Author's Notes – So sorry for making you guys wait for this long. I know- my bad. But things have been weird lately. Here's to another chapter…and off course hoping that you guys will forgive lil' ol' me. I want to thank everyone who's been so encouraging and people who've waited patiently. Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews. I'm extremely grateful.

Title – Head Over Heels
Author – Shinsei Kokoro
Chapter – 11 – Locked
Beta Reader – Amai Okashi
Updated – 13th December 2004

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I don't think I was even thinking about what was happening when I saw them like that. The asshole and her. I was supposed to meet up with the gang in the backfield, but the moment I'd caught sight of her, she was the only one on my mind.

They were so…close. Damn. Too close.

And it had me going bloody crazy. She hadn't kicked him like she'd done to Horotori. She hadn't said one damn word. Instead, she'd just stood there; looking pathetic and letting him touch her like that. It was disgusting.

And the moment he was out of there, I was dragging her off, all thoughts of Shiroi hooking up with Meiling forgotten. This was important.

I couldn't let her do this to me.

I couldn't let her go flirting with some goddamn losers when she had…me.

But here she was, right in front of me.

Her hands holding onto the back of my shirt.

Her fingers slowly moving in mine, and her skin the way I remember it from yesterday. Smooth and soft.

I hadn't let her speak for quite a while, and I knew that with the bell ringing in a few minutes, the door would be opening too.

I left her hands to grab the side of her head and sniffed a little into her hair. This was exactly where the loser had touched her.

Yes. It still smelled the same, thought it was a little faint today.

Roses.

I kissed her. Her lips barely touched mine, but she felt needy. She felt weak, and so I let her go. I was loosing my mind, and my hands suddenly felt out of control.

Then she went gasping against me. I felt her almost falling down, but I didn't hold her up. So the moment I pulled away, she had toppled firmly against the door. Her shoulders heaving and her breathing labored.

I stood right where I was, while she scrambled around, shuffling and grunting, before looking up with an aghast expression. My hands were shaking a little.

"What-what was that for?" she seemed to swallow hard, and catch onto her breath again.

I didn't know what to say. She stood up cautiously, holding the doorknob for support, and gathering her books at the same time. And I watched her.

I didn't have an easy answer I could tell her openly. Damn, hardly an answer.

I was jealous.

Badly.

And since I was man enough to admit that to myself, there was no way she was getting that out of me.

But apparently she hadn't been waiting for answers. She hadn't gone red like I'd expected her to, but she was looking at me frowning.

Her green eyes blinking. Her lips looked like they were red, and they were a little parted, revealing a small glimpse of her perfect row of teeth.

Her skirt had ridden up a little, and she had unconsciously started to mat it down neatly. Her runners didn't match with her clothes, and her hair tie had slipped down, letting them fall around her shoulder.

She looked small. In front of me that is. Holding up her books like that, her facials looking confused and lost.

And she watched me. Just watched me.

Damn.

I wanted her. All to myself.

I couldn't keep my hands away from her. I couldn't stop thinking about her. I couldn't stop. Just couldn't stop.

I leaned on her again, and she went flat against the door, looking a little anxious.

"After school." I kissed her again, feeling one of the books stab me in the ribs, "Backfield. Be there."

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

He didn't wait to say anything anymore. Because before I knew it, he was pulling away from me and walking off after opening the door. I swear he could hear my heart thumping. Like a stupid horse who just wouldn't stop running.

Backfield? After school?

What had he meant by that? Why did he want to meet me there?

My brain suddenly zeroed in on me, and I found myself feeling dizzy. Did he want to see me again? Did this mean that it was way of him asking me out?

I didn't think I could move. I didn't think I could feel any blood rushing through my veins.

But that was when the door pushed aside my back, making me jump out of the way.

The bell had already rung?

My thoughts were confirmed when three girls piled in, but instead of walking to their seats, their eyes were on me.

"Was that asshole just in here or what?" one of them scanned around the room, then all three squinted at me.

I could have choked, but I just waved my hand nonchalantly, desperately hoping they weren't haywire "God. Off course not! You think I'd be hangin' out with him in the same room? You gotta be nuts."

