Wah! Sorry it's taken me so long to update! But it's been so hot here for the past few days I've been unable to think about much except for ice lollies and paddling pools.I've actually been wrestling withthis chapter for quite a while; it's been such hard work that yesterday morning I almost hated it! But now it's finally finished, I'm more proud of it than I thought I'd be...
After Enies Lobby, Ace couldn't help going to visit the Mugiwaras again, just to see that they were all really all right. No one was really sure what had happened there – there were some incredible rumours circulating. Ace found it hard to believe that any of that crew would ever be able to bear parting with each other, but he had to see with his own eyes that Robin and Usopp were still safely among them, because he knew his brother's heart would probably be broken otherwise.
He didn't find them, at first, in the harbour in which he had been told they were docked, because he was looking for the Going Merry. But as he walked up and down the quay for the second time, he heard an excited voice shouting: "Nii-chan! Nii-chan!" and there was Luffy, running towards him with that grin he knew so well, and he knew that everything must be all right.
Luffy gave him a proud tour of the beautiful new ship, like a little boy showing someone round his tree house. It was still small, but much more fitting for a pirate crew, and each of them now had their own cabins. Luffy was delighted when Ace voiced his approval, and after a little while even remembered to introduce him to their newest nakama, Franky: "My musician!"
"And shipwright," Franky's tone implied that, had he had a Berry for every time he had reminded his Captain of his real occupation, he would be a very wealthy android indeed.
Then there was Robin, who had still been their enemy last time he saw them, now as pleased to see him as the rest, and Usopp, seeming older, and more at ease with himself; he and Zoro seemed very happy about something, Ace never did find out what. Chopper, running to him as eagerly as Luffy had done, and Nami, saying how good it was to have someone with more than half a brain back on board.
And finally, there was Sanji, emerging from the shiny new galley, smiling in welcome and looking more beautiful than ever. Ace had hoped that perhaps seeing Sanji again would put a stop to his obsessing, but it was worse if anything. It was hard not to stare at him. But to his surprise, he found things less awkward than he had supposed they might be. Sanji was genuinely pleased to see him, and they found, once again, that they had a lot to say to each other. Almost without realising it, they fell into a kind of routine, mainly based around Ace washing up, Sanji forcibly ejecting Luffy from the galley, and many cups of Darjeeling tea.
The days passed, Blackbeard didn't show up, and Ace found himself not really caring much. Only occasionally did this fact make him guilty. Nothing much else really mattered when he could be near Sanji. Time, perhaps, could have continued to pass like this indefinitely, if it hadn't been for one night when they were left alone in the galley together after the rest of the crew had gone to bed…
They were sitting together side by side at the table, as they often had in the past few days, and talking of something inconsequential, when after a long pause, Sanji suddenly said in a voice that he strove to make bright and nonchalant: "Hey, Ace… mind if I ask you something kind of personal?"
Ace tried his hardest to sound as nonchalant as Sanji, but he had a horrible premonition of what was coming: "Go right ahead."
"Are you seeing anyone at the moment? I just wondered…"
Ace felt his heart speed up. He had a feeling he knew what this was leading up to… "No," was all he trusted himself to say, his voice sounding unnatural in his ears.
Turning, he saw that Sanji was leaning slightly towards him, his lips parted, his face oddly flushed. Ace just couldn't help it; he leaned forward until their lips met and… Sanji didn't pull away from him. It was Ace himself who broke the kiss, in disbelief, looking at Sanji questioningly, half sure that what had just happened was a kind of physical hallucination. Sanji looked equally stunned. After another pause, he said, uncertainly: "I'm not sure we should be doing this…"
"You didn't like it?" said Ace, and tried not to look as ridiculously happy as he felt when Sanji said: "No, it's not that…"
"Well then…"Ace, replied, trying to keep his voice calm. "Why are you fighting it?" he tentatively took Sanji's hand, and Sanji let him hold it; Ace's heart leapt. When he began to lean forward for another kiss, and Sanji met it… he felt like his heart would burst.
This time, the kiss lasted longer. Ace tried to be gentle, but it was very hard when he finally, finally, had Sanji in his arms, was kissing those perfectly formed lips, burying his fingers in that beautiful blond hair, holding that slim, graceful body against his own… And Sanji seemed to be really enjoying himself, judging by the way his body was relaxing and his breathing was beginning to speed up…
Eventually, they had to break the kiss, if only to let themselves breath. Still holding Sanji's hand, and breathing rather hard, Ace stood up. Looking towards the door, he said: "Shall we…?" and was almost frightened by how quickly his heart beat sped up when Sanji gave a nod and silently followed him to his own cabin.
