trigger warning: suicidal thoughts*
Born to Die
Bella x Paul
The frigid wind blew from the violently crashing waves inward, towards the towering evergreen trees. It covered up the sound of any wildlife that might have been around. It covered up all sound around them except for the beating of Bella's heart, the only thing that Paul could focus on.
"I can't believe this! I can't believe you!" Paul huffed and paced, his hands shaking at his side. The little vein by his temple was strained in his effort not to touch Bella, who looked at him with wide, tearful eyes. He didn't want to hurt her, he just couldn't take this, not anymore.
"After all this time! After all we… and after I… you're still pining over that leech!" He stumbled over his words. Now, more than ever, he was unwilling to expose to her all that she meant to him. She was everything to him. "You want to die because he's gone. Because he isn't here giving you cold, rotten kisses and trying to control every single thing that you do!" She flinched in surprise at his harsh words.
"You thought I didn't know how he treated you Bella… but I can see Jake's memories. I know the truth." Paul tapped his head with his forefinger, to demonstrate the pack mind-link. His voice was softer as he continued, "He wasn't good for you. He isn't coming back and you shouldn't want him to!"
Paul paused and pulled his fingers through his inky hair. He pulled hard enough in frustration that it should have hurt. His massive form was still shaking, so he took a few deep breaths, trying to calm himself.
Bella was slowly scooting away from him; he'd scared her. That was the last thing he had wanted. He'd just wanted to wake her up, make her see that he, Paul Lahote, would be good for her. He wouldn't control every little piece of her life, he'd build her up to make confident decisions on her own. He would love her with his whole body and he would love her with his entire soul. Paul knew that she wanted him, he had lust on his side, but he needed her to love him too.
He needed her to love herself.
"NO!" Bella finally found her voice and yelled back. "No…" she continued, softer this time. She willed him to understand.
"It isn't like that at all! Edward was… he was someone I thought that I loved. But that was a long time ago now. I just don't know how to fix this, I don't know how to change. I don't even know who I am without him, but more so without his family." Her lip trembled as she desperately tried to share how she felt with him, even though she wasn't entirely sure herself.
Paul wanted to go to her. He wanted to pull her to him, hold her, and kiss that trembling bottom lip. He almost caved, but then she spoke once again.
"How could anyone want me? I'm broken! All the pieces in my head don't work right anymore!" The tears that had welled up, finally won over her, and she whimpered as she cried. Her arms wrapped around her middle and she curled in on herself.
It broke Paul's heart. His wolf was trying to claw its way to the surface, since the human decidedly was failing to comfort their mate. Paul closed his eyes and pushed down the beast inside of him.
"Bella…" he sighed, but she interrupted with a small voice, one he could hardly pick up, before he'd even truly figured out what he was going to say.
"I… I love you, Paul. I'm over Edward, I have been for a long time." Her voice was barely a whisper, "I think really, I'm just asking for help. I want to be better…"
Even though her words were so broken, and so unsure, they were fighting words to Paul. His imprint had strength. His imprint said she loves him, and that gave him strength too. He'd help her, he'd do anything she asked of him.
Finally, Paul gathered her prone form in his arms and cradled her to him. He walked a ways up the beach they had walked down earlier, and carried her all the way back to his home. They were both quiet, save the small sniffles Bella made as she tried to calm herself.
Once they were inside the warm cabin styled home, the only home he'd ever known, he was finally ready to talk again.
"If you can promise me right now, that even if you have bad days, days where you don't know if you can make it, that you'll lean on me on those days, and the good days too. And that you won't ever give up, I will do anything to help you, and I mean anything. I love you, Bella."