Summary:
Marinette spills over, she cracks and unravels.
And along with the problems Marinette faces, the guarded secrets start to spill.
Notes:
Sorry for any mistakes I may have made.
Chapter: Mind Of Steel P.1
Her and Kagami have a talk. A really, real talk. They have the longest conversation she's ever had- they've ever had. They talk about the small things first. Marinette is reluctant to share of course and Kagami is eager to unravel all the facts that drove Marinette to switching classes. They go at it for at least a half hour before Marinette starts to show cracks in her stories, before Marinette starts breaking. Before Marinette starts crying.
The look of horror and anger on Kagami's face, says it all, the Tsurugi is taken aback by everything she hears. Kagami can't believe it, she doesn't understand why everyone turned on Marinette the way they did, especially Adrien. How could everyone that knew the teen just choose Lila over someone they knew for much longer. Kagami clenches her jaw tighter and tighter as Marinette starts to spill more and more about the past few months that she's been enduring all alone, her fists balled up on the soft sheets of the teen's bed, her eyebrows furrowed. She listens and feels so many things, she also couldn't help but feel guilty.
"-and then this guy wouldn't leave me alone, and then he kissed me-", Marinette whimpers out a sound like a kicked puppy.
And it's like Kagami sees red the moment she hears that phrase. She feels her heart drop to her stomach, she feels rage. She stops listening.
"What guy!", she can barely contain her voice, her eyes flash with rage as she turns her head, she faces that girl that had been dealing with so much, alone.
Marinette realizes her mistake, she recoils, wanting to take it back. She turns away from the teen that wears the most furious look she thinks shes ever seen. "It's irrelevant-", she tries to say.
"Irrelevant! That asshole, whoever he is, forced himself onto you!-", Kagami stood up from the bed, furious, completely red faced, her fists were tightly balled up and shaking.
Marinette stands up, "Keep it down, Kagami.", she says, fear now flooding her face.
A look of surprise washes over the Tsurugi's face suddenly, "Have you not told your parents? Anything…", the teen asks, her voice dropping to a much more quieter tone, her lips are parted in shock.
Shame flashes over Marinette's face. "You don't understand-", she starts, she whispers. "There's so much more...more that...I just…", things she couldn't share, secrets she had to guard.
Kagami falls silent, her expression suddenly becomes unreadable, her lips close.
Marinette looks away, no longer feeling strong enough to hold Kagami's strong gaze. She feels shame, sadness and loneliness. She feels like a burden. She revealed too much, she spilled so fast. She was afraid this would happen. Her lives had collided, her problems with Chat Noir had just piled up onto her problems in her civilian life. It was too much, too heavy for her to keep carrying and going forward. All these secrets forced her to bottle everything up, she couldn't truly confide in people...sure Chloé was now in her life, she helped a bit, but she only knew about Plagg. Chloé didn't truly know the depth of her pain and hurt. She couldn't tell anyone the depth of how and why she was so hurt. She merely sat back down onto the bed.
After what seemed like forever, Kagami speaks again, her voice is softer, more quieter. "Marinette.", she says.
Marinette slowly turns to face the teen. She says nothing, she just gives her, her attention.
"Did...he...do more to you?", Kagami struggles to finish her question, she swallows thickly as she feels another emotion causing her chest to ache, she feels her eyes burning and vision starting to blur.
Marinette knows what Kagami is trying to ask. Thankfully, she doesn't have to lie, "No...he just touched me...and kissed me a few times. It didn't get to that, I...that problem…", Marinette finds it hard to speak any further, she feels a knot in her throat. An odd yearning and longing building in her chest. She sighs deeply and wraps her arms around herself. "I...just...there's...he was...all I had left.", Marinette says. As if trying to justify what was happening to her, what had been happening to her.
Kagami's face falls slightly, "You...cared for him?"
Marinette looks away. "Yes, I loved him, but I loved him differently than he loved me.", she admits. "I...thought about it...being with him, letting him have his way…", she releases a shaky breath, she closes her eyes and tears escape her eyes and rolling down her cheeks. She knows how it sounds, she knows that her words would weigh heavy upon any ears that heard them. She opens her eyes and finds a sad look on the Tsurugi's face, she sees those chocolate brown eyes tearing up, "I've shared too much.", she concludes. She feels herself go back into that dark place. She feels she's let enough out. Enough to not overflow too quickly again.
