Author's Notes – I'm sorry for taking so long again people. Something terrible happened and I was stuck in hospital for two weeks. All I want to do is get back into my fittest shape and get back to school. So right now, I hate my life.

Title – Head Over Heels

Author – Shinsei Kokoro

Chapter – 15 – Dropped

Beta Reader – Amai Okashi

Updated – 2nd February 2005

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I was falling down. Slowly and weakly. My heart was crumbling along with my knees, scattering across my feet. The wetness on my face remained splashing down my chin.

One drop.

Two drops.

Three drops.

Four drops.

They fell on my skirt, forming dark circles. Soaking through the fabric, and then they fell on the floor.

My ears had lost mechanism and I felt so cold. So numb. Like I was bound by these icicles that wouldn't let me feel anything. I couldn't feel my fingers. I couldn't feel my toes. I couldn't even feel myself thinking.

"Sakura…" my name came through the door, the wind swiveling and punching it. And then the slamming brought me back. It brought back the sounds. It brought back the feelings. It brought back the bright light that strained my eyes suddenly.

I doubled over, wrenching for a gasp of air and letting my jaw quiver.

I was cold. Frozen.

"Sakura…"

Kero ran in circles around me. I could barely feel his tail tickling my back. I could barely feel his thick fur as I grabbed him and held him close and tight. Maybe just for some warmth. I wanted to feel something right then, so I buried my face in his furry neck.

It smelled of the doggy shampoo I used on him. It smelled of the chicken he'd eaten from my dinner plate. But it didn't stop the tears. It didn't stop me from shaking so violently and crying as loud as I could. It didn't stop all the words digging and scraping my mind. It didn't stop me from biting my tongue and holding it so tight between my teeth. I felt like cutting it off. I felt like just holding Kero forever. Just squeezing him.

I looked up right then, and the bulbs in the adjoining foyer were turned on. The air rushed into my soggy face, and I wailed.

I shut my eyes tight hoping no one would see the tears, but they fell from the strained gap. They fell again on my cheeks somehow, and I didn't rub them away.

"Sakura…" It was Touya's voice. And I couldn't help but glimpse at him through my eyelashes.

He looked blurry. There was blood on his chin. His eye looked red and there was an unmistakable scarlet and blue bruise already forming.

"Oh god…I'm sorry!" I screamed it with all I was worth. Just hoping he could see how I felt. "God! I'm so sorry!" The sobbing couldn't get any louder and Kero moved from underneath me. I fell to my knees, and I drummed the floor with my fists, "I'm so sorry!" Yes. It was all my fault.

My voice sounded hoarse. Like I hadn't spoken for centuries; like it was almost cracked. I wheezed for another lungful of air. My throat seemed raw. And every time I gulped, the scrapes loosened and stung. I tried to just keep the last of my energy under control, but it was so hard. It was so damn hard.

"Do you mind explaining." Touya's words were tight, and I could see his feet walking towards me from where I sat huddled.

I shivered. I choked silently.

The door opened in that moment, then closed again. I looked up in a flash hoping from the bottom of my heart that it was Syaoran who'd come back to apologize.

It was Dad, and he looked grim, "I told them he was your friend."

Friend…

My friend…

The word seemed so stark that it made me wonder. What friend?

"Sakura!" Touya was standing right in front of me before I knew it, his face falling upon me like a crisis, "Who the hell was he!"

I looked up mindlessly, my vision disturbed by the water in my eyes. I blinked them, and let them roll down my mouth.

So salty.

"Come on! Say something!"

I opened my mouth once. My cheeks flew back as I squeezed out more tears. Somehow they just kept falling. Not a noise came out. I tried it a few more times before just looking at my Touya and his bruised face.

Oh God.

Why wouldn't anything come out?

"I…" I let the words force out, but they remained stuck. And so shoved my head in my hands and crawled back into the darkness.

Oh God!

I pulled at my hair.

