Title:Head Over Heels
Chapter:4: Denial
Author:Shinsei-Kokoro
Updated: 19th Feb 2004
*
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V
*
He had talked to me!! Can you believe it? We finally had the chance to talk! But instead of jumping around and dancing with Kero while he howled, I was on my bed fuming.
I was really angry. Really reallymad. I mean what the heck did that guy think of himself!? Sure he was hot! Sure he had the most fascinating style! Sure I dreamt about him and sure he was the reason for me attending school every single day. But so what?! That didn't give him the right to tell me indirectly that he didn't want anything to do with me!
Seriously. It was the first time I'd been rejected. Insulted. And it hurt like hell. I mean, my heart.
Why did he have to go and say, "I'm not interested in you"??
That's like the ultimate statement in the "Tips on Rejecting Losers" scroll book.
Really. I was so embarrassed! I felt like I was about to explode right there and then, and strangle him! And I couldn't even come with up anything, other than say he'd taken me the wrong way.
So here I am, frowning like the stupid ass I was.
Why did I've to ever go thinking that I would have a chance with a guy like him? Why?
He'd said it himself. He was an outcast. And I'd have no chance with him. He'd said that…then why?
I'd known it before.
I'd known it that there would never be a chance for me to be with him. For him to like me…then why am I still here sulking acting like a stubborn brat?
Arghh…darn it. I'm really starting to turn into one of those hung-up girls.
And I'm telling the truth! That's not me! I don't usually go obsessed over guys. And it was all Syaoran Li's fault!
If it weren't for him, I would have put more concentration to that Bio practical, and cut out the rat's stomach, instead of stabbing it's head.
Falling back on my bed, I pushed Kero away as he hung his wet drooling tongue above me.
Sighing, I closed my eyes.
Ahh…Syaoran Li.
I could remember a friend from elementary who'd once said that if you liked a guy with the same starting letter as yours, you both were meant to be.
Full of crap that was.
If we were meant to be, then it would probably end up with him as a rat and me as a rhino. Sure. We're meant to be.
Letting out a frustrated plus angry cry, I stuffed a pillow over my face.
What could I do now?
What was there left to do?
And how was I supposed to get over him?
How was I supposed to get him out of my head, and fit him inside the garbage bin in my backyard?
Because the thing was. The more I thought about getting rid of his face from my 1000 KB memory brain, the more he got stuck there.
And you know what?
I dreamt of him again that night.
It wasn't very pleasant though. Because he was rejecting me again.
*
Syaoran Li P.O.V
*
My Maths professor was impressed. I'd scored a full mark in our last weeks test. He'd asked me to stay behind after class and given me another one of those big lectures.
Y'know the ones where they say, "You're really brainy Syaoran. I don't know why you go stuff yourself with dope, get high, beat up people, and then sleep the night behind bars. You can do so much with intelligence like this. Become an engineer, a businessman, a doctor or even a teacher like me. You just need to concentrate more, and get yourself out of these gangs and screw-ups. Last year you got shot in the leg and survived. But maybe this year you won't. Don't you want to have a good future? Don't you want to make your parents proud and show them what their good little boy can do? Don't you want to have enough money to support a family when you grow up? Don't you wanna-," And just at that point I'd stop them.
I'd never answer. Just shrug and get the hella out of there.
But you know what? Sometimes. I ask myself those same questions.
I don't study much.
I like stuffing myself up and get high. It's the only way I get to feel free. I like beating up people. It's the only way I can get their heads straight.
I've never wanted to become an engineer or a doctor or a businessman or even a freakin' teacher as a matter of fact.
Last year I'd gotten shot because this guy was out to kill me. And there's no way of dying this year unless he decides to spring up from hell or bring up his comrades. Yeah. He's dead.
My parent's don't really care about my future. My mom seems into it, but I don't think my dad's even gonna take the energy to think about his good little boy, since he hadn't thought twice of having an affair when my mom was pregnant with me. And yeah again. I wouldn't care if he was dead, or even if his coffin got stolen.
And as for a family? I've never really thought about that? What guy of my age would? If only wives were like girlfriends. Then I reckon I'd be doing good. But since they're not…I don't really think I'd last long with one wife. I'd like to spend my life being free, and not taking crap from anyone. Maybe alone. I don't really care.