I didn't wait around to let them speak anymore. The expressions on their faces were enough to send me waving at them and out of the door. They were juniors. And I was desperately hoping they would believe me.

They had to be convinced.

Thudding myself against the door, I sighed in relief and exhaustion. That had been a damn right close call. If he'd left a second later, god knows what would have happened.

The cold touch of the door reached to my spine, and I wistfully touched my lips. He'd actually talked to me. He'd held my hands. He'd kissed me. My mouth was stinging a little, but I guess that was okay.

I ignored the weird looks from the bustling bunch passing through me. No one needed to know this.

No one.

Because for once in my life, everything was going just the way I wanted it to.

I felt more than light as the rest of the classes passed by. I doubt there was anyone who could make me loose that dizzy feeling. Anyone who could bring me down from the trapeze. Hell…what was I thinking?

Chemistry was last period, and I suddenly felt a wave of nausea wash over me the moment I stepped through the door.

Both the devils were in their seats behind each other.

Both grinning.

Both making me churn and swallow hard.

Damn brats.

Eriol wasn't looking too bothered as Tomoyo kept latching at his fingers. Van behind them rushed closer as I sat next to him.

I didn't look at him. I tried my hardest not to even glance his way.

"You okay?" His voice tingled deep beside my ear, and I managed to just nod away. I didn't want him to get the wrong idea. I never wanted him to get the wrong idea. I didn't want to lead him on.

"Hey." Tomoyo had turned around and was now glancing my way discreetly as the teacher changed the slide over the OHP, "We're gonna check out that new club downtown. Wanna come?"

It didn't take me even a second to answer her apologetically, "No can do. I'm having dinner with Mom tonight. I've been stalling it for weeks."

Tomoyo shrugged, then gave me a sly grin, "She's finally getting to you eh?"

I snorted lightly; "Fat chance. Her husband's gonna be there too."

Tomoyo just nodded back and went back to copying notes. From the corner of my eyes, I could see Van glancing my way once in a while as if trying to get my attention. So I made sure I didn't look either way, and left my eyes trained on the teacher.

I could play hard to get.

As a matter of fact, I was excellent at it. Because either way, I wasn't gonna let this chance with Syaoran slip by.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I didn't know how I was gonna pull it off, but I had to. It was just yesterday that I'd found out how bitchy and goddamn nosy Meiling could be. Blast that girl.

She hadn't stopped going on about how she'd seen me dragging off some girl who'd looked suspiciously like Sakura. She hadn't stopped pestering me. But it was hardly likely if she thought she was gonna get anything outta me.

And along the way, I was safe to have sorted things out between Shiroi and her.

She'd given him a nosebleed after he'd kissed her in front of the guy she was going out with. He'd obviously been drunk, and so as usual he was oblivious to every damn thing that had happened last night.

It had me pissed for a while, but it all went pouring down the hill after I hooked up with Sakura.

She might not have gotten the drift last night, but I was gonna make sure she didn't go around flirting with assholes from now on.

It wasn't my idea to have called her after school, but there didn't seem to be another crazy idea in my head. I'd seen a few girls come my way after I'd left her in the class, so I was pretty darn glad that I hadn't been hanging around there any longer.

For now, I just had to wait a little longer till I had her with me again.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Van stayed glued to my side all the way till we walked to my locker. He was trying his best to convince me to ditch the dinner with Mom and come his way.

It was true. He was a guy who tried very hard. Possibly even harder than Eriol. I sneaked a look at the couple ogling along behind us, and then managed to answer back to whatever Mr Van the Man had asked.

"Yeah." I swept my eyes over him nonchalantly, as I fumbled to get my locker door open.

"Really?" he fell again the metal doors beside me his face looking eager, "You'll come?"

I gave him a double glance, then groaned silently, "Downtown? Off course not. I told you, I've gotta make it to this dinner, or my dad's gonna have my head."

He growled a little, "But you can have dinner with her anytime. It's the weekend tomorrow. What about then? It's a Friday night. You can't be spending time with your old folks today."

