tricks on her, but it was quickly smothered.

"I'm sorry about last night," he said as he turned away, not being able to look her in the eye as he said it. "There is nothing I can say to make it alright, but I didn't mean to do that to you."

When Sasuke finished speaking, the rest of the house went silent. No one had seen that coming, least of all Sakura. She had apologized to Sasuke plenty of times but she never imagined that he would apologize to her the way he just did. Then it hit her. The reason she was so hostile towards Sasuke was because of their complete role reversal. Two years ago, it was Sakura that had been following Sasuke around, while he had been irritated and indifferent to her. She desired him and spilled her heart out to him and all he had ever done was hurt her. Now, in part because of the binding jutsu, Sasuke was the one being led around and Sakura irritated over the inconvenience.

Sakura thought back to when Sasuke had called her beautiful and felt a pang of guilt and remorse. It was not that she doubted his sincerity that she had reacted so cruelly, but because he had opened his heart to her. She reacted in the same manner as Sasuke had when he rejected her, though her expression was very different; she crushed the sentiment and left little room for recovery. No, Sakura had taken it one step further and continued to chastise him for it. Sasuke had never rubbed salt into the wound.

She pushed back her chair and slowly walked over to where Sasuke was sitting. After performing a few hand seals, she brought the orb of glowing green to his face and watched as the wounds began to heal slowly. Sasuke's face never changed its expression as he looked into the girl's green eyes, trying hard not to lose sight of them through the light of the jutsu. When his bruises were taken care of, he gently grabbed Sakura's hand and placed it on his cheek. He then took his other hand and brought it to hers.

"Thank you for letting me sleep next to you last night. It may have ended badly, but it was the first time I've been able to sleep peacefully since-" he stopped himself and decided to rephrase his thoughts, "-in a long time. It's more than anyone's ever given me and I'm sorry I don't know how to repay you."

Sakura was entranced by his change of behavior and had yet to realize that her own hand was now holding the hand at her cheek. Without thinking about it she closed her eyes and began to lower her head. She felt Sasuke's hands twitch nervously for the briefest of moments, but he did not resist her. She was not sure what she was expecting to happen, but whatever it was felt like it was taking an eternity to happen.

Their hopes for an intimate moment were dashed when Antonio cleared his throat to get their attention. They had completely forgotten that there were two other people in the room. The two opened there eyes just in time to see their hostess smack their host upside the head.

"What did you do that for?" she whined. "They were just about to kiss too."

"My apologies, Queen of Corny Romance Clichés, but we need to eat quickly and get ready for today. Sakura's about to be late for her session with Matt, and I want to see how Sasuke handles freestyle. There's also something I need to ask Sakura." He turned to face the puzzled girl. "Sakura, I want to take Sasuke to a guitar convention in a nearby village. Since he also needs to act as a guitarist, I think he should see what styles are out there. I'm not too fond of the idea, but I think his sharingan will come in handy as far as learning the basics of each style. Unfortunately, you won't be finished with your lessons with Matt in time."

"So what do you want from me?"

"I need you to pass the leash on to me."

"WHAT!" Sasuke erupted. "What makes you think I even want to go? If being there means I'm stuck with you for the entire trip I'd rather play drums in the nude with Sakura and that fruitcake."

"I'm sure you would," Antonio said, "but I heard there was going to be a competition to see who claims the legendary guitar of your Fourth Hokage."

"Will I be able to compete for it?"

"No."

"Then why should I go?"

"Because of the underdog in this battle."

"What about him?"

"My source tells me he's a shinobi from Konoha with blond hair and a big mouth. He also said that this kid has only been playing the guitar for about a week. Any of that ring a bell to you?"

Sasuke and his female companion were awestruck. They knew of no other villager in Konoha who came close to that description but could not believe what they were hearing. "Naruto is playing at a guitar convention?" Sakura asked no one in particular, unable to believe the words that had just left her mouth.

"Apparently," Antonio continued. "I'm surprised this friend of yours even got noticed. I know the man whose hosting this event personally and there is no way in hell a novice could ever catch his interest. Is he really that good?"

"All we can say for sure is that he's full of surprises," offered Sakura.

"I'll go." Sasuke's comment left Sakura confused and a little disappointed. "It used to be that I was always ahead of him, but now I'm struggling just to keep up. I'm tired of feeling inferior to him and the last thing I want to do is end up relying on him to beat my brother."

"You're really going to leave me behind so you can chase after Naruto?" the kunoichi asked him. "Am I really that unimportant?"

