This chapter has some sex in it, making me wonder if the rate "T" is suitable. It's not at all the worst you can find at fanfiction, but still. Feel free to e-mail me if you've got anything to say about this chapter.

Chapter Three

A night of despair and happiness

I was running as fast as I could along a dark corridor. I had to find it.

It was the only way I could save my Lenne, the only way it wouldn't come true. I ran along the dark corridor until I saw two double doors in front of me. Across the doors, there was three words in blood-red: "Do not enter". I took a deep breath, and stretched out my hands to open them. My hands were repelled by an invisible barrier. "I won't let this stop me." I thought. I took the long sword on my back out of its red holster. I lifted the sword, and sliced the doors in two, four and six parts, just to let out my feelings towards those bastards.

I was standing on a balcony-like platform in a gigantic room. The ceiling was too high to even be seen. When I looked up, I saw nothing blackness. I looked ahead of me. I was awed by the sight.

An enormous Machina stood before me. It looked more like some kind of fiend than anything else. It was built with legs, feet, torso and head. The "face" of the gigantic, fiendish was what grasped my attention the most. The "eyes" of it were nothing but dark holes.

The gigantic monster sent shivers down my back. It was as if the very definition of "terror" stood before me, looking at me with those holes. "I never thought mankind could ever build anything so horrifying." I thought, looking at the monster in paralyzed fear. "Surely, this must be able to save my Lenne." I walked over to the end of the balcony, looking at the Machina's face. It just stood there, as if it was waiting for me to say something, or waiting for me to do anything at all.

I looked up at the gigantic Machina, taking in every detail of it.

The monster must've been about fifty meters tall or something, at least it looked like it. I took a deep breath. "You know, you're all I can count on to save Lenne"

Suddenly, I heard an alarm go off somewhere in the room.

Red lights blinked, and the sound of the alarm filled my ears with a penetrating sound. I turned around slowly, and faced whatever could've found me.

I woke up with a start, looking wildly around me. The first thing I saw was Lenne, sleeping beside me with her hands around my waist. I sat up in the bed and looked at my shaking hands. I breathed fast, and felt as if I had never been more frightened. I looked down at my pillow. It was drenched in sweat. I let a hand go through my hair. It was wet from the sweating. I put my hand down, trying to calm myself, waiting for my heart to stop pounding so fast, and my breathing to go back to normal. I looked at the watch on the bedside table beside of me. It was two pm. "What was that? That was just so……so real!" I thought, looking down at my hands, which were still shaking violently.

I clenched them into fists, trying to stop the shaking. "I've never had a dream like that before." I looked down at Lenne again. Her hands was still encircled around my body, tight, as though a part of her was still awake, and was telling Lenne she mustn't let go of her lover.

"Lenne," I whispered, shaking her gently. Lenne opened her eyes. The moment she saw me, her eyes overflowed with love and warmth.

"Shuyin……I love you." She whispered passionately. I bent down and kissed her, a little more needy than usual. I heard moans of happiness escape her as I held the kiss, pulling her closer, and letting my hands find their way inside her pyjamas to the breasts, fondling them gently. Lenne moaned harder. I looked into her face which was filled with excitement. She took off her pyjamas and pressed her body against mine, making her boobs squash against my chest. Lenne moaned harder than ever. She kissed me with her tongue. I felt it inside my mouth, how it made contact with my own, exploring.

She broke the kiss, looking at me as if she was saying: "I want you so much". "Lenne, I need you." I whispered. Lenne put her arms around my neck, looking at me with loving eyes. "Shuyin…..You don't have to be afraid. You don't have to hesitate. I'll always be yours." I looked at her gratefully. I couldn't find words for how much she meant to me. "Lenne…..I love you so much" Lenne looked even more excited as I said this. "Please, Shuyin…..Let me give you what I can give you.. Let me make love to you, please." I lied down on my back, and Lenne lay on top of me, kissing me endlessly. I'd never felt such bliss before. This was better than anything. She wanted to give me what she could give; she wanted to satisfy my sexual desires. I wasn't going to stop her, I loved her too much.

Some time later, we were lying on the bed completely naked with our arms around each other. We'd stopped kissing; we just lied there, enjoying the feeling of our bare skin against each other, our calm breath against each other's faces. I looked at Lenne, feeling such joy I could hardly bear it. "Was I able to give you what you needed?" She asked in a calm voice. I nodded. The feeling of terrifying despair from the nightmare was long gone. "Lenne, you are always there for me, thank you." I whispered. She smiled at this. "1000 no kobota is about my feelings for you, Shuyin. Was I able to prove that?" I nodded again. "Lenne, you're so beautiful." I let my hand go up and down her naked back. Lenne moaned as I did it. She really looked like a part of her was really satisfied with something, though I couldn't explain what it was; I just knew she enjoyed it. Lenne looked at me, and pressed her body against mine. "Are you still afraid that I'll leave you?" I pondered my answer before replying. I had woken her up because I needed the comfort I knew only she could give me. Now, though, it was hard to talk about the feeling that I was so scared of. "Sometimes, yes. Sometimes that feeling is so penetrating, that I am afraid it will destroy me, but after you gave me what you said you wanted to give me so much, that feeling faded away."