Kagami can't help but feel sick, she can see so clearly that Marinette was trying to justify things for all the wrong reasons. She can see that Marinette wanted to carry this all on her own. It hurt her, to see someone as sweet and as good as Marinette, going through all of this hurt her that Marinette had been keeping this to herself. "Marinette.", she says a little breathlessly. She didn't understand why Marinette felt the need to continue to endure. "I don't think you've shared enough.", Kagami says, she steps closer to Marinette and sits down beside her, closer, their knees touch, she brings her hands up to Marinette's tense shoulders, she makes the girl face her.
Marinette is a little startled, but she collects herself. She says nothing. Afraid she'll say too much.
"Marinette, you don't have to continue to justify the wrong things that other people have done to you, you don't have to make excuses for people that do wrong. You don't have to sacrifice your happiness.", Kagami says, her eyes never leaving Marinette's own.
The words strike something deep inside Marinette. It resonates with her. But she puts aside her feelings and shrugs, turning away. "You wouldn't understand.", she says, it's her go to excuse. An excuse that Kagami doesn't buy. An excuse that Marinette uses to cope and hide behind.
"Then help me understand, Marinette.", she says firmly, her watery gaze hardens slightly. "Help me, help you.", her voice shakes a bit. Her eyes search desperately, trying to get the teen to meet her gaze again.
Marinette keeps her head turned away, refusing to continue.
Kagami releases a heavy sigh, she wasn't willing to let this go, no. She couldn't walk away from Marinette, she couldn't just leave her here, not after hearing everything she's heard so far. She knew there was more, so much more to all of this, she knew Marinette was holding back, she just couldn't understand why. "Marinette, please, talk to me.", she pleads, close to begging, and she never begs.
"Leave me alone.", comes a whispered response to Kagami's pleading.
Kagami's eyebrows furrow, she presses her lips into a tight line, her hands still softly gripping the teens shoulders. She falls silent.
Marinette grieves the loss of her many bonds, there's a gaping hole in her chest, she lost everything. Lila's lies took her friends, and Chat Noir's desires took him from her. Alya's betrayal hurts her everyday, being behind Chat Noir's stripping made her feel guilty. She blames herself, because had she just given them all what they wanted, maybe...maybe none of this would have happened. Maybe she and Lila would have been able to become friends, maybe she could have helped Lila change for the better, maybe if she just gave Chat Noir the chance he wanted, maybe he would have been a good significant other. Everything would have been okay.
"I'm so sorry, that you feel you can't trust me.", Kagami speaks again, she pauses to swallow thickly. "I really want to help you, I really...just want help you."
Marinette slowly turns her head to the teen, she sees the strong Tsurugi on the verge of tears. "I did this to myself.", she says, she makes up her mind. She blames herself. Accepting it. "You reap what you sow.", she says out loud. She chuckles softly, bitterly.
Kagami's lips part like a fish out of water, she can't believe what she just heard.
"If I just gave them all what they wanted...maybe...maybe I wouldn't be here. Maybe everything at school would have been perfect, maybe...me and the guy would have worked out, maybe...he really is destined to be with me…", she whispered out the last part. Her gaze flickers away from Kagami's own.
"What?", Kagami asks, confusion becomes clear on her face, unsure if she heard Marinette right. 'Destined to be with her?', She thinks to herself. She snaps out of thought, she returns her focus to the conversation. "Marinette, none of this isn't your fault. You stood up to Lila because she's nothing but a liar, and- and with that guy, you shouldn't be forced to reciprocate anyone's feelings. Marinette, you have the right to stand up for what's right, you have the right to turn people down. You shouldn't feel guilty about anything. None of this is your fault.", Kagami wants Marinette to understand. She wants the teen to know that she shouldn't feel obligated to excuse other people's wrongdoings. "You're a good person, you did right by calling Lila out, you did right by pulling away from that guy. You are the victim here, not them-"
Something in Marinette snaps, she shifts and slaps Kagami's hands off her body, she gets off the bed and stands up. "I'm not a victim.", she nearly growls.
Kagami flinches away, her mouth is agape.
Marinette clicks her tongue, she was going to open her mouth again, she was going to talk, but before she could, she felt one of the two kwamis suddenly pinch her side. "Ngh!", she flinches and brings a hand over her side, she holds a kwamis through her jacket, she feels the kwamis against her skin.
"Marinette?", Kagami stands up as she sees Marinette bend sideways slightly. Concern flooding her.
Marinette clenches her jaw, she doesn't know what's going on, why one of the kwamis was pinching her, why it seemed like the kwami was trying to make her look stupid. She feels the kwami struggling against her hand and through the fabric of her clothes. She was going to tell Kagami to leave, but before she could talk again. The Unexpected happened.
"Stop it or Plagg will bite you.", came a muffled voice.