I dug my nails into my forehead, and waited for some silence in my head. But there was nothing. Just the darkness stabbing me and hurtling my blood in wisps. And it hurt so bad. It felt so painful. Like I couldn't breath. Like I couldn't inhale the air around me. I felt suffocated. Trapped.

God!

What…what had just happened?

What?

I clenched the front of my shirt in my fists. My heart was running so fast. Like it would never stop. But right then, I didn't want it. I didn't want my heart. It made me feel so empty. So hollow. And unable to clear the fog that had thickened around my mind. Jesus, I don't want it. I don't want my heart. It hurts too much.

Then I felt hands picking me up, and I looked up to see Dad's arms around me, "Get up."

But I didn't stop crying. I just looked at him, and if anything I cried harder. I grabbed his nightgown and threw my arms around him. I wanted some strength. I wanted to steal some strength off him.

We stood there for sometime before he steered me into the living room. He left me standing in the front of the couch and then disappeared into the kitchen. I poised erect, trying to balance my fumbling feet while Touya fell onto the couch opposite.

I stood there staring at him.

At his slightly swollen eyes. And the blood that was trickling down his forehead and his cheek and his chin. The cut cliffside that was marred on his jaw and the sweat that clung onto his forehead.

He didn't stop me from crying. He didn't stop his glaring, but he kept asking me: "Who the hell was he?"

What could I say?

Who the hell was he? Who then hell was Syaoran? And for that fleeting second, I didn't know. I felt like I knew nothing. Like I knew no Syaoran or anything about him.

But I did.

I did know.

I did know that guy who'd just come in. I knew him. I so knew him.

Dad came hurrying before trying opening up my mouth again, holding up a water-drenched towel and a box of plasters. He helped Touya wipe off the blood and they didn't seem shaken by the noise of my crying. Then Dad sat next me, pulling down my arms almost painfully while Touya sat across us.

"Sakura…"

If it was possible, then I think my brain was having an attack right then. It felt like someone was driving a knife into it repeatedly, like I wasn't even alive. It felt like I couldn't make myself come back to wherever home was. I wanted to feel like nothing had happened. That it had all been some stupid nightmare that was pushing Syaoran further away from me. Maybe something like a sudden wave of nausea. Everything just all came over me in a pivoting motion.

I opened my mouth, then closed it. Nothing…nothing came out. And tears wouldn't stop coming down as hard as I tried. I fumbled down on the soft cushion, and stooped over my knees.

"God!" Touya was bursting, "Will you just spill it! Who the fuck was he!"

I gnawed at my knees, and resisted any noise from flowing out. I felt Dad's hand on my back, but my fingers stayed clenched between my teeth. I had to get some feeling into them. I had to feel some pain elsewhere.

"Sakura. Who was that boy?"

Dad's voice didn't sound harsh, but underneath all the layers I could feel his flame. So bright and so intense. He could have been hurt. He could have been punched and tossed around like Touya. He could have been lying in a pool of blood right now. He could have called the police.

I backed up, and strangled my lips just to stay silent for a second. I gulped furiously, before closing my eyes again. I couldn't bear to look at Touya.

"H-he's…this…this guy…from my school." I clasped my toes and dug my eyes into my knees, just holding myself. I couldn't look at them.

"What's his name?"

"S—syaoran." I bit the name out. It sounded like…nasty. Like something that had to be spat out. Something that was so gruesome.

"What the hell was he going on about?" Touya's words flew out in rage again, and I held my hands over my mouth before I could let my disgruntled breaths be heard.

"I…"

"Sakura, did you know what he was talking about?" Dad's hand held my shoulder, "Why did he say all those things?"

I licked my lips silently, clenching the inside of my lips, and staring at the bulb above us, "They're lies…Dad, they're lies. I didn't know he would find out!"

"Okay!" Touya was standing up again, towel to his eyes, "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Sakura!" Dad insisted, "If you don't say something comprehensible, how are we supposed to know what just happened! What if the police asks—,"

In that ticking instant, I grabbed Dad's arm, "Dad, no! Please don't go to the police! I-it's not anything like that! Please Dad!"