I stole a look at him as I fingered through the books I needed for tonight, "I have church on Saturday and Sunday is my only day off. I'm not gonna spend it with a hangover."

He whined a little more, and I couldn't help but laugh a little. He looked miserable. Very miserable. It's been a while since any guy has had that look on his face because of me.

And it would be a wrong thing to say that Van wasn't good looking. The other girls were completely right to be falling hard for him. He's in some track team and he plays basketball. He knows how to dress up, and doesn't flaunt as much as Eriol might if he were as rich as he was.

But I guess he stepped up a little late. He's right though. There's no way I'd spend Friday night stuck away with only my mother and her stuck up prick of a husband.

I grinned silently, watching Van make a few comical faces.

Syaoran had asked me out. Maybe he just wanted to talk. But he'd asked me, and that was all I needed to stay happy for. In fact, I didn't even care about the certitude that I'd be the one cooking dinner for my mother and her new husband. So maybe, I'd have to be a little careful of not food poisoning them, but dad could help me with that.

"I'll give you a ride home then."

"No thanks Van. My brother's coming to pick me up. He's gonna kill me if I ditch him."

Tomoyo turned around to grin at me just then, "And you're already late." She said it in that sing song voice that made me glance at my watch.

"Oh crap." True to her words, she was right. I was already fifteen minutes late. I could imagine Touya sitting there, drumming his knuckles and grumbling to himself in his grey Toyota.

The hallway was nearly empty, and I made an uncertain gasp at the books in my hand. I tried hard making it sound horrific, "I…uh…I forgot to get my Computer manual! Oops. Better go get them!" I made a beeline to the opposite direction, waving my arms at them frantically, "See you guys on Monday! And have fun tonight!"

I could see their surprised faces, and in my head, I could almost hear them mutter. She has one heck of a munted head. Wonder how many screws are missing?

To just play it all safe, I did go to my locker. I didn't want one of them following me and then finding me sneaking off somewhere else. Unlocking the door hurriedly, I almost dropped the books in my hand. Then one-handedly, I managed to grab a random book, and then slam the door shut. A few guys in the corner gave me the queer looks, but I couldn't be bothered holding an apology off with them. Sore losers.

I was late.

And if Touya would be waiting for me, Syaoran must also be waiting. Oh god. Oh shit. I couldn't afford to be standing him up, even if it wasn't some kind of a date.

If I could just make it to the front gates in time, maybe I could skirt through the car park and find a way to the backfield. And maybe if I were fast enough, I would still find Syaoran waiting for me.

Making a dash through the corridor, I held on tight to my cradled books. I couldn't believe I'd let Van take the best of me and waste my time. I couldn't. I would definitely find a way to clobber him if Syaoran would have left by the time I got there. I would strangle him with Kero's leash, and chop his head off with the plastic chainsaw in my garage. It had worked on my guinea pig last summer, who had accidentally decided to sunbathe underneath the blade.

Running across the quad was another thing. There were still only a few girls hanging out, and through the corner of my eyes I could see a couple making out behind the cement seating around the benches.

I nearly tripped twice, and I cursed myself for wearing my new blue sandals today. They had cranky heels.

I was sure they'd be ripped by the time I got to Touya.

After nearly rushing head-on against the bonnet of a car, I ran through the main entrance, my chest beating and my lungs torn.

Where was Touya? The road was out of traffic, but I couldn't spot the grey Toyota. I was standing on the edge of the pavement, and I desperately hoped I didn't look like an idiot with all these books.

Dammit. Where the hell was he? My mind was spinning. I just knew it. It was spinning so hard that the books in my arms were soon gonna spill on me.

Where was he? He was supposed to be here. He was supposed to be waiting for me no matter how long it took me to get to his damn car!

There was suddenly a honking beside the other corner of the road. But there was no Touya racing past. He wouldn't have left me. He wouldn't just leave me here with all these books. And if I couldn't find him now, then there was no way I was gonna get to Syaoran. Certainly not with all these books hanging off me. He would be sure to think that I was some geek.

The honking at the back of the road hadn't stopped, and I whirled around to scream back at the car. A hand was waving, and before I knew it I was running to it.

