Title – Head Over Heels

Author – Shinsei Kokoro

Chapter – 9 – Bad Boy

Beta Reader – Amai Okashi

Updated – 12th September 2004

Syaoran Li P.O.V

Meiling was right.

Almost.

I'd wasted myself yesterday. I didn't feel the usual boost in my veins, and I found myself on my bed the moment we reached our apartment.

I couldn't sleep.

I couldn't stay still.

I couldn't stop talking.

Or get rid of that sour taste in my mouth.

It felt metallic, and I had to strip myself down the minute the heat started to tear into me.

My nose felt weird, and my head was pounding. Weird, but I'd felt just fine when I strawed the powder in.

Maybe it was too much anxiety. Or maybe I over-dosed…it was my addiction.

It was four in the morning, and I still couldn't find sleep. I woke up an hour back; unable to break my ten hours of sleep record. So here I was, groaning as my eyes kept zoning in and out.

I was thirsty.

Hungry.

What I really needed was a cold shower to cool me down. Or maybe I could take one of those pills Meiling had.

But I just stayed still. I was too lazy. And my eyes felt like they were being ripped out.

This is what I got for getting too excited of having some load.

I've been addicted to drugs for as long as I can remember. Yeah. Seriously, you won't see me kidding about this.

For some reason I can only remember the past nine years of my life. Yeah. I was born on the street. That's as far as I'm concerned. High and drunk. My wrecked years in Hong Kong were lost. And for some reason I kept on walking until Wei, my ex-guardian found me throwing up in the bathroom.

At that moment, he'd just seen me drunk. That I was some kid who was testing stuff out and reaching out for his independence. He called it liberty in a party syndrome. But he didn't know. He hadn't been there when I walked down the stairs with a couple of punks. He hadn't felt my eagerness.

He hadn't seen me take the first syringe. My first shot on Speed. He hadn't seen my reaction. He hadn't felt my pain. No one had.

But after that…it had all been sweet. I'd never felt better in my entire life. Never. And I wanted to keep it that way.

For all my crapped up life.

It was the year my asshole of a father sent me away. And soon after my first try, the addiction had started to drift in. And I liked it.

It didn't take me by surprise like it did to other people. For me, life was all about dope and fun.

It wasn't because of the friends I made or the group I hung out with. It was my anger. And it all came out after that one night.

I changed that first year. Just because of a party. I met up with a new gang. And this is where I am now. Wei had been called back when I turned twelve, and I have never felt happier. Of being independent and having all the reasons to have fun. No more curfews. No more getting lectures from people who only worked for money. From then on…it was just me and my booze.

I used to be at my bed every night rolling up papers into straws. I had the money and the goodies. Life was good.

But then it started. My second stage of addiction. Smoking.

Not weed. But those normal ones with who I'm inseparable from. And somehow, my intake on crack dropped low. I went from seven…to three times snorting every week. The syringe stayed in my drawer. I was never good with needles.

About five years back I was caught trying to do it at school. They took me to the counselor, saying I needed help.

But in the end, the room torn apart. Chairs without legs, and the counselor with a black eye.

Some help. Hell. I didn't need help.

They left me alone after that saying something about teen angst and misguidance. He hadn't reported me or anything, but after that guy I'd kicked and almost killed in a bar, I guess I made up for any violence I would ever need to for my years of being wasted.

It was my first time in a lockup. And the bars had looked pretty tacky.

Then it turned to be a little swell since one of the guys who committed arson had a bunch of cigarettes.

A year after going back and forth from the stockade, I came down as low as doing it once a week. My dope had turned in a rut.

Cigarettes had become my best friends, and I guess that's how I got hold on the best girls. They were good for a while, but they turned their backs too much. And I've always hated sharing. Never my clothes. Never my booze. And of course…never my girls.

I liked them original. New. If you get my drift.

So maybe this was why I was all over Sakura.

Maybe because…she's original. Someone I can definitely have an effect on.

Today's the party, and I don't think my bones will be ready to take me to school today. And I needed to get fresh by tonight…at least if she was gonna come.

I dragged myself off the bed, and quickly made a dive to the floor. I fell flat on my face.

"Bitch."

I picked myself up, and finally found a way to stumble into my bathroom.

I didn't feel high.