"Good." Lenne kissed me, pressing my body against hers, trying to give me more of her. Suddenly, she whimpered, and I broke the kiss immediately, afraid I'd done anything that had hurt her. "What is it?" I asked concerned. Lenne breathed fast, her eyes filled with the same excitement as before. And I understood what had happened. I put my hand down to her core, and put two fingers in it, rubbing it gently. I felt how my fingers got covered in her juices, but I didn't care.

Lenne moaned again, her body went all slack from ecstasy, her eyes wide from the sensation. She whimpered as my fingers continued to rub her core and looked at me as though she was saying "please, give me more". I understood one thing for sure:

I could make her happy with this, and that was reason enough for me to do it. I wanted to do anything to make my Lenne happy, and if it included something like this, I'd do it. I rubbed on, and Lenne continued to moan and whimper in ecstasy. "I won't tell you about the nightmare, Lenne, not now that you are so blissful." I thought, looking at Lenne with loving eyes. She looked happy in a deeper, far deeper way than I'd ever seen her. "I love you." I whispered, as I continued to rub her core. She looked at me, her eyes full of emotions I couldn't quiet understand right then, but I could tell she was feeling truly happy. I stopped rubbing, and we lay there, with our arms around each other like before. After awhile, we fell asleep. The happiest couple in Zanarkand.

I woke up by the feeling of sunlight on my face. I looked at Lenne, who was still sleeping peacefully, but she was holding her arms around my naked body with a firm grip, nonetheless. I looked into her face. She looked so peaceful, as if she had not a trouble in the world.

When I watched her sleeping like this, I really felt sad and actually ashamed that I felt a need to tell her about that nightmare. Even now, after our night together in bed, I felt a need to tell her. I thought the feeling had gone away, but no. it was still there. I swore out of feelings I couldn't quiet place. I just knew that right now, I really felt angry because of that feeling. "Why do I always get this feeling when I'm with Lenne? Why cannot I feel as free as her?" Those questions had no answer, and I felt even angrier at this. I didn't look away from my Lenne. I wanted to watch over her until she woke up. I was afraid something would tear us apart if I didn't.

At last, she opened her eyes and looked at me with that familiar loving gaze. "Good morning." I said.

She smiled the same warm smile she only smiled for me.

"Now that I think about it, I've never thought about that before, how Lenne has expressions she'll only let me see." I thought.

"Did you sleep well?" She asked. Her voice was calm and relaxed.

"Yeah, thanks to you." Lenne's face broke out in one of those happy delighted smiles she always wore when she really got happy around me. "How about we got up and I made us breakfast?" She asked in the same calm, relaxed voice. "Yeah, that'd be great." Lenne smiled and kissed me, before she got up and got her clothes on. I went out bed too and got dressed. The sun shone through the window to our room, as if telling me that I really had no reason at all to be afraid. Lenne went out of our bedroom, and into the kitchen. I followed her, after being brought back from my own thoughts. Lenne went over to the fridge and took out the ingredients for omelette. "Could you start making the beef, Shuyin?" She asked as she went over to the oven and turned on the biggest hotplate to warm up the frying pan for the eggs. I took out plates and cups and lay them on the table. "Sure!" I replied cheerfully. Lenne went over to the now hot frying pan, opened the eggs with a small knife, and let the egg yolk fall into frying pan.

After awhile, the whole house smelled of Lenne's omelette.

About half an hour later, we sat at the table eating breakfast.

Lenne watched me eating the food we'd made together. She looked like she was happy about something, though I couldn't really understand what it was. "Say, Shuyin. How about we take a flight on Valefor after breakfast?" I swallowed a mouthful of omelette before replying. "That'd be great!" Lenne smiled, watching me through the candle we'd lightened before eating. "Yeah, definitely." She agreed.

"Lenne, I may not get another chance to tell you this, if I don't tell you soon." I thought sadly. "Though it'll really hurt to tell you something like this. To really tell you how terrified I am of that feeling." Lenne must've noticed I was thinking about something which made me sad, but she didn't say anything. Apparently, she thought it'd be best if she let me tell her myself. In that instant, I felt the atmosphere in the room change. Suddenly, it was really heavy, and it felt as if I couldn't talk about anything with anyone, because I wasn't brave enough to tell anyone around me how I felt. Lenne noticed how I felt. She got up from her seat, and went over to me. She put her arms around me and held me tightly. "Shuyin. My Shuyin, I'll always be there for you. You don't have to tell me what's wrong before you're ready, but remember this: I'll never leave you."