And Marinette knows Kagami heard it.
Kagami steps back.
"Damn it, stop.", Marinette cursed as she started to pat her body in search of Tikki, but just as she almost grasped the lump that was moving around her clothes Tikki does something that completely changes everything.
"No!", Tikki says firmly, her voice was clear and not muffled, she suddenly escaped the Teen's clothes and appeared in front of Marinette, she floated between a baffled and shocked Kagami and an angry Marinette.
"Let me go!", came another muffled voice.
Tikki gave Marinette a hard look, she searched her master's eyes and as Tikki did this, she saw Marinette's angry expression melting away.
"What are you doing?", Marinette asks, she looks passed Tikki to a shocked Kagami. "What have you done? Tikki, you've jeopardized everything." The teen is tense, she desperately searched Tikki's eyes, trying to find an answer for what her Kwami had just done.
Plagg grumbled and left Marinette's clothing through the collar of her shirt, feeling a little agitated and angry over what Tikki and Marinette had just done. Marinette smothered him and Tikki exposed them. "I agree with the kid. What have you done!", he asks his fellow kwami quite furiously. He didn't understand what was going through Tikki's mind the moment she decided to expose them. It was like the roles were reversed, Tikki was being reckless one and he was being the reasonable one.
Tikki wears a hard look. She doesn't feel compelled to explain herself at the moment, especially to Marinette. She was starting to act on her own, she knew that if she didn't act, Marinette would crumble eventually, as much as she wanted Chloé to be enough for Marinette, Tikki knew that Marinette would only heal if someone knew Marinette's real duty, as Ladybug, not The Black Cat. Tikki figured that maybe Marinette needed someone human, someone who may just understand her, someone who could be trusted. Tikki made this decision and she would deal with the consequences of this decision should there be any. But right now, at this moment, Tikki decided that Kagami was enough and truly worthy of knowing Marinette's secret. Tikki sighs deeply and ignored both Plagg and Marinette, she turns around and faces Kagami. "Hello, I am Tikki. I am the Kwami of Creation. The Ladybug Kwami."
Plagg and Marinette freeze.
Kagami's mouth opens and closes, she looked between Marinette and the two Kwamis, she slowly starts to put everything together. "Wait...wait…Marinette, you're, Ladybug?"
Marinette feels exposed all of a sudden, she doesn't like it. She turns to Tikki, her angry expression returns. "You...you exposed me.", she says breathily, trying to contain her frustration, her eyes started to tear up, she felt betrayed.
Tikki sighs and turns to face her master, she sees the broken angry look that lingers on the teens face. "Kagami offered to help you, Kagami cares about you, Marinette. She can give you the help I cannot, the help that you need."
"Help? I don't need help.", Marinette huffs, struggling to contain her anger.
Kagami doesn't know what to say, how to respond, if she even should. She merely stands by and sees Marinette red faced at the Kwami.
Tikki hardened her expression, "Marinette, You're stuck. You need someone to help get you out of where you are, I can't do it, Master wouldn't be able either, and your parents wouldn't be able to either. You're all alone, vulnerable, with no Black Cat and no allies.", Tikki wants Marinette to understand why she did what she did. Sure, maybe she did something extremely reckless, but she was sure, Kagami could make for a good ally, the girl was smart, strong willed and genuine. Kagami was a good fit for a Miraculous, whether it be the Black Cat, or another one, she just knew there would be a benefit to having Kagami on their side.
Marinette turns away, she crosses her arms over her chest, "I have Chloé…", she whispers, her voice breaks slightly.
"Chloé knows about Plagg, and I think that's enough. She's a good person deep down. But I cannot justify revealing myself to her, The guardian would not agree with it.", the Kwami of creation floats closer to Marinette. "Kagami has a match aura...to you"
Plagg's eyes widened slightly, "Wait, wait...You're saying she's Cat material?", Plagg draws near to both Marinette and Tikki, it starts to dawn upon him, the words Tikki spoke.
Kagami is lost, she looked between the three standing before her, she doesn't understand much of what's going on, all she got from this entire thing was that Marinette was Ladybug and that Marinette had not one, but two Kwamis.
Marinette's eyes widened for a moment, she gives her attention to Tikki. "What do you mean?"