Not at all. I felt friggin' sick.

It'd been so many hours, and it hadn't worn off or taken any large effects. I wasn't rounding the streets and threatening folks.

I kneeled down in the dim bathroom, and suddenly doubled over, cluctching the toilet. It all came out harsh and toxic. I didn't stop until after a few minutes.

Wiping my lips, I sat on the small red carpet and leaned back against the wall.

Something…was definitely wrong.

The walls felt cold against my shoulders. Somehow…better. I shifted to make myself more comfortable, but I took the wrong nerve.

I lunged forward for a second, feeling my stomach rush back into my throat, and then I went for a second go.

For a moment I could spot dots of blood, but I flushed it before it got the best of me.

Maybe this is why they call it hallucination.

Lurching forward towards the basin, my fingers swiftly turned the taps. The water whizzed out into my hands.

And there were those drops of blood again.

Red.

Dark.

And blotchy enough to make me look away.

My eyes looked into the mirror, and for a moment I caught myself staring at the blood trailing down my lips.

I think it freaked me out. I wasn't sure at the time, because the next second I was pushing myself back. Into the shower door, and turning the knob.

I slumped to the watering floor in my jeans. I liked the feel of the cold water thrashing on me. It felt great.

My nerves prickled under the intensity, and I fought my eyes to stay open. I pulled back the knob, and stayed where I was.

I think my brain was dead, because in that moment I couldn't feel or see anything. I don't know when…but I fell asleep.

And it felt good.

Really.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I was still awake the last time I pushed Kero off me. He was unnaturally drooling. Maybe he was coming down with a headache like I was.

I glanced at my floor…but the beast lay still. My slipper sandwiched in between his fangs. Stupid dog. He couldn't even identify what was healthy to eat and what wasn't.

Dad hadn't come down for dinner…I suppose he needed some time to get over the fact that Mom was gonna have a baby…that wasn't his…but her husband's…which he wasn't.

I hadn't touched any of my homework. Something about writing an essay about your craziest experience.

I hadn't touched dessert…and I had half my mind made up to sneak downstairs and grab that pudding in the fridge. But I suppose with an appetite like my brother's, it'd be all gone by now.

Touya was the only one in the house that hadn't been brought down by the news…except for Kero of course. The mutt was just in anguish because his play rag had been thrown away in the absence of his presence. And as always, he was pissed off with Touya.

Mom had called a few hours back. She sounded so happy…that it made me feel the stark opposite.

She went on about all the names she had thought for the baby boy, and she made me take a choice on two of them.

So apparently he was gonna be called Ryu now…well…when he would be born that is.

I caught Dad spying on my conversation with her, but I hadn't countered.

He was just playing his part like any jealous ex-husband. The poor guy…he'd never like the name Ryu.

And I'm not so sure about the party either. I had to give Meiling my answer by tomorrow, and I still hadn't made up my mind.

For sure, I didn't want to get caught by my Dad, seen by anyone else there…and be seen there as a loser, loner, wannabe etc.

I kinda always get caught in the negative stuff.

But my only reason to going there would be Syaoran.

And maybe to have a bit of fun on a weeknight.

I could hear Kero growl under my bed, and for a moment my childhood fears came back.

Y'know…the bogeyman.

I used to have an invisible friend when I was about five. At seven I abandoned it. And on my eight birthday it started residing under my bed for two years.

I could still remember those sleepless nights. Those days of crying. Those days of keeping a plastic knife under my pillow.

But I guess they all disappeared the day Dad had marched into my room and pulled out a very alive Touya by his ear.

Yes.

I made myself cozy in my bed. I could never forget that. And before I knew it, Kero was back on my stomach, snuggling into the sheets.

Wednesday. The day of the week where the toll on marriage was the highest. Ha. Ha. Funny right?

No.

I'd been awake before my alarm, and I ran into the bathroom before Touya could even reach the hallway.

While I busied myself with the shower, I could hear his howls and thuds against the door.

It's what they always say…first come first serve.

By the time I came out, with the hot steam following behind me, I made my way into the kitchen ignoring Touya and Kero who were each grabbing at the same towel.

For some reason, the dog seemed to have a brain just as equal as him.

Dad was in his usual seat, a newspaper covering his face.