"Syao…ran…" the girl in my arms purred leaning her cheek against my neck, "Pass me that drink…will you baby?" she chuckled for nonsense as I rolled my eyes, and let her kiss me while I leaned her way for a while.
Passing her my half finished drink, I peeled myself away from her.
Hmm…I'm in a club right now. And yeah. I can actually see people literally dancing their sweats off. Oh. And I just saw this saw this girl slap her heels into this other guy's face.
Painful eh?
The girl I'd left behind groaned as she fell off the chair she was in.
Making no attempt on pulling her back up, I left her there to lick the floor with her tongue, and then start unfilling her stomach of the many drinks she might have had.
That's what she always did. Get drunk almost every night at this club, and go back to the family that abused her.
Heh…that's why I decided to become independent. I hate taking shit from anyone. Who ever they are.
Pushing away the girl who was evidently under Shiroi, I saw him turn a glare to me.
"What the hell was that for?!"
"Got a cigar?" I asked suddenly feeling it very hard to keep my eyes open.
He eyed me wearily for a while, then patted my cheeks, "Go sleep it off man. You look dead"
"I amdead you asshole" I grinned, making him roll his eyes as he snapped me a cigarette that I caught swiftly, "Peace" I gave him a fist shake, allowing the girl behind me to light my cigar up.
Kissing her fully on the lips while mumbling 'thanks' I pushed my way through people. Swearing my way back at their yells, I gave up a backhand punch to a guy who had taken up the chance to hold me back by my jacket collar, for pushing his girl.
"Fuck you!" he cried out at me with a bloody nose, while I busily showed him my finger.
Right.
You could say I was a little drunk.
And at that moment I felt so down the sock that I fell completely over on the metal bars once I was out of the door
I lost my cigar in that way, and then ended up cussing 'thanks' to the man I snatched another lit cigar from.
"Why?" I asked myself while I swaggered down the sidewalk of the road. Why had I even come here?
"Oh right" I suddenly remembered. To drown my miseries.
That's right…those painful miseries…that you feel like getting it all out on someone…and apologising at them hardcore.
I'd gotten a call from mom. She'd said it carefully. God! Bull shit!
"Oi!" I sneered with laughter at a near-by group of kids, "I got a call a from my mother!" I yelled out loudly at them, "And yah know what she said?!" I let out a roar of laughter again, ignoring the shaking heads I got from them.
"She…" I stumbled over my own step, "She said he's dead! My goddamned father!" I crowed once again, this time at a couple that moved out of my way.
I gave them a miserable smile, "She said he killed himself!" I kept on my way, still shouting out my verbal skills, "You know what that is called in other words?!" I demanded to a girl who backed away from me fearfully.
I gave her nose a tap. "It's called suicide! Y'know where the man stabs himself because he went broke?! Lost his shares! His family! Himself!"
The girl hurriedly nodded her head, and gave a small cry.
"But you know what!?" I laughed out, throwing off my cigar, as I walked to the middle of the empty road, "I'm happy! I've never been so happy in my entire bleeding life!"
I missed seeing the cars coming down, swerve around and miss me by inches. I missed all those honks and screams. I missed hearing the people call for the police. Actually I missed everything I was doing. Because the only thing I saw ahead of me, was my father.
That same old stupid bastard who left me.
He was holding me. Whispering those soft words into my ears. And all I could say was four damned words. Those four words that I'd never said for eleven years. Those four words that my mom would break down crying at.
I opened my eyes, and saw men. Police men actually. One of them held me up firmly, while I leaned my head on their shoulders giving up.
"I miss you dad," I'd murmured like the pathetic guy I'd become. Sad man. I really needed a life.
*
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V
*
Tomoyo was pestering me. Again. Sakura this. Sakura that. And it'd come to such an extent that I was just about to snap at her.
But then again. I hated rubbing my bad mood onto other people. So I just gave a weak smile, nodded and answered her questions, "No Tomoyo. I don't have boy problems. No Tomoyo. I don't dream of killing people. Yes Tomoyo. I had dinner and breakfast. No Tomoyo. Eriol didn't ask me out. Yes Tomoyo. I had that bubble bath. No Tomoyo. I didn't poison my dog"
They were all lies. All except Eriol not asking me out, and me poisoning Kero. Geh. Which finally allows me to tell myself that I do have boy problems. I did dream that I was strangling that particular boy. I missed dinner and breakfast, and I did not have that bubble bath that I'd been wanting to take yesterday.
