TALE AS OLD AS TIME

Chapter Eight: Feelings

The year that Nan and Remus had claimed Lily and James had to spend together was about to end. Since the day of the Wedding, Lily and James had become inseparable. Everything had started with a kiss but then they found thousands of reasons why to keep on kissing everyday, sometimes they were soft, sweet kisses, others hot and greedy, most of the time it was a mixture of both. As time passed, they became more and more dependant of the other to be happy.

"Lily, come here!" James yelled as he chased her around the garden.

"No! You'll have to catch me first!" Lily yelled back and a couple of moments later she let James catch her.

James picked her up and carried her back to were they had set their picnic lunch, and they sat together there for a long time, James holding her in that way that made her feel so special.

"I still can't believe Sirius is getting married next month." James commented.

"I guess he's really in love this time." Lily said, and then added. "You know, it has been a year since we met."

"A whole year already?" James said and rested his chin on the top of Lily's red head.

"That's what my father said in his last letter. He asks when I'll go back to Quiet Village." Lily explained but her voice dried suddenly.

"Do you want to go?"

"No."

"Why?"

"I think I love you." Lily answered, for her that was an already established fact but James remained quiet, practically petrified as the silence grew heavy and cold. She had just said that she loved him… and that was supposed to be something good…

Lily began to feel ridiculous almost immediately after the words 'I think I love you' left her mouth. She feared James didn't quite feel the same way as she did… I mean, he was a prince; she was the daughter of the crazy inventor of a neighbouring town. That kind of thing just didn't happen in real life.

"How come you're getting married?" Clarisse Sheldon asked in total shock as Charlie showed her engagement ring. "With who?" Clarisse was impressed with the ring; it was the kind of thing you could tell right away it was not only valuable but also a family heirloom

Just as Charlie was going to ask, a voice drifted in from the entrance hall of the Stone's Manor. "Is Miss Charlie available?" Sirius was asking.

"In the sitting room, my lord." The maid answered.

Sirius walked to the sitting room and when he saw Charlie standing in the middle of the room, he practically ran to her and gave her one of those I-haven't-see-you-in-years kids, even when he had seen her the day before. Charlie and Sirius only stopped their kissing because Lady Stone fake-cleared her throat to get their attention.

"Lady Stone," Sirius said as he slid a proprietary arm around Charlie's shoulders. "A pleasure to see you, as always and as always you look magnificent!"

"You can quit it with the flattering tone, you don't fool anyone." Lady Stone said though she was vaguely pleased that she had been called 'magnificent'. "Do you remember my other daughter, Clarisse Sheldon?"

"Of course," Sirius said and turned slightly to Clarisse. "Lady Sheldon, I hope you're doing just fine." Clarisse had stuck out her hand so Sirius would kiss it as it was proper but all Sirius did was give her a very mild and unenthusiastic handshake.

"The food is ready, my lady." Announced one of the maids. Lord Sheldon and Lord Stone wait in the dining room."

"Are you staying for supper, Lord Black?" Clarisse asked, mimicking Sirius's glacial treatment of towards her.

"That's why I came, Lady Sheldon." Sirius answered pleasantly and gave his arm to Charlie to escort her to the dining room.

The diner went smoothly, and after dessert Sirius said his goodbyes for he had to return to the castle. Before going, Sirius kissed Charlie a couple of times more, and then drew himself away with some reluctance.

When Charlie returned to her room after saying goodbye to Sirius, Clarisse was waiting for her.

"How can you mess with Sirius after what happened between him and me?"

"I'm not 'messing' with Sirius, not in the way you imply. We have been together for months and we are getting married in a few weeks."

"You do realize he's just doing this to spite me, don't you?" Clarisse said, changing her argument since her last barb didn't hit its mark. "He just kissed you like he did because I was there; he wanted to make me jealous."

"Well… he did the same thing yesterday, and the day before and the day before that one… actually he does it all the time, no matter if you're or not around." Charlie answered calmly. "Don't get me wrong, I understand you're hurt… he's a great kisser and in just one month I'm going to get to kiss him every time I want. Ain't that great?"

.-.-.-.-.-.-

James had been ominously quiet since Lily had told him she loved him. After a little while they returned to the castle and James didn't uttered more than a few monosyllables.

"So, when are you going back to Quiet Village?" James asked suddenly as they made their way back to the house.

"I don't know. Do you want me to leave?" Lily asked in confusion

"I think that would be the best." James answered coldly.

"I'll leave right away if that's what you wish." Lily said quietly, feeling hurt and confused and almost hearing how her heart was breaking. "But I want you to know that I said the truth."

Lily left James and went to her room, took a few of her belongings and left without another word. One of James's carriages would take her to her home.

James saw how Lily went away and he really felt like yelling and weeping. He had never ever before felt as lonely. James loved Lily, he loved her with all his heart but he was a coward and his own fear wouldn't allow him to say the words.

How will I start tomorrow without you here? Whose heart will guide me when all the answers disappear?

Slowly, James realized how much he had lost for being a coward, for not being able to say the two little words he felt in his soul.

Is it too late? Are you too far gone to stay? This one's forever should never have to go away. What will I do? You know I'm only half without you. How will I make it through?

Lily was his life, and he knew it now when everything seemed lost. She was gone, the world was crumbling down and it was all his blessed fault.

If only tears could bring you back to me, if only love could find a way… What I would do, what would I give if you returned to me someday, somehow, someday. If my tears could bring you back to me.

I'd cry you an ocean if you'd said on home again. Wings of emotion will carry you, I know they can. Just light will guide you and your heart will char the course. Soon you'll be drifting to the arms of your true north.

See, the problem is that people can live and function with a broken heart. Sure, he could live without Lily… but what kind of live would it be? An empty existence without joy or love or any meaning whatsoever. James had had the perfect chance at love and had blown it.

Look in my eyes and you'll see a million tears have gone bye and still there's not dry.

If only tears could bring you back to me, if only love could find a way. What I could do, what I would if you returned to me someday, somehow, someway. If my tears could bring you back, to me.

If only he could tell him how much he loved her… if only he could explain it all, say that eh loved her and he had denied it because of past wounds… if only he wouldn't have let her go. If only. Those must be the saddest words in any language… if only.

I hold you close and shout the words I only whispered before… For one more chance, for one last dance there's nothing I would not give and more.

If my tears could bring you back… to me.

Slow tears left James's eyes; by the time Sirius arrived and saw him, James had made a mess out of himself.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Sirius asked him as he dragged him to his room so James would stop inspiring pity in the living room; he had already heard the story.

"Because, I'm an idiot, Sirius. I'm an idiot."

"Well said my little dwarf well said." Sirius said without humour, leaving James in his misery. James deserved it… for idiot.

.-.-.-.-.-.

"Daddy?" Lily called that same night as she made it to her dad's home. "Dad, where are you?"

"Lily! You're back!" Mark Evans exclaimed happily as he hugged his daughter, but then he got a good look at her and saw that, though physically she looked well, there was certain sadness around her. "Have you been crying? Why?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Dad. Please. I just want to be happy because I'm home and forget everything. I want things to be how they used to be."

Mark smiled knowingly but didn't say a word more.

Lily just wanted everything to be as before she met James, she wanted to be happy and carefree. She hoped time and distance would heal her… maybe when she learned to stop loving him things would get easier, though deep down she didn't thought that was possible.

.-.-.-.-.

End of Chapter Eight.

.-.-.-.

Notes:

The song was If only tears could bring you back by Midnight Sons