"'Morning Dad."

He looked up for a second addressing me. Or maybe addressing what I was wearing. My knee-torn jeans and a singlet.

"Good morning." He went back to his paper.

Renting him a toss, I grabbed my cereal, and went away on it.

I looked up after a while, but his nose was still buried in the nostalgic scandals that the media had to give. They needed a few thrashing, maybe then they would start saying something good about the world.

I didn't want to start the long conversation yesterday about Mom. I don't think he'd survive the mental pressure.

"Did you hear anything about the gang's play Sakura?"

I shifted my gaze back on him, "Huh?"

"There was a gang attack last Thursday."

"Uh…really?" I didn't know why he was telling me this, so I went back to playing with my Froot Loops.

"Some of these kids are actually from your school. It says Seijuu High."

Maybe that as enough to give me a mini heart-attack, because the blood had suddenly rushed away from my face, "R-really?"

Dad focused his attention back in the ravel of words, "It says it was some kind of trial between two gangs. No one was seriously injured."

I managed to gulp, "That's—that's good."

Then he had to peer between the little space of his glasses; "Do you by chance know any of these guys?"

"N-no!" I'm not sure if it came out too fast or not, because I was pretty loud, "Of course not. Why would I know gang triggers like them?" I gave him my best innocent look.

My Dad has always been a sucker for my role-plays, "Well. That's good. Because I wanted to make sure. You never know what they're going to do next."

I nodded.

"They might be misguided teens, but they need to be stayed away from the rest of the school."

I nodded.

My Dad.

He's always found a way to make someone sound helpless. And for some reason I couldn't help thinking of how helpless Syaoran could be. Was he misguided?

Somehow…I wasn't convinced.

Which moreover made me think further of the answer I was supposed to give Meiling today.

"I forgot to ask you yesterday…who were the kids that dropped you off yesterday?"

The spoon in my fingers fells against the bowl, and I almost choked on a loop that was midway through my throat.

"Just…friends." I gulped down my juice rather slowly, and went back to my spoon.

"How come you didn't introduce me to them?"

I shook my head, "Dad" I made a groan, and looked away from his smile adding carefully, "They were in a hurry."

Lies. A bunch of white lies I was blurting.

"Yeah" he didn't notice my discomfort, "Yesterday had been quite terrible."

"Yeah." I murmured.

God. What would he do, if I introduced him to one of the gang members who he thought were miserably misguided?

I straightened myself up the moment Kero came at my feet, his large brown eyes hungry for food.

"Your bowl's in the kitchen Kero. Dogs don't eat at tables." Dad instantly stood up, and lead the mutt away.

He was an animal lover, and while Kero was busy yapping and wagging his bushy tail, I made a glance at Dad's mournful face.

It made me wonder sometimes. When would he ever get over Mom?

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I made Yamazaki phone the Principal before he could head off with Chiharu. Apparently he hadn't known that I wasn't to miss school unless I really come down with something severe. Like meningitis. Jaundice. Tuberculosis. Cancer. Or a brain transplant.

And this…was something. I was having a 'sleep' transplant. Mr. Nutty Principal could go to hell for all I cared.

My boarders had all been in front of me the moment I opened my eyes.

Especially when they found me asleep in the shower.

Meiling had given me one of her sleeping pills, and Chiharu had argued with me to see a doctor.

No.

No doctor could cure me. That was for sure.

My head was grandly in its grave, and I felt like a log having its bark torn away each second from some unmanly force. And I suppose that would be Shiroi.

He hadn't stop grumbling.

The ass had always been against drugs. He'd stopped four years back because of his sister. She had lung cancer back then. And now…she was in paradise. I mean the Bahamas. She married a travel agent. I'm just as confused as anyone. I didn't get the point of the whole story.

"Bullshit Syaoran. Man, I swear you're gonna get yourself killed one day."

I gave him the finger, and he obediently trotted off, slamming the door behind him.

I was alone in the apartment by eight thirty. School started at eight.

The only bad thing about me down in bed would mean that Meiling would be taking my car. Somehow…I didn't find that comforting.

Either she'd return without petrol. Or either she would use it as a bed.

For some reason she's gotten really attached to the guy she'd met at a club last weekend while I was stuck with streaked men.