Once inside, Sanji closed the door and turned to face Ace. Ace stepped forward, tentatively, to put his arms around Sanji's waist and Sanji stepped into them, putting his own arms around Ace's neck. They kissed again. Oh God, it felt so good! Sanji's body fit perfectly into his arms and his skin was even softer than it looked… Ace let his lips move to Sanji's jaw and neck, undid the buttons of his shirt and began exploring his bare chest and stomach. Sanji's breathing was speeding up, and his hands were hesitantly beginning to move over Ace's bare torso, and their bodies were pressed so closely together that Ace could feel how aroused Sanji was.
Now that Ace was sure that Sanji wanted this as much as he did, he decided that the long awaited moment had come to take thing further. Without a second thought, he deftly unbuckled Sanji's belt and, with a sigh of longing and anticipation, thrust his hand inside…
Whatever he had thought would happen next, he had not been expecting Sanji to wrench his lips away from his own and to push him almost violently away from him.
The pause that followed felt like an eternity. Ace stood in the middle of the floor, Sanji with his back against the door, and with an awful confused, panicked look on his face. Sanji dropped his gaze to the floor and whispered: "I'm sorry, Ace."
"What did I do wrong?" asked Ace, stricken with guilt, his voice also little more than a whisper.
"Nothing. You didn't – I mean – It's my fault. I shouldn't have kissed you."
"Well then… why did you?" Ace's voice was beginning to tremble, and he was angry with himself for it. He must not cry: as if Sanji needed anything else to upset him!
Sanji sat down on the bed with his back to Ace, and continued: "Ace, I'm sorry! I wanted to – I guess I can't lie about that! But…"
"But..?"
"But I – I guess I didn't want to as much as I thought I did… I shouldn't have messed you around like this," Sanji's voice was beginning to tremble as well; Ace couldn't bear to hear it. He knew this was all his fault, he shouldn't have come on so fast or so heavy; he should have seen that Sanji was still confused. He shouldn't have been so damn selfish.
"I'm sorry, Sanji," he said. "It's all my fault-"
Sanji cut him off: "For God's sake, Ace! Don't blame yourself! It was my fault not yours," he put up a hand to cover his eyes and Ace had a horrible suspicion he was crying.
"I'm sorry," Ace said again, lamely. "I'll go now."
"What do you mean, go? Go where?" Sanji demanded. But he demanded it of thin air, because Ace had already disappeared out of the door.
Ace opened the door of the spare cabin where he had been sleeping with as much noise as possible, hoping Sanji would think that was where he meant when he said "away". He knew he was being a coward, but it was clear that Sanji would be better off without him around from now on, and he didn't want to be stopped from leaving. Fortunately, he believed in being ready for sudden departures, and all his belongings were still in his backpack. Despising himself, he crept down to his brother's cabin and gently shook him awake.
Luffy sleepily muttered something about hermit crabs not being able to fly, before he opened his eyes. "Na? Nii-chan?" he said, upon waking properly. "What have you brought your bag to my bedroom for?"
"I have to go Luffy, Whitebeard called me on the Baby Den Den," he had never lied to his brother before, but he didn't want to arouse suspicions. "It sounds urgent; he didn't say what it was, in case the call was intercepted."
Luffy, predictably, pouted and made puppy dog eyes at him. "Aww, but Nii-chan! I thought you were going to be here for aaaaages!"
Ace had always found it hard to resist those eyes. He turned as if to go: "I'm sorry Luffy, but I can't stay here any more."
Luffy sat up in bed. "Are you all right, Nii-chan?"
"Yes, why?" said Ace, in what he hoped was a neutral tone of voice. Damn Luffy, he was so unexpectedly perceptive at times!
"You sound all sad…" getting out of bed he padded across the cabin and, for the first time in many a year, put his arms around his brother and hugged him tightly. Ace pulled him closer, drawing unexpected comfort from the feel of skinny little arms squeezing him and wiry, unruly hair ticking his chin.
"I'm all right Luffy, I promise," another lie, he was sure Luffy was not taken in. But at the same time, he seemed to sense that his brother didn't want to talk about whatever was bothering him, because he just held him even tighter and rubbed his back soothingly.
"I really have to go now Luffy," said Ace, afraid that he would burst into tears.
"OK then, Nii-chan! Come and see me again soon. Not till you've finished off Blackbeard though," said Luffy, with his trademark giggle.
Ace managed a watery smile. "You can count on it," he said, then he turned abruptly away out of the cabin. Unmooring his skiff as quietly as possible, he set off along the coast to find a secluded inlet to hide in while he waited for Blackbeard to appear.
He was thankful that he was almost out of sight from his brother's ship before the tears began rolling down his cheeks.
;; see why it was so hard to write? Please, please, don't hate me for doing that to them! I feel guilty enough as it is xx Next chapter will hopefully follow shortly.