Author's Note: Thank you so much to all my reviewers! The response to these chapters has been so tremendous!
The Turmoil Within
Dark as Night: Teyla
I stood on one of the many balconies of Atlantis, keeping watch over the door of one very unhappy team mate at the request of Doctor Beckett. I did not mind this chore, really, even though the hour grew very late. Sleep was proving to be an elusive goal for many of us tonight. Earlier, I had tried my meditation techniques, but tonight even that had failed as my mind refused to calm the storm within. Instead, I found myself wandering the halls of the Ancestors as the old day passed and the new began its cycle. Standing watch did not disrupt me, and allowed me to feel as though I were helping at least one of my friends.
Rodney, like the rest of us, had not been allowed to see John since returning with him from the Wraith planet this morning. Unfortunately, Rodney tended to be quite vocal and insistent in his opposition to this restriction. Equally unfortunate, I found myself to be passing by the infirmary an hour ago, when the scientist attempted once again to sneak past the night medical personnel and into Colonel Sheppard's room. Dr. Beckett quickly saw his opportunity and now I stood on guard duty to ensure my team mate stayed put and rested. The scientist had been pushing himself past all limits in his attempts to discover the location our team leader was held at, worrying many of us. Soon, though, the soothing herbs I had put in Rodney's coffee at Carson's direction should be taking effect and I would be able to leave. At least one of us would be allowed peace in his rest this dark night.
In the mean time, I was watching the stars... and trying desperately to find a calm that would not come. Not after all I had witnessed in the last several days. I had experienced much since joining the people of Atlantis two years ago. I had seen wonders I would never have dreamed could be, and come face to face with things right out of my nightmares, but nothing had prepared me for this. To not only witness a friend tortured by another human using a Wraith while I could do nothing, but then to find the Wraith can give life... Had I not seen it for myself I would not have believed such a thing could be possible.
I did not dare tell Halling or the others of what I had witnessed, telling them only that the colonel had been held captive and tortured by Kolya. I knew it would not be long before they heard the tale from someone, but I could not face the questions that I knew would come. We are a very traditional people, and much as we pride ourselves on adapting to new environments, we do not accept change to our beliefs well. A large number of our people had been upset enough by the knowledge that the Ancestors were not the infallible beings they wished them to be. Many did not accept it still. To find that our ancient enemy may not be the inhuman creature to be feared in the dark...
The Wraith had shown compassion and honor to Colonel Sheppard, and it was not the first time I had witnessed such human qualities. More than anything else, Elia had been a scared young girl trying to come to terms with two warring heritages, wanting nothing more than to be loved and accepted. She had taken Carson's serum in the hope that she could be human, when she already was more so than ones like Kolya could ever be. Or Michael. What she had wished for, he had raged against, and I had fueled that anger by playing along with the lies. I had called him my friend...and then betrayed him, much as the Genii did to me.
That was a guilt and anger that grew with each encounter, and it was primarily focused on myself. I had introduced then Major Sheppard to the Genii, believing their false lives as simple farmers eager to trade in good will. John would tell me- has told me- that it was not my fault, that I could not have known. But I should have. I was raised to lead my people with wisdom and strength. They relied on my judgment of when others could be trusted to keep them safe, and I had failed. How could I have not seen the lies in Cowen's face every time I met him? How could I not see the monster who lurked within? So much pain... so many lives had been lost...
Kolya. The rage that burned in me now was stronger than I had ever felt before. More than anyone or anything else, he has shown me the true darkness that can lurk in the hearts of humans. As dark as the Wraith who make a sport of the hunt. I had believed in the good in others, as my father had taught me, only to have that belief torn away as I watched a grainy screen...
I felt myself beginning to drift as I stood there and knew I should return to my quarters. John would be needing all of us in the days ahead, which were threatening to be as black as the night around me.
Tears coursed down my face, though I did not know for whom I mourned. Myself? John? Other nameless victims of Kolya's madness? All of us?
Suppressing a sob, I shivered in the cold wind of Atlantis' dark night, wishing I could already see the breaking light of the dawn.