"Are you crazy! Didn't you just see what happened!" Touya was hollering as he kicked the sofa and sent Kero sniffing away, "I nearly got killed! That guy was drunk you idiot! Do you know what else he could have done! Do you know what he would have done to you if I wasn't there!"

The tears came crawling, and I held Dad tighter.

"Sakura…" Dad grabbed my hand, "I won't call the police okay? Can you just tell us what's happening?"

"Dad!" Touya was protesting as he swung up, "Are you nuts? We have to—,"

"Touya!" Dad silenced him and I watched my brother sit back down, "Let's just find out what's happening all right? And then, we can go over what we can do about this."

"That can only be possible if she at least opens her darn mouth." He sent me a scowl and continued dabbing at the flowing blood.

There was silence again and I looked at a spot on the carpet, "I…" I had to tell the truth, "I've been seeing him for a couple of days."

"What! No way!" Touya was off his seat choking and spluttering, "Shit Sakura! You gotta be—,"

"Touya!" Dad's voice sent him down and I screwed my eyes shut. I didn't want to look at either of them. I didn't want to see the expressions on their faces. I didn't want to know what they thought about me.

"Go on…" Dad urged, his voice sounding neutral. It was so soft next to my ears that I felt like screaming. I felt like screaming it all out and just drowning myself. I felt like killing someone. I felt like running after Syaoran and killing him so slowly. So painfully.

I managed to take in a deep breath to silence my sobbing. I just had to tell them. I couldn't hold it in me anymore. "I…I really…like him…liked him." there was the tight silence forcing me to proceed and the words sounded so sour, "But…I…I should have known he'd find out…"

Touya's voice was rigid, "Find out what?"

I shivered once again, and I hugged myself tight. It was such a long story, but I swear to God it was all coming out of it right that instant. "M-my friend likes this guy…but he likes me…and so…I made this thing up that I already had a boyfriend in Tokyo. But that was only so that Eriol stop liking me!"

"Eriol's the guy?"

"Right." I made another go at licking my dry lips. They felt so sore and rough. "And then…at that party when I got drunk, me and Van…" I couldn't go any further. I couldn't get the disgust flowing out.

There was a sharp intake of breath from both of them so I added in hastily, "I mean we just kissed! And my friends saw it too. They even separated us."

"Van's the guy who came over looking for you on Saturday." Touya was quiet.

"Yes. But then today…Eriol broke up with my friend. And…and…he's been using her to make me jealous!" I didn't dare open my eyes, "I've known it all along, but I didn't know what to say! He wants me to break up with the guy from Tokyo but I don't! I don't like him. And…and somehow Syaoran found out I think. I…I don't how, but almost everyone knew it, and I thought that…and I thought that that he knew it too. I didn't know he would be like this. I swear to Christ, I didn't know!"

I spent the next few more minutes crying my eyes off. I didn't open them. I didn't want to know what Touya and Dad thought and neither did I want to see their expressions or whatever signals they were passing to each other.

"I really didn't know." I shrieked while clenching the edge of my shorts, "And I'm so sorry Touya! I-I didn't know! I really didn't know!"

No. I didn't know it would be like this and I couldn't take it anymore!

So without a warning, I leaped of the couch, and dashed up the stairs to my room. There weren't any complains so I didn't stop until I was buried in my bed.

The tears continued to fall.

And the pain didn't go away. And everything hurt so bad. Right then, I thought I would die. I thought I would die of this pain.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

There were whistles ringing in my head. It made me feel woozy and limp, somehow really raw and disturbed.

I nearly had a police car on me. I could hear their sirens almost a mile off, and by that time I was no where near calm. They were ringing in my ears. Ringing. Man, I could hear cars getting their breaks on to give the law some space. If they were to charge me, I wouldn't damn hold up without a fight. I'd probably beat a few of the officers and let them extend my nights behind the bars a little more. I stayed on my lane waiting for them to catch up. It would just be a matter of minutes.