Damn that Syaoran Li.
Damn him. Damn him. Damn him!
Because of him I'd missed that Italian takeaway my dad had ordered to drown his melancholy over my mom, who at the moment was in Hawaii.
Err…yes…he'd somehow found out.
I even read that Playboy magazine I stole from Touya yesterday, and I still didn't get that 'I'm finally getting over him' feeling. I tried flirting with that geek I'd dropped juice on, and still no use.
And I'd been so frustrated that I snapped when Van asked me out. My bad.
"But he's cute! I went out with him last year, and he has no bad breath problems. He's a perfect kisser. Especially his Frenchie. It's awesome!"
I rolled my eyes as Tomoyo and Naoko kept commenting on him.
Yeah. He finally got the guts to ask me out. I could see Eriol was a bit bothered, since he kept shooting these secret glares at Van in homeroom this morning. Some he didn't know, that I'd actually said no.
"And he's loaded! He'll like buy you anything you want!" Naoko went on, as I continued to do my late Maths homework, which was due next period.
"Have you seen his car? It's like the latest Mercedes! It's got a cooler! And even a beautiful stereo! And the back seat's so large! So soft!"
"Okay!" I cried out loudly holding my hands up, and halting both girls in their words, "I told him no" I looked up at them, and watched them widen their eyes.
"You what?" they whispered together.
"I said no. Eriol apparently told him what I told him"
"And what did you tell him that he told him?" Naoko asked confused.
"That I already have a boyfriend in Tokyo," I said slowly looking at Tomoyo who rolled her eyes.
"What!?" Naoko hissed at me, "You never told methat!"
I grinned at her, ignoring Tomoyo's wry looking face.
"Yeah sorry. But I love Ryoga too much to be going out with someone behind his back"
"Ryoga? Is that his name? Hey is he hot? Do you think maybe he could get my photo to one of his friends? I've always liked long-distanced relationships" Naoko giggled, "And you know why? They don't last long. And you can go out with anyone when he's not there. You guys must really be having a serious relationship if you don't wanna go out with Van"
I nodded at her weakly. Heh. If she wanted, I could probably list her a few 'not so good' things about her richy-rich Van who god knows what he did in the back seat of his new Mercedes.
One. He was annoying as hell! Two. He spoke with his mouth open. Three. He'd walk like he owned the whole floor. Four. He shouldn't stress a girl to go out with him when she already has a boyfriend. Well…in this case let's just say imaginaryboyfriend.
Andhe'd made me get a detention at home because he'd called me on my cell, whichjust had decided to lie next to Touya, whohad decided to answer my call, and thenget into a huge fight with him. Whichhad also resulted in him telling dadthat I wasn't allowed to get calls from guys until I was eighteen!
Which in all sense is trying to mean is till next year. I'm frustrated! No make that irritated!
I wasn't even this angry when last evening Syaoran Li had decided to reject me in his own damn special way.
Sorry. For my language I mean. I'm in just a really bad mood as you can see.
Because of the whole 'Van calling me on my cell and then calling Touya an asshole and a god-damned sucker' ordeal, my wings of parachute had really blown away.
Touya and dad had kept insisting last night about how ashamed they were of me. That I'd went against the house rules. Which was me not having a boyfriend who could 1.kiss me 2.hold me 3.spend more than two hours with me all ALONE 4.call me on my cell 5.hold my hand in public and 6.visit me after 12 o'clock unless it was an emergency (like having cut tongues, squished lungs, and a body disorder kind of things) until I was eighteen.
That was the apparently the boyfriendrule for me. No going out with any one (opposite sex). Thatwas my family.
But hey, if your wondering if I've never been kissed, held hands, and had a few drunk nights with guys ALONE…then you're wrong. I mean it's not thatbig of a crime to sneak out after twelve in the night, and then return hyped up after at three in the morning right?