I forced myself into the living room, and in front of the TV.

There a few dvds around, but I couldn't find myself bothering to choose. Instead I fell on the couch.

It was back to sleep for me.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Syaoran wasn't at school today. As in he'd taken the bloody day absent when I could've spent a period of History staring at him through the corner of my eyes and imagining what we'd do tonight. If only I just had the guts to say 'yes' to Meiling.

That was the first thought that came to my mind on the second period of History. We had some random quiz, and I was so busy in my thoughts that I couldn't figure out the time when my paper had been dragged away from my fingers to the time when I was walking out of class, with Van suddenly popping next to me.

"Hey." he was smiling.

I looked up at him, "Hey." He was always smiling.

Another odd look had slowly crept up his face, "So…what're you doing tonight? There's gonna be a rock quest downtown. Wanna come?"

I looked away from him. He was one of those guys who never quit.

"I'm having this family thing …sorry."

He wasn't looking too rejected. Not at all. Infact, he was looking anything but rejected. Maybe I needed to speak out louder. But by the circumstances of my mood at present and the mood it might change to in the near future, I thought over it.

He went on talking instead, "No sweat." His shoulders bumped against mine, "Probably next time."

I ended up gulping, "Yeah. Why not."

He had to know 'next time' was never to come.

Maybe I shouldn't have said that. Because the next thing I knew, his fingers were slipping into mine.

I think my stomach lurched to gag me, because somehow I couldn't even open my stupid, big mouth, and crawl away from him, or even claw at his face and strut off.

It was just so natural.

We were walking in the middle of a crowded hallway. Guys giving him the nods, and girls grinning.

And somehow, I could feel every organ that sat behind my chest grow heavy. I couldn't even walk normally. He pulled me a little closer so that my elbow touched his shirt.

His fingers were soft and warm. Well…warm against my mine anyway.

For a moment, I didn't know why he was doing this. For a moment, I just went along with it. I didn't notice Eriol pass me by. I didn't notice Meiling giving me the weird looks. I didn't notice Hana, the girl he'd been kissing yesterday giving me evil glares.

I didn't.

I swear, I didn't.

I didn't…until his fingers tightened a little. The blood in my hand hardened, and in that one second I pulled my fingers away from his.

I stopped.

I stood wobbly, the clutch on my books getting weak.

"Van…" my voice stumbled.

His little grin faltered a little, seemingly unaffected by what he had just done.

"I…" I stood tight for a moment searching for the right words, and yet at the same minute lost in this momentum I couldn't describe, "Look…I …" The words came out a little quick, and I could almost imagine the whole hallway listening to my words, and for a second I caught sight of Meiling's face, "I don't want it to look like…like…like I'm…"

For the first time, I was lost in my words. So I had to look away.

I didn't miss the frustrated look on Van's face. I didn't watch him straighten or shrug. It was like he'd read my mind.

"Sorry. Um…I'll see you later…" his voice was soft. I could see the blue of his shirt for two seconds and then he was gone.

I didn't turn to watch him leave.

And in those seconds Tomoyo was by my side. She was blabbering, and somewhat a little pissed.

But my eyes were on Eriol.

I didn't hear her squeal about the chance with a hottie I just missed out on, because Eriol was smirking.

I wanted to smack him across the face and drown him in oil; but I just turned to Tomoyo. These other girls had joined in saying how stupid I'd just been. Saying on how I just should have gone along with him hoping he might have taken me to the back seat of his car or to one of his best make-out places.

I was grossed out. Needless to say…there was only one guy I think I'd ever be able to trust in taking me to the back seat of his car. Only one guy I'd consider to be a hottie. And that guy was one I couldn't have.

It sucked.

Really. It sucked.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

The apartment was out of cigarettes. Not even a single blasted one, and I couldn't be bothered taking a drive to get some.

The car was out of gas in one way or the other.

I hadn't move from my bed since this morning and I just ignored my numb legs ignored.

I'd gotten six calls from Minas on my phone, but I left her on the ringer. She was one heck of a chic when it came to giving up. Either she didn't get the point or either she was too high to even bother to care that her brother was watching her taking.

I remember when he'd come knocking down the door a few times, threatening me to stay away from her. He'd left earlier than I'd thought. But that was then.