And for that little fiery ticker I thought Sakura'd called the police. But they went right past me and I let myself breathe. It came out foul and I gulped back whatever that was trying to come up my throat.

I felt wild and I still wasn't feeling the cold wind from the open window. My nerves wouldn't stop moving, and I couldn't see the red rearlights in front of me.

Maybe I'd been speeding, but I hadn't been caught…so maybe I wasn't. I'd managed to stop my nose from bleeding, and I reckoned one of my knuckles was cracked. It didn't hurt though. My lips were cracked, and I'd seen it gone blue in the rear-view mirror. It didn't look too bad.

I didn't go back to my place. I didn't want to go back and have Yamazaki and Meiling thug me asking me where I'd been. I didn't think I'd let myself go anywhere near Yamazaki right then.

I laughed at what he'd say. Shee-it. I was trashed, I knew it all right, and if the freak officers were gonna catch me, then I'd be rounding up back behind bars. Not my way to spend the night, so I thought back upon crashing at some party. I wanted someplace to sleep right then. And it wouldn't be my place.

It was one o'clock, but they'd still be awake. Yamazaki and the guys. They never slept until it was after two or if they'd be out of it since noon.

So I took a different route.

I parked in the corner when I got to an apartment building, and ran my way up the stairs taking two at once.

I was lucky to have Minas open the door and she let me in without a question. When the door was closed behind me, I grabbed the front of her little shirt and kissed her furiously. If her brother was anywhere around here, I didn't give a fuck right then. I knew the right buttons to push on her, 'cause she was one girl who would come back to me as much as I pushed her away. She was a doll.

She didn't back off so I followed her to her room. It was dark, but it didn't matter to me. Her clothes were off and I felt her hands inside my shirt, then unbuttoning it. Her body was hot enough to make me pull away for a second and I breathed into her hair in an attempt to ignore that pain burning through my face.

It didn't smell like roses, but that didn't matter. I didn't care what her freakin' hair stunk like anything.

She pulled me onto her bed, and I fell over her tall body.

She didn't resist. Because I knew what she needed. I knew what she wanted. And it was me. Her fingers went for my hair when I kissed her neck. They were damn cold and as a sweat broke off I shrugged of my shirt and grabbed her face.

We didn't speak a word. I didn't let her speak. I just wanted to feel something right then. I hadn't felt anything when I'd been with the girl in the bar but anger. And now, as hard as I tried, I could still feel that anger.

There was that goddamn madness as she held my shoulders and let me kiss her again and again.

I squeezed her waist in a sudden rage, and I opened her mouth in a spurt of exhilaration. Dammit! The stupid bitch. I was gonna forget her! I wanted to get Sakura's face out of my head and do what I wanted!

I broke away and looked at the girl in front of me. This is what I wanted. So Sakura could go an' screw herself for all I gave a damn about.

If she could play with me, so could I.

And if she'd be doing someone behind my back, I could fuckin' too!

She'd been fooling me around. Man, I'm surprised I'd even fallen for it. I never went for girls like her. Shit, the last time I'd been with some chic like her, her boys had jumped me and broken my flipping leg. I should have known.

Damn.

I should have known.

"Syaoran…"

It's always been the same damn way. The fuckin' way, where girls like her wanted nothing but some bloodshed and some sappy romance from bad boys. They'd lie, and then have the shit beaten out of me from some assholes who didn't know where the hell bodies got dug.

And Sakura was exactly like that. Fuckin' whore.

She'd wanted nothing but that! And if she wanted it that way, then Eriol Hiiragizawa was gonna get what was coming to him. Don't know what she found in that son of a bitch but before school was finishing, I was gonna be dealing with him the hard way.

I didn't give nothin' for trashy rules that ruled the damn school. They were dry and bullshit and it'd be nothing for me if Yamazaki would be getting it down with his boys.

"Syaoran…"

Fuck, Hiiragizawa wasn't gonna be slipping out of my hands then. He wasn't gonna have no one to be helping his sorry little rackety ass.