The next thing Sakura knew, she was face to face with her crush and his lips were lightly brushing against hers. She was not sure who exactly took the initiative, but just a moment later they were locked in one of the most heated kiss either had ever experienced. Well, that's not a very fair statement as Sakura has never actually kissed anyone and the one kiss Sasuke partook of he has been desperately trying to forget ever since.

Both were so engrossed with one another that they failed to hear Sara's sounds of approval. Antonio was about to make an attempt at separating the two, but his girlfriend quickly warned how violent the young kunoichi could get while upset. Antonio quickly resigned himself to waiting until they were finished. When they finished and pulled away from each other for breath, Sasuke had a serious, but saddened look on his face.

"You are not unimportant," he stated flatly. "As far as this band is concerned, you are a necessity that we can't do without. None of us have what it takes to learn your instrument in the amount of time it has taken you and even if we were given years, I doubt we'd be anywhere near as good as you are. If anyone should feel insignificant it should be me. I play guitar and I sing, but I'm not the lead on either. I entered this band as the vocalist but I had to hand that over to the Hyuga girl because I know when I'm beat, even if I don't like it. I can play guitar, but I'm stuck being Naruto's understudy.

"I should feel upset about all of this, but I'm not. As long as we beat everyone else, I'm willing to put my pride aside. But that doesn't mean I want to be a weak link in this chain. If I can do something to improve our chances of winning, don't you think I should do it?"

Rather than answer his questions with words, Sakura placed her hands to his cheeks and brought his face down to hers and planted a soft kiss on his lips. She then walked over to Antonio and out of nowhere socked him in the gut.

"What the hell did you hit me for?"

"That's for stopping us the first time," she stated wrathfully. "Besides, if anything happens to him, now you know what'll be waiting for you."

"So does that mean you'll be handing over control of the leash?"

"I already did."

"Sweet," he said with childish delight. "I promise to walk him, feed him properly, and make sure he gets all the water he needs, but if he starts humping my leg I'll have to put him down. You're lesson with Matt started five minutes ago, so I suggest you skip breakfast and get going. I already arranged for him to take you to the convention the second he feels you've mastered everything he can show you."

Sakura was gone in a pink flash and Sasuke was left wondering if that morning really happened. Readers on the other hand are probably wondering if this repetitive theme of kissing and running is evidence of a darker, more personal element of the author's psyche. DUN-dun-DUN-DUn-Dun-dun.

Some Club…

"I'm not doing it," Sasuke said flatly.

"I never said you had a choice," Antonio replied.

Before entering the bar, Sasuke had no idea what freestyle was. It did not take long for him to realize that he hated the concept and no power short of the hand of god himself was going to change his mind. "All they're doing is talking really fast. I'm not doing it."

"It's more than just fast talking you ignorant bastard. It's also about working the crowd and being able to think on your feet. And I already told you that you don't have any options. If you don't want to participate then you're going to lose in front of a large crowd of people. These same people will probably be attending that battle of the bands you're entering and they're going to tell everyone there how you chickened out of a simple freestyle match. Good luck winning with a rep like that."

Sasuke knew the position he had been forced into and swore that the second the bond was removed from him, Antonio was going to suffer. The real problem Sasuke had with freestyle was that it required him to actually voice his dominance. Usually all he needed to do was smirk and turn his back on whoever irritated him and he had his victory. Now, however, he would actually need to verbally defend his position. One word ran through his mind.

Shit.

The bar was packed with people and Sasuke did his best not to draw attention onto himself until he had to go onstage. Unfortunately, trouble had ways of finding him and it took the appearance of a tall, bulky man itching for a fight. I walked right up to Sasuke and intentionally pushed him without cause. What was really upsetting was that he made it seem as if the young shinobi had been the antagonist, demanding that he 'show some god-damn respect.'

Antonio, meanwhile, had walked off on his own. He was amazed that Sakura had had such a difficult time of controlling the jutsu. The only thing one needed to do in order to extend the distance of the leash was to want the extra space but Antonio figured that that itself was the problem for the love struck girl. There would only be a moment before the amateur free-stylists finished up and left the stage and the next group would have to perform. Antonio hated being the master of ceremonies for events like these but he took it as an opportunity to give Sasuke something constructive to do.

"Ladies and gentleman, Bros and Hoes. Welcome to this week's Freestyle Fight Night, where we pit an up and coming newcomer against one of our seasoned veterans. Tonight's pot is at an unbelievably high ten grand and we couldn't have done it without your drunk asses." A large cheer erupted from the crowd and Antonio had to try not to vomit from the stench of the beer breath. "Tonight we have our returning champion, hoping to continue his unwanted employment, Ricky Ray Damon! Challenging him is a missing-nin from Konoha and prized pupil of the snake devil himself, Uchiha Sasuke!"