That was before I'd forgotten about Minas and her tight skirts.

I had half my mind made up to run to the kitchen and grab a bottle of beer without Meiling finding out.

But I was stuck to my bed. I turned on my stomach and kicked off the sheets. It was getting hotter.

Hotter.

And I kept thinking if she would come today.

If she did…then sweet. But if she didn't…then she was missing out.

I've always hated running after girls. And for all I knew, I have done enough running. It was her turn to do that now. She was a runner right?

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I succeeded in keeping away from Van throughout the whole day, and before I was allowed to give myself a pat, he came me in laughing with a few girls during Science and taken the seat next to me as usual. I had to hold in my groan. Somehow, it wasn't very hard, since it had practically become a routine.

Today was definitely not my day. Definitely not.

I stilled hadn't seen Meiling around, and Eriol was doubtlessly giving me the creeps with his weird looks, and then snogging up Tomoyo always in front of my face.

I glanced up at him as he sat back. But maybe he didn't notice. He continued rummaging through his pockets like he always did for a pen. By this time, he should have already been smiling at me with that stupid smile and asking me out or something.

But he didn't. The frown intent on his face, he changed sides, and went hunting for pens in his other pocket.

Class had started, and the OHT was put up on the whiteboard.

Tomoyo had managed to shuffle in next to me in time, with Eriol behind her. I looked away before we could lock eyes.

Van was still at the mercy of his pockets.

So I held my pen at him. Then in front of his face. He looked up with that same frown, before it cleared away.

He shrugged with a small smile, and finally smudged out a pen from the depth of his pockets, "No thanks." He immediately began opening his books and copying down the notes.

I had to keep myself from gulping, but I managed to keep a straight face.

Had he gotten onto me?

Had he taken the clue and figured out the last piece of the puzzle together?

One look at his face, and I knew he wasn't bothered.

Then why was he giving me the silent treatment? The same one I'd gotten from Eriol when I ditched him in the boys' toilets with a rejection.

I had to look away, and I noticed Tomoyo frowning my way with a 'What the hell?' I shook my head, and looked up at the overhead.

Half of the slide had already been taken up, so I set to work.

I felt miserable. Anything but happy over getting Van off my back. It wasn't like I had a choice. If I hadn't said anything, that he might have taken it the wrong way, and we would probably be the newest dopiest couple in school by now.

No. I shrunk in my thoughts; I definitely didn't want that.

I found Meiling by the backfield after school. She was with the same girl I met in the toilets, and she didn't fail to glare at me in recognition.

Seriously, was I that ugly to resist?

But overall, me and Meiling had had a short chat.

I said a "Yes" and gave her my address. Then she went on about how she'd pick me up at 10 o'clock sharp

By the time I was back to the front gates, the Chiharu girl had yet to take her evil looks off me.

The moment I got home with Touya, I could see my sandal that Kero had been chewing yesterday on the welcome mat. The coat hanger was empty which meant Dad wasn't home.

While I left to dispose of my now-tasteless sandal, Touya had taken the opportunity to start another quarrel with the dog. I left them while they rolled around each grasping at the dinner towel.

The mutt actually thought he was a kitchen guard-dog. So every time it was Touya's turn to cook dinner, they always had a yap or two, before Touya would manage to lock himself in.

I was up the stairs before Kero had a chance to follow me. Bounding up the step taking two at once, I flashed him a 'Don't you dare follow me' look and had managed to shut the door in his sniffling wet black nose.

First thing I needed was a bath.

A nice steaming one without Touya finding out or he'd get suspicious, since I was known as the girl who lives in the shower.

Grabbing a towel, I managed to make a discreet run out of the door with Kero at my heels. Ignoring the scraping noises from behind the door, I ran the tap, and flung the cupboards open.

Those Herbal Essence things I brought last month were almost out 'cause of Touya's craze for bathing, but it was all I had to add the spice on.

By the time I finished going through three magazines, I was down to my bare skin and dipping myself into the heated water.

"Haaa."

It felt good.

Very good.

In fact if I ever had a genie, I would wish myself to stay put in a hot bath forever. That way, I'd be on the topmost floor of heaven.

Actually, scratch that. This is a reminder for anyone who ever makes a wish like that. Think of the after-effect. The deadly consequences.