Well, that was one of the reasons I liked Seijuu. It was fun. No one cared about anything or anybody. I got good scores. Teachers liked me-excluding my Maths professor that is. It was all fun there. You know? No hand-written rulesat school…you could carry along bags…there weren't large groups who hung out together and never talked to each other.
It was fun there. I'm telling you. I never got in trouble. And now that I've mistakenly broken the 'boyfriend' rule…Dad has now cut down some of the points on the "Trusting My Daughter With A Male Stranger" bulletin board.
It really sucks. I was gonna…argh!
Okay. Here's the truth. This is what I had planned after Syaoran Li would one day ask me out. I was gonna fall on my knees near my father, and plead him to death until he allowed me to go out with him. But now, since he already thinks I have a 'boyfriend' I can dothat anymore!
Man! This sucked big time!
But the thing that sucked more was that, Syaoran Li found this Mikagirl much more interestingthan me. That is…if the rumour going around was the truth. And once again it was much worse than his rejectment. I mean, here I was, showing the obvious to him, and there he was trying to get some other girl on.
Moronic lil' ass!
How bad could all this get?
My hopes dead.
Touya and Dad warning me about how some guys tend to get a bit on the rough side the moment I step into the house.
Kero yapping in my ears because the shot he got two days back was too painful and became a bruise.
And Tomoyo's giggling and blushing about how Eriol was talking to her more. It made me a little jealous let me tell you. Not the fact that he was communicating with her more, but the fact that Eriol was at least talking to her. Y'know. She'd made progress. But me?
It's been five and a half weeks, and nothing for me.
But I guess if Tomoyo's been waiting for a year for Eriol, I guess I'll have to wait longer than that.
I mean, Eriol's not out of reach or anything like that, but Syaoran? Too far. Probably wouldn't be able to reach to him even with nine lives.
Even with all the harsh things he'd been able to say to me-like calling me a bitch-I could still never get him out of my mind.
What was wrong with me? Why couldn't I get the message?
The guy was a damned player.
But there was still the point where I am guessing that Eriol could be mistaken. Because by the look on Syaoran's face when he was busy punching Eriol, he didn't look like the kind of guy who'd go nagging a girl. And also the way, he'd said yesterday, about us staying away from them and vice versa. It hadn't looked like he was the one guilty.
Maybe I'm just taking his side because I'm still not over him.
Yeah. That must be it.
There's one lesson I've learned from the years of going out with guys (eek…I know, I know…but dad doesn't know that…yet). And that's never believe in a guy who you're in love with but he's not.
You see, the roughest experience gives you the roughest sketches.
That's the motto I live by. But for these past few years I'm not really being committed to it.
And you know what? I'm sick of waiting like this like a hoodlum. I wish he would just push me against a wall, kiss me and then ask me out. How hard would it even be huh? Going out in secret I mean.
*
Syaoran Li P.O.V*
The day went by like the usual. Literally. Got out of jail sometime at four in the morning, when I was fully conscious. Slept some more. Came to school. Ignored all the shit looks Hiiragizawa and his up-hung gang where shooting me. Punched this stupid nerd, who had the nerve to call me a drunken rapist. And lastly told Meiling to keep her mouth a tad bit sealed.Seriously. When I find that girl. Mika or whatever. I'm gonna reallyscrew her up. Honest man. She used to be a doll in junior high. But now all she can do is hog like a lying bitch. Probably break a few of her rib bones, and her nose so bad that even plastic surgery wouldn't be able to fix it. And then maybe get her drunk, and drown her in the sewage.
Something like that. Drastic.
Meiling didn't bother coming to school today. She said something about PMS-ing. But I guess she was just having a really bad hangover.
But me? No. I'd unfilled my stomach right there behind bars.
And unfortunately, I couldn't miss a day…y'know the punishment and all.
"Syaoran. You alright man?" Yamazaki peered at me, with such scrutiny that I had to roll my eyes.
"Yeah. The damned officer punched me in the jaw too hard" I flexed my wrist.
"Heh. Crude" he grinned.
"I'll say"
"You know, Chiharu found out that, that Mika was just bluffing"
"You think I don't know that?" I scowled at him, falling back on the bench we were on.