Minas grabbed the hair behind my neck as she took over from where I left. She almost pulled it off my skull, but I was too damn tired to care about anything. I knew the effect of the dope had dried off and it left me wondering what kind of crap it'd been. Some cheap-class shit that's what.

I didn't know when I dozed off, but I remembered what'd happened just before I closed my eyes. I remembered the bitch and the punches I'd gotten from the guy. It brought me stopping all the fantasies Minas had the moment I pretended to be bored. She laid there beside me under my arm and I didn't give a damn.

I just had to get that bitch outta my head.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

A friend's mother died in her sleep last winter. I remember it quite clearly, so I guess it's just one of those things that are too vivid to forget. They are things that stay so clear inside your memory lane that they never ever grow old. They don't haunt you, they just crawl behind you and when you think you're free of them, they jump back up right in front of your face. That's how this memory felt.

It was all too sudden for my friend and so she hadn't bothered with school for days. She said that she hadn't stopped crying because the last meeting she'd had with her mother was a terrible fight and that's all she ever remembered. A stupid and ugly fight that she couldn't get rid of.

She remembered slamming doors. She remembered bad words. She remembered the tears. And she remembered her mother's last unfinished Scotch glass. She was an alcoholic and had fought for years for the custody over my friend.

And so today, all she has to remember is that night. That night her mother died and never came back to reality. She never drank another glass of whiskey. She never saw her daughter ever again.

My friend became an orphan and lived with her Auntie. Her father was murdered a few days later after her mother was buried. They moved over to Yokohama months ago and broke contact. I didn't care much. She wasn't really my friend because I guess friends are people who you talk to, and I've only had a proper conversation with her twice or thrice. I didn't even say goodbye. I don't think I could bother, because she was the never the type of girl you could say 'hi' or 'bye' to. I don't think she was the kind of girl you would invite to a slumber party or even a girl who would smile and say, 'Jeez girlfriend. It's all forgive and forget y'know'. As far as I knew, she was always angry. She was always getting cuts on her fists and hiding it by adding on foundation. She was always trying to act delicate and polite. She was always trying so hard that it got her nowhere. It only got her to Yokohama. It only made her much more miserable. She came on the newspaper last year: Suki Hashitsu, poisoned to death. She suicided in probably the most painful way.

My friend was never the most gentleperson, but she cared for people. And when she lashed out, it came out pretty bad. So now, in bed I'm wondering how she'd still be feeling. Would she be feeling sorry for herself or would she be clutching her pillow and poring her tears out like I me.

I wanted to know because I'd made up my mind- I wanted to die right then. I wanted to die in this sleep and never wake up to face anyone. I didn't want to hear anything and I didn't want to see anyone. I really wanted to die. It wasn't peer pressure. It wasn't depression. I just really wanted to die and never ever wake up.

Dad used to say it was the dignified way to leave your soul and that's how I wanted it. I wanted to go to sleep and never get up to see if people would be laughing or crying. I didn't even want to see myself in the mirror. I don't think I could stand it- staring at the person who was nothing but pathetic. At the person who was so cursed that even God wouldn't help her.

Everything was messed up. So darn messed up, that absolutely no one could ever fix it back up for me. My whole life was probably one big mistake. Everything little thing in my life is crazy and ugly. Everything!

I was so stupid. So darn stupid that I was ashamed to even think about it.

And I couldn't stop thinking about Syaoran. I couldn't stop thinking about what he'd just done. What he'd said and made me feel.

It wasn't the same type of wondering I used to do when I hardly knew him. It wasn't the pondering you did on a guy you liked.

But he stayed there. His image was lifting up and down. He was hitting Touya again, and I was just standing there…shocked and paralyzed. Like I couldn't move. Like I couldn't breathe. Like I didn't know that this was the damn reality and that he was beating up my own brother. I hadn't done anything!