The consequences of having your fingers go all white and wrinkly as it goes when soaked in water for too long. Yup, that's what I'm stuck with while I spend more than two hours rummaging through my wardrobe for a decent outfit that's perfect to let Syaoran take another good look at me.

He would have to be at least a little interested in me to have the guts to come into the girls' toilet and tell me about Meiling's invitation. Wouldn't he?

I stared at the red shirt hanging behind the closet door, and then at the white one. I could almost remember Azuki, a friend I had to leave behind tell me how red represented your wildness.

Was I wild?

I knocked my head with my knuckles and threw the shirt in before I let the thought get the best of me.

I peered out the window as I caught sight of Dad's car reversing into the garage. It was a little surprising, since he always kept his car parked at the building he worked in.

Maybe this would mean that he wouldn't have that night shift and would be peacefully sleeping while I had the chance to sneak out.

But as usual with the crappy luck that I get stuck with, Dad had to have some notes rewritten over the whole night.

Great.

Just great.

Just what I need.

A leak in the not-so-leak-proof plan.

Dinner went by with Kero clawing out the table and Touya talking non-stop about how the family dog acted more like a human rather than its…normal doggy-self. Dad was busy trying to keep his plate to himself, and I was trying my best not to let my apprehension give away.

But I guess, I wasn't trying very hard, because Dad was suddenly looking very concerned.

"Sakura? You're very quiet. Is everything all right?"

I couldn't help but choke on the sushi that seemed to be stuck between the walls of my throat.

Oh hell. Damn this sticky seaweed.

"It's nothing." I managed to push in a hard gulp, "Just…thinking about something—," I caught a hold of myself before I went on with the silly rhyme.

Dad nodded slowly. He looked back at his plate.

Touya rolled his eyes. He went back to glaring at Kero.

I don't really think they caught me twiddling with the hem of my skirt or chewing the insides of my cheek, because after a while Dad was up excusing himself, and reminding Touya to keep Kero away from his study while he finished off his work.

He complied obediently, silently mumbling curses under his breath of having to get stuck with a dog for all through his home-lived life.

After finishing with the dishes I crawled out, grabbing my boots from the linen closet, and sneaking up the stairs before Touya could finish the tug-of-war with Kero.

Locking myself in, I popped in four pieces of sugarfree mint gum, and rampaged around slipping on my assorted clothing, and fixing my earrings.

It was just half past eight yet, but I'd decided to say ready before Dad would come up to kiss me goodnight.

Grabbing a perfume, I went on with spraying myself, until I smelled like a blob of rose. Maybe that was a bit too much?

Just as the stairs started to creak, I made a clean dive for the bed and buried myself under the refuge of my mink blanket.

Before I knew it, the door was open with Dad walking in holding Kero by his collar, "Good night dear. Make sure you call your mother tomorrow"

Making sure he couldn't see my face, I managed to make a sleepy groan, "'Night."

But then again? Who said life went smoothly?

Dad was suddenly sniffing the air while I went cold in the acute warmth.

Dammit. That's what I got for half-emptying that stupid perfume.

But for tonight, my stars seemed to be really going my way, because before I knew it, he was walking off with Kero hot on his heels, switching off the lights and closing the door behind him.

I stayed still for a few second, unable to believe my luck. Kero would most certainly not be spending the night here. Dad would be in his study too drowsy to bother hearing a car drive up and pick his daughter off. Touya would be asleep clutching his new shoes in bed before giving the house-mutt a chance to have a taste of it.

So all was nice and clear for me.

Opening the window, I half memorized the notches I'd be using as footholds. The tree half blocking my view would be of help while getting down from the windowsill.

Ten o'clock was by before I even had the chance to get rid of salivated gum.

Clutching my shoes under my arms, I managed to fling myself outside the window, using the water pipes for support before I clutched the branch of the tree, and sat gasping for breath.

Looking back, I made sure nothing looked out of the ordinary, and inched the windows up a bit so they'd be open when I got back.

Climbing down the tree, I hitched into my boots, and brushed off the dust that had managed to get on my shirt.

And that was when I shivered.

I gave the back of my head a good slap. Now I'd have to spend the night freezing without a jacket.

I looked back up the window and then at the empty street.

No. I couldn't go back up there.