"From the start...when you and Kagami first crossed paths...I just felt it, didn't you?", The kwami asks. It was simple to her, all humans had this thing that just surrounded them, she could feel it, she could tell what kind of a person someone was by feeling the air around a person. She knew Marinette was a pure hearted person, she knew Marinette was lovely both inside and out from the start. So of course, naturally she felt about the air around all of Marinette's friends and acquaintances. Tikki wanted to see the type of humans that surrounded her master. She had felt the air about Alya before she started doing it with everyone else, she concluded that Alya was kind, but also a fierce force to not be messed with. From there, she just started doing it by default, it was one of her many abilities. Among those that Marinette had surrounded herself with, Tikki found potential in a few people, Kagami being one of them. The girl was the polar opposite of Marinette, she was confident, disciplined and cold, where Marinette was bashful, clumsy and warm. It was almost a startling match in Tikki's eyes. "Do you not feel the potential between you and Kagami?", she asks.
Marinette's eyebrows furrow slightly. She doesn't understand.
"Kagami's nothing like the other kid…", Plagg suddenly chimes in. "She could be The Noir to your Ladybug.", He hums as he starts to put the pieces together. Kagami was no coward like Adrien was, she was brave, strong and confident. Kagami had the qualities of a Black Cat, Plagg actually thought about it. "What about the other kid?", he can't help but ask. He knows it's ridiculous for him to even bring Chloé up as a potential candidate, but he had to be honest, Chloé was more than what she appeared.
Marinette sighed deeply, she rose a hand and pinched the bridge of her nose while her other hand dropped to her side. "Ugh...Couldn't we have talked about this all in private?", she groans, her watery eyes cause her lashes to get slightly wet with tears that had been held at bay.
Tikki nodded, "No.", she said firmly, she huffed and turned around to face the Teen they had just been openly discussing about, "You would have just turned the other way.", her eyes meeting Kagami's own.
"Um.", Kagami suddenly clears her throat, getting the attention of Plagg and Marinette. "Uh…"
Marinette frowns heavily, her secret was out, a secret she didn't feel like sharing with anyone. Chloé finding out she was a Miraculous wielder was a little stressful, but Kagami finding out she was the Ladybug...well, yeah. "Kagami.", she starts, she shrinks slightly, she feels herself growing a little nervous. "I am Ladybug and I didn't plan on sharing that part of myself with anyone until Hawk Moth was caught and stripped of his Miraculous.", she crosses her arms over her chest again. "No one knows about my being Ladybug...and no one was supposed to know.", she says softly, she brings a hand up to her hair and pushes her bangs back.
Tikki and Plagg both fall silent as she they look on.
Kagami releases a heavy sigh, "I could tell...so...is this the 'You wouldn't understand', aspect of your life you've been throwing around?", she crosses her arms over her chest, she tries to compose herself, but now it feels like she's standing before a totally different person, someone superior.
Marinette's expression drops a bit, she nods. "Yes.", she replies.
Kagami blows a breath, she starts to actually process it. The reveal that just happened, and how shitty Marinette's life had become. The kwami looked desperate when she exposed Marinette, and Kagami felt that she now had to prove the Kwami right. "You...chose me…", she suddenly brings up. "To fight alongside you once, and I blew it.", Kagami says and reminds the trio. Because Marinette had once given her the dragon Miraculous, only for her to quickly expose herself.
The ravenette remembers this, she remembers the time that Kagami is referring to. She sighs. "You didn't know better.", Marinette says softly. She feels all her anger dissipating. She relaxes and calms down. "Look-"
"Was the guy that did those things to you...Chat Noir?", Kagami suddenly asks.
Plagg and Tikki both tense.
Marinette feels her chest ache all over again, her eyebrows twitch at the mention of her old partner, she feels a knot in her throat. She doesn't answer.
Marinette's silence is all Kagami needs to truly begin to understand exactly why Marinette was going through. She wears a soft frown, she softened her gaze sympathetically.
"Marinette was willing to throw her happiness away and completely destroy everything she stood for, in an attempt to fulfill her duties.", Tikki speaks up, she frowns sadly, "Chat Noir wasn't willing to anything unless Marinette reciprocated his advances. It was coming to a point where Marinette would have to eventually surrender herself completely to him…"
Marinette looks away, not wanting to see the look on the Tsurugi's face. Because everything Tikki said was true. She was willing to sacrifice herself and wellbeing in order to make Chat Noir act and fulfill his part. She would have stood with him. She was close to surrendering to his will.
"Listen kid, there's a balance, one that cannot be tipped too far in one direction.", Plagg soon joined in. "To every Ladybug, there must be a Black Cat, one that can fulfill their part of their duty while also providing protection to the Ladybug.", Plagg explains.
Kagami nods, understanding everything. It all makes sense, and it makes Kagami's anger return briefly. She felt anger because Chat Noir had been hurting the person he was meant to protect. She balled her fists up, she had all the information she needed to help Marinette. So that's what she was going to do. She pressed her lips into a tight line and she suddenly started to step towards the ravenette.