The grey Toyota, comfortable under the tree with Touya frowning like there was no tomorrow.

"Why the heck are you parked here?" I was yelling, all the while opening the passenger door and spilling all my books down.

"What do you expect? I'm not gonna burn my head to wait for your sorry ass y'know." I should have expected that. But then again, Touya never had a bone in him called patience, "And where the hell were you huh? I've been waiting here for more than twenty minutes and I'm getting late for work. You could show some punctuality once in a while. You're not gonna be getting a job this way. You won't even get your classes in time when you're in university."

He had a point…but I shut the door back in his surprised face, "What the—,"

I hesitated to come up with a lie, "I've gotta meet up with a study group in the library."

"What?" the frown on Touya's face wasn't pleasant. He was glaring at the books strewn on the seat; "I was waiting here in this damn sun, 'cause you wanted to drop your books off?"

I peeked at him meekly and gave him my best innocent look, "Uh…yes?"

The next thing I knew he was blubbering. The things he wanted to say never coming out. You see, Touya has never sworn at me. I'd made him swear on his mother's grave that he never would since I was his little sister. And little sisters should always be given advantages such as that…or so I thought.

And all I could muster was to reach across the open window, and give his head a pat, "Be a doll Touya. Dinner for the rest of the week is on me, okay?"

The last sentence was enough to calm him down. Starting the engine he looked down at me, the frown not swept off, "How'll you be getting home then? You do remember that your mother's coming over tonight, right?" he asked gruffly, changing gears.

I smiled toothily, "A friend will be dropping me. And I'll be back before six. I promise."

"Whatever." And without a warning he was off.

I grinned at the disappearing car, dusting off my hands, and adjusting my sandals. They weren't torn. And I hoped they were ready for another run.

Syaoran Li was still waiting for me. At least, I hoped he was.

Slipping back through the gate, I inched my way through the staff car park. I crossed my fingers, hoping I wouldn't be late for whatever reason Syaoran had asked me to be there. It was half-empty, but I wouldn't take the chances of finding two teachers making out in their car. I made a run through the bushes as fast as my wobbly legs would take me, and by the time I'd reached on the clear hand on the other side, I was taking out dry leaves out of my hair and swatting away the ugliest fly I've ever seen.

Quickly adjusting my shirt and skirt, I scanned the field, and my fears came true.

There was no one I could see.

Absolutely no one.

Just meters of grass extending in front of me, and in the far distance I think I could make out the empty bleachers.

Syaoran wasn't there.

"Damn!" I was too late. Too damn late.

I kicked at the grass, and I watched a few of the green blades fly up along with some dirt.

"God dammit!" I felt naked. Frustrated. And stranded. I was so angry. So pissed. So furious!

Syaoran had probably been waiting and left after thinking I'd stood him up. I let out my angriest disgruntled cry, and scanned a 360-degree of the grass area.

There was no one.

No Syaoran.

Not even a ghost dog. Christ!

Tracking through, I found myself sitting on the bleachers after a few minutes. They were brown and almost scaly looking, but I sat on them nevertheless, repenting my anger by kicking the cement. But at the end of it all that did was just smudge and bend my toes.

They stung for a while, but it still didn't matter.

I was alone here.

I'd been so stupid. And now, I knew I couldn't blame anyone expect me. It wasn't Touya's fault. He'd been there at the right time. It was me who'd taken so long to get to him. It wasn't Van's fault. He hadn't argued and kept bothering me to come downtown for nothing. He didn't know that I wasn't just gonna spend my Friday night with my gunpowder of a mother. He didn't know I was gonna meet the guy I'd finally had the luck to be with. He hadn't known that. He'd been oblivious to fact that there was only one guy I've ever wanted to spend my time with.

And that would be Syaoran.

Only Syaoran. The hottie.

I kicked at the ground again. I was so stupid. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'd just blown away my probably only chance to be with Syaoran.

And I was so locked away with the fight I was having with myself, that I didn't notice the shadow falling over me.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I'd caught her figure from the distance, but with every step I'd taken she hadn't looked up. She hadn't realized I was even there until I was right in front of her.

