Chapter Three – Everything

You see everything, you see every part
You see all my light and you love my dark
You dig everything of which I'm ashamed
There's not anything to which you can't relate
And you're still here

-Alanis Morissette "Everything"

The breeze was bitter, but its icy tone seemed to just blow right through me. I was feeling quite numb, and the temperature had absolutely nothing to do with it. I had made the most important decision of my life today; a decision that would affect the lives of two…no, three people.

I walked along the sidewalk outside of the clinic, still completely shaken from what had just happened. Had I made the right choice? Should I have let Coburn go through with the termination?

But every time I even thought about what I came so close to doing, I was filled with an overwhelming sense of dread. This pregnancy just wasn't the same as the last one. Sure, the circumstances were completely different, but there was something else…something I couldn't quite put my finger on.

I decided to turn a different way, avoiding the shorter route back home. I wasn't on tonight at work unless they paged me, so I didn't have to worry too much about getting home on time. Besides, a nice long walk by the water sounded pretty damn good right about now.

I made it about halfway home before I realized I needed to take a break, and thankfully, there was a bench set out overlooking the water nearby. I took a seat, allowing my mind to wander freely.

"I went by your place," Came a familiar voice, startling me out of my reverie. I turned to face a rather defeated looking Luka, who nevertheless appeared to be on some sort of mission. "But I figured you might come home this way."

I stared at Luka for a few moments, unsure of what I could possibly say to him. I ran through a bunch of different scenarios, none of which seemed appropriate. In the end, I decided to just let him continue with what he wanted to say.

"I don't want everything we have to come down to this one decision," He continued soberly. He paused, studying my expression. "We can get past it. You did what you had to do…that doesn't mean we can't be together." It was then that I knew I had to stop him from saying anything more. I took a few seconds to process exactly what he was trying to tell me: Regardless of if there's a baby in our future or not, he still wants to be with me.

"I didn't do it," I announced nervously. I bit my lip before continuing. "I couldn't…I want to keep it." I watched as he took a deep breath, taking in my words. "I want us to have this baby."

Luka walked around the bench and sat down next to me, taking my hand in his and placing it on his lap. We're all right, I told myself. We're all right and now we're going to have a baby. I knew there was nothing more I could say, so instead I leaned up against him as we stared out over the water.

"Let's go home, Abby," He whispered after we had been sitting there for almost twenty minutes. Neither one of us had spoken at all during that time, and I think his sudden statement had surprised us both. "It's pretty cold out here."

"All right," I said, pulling myself up into a stand. Luka followed, my hand still in his. Together, we walked the rest of the way back to my apartment.

"What made you decide?" Luka asked. We were at his place now, stretched out together on his couch. A few boxes of leftover Chinese takeout lay forgotten on his coffee table, as neither one of us were in the mood to cook that night. He twirled a finger through a strand of hair that was poking free from my ponytail, anticipating my answer.

"I just knew that I couldn't," I replied, tilting my head to one side pensively. "Ever since I found out, I wasn't sure if I was ready to be a mother, and honestly, I'm still not sure." I leaned back against his chest, enjoying the feel of his warm body against mine. "But when I was at the clinic, I saw all those mothers and little kids, and I knew that I want that. I want that with you, Luka."

He smiled and kissed the back of my neck. "I want that with you, too, Abby," He murmured, rubbing the small of my back. "And you can never really be ready for this anyway. You just learn as you go…trial and error."

"I know," I nodded slowly. "But in my case, there's going to be a lot more error than trial." He chuckled softly. "What? You know it's true."

"I think you're going to be a good mother," He stated seriously. "I've always thought that."

"Well, it's not as if I've really ever had an example of one."

He shook his head. "Abby, you took care of your little brother when your mother wasn't around at a very young age, and you were a nurse for years and years. Both of those things require a large amount of nurturing and instinct." He placed his hand underneath my chin, lifting my head up to look him in the eye. "What makes you think you can't do the same for our baby?"

"That's just it, I don't know," I responded anxiously. "You've spent the last two weeks trying to convince me of the same thing, Luka, and it wasn't until today that I even started to believe I could do this…"

"We can do this," Luka interrupted, resting his forehead against mine. "You're not alone this time. We're going to do this together."

I smiled, closing the distance between us just enough to kiss him softly. He responded by wrapping his arms around my waist, holding me tightly against his chest. It was times like these that I felt so secure, and so unbelievably content. He was right…we can do this as long as we're together.

All right, now I'm pretty serious about not updating for a couple of days. I stayed home from school today and yesterday, which was why I was able to get together three chapters of this in less than two days. Once again, I'd like to thank everyone for the wonderful reviews I've received on this…they're really what has inspired me to keep going. :)