"Down man. Just giving you info"
"Here's another info. I'm gonna go and seriously break her neck"
"Right. You're being dry"
I didn't say anything more, but Yamazaki just had to open his big mouth, "Heard about your father"
"So?" I snapped at him, making my head fall behind, and staring wide-eye
He instantly narrowed his eyes, "Cool it man. You weren't even high about him before, why go around sulking now?"
"Darn it dude"
"Alright. So you don't wanna talk about it"
"No"
And I really didn't. Keh. It wasn't like I cared so much that he was dead. It was worth it all. Those years of pain he'd put me through. Maybe I was feeling so cranky just because he deserved something much worse than death.
And along those lines, I'm hoping some crazy robber, would steal away his coffin.
Nice eh? I can see the headlines already.
*
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V*
Van was still pissed off with me for rejecting him, and Eriol seemed to be taking advantage of it. Seriously, couldn't he re-adjust his brains only for a while??
Hmm. I'm equally pissed off too. Not only did Touya steal away my last piece of doughnut from the fridge this morning, but I'm also having problems holding off on Syaoran Li. I mean, at times when I see him, I feel like dragging him out of public, and reallyconfronting him. Blurting everything out, and asking him if he really did nag that girl.
I was trying to find that today, but she had chosen today to take the day off. Bitch…
I know. Acceleration of language problems. But I can't seem to NOT be angry with everyone today. It's all been so frustrating. And in Maths, I was practically banging my head on my desk. Not only is that subject not in my deal, but these guys behind me keep tryingto flirt with me.
It's always, "Hey Sakura. Those books look awfully heavy. You want me to carry them for you?" Or "Nice one babe. But could you lean a lil' closer?" OR "Is that tan natural, or do you get someone to do it for you?"
Tryhards, I'm tellin' you.
Keep hovering over square one.
"Hey Sakura" I heard Eriol's voice next to me in Music.
"Hmm?" I managed to respond not looking up from my violin notes.
"We're going down to the City tomorrow after school. Wanna come alon'?"
At that, I peered at him through the corner of my eyes, "Sorry. I've got the 400ms practice"
"Oh" he looked a bit disappointed, but he did hide it quickly, "Shucks" then he gave a wide grin, "Maybe we'll come along and watch ya"
I suddenly felt my breath getting stuck, "Wha—what? No! I mean, no need. I mean, we're not allowed. To have spectators…I mean"
He gave out another "oh" then decided to get straight to the point with a scowling expression, "Are you trying to avoid meor something? Because you know, it's not that quite hard to tell"
Yes.
I'm avoiding you.
And I'm really happy you can understand my obviousness.
But man, I couldn't say that could I?
"N-no Eriol. It's not that. I mean why would I try to avoid you?" came my disturbed voice.
"You tell me"
"It's just that…that…"
"What?"
"Well…we areallowed to have people watch…but I don't like it" I finished, getting that 'hello. Knock. Knock. I don't understand your gibberish language' look.
"Okay" I explained, "Here's the thing. My track team's realgood. And I can only concentrate harder, without anyone watching me. You know? Like a hawk. I'm not used to people yet going 'Go Sakura!'"
Alright. So maybe that was a little white lie. I mean I absolutely lovedpeople watching me run, since I beat most of their asses. Whoops. Touch wood.
I ran a finger over the wooden bar that stood next to me, and gave him a small grin.
"So you see…I don't even allow my friends to see me doing the track"
Eriol gave me a raised eyebrow at that, and I groaned, "I don't really get that, but hey. If that's what you want. Then whatever"
After that statement, I was expecting him to leave me in his dust, but instead, he started a conversation about how he was supposed to get back to England after graduation.
This guy. Was seriously getting me down.
Well…see the realthing is that I challenged this girl. Meiling. The one in my PE class. And also the one who's Syaoran's cousin to a 400m run.
The only reason for that is because she's like the only one that I've never raced before. And because she's like the only 'outcast' in our class, she usually runs alone. And boy, she's fast. So I challenged her. She was a little surprised, but she had a game spirit.
She's awfully pretty too, and nothing like her stupid *censored* cousin. I don't mean in the looks page. I hope he hasn't opened his mouth to her about me. Now thatwould be pretty embarrassing.
"Kinomoto!"