Maybe I could have stopped him. Maybe I could have explained. Maybe…just maybe…he would have relaxed and left. Maybe if I'd done the right thing for once, Touya wouldn't have been beaten up and I wouldn't be hating Syaoran right now! Just for once dammit! Just for once, if I'd used my damn head, no one would have gotten hurt. No one would have had to go through this. I wouldn't have had to come out clean this way to Dad and Touya, and I wouldn't be here in bed, unable to stop crying.

It was just too painful. Too torturous.

And this is why I wanted to die. I felt like I didn't know what to do. Who to explain what to. And…it was just all going so darn wrong. Like some sort of a brick wall had decided to fall onto me.

I would know how people would be feeling when I left and I wouldn't be there to witness it. I won't be there to see them move away like my friend did and I wouldn't be feeling the pain anymore.

I closed my eyes, pulling the coarse sheets up to my nose and shivering uncontrollably. The symptoms of death, maybe that's what they were. Shivering and feeling sorry for yourself.

It felt cold again. Even with the blankets it felt so cold. So aware that right then I knew I was the one to blame. I was the one people hated right then.

Syaoran. Touya. Eriol. Van. And myself.

They all hated me. Maybe for different reason, but God, they hated me.

They hated me so much. But I couldn't care anymore. I was so sick of caring about what everyone thought of me; so sick of it that I wanted to get away from it all.

The thought lulled me to sleep. It brought the darkness over my eyelids as I sucked into the sheets. Maybe when Dad and Touya would see me dead the next day, they would know how sorry I was.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I was moving out before I could shift Minas and get her waking up. I grabbed my shirt and left the apartment only stopping for the damn bathroom. I could hear the rain coming down hard from outside. It plastering against the windows loudly and I found it hard to do anything without being any less quiet. I wasn't gonna wreck my ass on waking up her brother.

It was five something in the morning and my head felt so darn heavy that I could hardly see the road. I lost control of the wheels for a while on the highway, but I managed to rouse myself up before I fell unconscious and probably knocked myself dead or somethin'. It would be something I'd have to really not wanna end up doing.

No one was awake when I reached the apartment, so I didn't bother with parking in the garage. I found my bed empty and managed to drag the bed sheets up with me as an attempt to forget my sick stomach. It wasn't long before I was rushing out and into the bathroom.

Dashing, I grabbed the sides of the toilet and made a dragging hurl into it. It came out feeling acidic and tasting like vinegar. I found myself go for another lurch until I felt it all emptying. My stomach came to my throat and I wished it could have been the one to fall out. I guess it was just too damn big to be jigged out like the rest of it.

I stayed there panting like a dog. My head was smudged with dark spots inside and my eyes were threatening to make me fall asleep right then and there. That was when I saw the blood. The red liquid that was dragging down the inside of the toilet. I brought me breathing hard and standing alert.

I wiped my mouth with the back of my hand, then flushed it before the dark colour could make me any dizzier.

Almost tripping over my own feet, I gargled and spat all the ugly taste out my mouth. The redness vanished into the basin, and I stumbled back to my room.

It was dark, and I pitched forward back into my bed as my leg caught onto something. I hit the covers in an uncomfortable position, but I managed to turn back around stiffly on my stomach.

"Uh." I grunted trying to bring the covers to block my mouth. The taste stayed in like some sort of a metallic fluid. But that wasn't for the first time for all that blood. No shit. It wasn't the first time at all.
Reaching out behind my back to scratch a little spot I smothered my breath into the pillow. I was tired man. So bloody tired. I didn't even feel high anymore, sort of like when your energizer gets its plug pulled out.

My face was hurting like crap and I could barely feel that sprained knuckle. That guy had done some dandy bruising who ever the fuck he was. Maybe her brother? And that other bloke, her father? Heck, I didn't even care anymore. Who ever the hell they were, I'd been about to off them. Seriously. I could have really killed that guy up there.

But she had come right then…and start crying.

Fuck! I grabbed my head and wound the ends of the pillow around it. Stop fuckin' thinking 'bout her you piece of shit!

I grabbed my head and wound the ends of the pillow around it.

But I couldn't. I couldn't stop thinking for one damn second.