Marinette hums softly and she turns to see what Kagami was going to do, but just as she does, Kagami wraps her arms around her and holds her tightly. She feels a little odd, but after a few seconds, she starts to reciprocate, slowly raising her arms up, she wraps then around Kagami. They hug. It's one of the very few hugs they've shared together.
"Geez, Marinette. You really are something extraordinary.", the Tsurugi whispers, she chuckled softly.
The Dupain-Cheng immediately feels a sense of safety come over her, she relaxes and allows her body to mold against Kagami's own, she blushes slightly. "I'm sorry.", she says softly, apologizing. She closes her eyes. She feels sorry because she snapped at Kagami, she feels sorry because she felt like she was dragging Kagami into her mess.
"You've done nothing wrong.", Kagami says, "I just want you to start coming to me from now on, I want you to talk to me, I want you to know that I'm here for you. I'm still shaky when it comes to friends, but I know better than to leave a person I care about, to struggle on their own."
Marinette releases a deep breath. She doesn't know what it is, but as she releases that breath, she feels as though she had been holding her breath for a very long time. She holds the teen tighter, almost clinging to her for dear life. "You're an amazing friend.", she breathes.
Kagami smiles. She feels that this was the start of something much deeper between them. Something real. She cared for Marinette, but she always felt that everytime she tried to get closer, Marinette would step back and keep her at a distance. She understands now, she gets it.
Plagg turns to Tikki. "So, Black Cat?", he asks a little impatiently. His voice isn't loud enough for the humans to hear him.
Tikki looks on, observing the two. "Maybe.", She says, she turns back to Plagg, "Chloé and Marinette made a good team too. Let's keep that door open.", she suggests, because in all honesty, Chloé was certainly a potential candidate. "For now, Marinette will be your holder, only giving the ring to a chosen temporary Black Cat, Plagg."
Plagg sighs, he nods. He can't help but feel as though Tikki was the bossy one. The kwami was starting to make some really big and bold decisions. He couldn't help but notice how Marinette would constantly submit to Tikki's words and suddenly as he thinks this, realization washes over him. Marinette usually took heed of what Tikki said, the teen would in fact listen to what the kwami said and suggested. Plagg turns to look at the teens that were still holding each other. Tikki always said that Marinette never threw commands around, that Marinette never told her what to do, the Dupain-Cheng gave Tikki freedom and respect. He could see why Tikki was trying to hold Marinette together. He knew that masters like Marinette were hard to come by. Kwamis and their master usually had a tough time getting along, the humans usually always called the shots, always ignoring them and just seeing them as mere beings meant to be used to do good in the world. Nothing more, nothing less. Adrien had saw him as a duty to be fulfilled, the boy never took his advice when and if he gave any, the boy never listened to him. But, Marinette had in fact been listening to him...as well as Tikki. "Huh.", Plagg hums. It's like an epiphany, Marinette was willing to return them back to Fu, she didn't argue. Plagg deduces what may be the reason why Fu so strongly relies on Marinette so much, why Fu trusts Marinette so deeply. Because Marinette isn't selfish, sure she made some errors, but the girl would usually fix them, she would take whatever consequences came from her actions and work through them. The teen wasn't a loose cannon like he thought she was, the girl was in fact a good choice. Marinette was willing to go to great lengths to fulfill her duties as the Ladybug. Plagg suddenly feels a weight place itself over him, he can't help but remember of the very few other Ladybugs that also shared the same mentality that Marinette seemed to lock herself in when push came to shove. The instances that caused Tikki to grieve so deeply that her pain would shake the balance between himself and her.
A Mind of Steel wasn't and isn't always a strength.
Golly, alright, so there's something I have to explain here. The title of this Chapter is Called Mind Of Steel P.1, which means there will be more parts to 'Mind Of Steel' and there will be more to this, but those parts aren't going to be coming one after the other. You see, what I'm going to be doing, is making each 'Mind Of Steel' go deeper into the depth of what Marinette is thinking, feeling, how she processes things and how her experiences and the things that happen to her, change her as a person. So like, it'll be like one long (spread apart) Character development arc, for Marinette on top of the ongoing fic (like...one shots within the fic?). Each 'Mind Of Steel' chapter will be spread out among the fic's chapters.And...wait for it...I'll also have a short, 'Dents In Steel' arc (like four or five chapters), can y'all guess what that means for Marinette's 'Mind Of Steel'? (Hue, hue, hue)This fic just got out of hand, I swear...like
Anyways, feel free to drop comments/critiques/questions.