I snapped my head up in the speed of light as the sharp voice echoed through my ears, "Wha…?" Let's just put this in small words. My face was red. The class was snickering my way, and I could tell that I was in deep shit, "Oh sir…good day eh? Question four? N-no. Five was it? Right. Patricia Normans. She wrote to about seventeen books till she died on about 24 August of 1994. Her second husband committed adultery after sevens years of her marriage, and was killed by her son, who chopped his head in a factory machine he worked in. She bailed her son out from jail using all her banking, and then settled down in Seattle in February 1990. She'd stolen a little kitten that had once belonged to her ex-neighbours, and rose up an orphan. Then after two years, she married again to a man who was twelve years younger to her. Don't know what happened next. But I'm sure they lived happy ever after. Right?"
"Uh…" Mr Fukahashi shifted his feet slightly, "Um…I…"
"Well?" I insisted, ignoring the roll of eyes a girl gave me.
"He never even asked you a question, you bird-brain" the girl behind me mumbled, making me gulp, and sit back straight.
I gave a nervous laugh, scratching the back of my head. I turned to Eriol next to me, who was grinning like crazy. Don't know what it was he did, but he seemed to be in every class of mine except PE, Biochemistry and Computers. Weird.
"Uh…Miss Kinomoto?"
I peeked at him with a small smile, "Um yeah?"
He shook his head after a second, "Would mind going to the little Resource room, by the corridor, and get the box of English Productive books please?"
I stared at him. Rather awkwardly. Maybe because I wasn't expecting that.
"Now"
Hearing that, I quickly got up from my seat, gave him a quick humble nod, and raced out of the door.
"Man!" I cried out, shutting the door behind me. Talk about embarrassing! Yup.
I've been embarrassing myself a lot lately aye?
Damn me.
Now…where did he say that resource room was again?
*
Syaoran Li P.O.V*
"So you're telling me that you're innocent" Minas leaned against the dark wall in her extremely short denim.
"What the fuck?" I scowled at her.
She gave me skimpy laugh, adjusting her off-shoulder top at the same time, "Syaoran. You're a bastard, and everyone knows that"
I glanced up at her from where I was sitting, "What are you on about?"
She looked at me with those 'oh my gosh that tutu you're wearing is mine!' expressions, "You deny too much"
Not being able to hold my frown, I stood up, "What? That I didn't do nothing to the bitch, or that I'm a bastard?"
She continued on giving me that mad smile, and shrugged, "Both" she answered carelessly.
"Fuck you" I muttered, "Like I didn't see you at the bar sucking some guy up"
She raised a perfectly shaped eyebrow, "You mean on Tuesday?" she gave out a little laugh, "Yeah. That was me. So? You can't expect me to go behind you yelling, 'My father's dead, so give me all your shit'. What do you think I am huh? Some aggro drummer?"
Narrowing my eyes, I leaned down over her, "You're goddamned"
Doing a little move with her lips, she settled her arms around my neck, and smiled smugly, "What do you think?"
"Getting there," I mumbled before I pushed her against the wall by her shoulders, and came down crashing to her lips.
She was a good kisser, I'd admit it. But if I ever had the chance to kill her, I'd take my chance. She was messed up. Much more than me.
Pushing down on her, I felt her run her fingers through my hair. But although she was deciding for a slow one, I went rougher. Somehow, what she'd said about my dad got on my nerves a little. I wasn't sure why, but I wasn't gonna let her go, until she was breathless.
And I mean breathless.
I heard a little noise from the door but ignored it. No one really came into the Resource room during class times. And I'd left Accounting a few minutes ago with a bathroom pass. So I didn't really think Mr Bhakshi would come looking for me to see where I was. Though I wouldn't count so much on that.
I pulled away a little the moment Minas let out a moan from underneath me.
She was red, and breathing hard like me. Her hands ran down the middle of my shirt, but the moment she reached to unbutton my third button, I grabbed them.
"What?" she looked at me with fake sad eyes, "Don't want to play with me anymore?"
I stared at her. Somehow I could never find a way to push her away. She was like one of those leeches. The moment you push them away, they spit fire at you.
"I have class," I muttered, as I brushed past her, and left through the door, leaving her behind.
Shiroi was right. I really had to dump her…even though she wasn't really my girl. But as I turned left in the hallway, I couldn't help but notice a flash of red in the corner. And till I got to my class, that girl didn't leave my mind. Sakura. Hadn't she worn a red shirt today too?