Hugging myself I made a slow walk before I was a few houses away, and made sure I looked okay.

Meiling was right when she said she wouldn't be a minute late.

Because in seconds a car was parked next to me, and it seemed to look awfully similar to the one I got dropped in yesterday.

Maybe it was my heart that started to decelerate or the fact that I was desperately in need for a jacket, but somehow my mood drained when I saw only Meiling in the driver's seat.

She was grinning with a thumbs up.

I stood there for a second rubbing my palms together, then made a run to the passenger's side, and slammed the door shut.

The ride was short. And with Meiling's continuous talk and the blare of the music it seemed even shorter to let me get a hold of my nerves. We reached an apartment building and I simply nodded as she went on telling me about how five people shared the apartment.

I stayed in a little longer than I needed to, somehow signaling the girl exactly what I was feeling.

"No worries girl. There're only a few peeps left. All drunk. If they see you, it's only for tonight."

I gave a grin. Somehow, that didn't seem to assure me any better. I mean, did I just hear the word drunk?

Last time I had a hangover I promised myself I would never touch vodka ever again. But then again…it wasn't like I was gonna be given a spiked drink by anyone.

I followed Meiling up the many stairs as she went on to stay how the elevator was under repairs.

The building seemed to look like the one where families lived in with their retired grandparents. And the moment we reached the floor, I could hear the sudden blast of heavy music and the laughter and chatters that seemed to be at its highest volume.

Couples were busy smooching, some lying unconscious in the hall foyer, some throwing rugby balls and at the same time balancing their held drinks.

Entering through the threshold, the only thing I could see was a big mess, with beer cans and chips scattered. The three sofas seemed very occupied, and I felt myself go a little dizzy as the lethargy in the music seemed to pull my eardrums.

The air stayed thick, and I let Meiling drag me through a large crowd arm wrestling. Hadn't she said something about only a few peeps being left?

Along the way I ignored the hoots and whistles. Meiling just laughed and gave them the middle finger.

The apartment seemed to be large and expensive, but with the mess around, it was enough to contradict me.

And with a beer can shoved my way, Meiling was gone.

I couldn't really say anything because some guy had suddenly grabbed and had gone all over her. She didn't seem to mind, so I left before I could get any sick.

A few drunk girls brought me into a conversation of how guys were only assholes and always left them for 'b's in the itch. When I was supposed to put in my share of the anti-boys insult, I shrugged, and watched them inch away from me.

What could they expect me to say?

Guys came my way. Some asking me to bed. Some asking for the untouched beer can in my bottle.

I didn't give away either of them, so they stayed with me…trying their hardest to get me convinced.

So maybe I wasn't a loner here anymore, but it was better that than have these freaks touch me in the slightest way. They were friendly. If not, too friendly.

After about an hour I think, I'd had enough. Almost everyone was passing out, or dragging themselves into rooms.

I tried finding the kitchen for non-alcohol, but I guess that was all the party was about. Guys with highlighted fiery red and green hairs always caught my attention, and these groupies seemed to be very eccentric with their piercing and body tattoo.

I managed to find a not so busy guy and tap on his shoulders.

"Um…do you know where Syaoran might be?"

I'd decided to forget beating around the bush and find him before I went anymore crazy. Because he was the only reason I'd come here, and I least I wanted was a peak of him.

"Li?" the guy yawned as he eyed the can in my hands, and fell back against the couch, "With some bitch in his room I guess"

I stood there unmoving, too shocked to even blink, "E-excuse me?"

He was suddenly glaring, "Excused. Now, are you gonna drink that or what?" his knees bumped against mine, and I found the blood returning to my frozen head.

I did all but threw the damn can into his midriff, and whirled off.

With some bitch in his room?

What did that mean? That he was with some girl? That he was having fun with a girl while I'd come to this freaking 'mob' of his, just to chat his up?

I had to hold in my frustration as I stomped around, my eyes suddenly got heavy and angry.

Why was I always the retard going after idiotic guys?

Why?

I shoved past a lingering couple, not even bothering to apologize.

Why hadn't I just figured it out like any normal girl would have?

How could someone like him ever be single…or even have any sort of interest in me? Hadn't I always known that guys like him were players? That they never stayed single for more than two seconds?