It was a little funny to see her expression I reckon.

She looked so damn surprised and lost, and her eyes had gone wide. Then she'd bought a hand to block the sun out.

"You alright?" I asked her, sitting down beside her and looking at her opening and closing lips. She just continued to stare at me, her head turning with my movement.

"I…I thought…I thought…" she mumbled, then stopped when I frowned, "I thought that…" her words trailed off after a while.

"Eh?"

She looked away shaking her head. I could hear her mutter a few more words, but I didn't catch them. They sounded funny though. Something about dinner not being wasted and hopping beetles. I didn't catch the words correctly.

But she was looking at me again, this time with a small smile, "I thought I was the one late."

"Oh." I glanced at her, then shrugged hesitantly, "Had to take care of a few things." Yamazaki had been docking with a few of the guys we'd snubbed in the Diner a few days back. The guys who led us to prison. But I hadn't managed to get to them yet. I'd just remembered about Sakura when I was about to let Yamazaki in my car. I'd kicked him out after that.

And after I'd told him off, he'd gone trash talking about how I was coming off badly with Minas.

I looked at the skirt she was wearing, and how her fingers were scratching at the fabric. Little did Yamazaki know the real stash I had right here.

Priceless.

"So…uh…" she glanced slowly at me after the lapsed silence, "What…what did you wanna talk about?"

I looked at the field, then went through my pocket. God, what was I supposed to say now? Girl, I'd like you to stay away from every guy except me? No, that didn't sound decent.

I shook the white box from my pocket, and opened it in her direction.

"Um…" she looked at it nervously, "No thanks. I-I don't smoke."

Shrugging, I popped one in my mouth. Lighting it, I took a long drag of it, and let it out slowly. Ah. I needed that.

I hadn't had a smoke since last night, and it'd been grating at my neck.

"So…" she wrung her fingers together with a large falling back sigh, "Anything new with you?"

"Nah." I let the cigarette dangle between my thumbs.

Then I noticed her turn away quickly the moment I sighed the smoke out. I watched her wrinkle her nose a little bit, so I dropped it.

She looked at me as I smudged it to the cement, but she didn't say anything. It disturbed me a little bit. She could have said something.

"Thanks." I heard her whisper, and I just shrugged it. There.

I had to say it now if I wanted to meet up with Yamazaki in a few minutes, but how the hell?

"Look." I started, catching her attention and making her turn to look at me with her green eyes, "Today…that guy…" I didn't know what more to say after that. So while I tried to cram my head for some words, she continued for me.

"Oh…that was just Van…" she laughed it off uncertainly. I could see her fiddling with the hem of her skirt again; "He's…um, always like that. Y'know…"

"Yeah. I know." I tried not to sound bitter, "Just make sure I don't see him like that again." I tried so damn hard not to sound bitter, but she ended up looking shocked anyway.

And when I knew I couldn't take anymore of her eyes on me, I stood up abruptly. It wasn't supposed to come out like that. I wasn't supposed to sound jealous, but I just couldn't keep it in me anymore.

"I gotta go…" I couldn't look at her, but I heard her.

"So…that's it?"

I turned around to find her up on her feet as well, "Yeah." Her face fell a little at that, and I could see she'd wanted more, "Why? What'd you want?" I ended up smirking at her, and watched her look away.

"Uh, n-nothing!" She wrung her hands behind her back, pushing out a weak smile. But seriously, she was damn easy to read.

I left her there. Standing. In the sun.

I had things to take care of, and she was lucky I'd been thinking about her. I jumped over the metal bars, grinning like an idiot. If I hadn't come, then she'd be sitting there for the whole day.

I'd been meaning to spend some more time with her. But with the thing Yamazaki had bought up, no girl would get in my way.

Especially not Sakura.

But at least I'd managed to get my point across to her.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Let's just say I wasn't in a very good mood when I got home. The house was empty, except for Kero lounging on the couch. He obviously knew how to take advantage of the whole situation.

By the time I flopped down next to him, I was sure there were blisters on my feet, and I was sweating.

