Disclaimer: The characters belong to the writers of Doctor Who.
A/N: This is set after The Age of Steel, and it has spoilers in it. This story also has 'slash' I guess you could call it.
At the end of The Age of Steel, Mickey decides to stay in the alternate dimension, with Jake, fighting for the freedom of the world against the cybermen. Ricky, Jake's 'friend', and the alternate reality version of Mickey had been killed. According to interviews, Ricky and Jake were originally intended to be lovers. So that's where this comes idea comes from.
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He was right when he said he was not the same person. He had his face, his voice, his... body. He even liked most of the same things. He liked the same foods, and would find the same things hilarious. His whole face would light up when he smiled. Just as he'd always done before. But whatever his Ricky had gone through, it was not what Mickey had. So many times, Mickey would surprise him, act like a totally different person, come up with some new fact about his life, scream where Ricky would have stayed calm. It always seemed to happen when Jake had almost managed to forget, just for a second, that Ricky was gone. And that made all the difference.
Jake didn't know how to react whenever it happened. He tried to see him as a new person, someone to learn about, to be friends with, as he and Ricky used to be. He almost could. He could try to imagine for a moment that it was all okay, that he'd never had to feel that grief. But Mickey was different.
And Mickey had rejected him. He remembered his eyes, wide in denial. Mickey had stayed with him anyway. Only friends. How could he have hoped for anything different? Had Jake ever really wanted him? Or was he chasing a shadow, a shadow of what could no longer be. With that face, those eyes, looking at him every day, it felt like he was dying inside, torn. Unable to mourn, unable to be fulfilled. Wanting to be in love, as he had been before, but knowing that it was forbidden. An empty bed but not due to a fight. Always trusting each other with friendship and loyalty, almost as he and Ricky had. Day after day.
But it's not him. And would never be him. Days of smiles, laughter and adventure did not ease his empty heart. He sat on his single bed in the cheap hotel, feeling so far from home, from reality. He watched Mickey across the room, watched his chest rising and falling in his sleep. He looked so much like him.
Jake bit his lip, and turned away.