I closed my eyes and let her hold me. I put my arms around her in return.

"Thanks, Lenne. It means more than I can put into words."

There were thousands of things I wanted to tell her, thousands of words which wouldn't come out. I just knew one thing for sure right now: Lenne was everything to me. She was my world, and I could definitely never live without her.

Some time later, we were flying across the sky, over the city of Zanarkand. As usual with Lenne behind me, leaning against my back. I looked down at the Machina city below. People were running among the towering buildings as usual, this city never slept. It was always so full of life. I turned around so I could see Lenne more clearly and talk to her.

"Lenne, there's something I want you to know." I began. I had a serious and depressed look on my face. I heard how this was reflected in my voice. Lenne looked at me, the same anxious look she always wore when she knew I was suffering. "The reason why I woke you up last night….." I paused, taking a deep breath before I went on. It was so hard to tell her, and I was so afraid of that feeling; that feeling of losing my Lenne. "Was because I…..needed something I knew only you could give me. I was in great pain, and I knew only you could ease it." Lenne nodded. "I knew that much, Shuyin. That's why I asked you if you were still afraid I would leave you one day."

I nodded, and went on. "I woke up from a terrible nightmare I had. It was……a nightmare about my fear of losing you." I paused, closing my eyes, and trying to stop my body from shaking. It had started the second I mentioned the nightmare. I went on, looking into Lenne's beautiful green and blue eyes. "In that dream, I was running along a dark corridor. I was searching for something. A way to save you from that feeling I had inside me that told me you would die, if I didn't

find what I was searching for." Lenne looked at me, her eyes starting to look anxious to the point of desperation. "I ran along the dark corridor until I saw a gigantic door in front of me. On the door, was the message in blood-red: "do not enter" I had this huge sword on my back, and used it to cut the door open. As I chopped the door up, I felt a terrible hatred towards someone I knew caused you great pain, but I cannot remember who it was." I looked at Lenne again. She was on the verge of tears from seeing me like this. I went on. "When I was inside the room, I saw something……something which paralyzed me with fear." I paused again, trying to recover from the great effort it was telling her this. Lenne looked at me, her eyes were now big with fright. Hearing about this dream made her terrified as well. "I saw a Machina in front of me. It was about fifty meters tall or something, but the only thing that made it look like a Machina, and not a fiend, was because I could see that humans had built it. It was built completely with feet, legs, torso, arms and head. The part of the Machina that caught my attention the most was its monster-like face.

It had no eyes. No pupils, or anything, only gigantic, empty dark holes. Those eyes, they were like the very definition of "fear", itself.

It was as if they symbolized that feeling I was about to get overwhelmed by. And I thought that, if anything could save you, it would have to be this gigantic fiendish Machina. I went over to it and spoke to it. I said: "You know, you're all I can count on to save Lenne." After I'd said that, the whole room was engulfed in red light, and I heard an alarm go off. It was so loud. I have never heard anything so penetrating, Lenne. It was terrible. It was as if the sound didn't come from an alarm somewhere, but from the Machina in front of me, as though it was screaming. I turned around in the intense red light around me, and faced whoever had found me. Then I woke up."

I took a deep breath. It felt good to get it out, but at the same time, it made me uneasy. Would anything happen, now that I'd told her?

"Shuyin……it was only a dream, you don't have to worry about it." Lenne said, though her eyes were big with fright, and her voice was trembling slightly. "Lenne, I don't want to lose you." I held her, refusing to let go. I wouldn't let anything happen to her. "I cannot live without you, Lenne. Without you, I would have nothing." I said shakily. Lenne held just as tightly in return. "Shuyin, please! Don't let such thoughts haunt you! It destroys me!" She looked at me, her eyes shining with tears. "Please, don't be afraid of such things. Just…..don't be afraid." I held Lenne, letting my hand go up and down her back in a soothing motion. "Lenne…..thank you. But I just cannot stop feeling that way, because I love you so much. I'm just so afraid of losing you."

Valefor flew silently over Zanarkand. The sun had retreated behind a dark cloud. It felt colder, and a great shadow had fallen over Zanarkand. "Let's go home, Lenne." I whispered, holding her tight.

She nodded, wiping her eyes. Valefor changed course, heading home.

"I'm sorry, Lenne. It really pains me to tell you something like this." I said silently. "I want to know how you feel. I want to know if you are in pain, Shuyin, even if it's painful to me." She replied. "Don't be ashamed, Shuyin. You know I'll always be there for you."

Lenne didn't let go until Valefor arrived at our home.