I was peeved at Syaoran. I don't know for sure if I must be or not. But I'd just found his behavior entirely cocky.

I mean, there I was, having ran and trekked all the way just to see him. I'd given up a ride. I'd given up going downtown. I'd given up having Touya drive me to the nearest ice cream parlor. And when I say giving up a ride, I mean two rides. One from Van and one from my own very non-gentleman chauffeur (Touya). And it means a lot to me, especially when I live miles away.

I had to take two buses, since I took the wrong one first, and then I had to walk for more than fifteen minutes to get towards my gate. And with the sun turned on to its hottest temperature, I was sure to be a baked cake by the time I got home.

Maybe the reason I was mad at Syaoran was because he'd just been so casual. He'd made it look like such a big deal when he'd kissed me. He was jealous. I knew it. It was so obvious; that I'd almost wanted to laugh when he'd off-handedly asked me to stay away from Van.

And I'd acted so stupid being nervous. I swear he had almost seen me shaking when he'd sat down next to me. I found it sweet of him to drop his cigarette for me. I mean, I'm sure it didn't mean anything to him, but I found it sweet.

However, the least he could have done was ask if I wanted a ride home when he knew how far I lived.

In fact, I hadn't even gotten a kiss.

It hadn't even looked like we were going out.

He hadn't held my hand; we hadn't done anything. And suddenly now that I think about it, maybe the moment we'd had in the morning was something that had just turned on in the spur of the moment.

Maybe it hadn't meant anything.

Bu then, what reason was there to be jealous if he didn't like me? Did he just think of me as one of the girls that he kept sewed in his thread? The one who came and went?

The thought of it didn't make me feel good. Suddenly, it all felt crazy. I raced upstairs to have a shower. It was just five o'clock. And I had around about three hours to start something for the bugs who would be coming for dinner.

That's right. Mom and her new beloved King Charming.

I began to wonder how many tentacles she would have grown by now? Would her husband be a centipede or a praying mantis? Along the way, I hoped Kero had long forgotten his taste for insects too, because the last time Mom had come near him, she'd lost her engagement ring down his throat.

The poor mutt had to have his throat probed in after that.

Unlike Mom's usual well timing, they'd arrived late. And while Touya brought them to the lounge, I'd been busy locking Kero up in my room. He was sniveling and whining so pathetically that I had to give him one of his "Dog-Chew" bones to chomp on.

I'd seen her husband once, just once. But the moment I entered the room, what I hadn't been waiting on seeing was a slightly pregnant mother and a pleasant looking man shaking hands with Touya.

Her immediate reaction was to choke me in a tight hug, which was all one-sided let me tell you. I watched the man through the corner of my eyes, and ended up with him hugging me lightly.

Then came the inevitable question.

"Sweetie. Where's your father?"

I swallowed a little, but Touya was there to answer for me, "Dad will be here in a few. He's at a lecture right now."

If not a little, I think the couple looked relieved. The man helped mom into the couch, and she ended up with one of his hands on her stomach.

"I can't wait till he's out of here." She motioned towards her tummy. She was talking about the baby; "He's more than a little bit of a trouble. Now I know I won't find it hard to know how he's gonna be when he all grown up." I laughed weakly along with her and Mr. Ryusaki. I managed to make out Touya rolling his eyes, so I silently nudged him. He's never admired my mother. Let's just say that she had a handiwork that bought him down sour to his knees. In other words, he wasn't a fan of her and had never been near to calling her mom. It was always Yuri.

Mom looked the same, other than her slightly bulged stomach off course. But she looked the same otherwise. I didn't bother asking her how many months she was away. I didn't think it was necessary.

She wore the same clothes she used to prefer. Dresses that slimmed her body. Her hair shaded red looked the usual as it curled and lay wispy on her shoulders.

Mr. Ryusaki looked younger than dad did, but in truth, he was older. Late fifties? Maybe it was because he worked in a modeling industry. He had a good smile with brown hair neatly combed and thin-rimmed glasses.

Why was it that Mom went for guys who wore glasses? Which is to furthermore add to my daddy's description. He's as blind as a bat without his glasses.