Sasuke made his way up to the stage only to find out that his opponent was the very same asshole that had shoved him only moments before. His blood finally began to pump with commitment as he swore not to lose to this son of a bitch. What pissed him off even more was that the bastard was so drunk that he didn't even remember Sasuke.

"Let's make sure you're clear on the rules. This battle will continue until either one of you chokes so badly I have to stop before you embarrass yourself any further. After that we leave it up to the audience. Now that that's out of the way, gave us something worth ten grand and man the best man win."

Without missing a beat, Antonio was gone and things got started. There was a simple beat and rhythm in the background but it was incredibly hard to hear over the sound of the crowd. What mattered were both the competitor's package and the delivery. Sasuke may have been new to this form of vocals, but he had paid careful attention to the previous battles and understood the concept. It was the reigning champion's right to go first and as much as Sasuke hated the guy, he was not about to break tradition.

Somebody must think I'm acting a fool,

Sending a boy here to do what a man's got to do.

I smoked the masters and stomped on the best,

Should have known I'd be facing the worst of the rest.

Don't think I'll be gentle or play nice with you.

I've scraped bigger bugs from the sole of my shoe.

I'm the best there is son and money is money

And everyone knows you've got to pay for the honey.

Without thinking to much about what he was going to say, Sasuke let the words pour out of him, making sure to work the crowd as well as work his opponent over. As much as he wanted to kixk Ricky Ray's ass, Sasuke knew that if he was going to win, he would need the audience to back him.

I may be new but I've got the flow,

Don't worry about me cuz I'm stealing the show.

Where you've got to pay for a night with a whore,

My wallet stays full when I'm making a score.

Age is irrelevant and let me tell you something.

I've had more looks than you'll ever have coming.

All bark and no bite, like a million dollar poodle

Shame on the mother who pushed you out her-

As expected, Ricky Ray cut Sasuke off. However, Sasuke had succeeded in doing what he had planned: Throw his opponent off guard by making him angry.

The only hole that needs some shuttin' is the one that's flappin' on your face

Boy if you know what's good for you, you'll turn around and walk away.

Crew and blood won't hold me back

When I mess you up and beat you black, jack.

Grown men cry when they see me comin',

There aint a shinobi who won't get to runnin'.

Sasuke was a little disappointed. All he needed was a little push and this so-called battle would be in the bag, but he wasn't expecting for it to be that easy. He took the opportunity to end the match and cut in while the drunken man was thinking.

The only thing running is that mouth of yours,

Shut the fuck up or before I do it by force.

Didn't sell my soul to a snake in the grass,

Just to hear a grown man talk shit out his ass.

These eyes of mine have seen every corner of hell,

Stained red from the blood when my family fell.

You talk big for man who's about to expire,

But I know for a fact you can't handle my fire.

I swore to god and the devil I'd send my brother to my mother,

I don't think they'll mind if I send them another.

Try not to blink when you feel the bloodlust within me

I guarantee it fucker I'm the last thing you'll see.

As Sasuke predicted, his opponent reacted badly and took a swing at him. Sasuke instinctively dodged and grabbed his arm in an attempt to restrain him. However, the vengeful side of him quickly snapped it like a twig and Ricky Ray fell like Goliath, writhing in agony.

"Well, that settles that," Antonio intervened before Sasuke took the chance to do anymore damage. "Since Ricky Ray took a swing at his challenger, the battle ends and now it's up to you assholes to pick a winner. If you want to support your favorite champion who's now crying like a baby, make some noise!" A few members in the crowd clapped and one man let out a supportive 'whoo,' but that was it. "All in favor of making Uchiha Sasuke your new champion scream until your lungs give out!" The whole place exploded in cheers and applause. At this time, the posse of Ricky Ray decided to drag their fallen idol off the stage and take him to a hospital.

Antonio walked up to Sasuke with a suitcase and a proud smile on his face. "You're what they call the complete package, you know that?"

"Not really."

"You've got the looks and charm that drive the ladies wild, but you maintain a level of masculinity that draws in a male audience. Most bands attract one or the other, but the really successful ones are those that attract both sides. It's no wonder you have so much support from the pros. They see the potential in all of you."

"Hmph."

"Oh, and Sasuke," after catching the Uchiha's full and undivided attention, he punched him so hard in the stomach that he dropped to his knees. "Don't ever let me hear you saying that you don't matter again. People who doubt their abilities have no place in a band. Do you understand me?"

"You're so lucky this damn jutsu is keeping me in check."

"You didn't seem to mind when it was Sakura pushing you around."

"You're not Sakura."

"You got that right," he said with pride. "Now let's hurry up and get the hell out of here. These people give me the creeps."