I mistakenly stepped on a feet, but I continued pushing my way against people to find the damn door.

I was raging. Damn right angry! How could I be so stupid? I'd taken all my chances of coming here for nothing!

I couldn't be bothered finding Meiling and asking her for a ride home. She was somewhere in this mess, and the ugly music wasn't helping me either.

With some bitch in his room.

Would I have the guts to go barging into every damn room and walk in on them?

I think I was about to break down any moment and start my sobbing, because my chin suddenly felt very weak and all I wanted to do now was crawl into my god-forsaken bed with Kero at my feet.

But who was I dream?

All I've done was dream of him. But where did that get me? Nowhere.

In all my inner-hysterics and loud curses, I didn't notice a guy I saw earlier unexpectedly step in front of me.

He was smiling, "Hey babe. Having a bad day?"

In that one moment, I had half my mind made up to hit him where he'd never be able to have little kids calling him 'Daddy'. But instead, like the weakling I was, I went past him.

I didn't get a few steps ahead, before his arms were around me and bringing me face to face against the wall, An added hand clamped against my mouth

"I'll take that as a yes." His whisper was hot against my neck, and my pressure was out of its normal rate.

"Let me go!" I managed to bite him, and knee him in the stomach.

He pulled back doubling, "Bitch! That hurt."

Before I knew it, I was pushing at his shoulders, the anger loosely slipping out of my fingers; "It was supposed to, you creep!"

He looked up, almost waiting for the moment to lunge at me and take me by surprise, but before I could take a drawn punch at his pretty face, there were arms grabbing me from the back and chest.

I fought.

I kicked for all I could, as I got pushed against the wall once again, this time unable to even turn around.

"Fucking hell! She's one heck of a bitch." I could hear the guy I was about to punch scream at the guy who was holding me.

But that was all I could hear, since my own loud screams and curses were making me deaf.

The arms tightened around me pulling me off the wall, and pushing me straight against one of the door that didn't happen to be the one I'd been searching for.

All I could remember next, was seeing darkness, the faint outline of a bed, and then him…Syaoran Li.

But it all faded as he shut the door behind him. So I waited. I waited for the lights to be switched on.

But they never did.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

She wasn't coming. That was all I knew before I was down with my second beer can. Meiling hadn't said anything about Sakura, and I wasn't going to ask her.

Some random redhead had dragged me off to a room, and I hadn't complained. She was drunk, so before she had a chance to get a second kiss, I'd pushed her off me, tipping her on the carpet.

That was when Kazuo had walked by, can in hand, holding a girl.

"Some sweet chic's been looking for your dude."

"Eh?"

I pulled him back before he went into the room.

"Who?" Why did I have a feeling it was Sakura?

"Dunno. But she was pretty hot."

I let him go, and shoved past shoulders. My eyes darted across rooms, and I stooped low as to ask a few people.

She was here.

Right here.

And she had asked for me.

That was all I wanted really.

Then I noticed the commotion near the front door. Yells and cussing vibrating against the hearty rock.

It was her.

Jamming her knee against Harotori's utensils, and her elbows slamming against his head.

I was behind her in seconds and grabbing her back. She missed a punch into thin air, and then began kicking at my knees.

I yelled Harotori back as he nursed his bleeding nose and continued swearing wild.

Her body felt warm.

But I was dragging her off towards the door of my room, Harotori close behind and bitching.

I pushed her in, managing to lock the door in the darkness just after I caught sight of her red and hot face staring hard up at me.

And before I could hold back any longer I threw myself against her on the bed.

She screamed as she caught the front of my shirt.

Her hair smelled just like I'd imagined it too, and it felt soft as I let it slip through my fingers.

"Tough, aren't you?" I managed to mutter before I kissed her a little.

Her fingers clutched tighter against my shirt, but not a word came. In the dim lighting, I could see her green eyes wide and looking stunned.

Her breath came stalled and rough, her lips parted.

"Syaoran?" I let her lean up a little, her grip on me loosening.

But her voice was enough to remind me of that stupid dream I'd had. I've never dreamed of a girl. Never. And never was I gonna again.

I pushed her back down firmly, and took a good look at her before I kissed her in a way I would always remember.

And she didn't push me away.

Shinsei Kokoro