"So Sakura. I hear you're still up with your volunteer work at church. Can't imagine it really." It was Mr. Ryusaki asking me that, and I started to wonder why mom had bothered telling him that.

I smiled primly, "Yes. I find it quite fun." What else could I say? I just had to act this act for tonight, and have her and this city of Pompeii out of my way.

The man nodded sincerely, "That's a good thing to hear. I'm happy you've found something religious to keep your mind in an honorary condition. Teenagers nowadays are like lost birds. They come scraped and don't seem to be coping with anything other than brutal behavior and drugs. I find it appalling really." He looked at mom for support and she nodded along with him numbly.

That was probably the stupidest thing I've ever heard, but I didn't voice it.

I could see her secretly shaking her head at me. Then I remember when she'd told how his previous wife had died of an overdose of morphine when she was in coma after an accident.

He's always been against drug-doers or anything along that line. I found it a little hard to imagine on what he'd say if ever saw me with Syaoran.

But already decided, Mom knew the best turn to take, "Sakura. Tell me. How are you doing in school? It must have been awful to move here from Tokyo. I remember you had lots of friends at Seijuu."

I gave a light shrug, "It's okay. I've managed all right. I haven't really been in touch with them after coming here, but I'm okay with it."

She rubbed her fingers onto Mr. Ryusaki's hand, and I found Touya giving me the gagging look secretly. I giggled a little when he excused himself to the kitchen to continue with the salad. That was when Mr. Ryusaki himself stood up and volunteered himself to help.

So now, it was just me and mom alone to talk. For some reason I found myself glaring at her husband's back as he started to chat animatedly with Touya. Thankfully Mom didn't notice that.

We looked at each other for a while, before she patted the spot next to her, "Come here."

I looked at the spot hesitantly. It was where her husband had been seated, but I went along anyway.

The moment I sat down, I felt a rush of feelings hastily swirling into my chest. It felt nauseous.

I didn't lean back, and I stayed hunched until I felt her arms around me.

"Sakura."

My mom has never been a dramatic woman, but right then, I think she'd changed a lot, because the next thing I knew, she was holding me tight and murmuring things like 'my little girl' 'honey' 'my darling' 'my sugar plum'.

They didn't effect me. I wouldn't let them effect me. I'd gone numb to all of them since the day she walked out on her real family years back.

She wasn't supposed to make my eyes prickly. She wasn't supposed to bring back all that hatred and love.

"Oh Sakura. I know you're mad at me. I know you'll never forgive me for this. But you have to know…that this was how it was supposed to be." She broke away a little, and I found she'd been heavily crying.

What I found more surprising, was that she was wiping my cheeks with her fingers. Wow, the waterworks had come down quicker that I thought it would.

I hadn't known it until I leaned my head on her shoulder. I was crying, and I couldn't stop. I was crying silently.

I felt horrible.

Not only was I breaking down in front of the woman I hated, but I also felt as though I was back to that day, when she'd held my hand and said she'd signed the divorce papers already. Yes. I can still remember that day.

I hated her. I hated her so much for leaving me. Nothing was the same after the day she'd packed her bags and left. Dad had changed and Touya acted like he didn't give a damn.

I hated her. But what could I do? She was my mom. She was the one who taught me so many things. She was the one who used to always read to me and teach me Maths.

She'd done it all.

And when she was gone, I hadn't known what to do. Everything had changed. And I had started to hate her so much for doing this to Dad. For leaving him and Touya. For leaving me.

I hated her. But I couldn't find myself to let go of her.

She was stroking my hair next, and she started to tell me of where she was working. In a travel agency. But she said she wouldn't start hopping on a plane or anything until the baby would be a little older. So after then, she would be able to leave him with a babysitter.

I secretly hoped she wasn't looking at me saying that. But then again, I didn't know people who worked in travel agencies hopped on planes. Nope. I didn't know that.

"We'll be staying in Hiroshima for a few months since Kenji has a contract written off there. The baby'll probably be born there. Then we'll be moving to Kyoto. We've already bought a house there, but there's still some renovating left. You should come over one day."

I nodded automatically looking at my lap, "Yeah."