*
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V*
I was angry. Disgusted! Furious! Mad! Seething! Appalled! Down in the mouth. Whatever you wanna call it! My hands were shaking so hard that I slammed the door of my locker, making the girl on the other side of me to shift away.
"Sakura?" a voice behind me broke my vulgar thoughts.
"What!?" I barked, whirling around on my heels and watching Tomoyo take a step back.
"Down girl! Are…are you okay?" she asked grinning a little.
"No. What do you think!?" I answered her flatly and stalking off.
But never the less she seemed to follow me.
English had just finished.
"You know, he just asked you to get the books from the Resource room. And even thought you answered the wrong question, Mr Fukahashi was quite impressed about all you said about Patricia Norton"
"Normans!" I snapped at her.
"Okay okay. Nortons. Normans. Doesn't really matter aight? And he wasn't pissed off because you couldn't find the books. He was even telling us about how you'd picked up so fast on the work, even if you'd just arrived a month before. And you know, you should stop being so—,"
"I am not angry!!" I whirled around once again and glared at her, stopping a few kids around me too.
"Right" she nodded, "I was about to say bitchy. But that's alright. Quite an improvement if you ask me"
Yes. Right.
So what if my words lie? That doesn't give anyone the right to get under my skin at this moment.
The moment where I'm feeling really insulted! For—argh!! Okay. Forget it Sakura! Your time is precious, and you cannot waste it on guys who you think are hot!
"Shit! Did one of the outcasts' touch you?" she suddenly cried out, making a few girls by me halt suddenly and stared with wide eyes.
"Oh my gosh! You poor girl!" they started shrieking.
I stood there for a second, the fume escaping from my ears turning red, "No!" I scowled at Tomoyo, and shooing the seven girls away.
"Then what's your problem?"
At that I sighed. Could I tell her? ShouldI tell her? I needed consoling, but she wouldn't give me any. I needed a shoulder I could stuff my tears in, but could she give me that?
My nerves were running thin, and I just had to blurt it out at someone.
Yes. Who care anyway…I didn't really have anything to loose.
Instead of making a teary faced, I brought on the most disgusted look, "You know that dude you showed me to on my first day?"
Obviously I could say his name.
"The bastard?"
I gritted my jaw discreetly as she said that, "Yes the bastard"
"Did he do something to you?!" she glared at me. "Oh my god! I'm gonna make Eriol kill him!" And with that she started speed-walking away.
"Tomoyo!" I whined pulling her back by her arm, "I saw him kissing some girl in the Resource room! And it was disgusting! They were practically like joined together, and it was so horrible!"
There. I'd told her. Pushed my guts out. Cried out like the stupid little schoolgirl I was.
I'd seen him in there. All over that girl. And I'm telling you. All over. It makes me wanna kill someone!
And so I just kept up the façade as Tomoyo continued to stare at me.
"That's all?" she asked slowly, as if my intelligence was under the belt.
"Yes" I snapped again.
That's right. I wasn't in the mood. I was disgusted. Infuriated. Feeling reallyrejected. And very under the ground.
"Then what are you so mad about?" she asked me confused.
I sighed. Why did I even have to open my big mouth? I felt like screaming it all out to her.
I just saw the guy that I've been dreaming of, kissing some random girl! I'm angry! And I really wanna kill someone! Would you mind being my first victim?!
I sulked. I couldn't.
"I'm not mad" I sighed, "It was just disgusting I guess"
That's right girl. Just hide it all in. Then maybe one day when you find the guy of your dreams who likes you back, you can strangle him and ask him why he'd made me wait so long.
Tomoyo gave me a pitiful face, "You poor girl. You should have just pushed them away, given them the fingers and taken the books"
I raised a brow at her, "You think I could've done that?"
"You're right. No"
Oh yeah. She's right all the way. I'm a girl with no guts. No intuition. No brains. And no life.
My only mother has forgotten about me. My dog keeps thinking I'm a bone. My family thinks I should dress with more closure. And the only guy who I think is so very sexy that I could spend an eternity only by looking at him, has really tripped me.
Really.
Why do I even bother?
*
~ §ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ ~
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