Her hand was still on my head, "I'm still your mother Sakura. So I'll always be seeing you alright?"

There came my nod again.

"If you ever want to talk to me. Just call okay? I'm not stranger, just please remember that."

Nod. I ordered my head.

"And you should try and get to know Kenji." She meant her husband, "He's a really nice man. You'll love him. He's great with kids, and he loves girls."

I didn't know how she could say something like that when the kid wasn't even born, and the chances of me having quality time with her husband would be zero to a zillion. There was no way that would ever be happening, but I let her dream.

"Keisuke was supposed to be coming with us too. But he couldn't make it because of a game. He's always so…"

In the midst of the whole conversation, I froze a little, "Sorry…who's this again?"

Mom glanced at me momentarily, "Huh?"

I straightened back to look at her directly, "Who's Keisuke?" I don't think I needed her to actually say who it was. I thought I already knew. God let him not be another boyfriend of hers. Please God. Not another boyfriend.

Mom shook her head a little, then frowned, "You…you don't know? I told you last time remember? He's Kenji's son."

Everything froze inside my head for that one second.

Tick tock. I could hear the clock go. Tick tock.

. I could hear the clock go.

Keisuke. Kenji had a son? A real son?

"Kenji…has a son?" I blurted out bitterly. I couldn't hold it in.

I thought the expression on her face was a feigned surprise, but it looked real enough, "Yes. I thought you knew right?"

Maybe I'd made a sour face, as I shook my head, "No."

Great. Not only did I have to share my mom with some man, but also with a brat.

She sighed and she looked earnestly at the kitchen doorway, before dropping her voice. I waited for her confession. Had she had an affair with Kenji when she was with Dad? The thought of it just made me sick with repulsion.

"Keisuke's…Kenji's first wife's son."

Oh.

I stared at her. She wasn't looking at me. She was looking at the ring in her finger.

"You mean…" I made a glance at the door too, hoping Kenji wouldn't be listening, "You mean the one…who died?" my voice sounded unbearably loud against my own ears. She nodded, then looked up.

"He's only a year older than you. He wanted to drop school after she died, but he's been forced to get good grades. He's a good boy, but not very stable. You could say he's a little wild."

Oh.

I felt dazed. I felt like someone had just dropped a shelf on my head. And it didn't feel great at all.

Not only did I have a stepfather, but also now I had a stepbrother.

Great.

Just…wonderful.

Just what I needed.

But Mom just nodded off like it was nothing; "We'd all planned to visit you here together." I didn't like the inclusive language she was using, "I guess he needs more time. You know…to adjust with all of this. When he comes around, I'm sure you'll like him. He's a nice boy." Then she laughed, "He's very athletic and he's always playing his drums. Wild like I said."

She was looking so happy. Like she was in a wonderland.

However, everything inside my head was bitter.

She was married. She had a kid coming, and she already had another son. I don't think she'd ever talked that way of Touya. My brother was the captain in his soccer team. He rocked. He was an excellent cook, and he was the best chauffeur.

So this must mean that she was happy with her new life. This is why I hate her.

While she went away to find herself a new and wonderful life, she left us behind to feel miserable. She had a new family now. A husband and two kids.

I don't know why really, I don't know why she even bothers to keep in contact. I don't even know why she bothered to come to Tomoeda when she knew Dad and I were still sore.

I didn't know why she was flaunting this way.

That's why I hated her. I hated this woman next to me. I hated her so much.

I knew as much as she might say about staying in contact, and her being there for me, in a few years, she'll forget me.

She'll forget she was ever married before. She'll forget she ever had a daughter.

One day, when I walk past her and her new family, I bet she wouldn't even recognize me.

But for now, I'll be good and keep the ties together. I'd long decided to do this only for my poor dad. He's the one who deserves a new life. He's the one who deserves to be happy.

I let mom go on with her talk. I didn't care anymore. I swear I didn't.

If she could go on with her life, I'll show her that I could do that too. I could go on with my life too. I already had.

I had a family. I had friends. And I had a boyfriend…more or less. Syaoran probably didn't care, but I did. Every little thing mattered.

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