She'd been playing me. That Sakura. That stupid preppy homey bitch. She'd been friggin' playing me with Eriol! His looser friend and that college bastard.

Fuck.

I couldn't believe it. I so couldn't believe it. I'd fallen for some cheap acting. Some shitty good acting! Me! I'd fallen for some whore's acting skills! God, I was fucked up, I just knew that. I'd gone all crazy for that girl.

Crazy.

I couldn't stop thinking of her before and I couldn't stop thinking about her right then. I couldn't get her face outta my head. I should have screwed with her. I should have punched her and nailed her instead of that other guy. Maybe that would have satisfied me.

I should have used her like I do to my other girls, but fuck, so much for playing it like a good boy with the good girl.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I think I'm cursed. I woke up this morning with Kero jumping on me and the sunlight in my face. One look at my hands in his fur and I knew I wasn't dead. Not by a long shot. I felt back underneath the covers without a second glance to the clock. Why couldn't someone up there just do me a favour and let me die? How hard was it to do that? Just scribble my name in a piece of paper and drop it ones-who-must-die-peacefully ballot. But come to think about it, maybe that someone up there was preparing me for a nastier death.

My head seemed fuzzy and I was aching all over.

As I attempted to lull my sleep back, I registered what had happened last night and opened my eyes with a shudder. It had been real. Very real. So very real that every scene remained vivid and chained in my head. I let out a small choke to smother the tears that suddenly sprung back into my eyes.

"Sakura? Are you awake?"

I didn't dare blink again after I caught sight of the figure hurrying in the doorway. Dad froze in his turning and left his tie hanging over his shoulders. Even Kero stopped moving around on the bed and flopped down beside me his tail wagging in my face.

"Dad?" I almost lost my breath, noticing how hoarse and sharp my voice sounded. Whisking the lashing fur away, I pushed away the covers and pulled myself up to sit up straight.

He seemed to hesitate, then inched into my room glancing over his shoulder at the same time. Like as if…as if he didn't want to be seen associating near me with Touya around.
Touya. God, I hoped he was okay. I hoped he was feeling better than I was.

"Dad?" I croaked again, and he ended up sitting at the end of my breath. Another look at me and he busied himself with doing up his tie. Then Kero jumped off the table and bounded off outside the door leaving us alone. That mutt probably had more brains that I'd credited it for.

I licked my dry lips and opened my mouth as an attempt, "How…" my voice was raspier than ever, "How is he?" I meant Touya, and he knew it.

Dad looked back and forth between the door and me, almost letting me expect the worse. I swallowed desperately and caught his somber look without a mistake. It nearly had me buckling my knees, but I dragged up the sheets. "Dad?"

"He's fine." His answer was quick and curt. Almost like a knife stiffly cutting the words and I felt the sharp end of that knife nudging me in the ribs. It still hurt so badly.

I opened my mouth to gasp an apology out, but something seemed wrong.

I wasn't dead. I was going to have to face this. And I hated it. So I couldn't say anything. There just nothing left to say. Nothing that was appropriate. How many times would I say sorry? Till I'd go gray?

But Dad found his words swifter than I could; "It's getting late. Why don't you come down for some breakfast…"

How could he just have said that?

"You've slept in as it is and Touya's not going to be waiting around any longer." He was up on his feet and walking out of the door. I just watched him close the door and I sat there listening to his footsteps down the stairs.

How could he just change the subject like that and walk away?

How?

Bringing the covers against my face I fell back and cried for another five minutes before dragging myself into the bathroom and slumping against the shower wall. What else could I have told him? That I didn't want to go to speak to anyone? That I didn't want to go to school? That last night I'd said goodbye to everyone just in case the person up in heaven or hell who hated me actually granted my wish?

No.

I couldn't tell him that. I just couldn't.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I felt like shit. And nothing could make my head shittier; but Meiling had to come in after that blasted knocking of hers. She had this kind of rhythm going on.

"Get the hell up bro. In case you've got your clocks mixed up, let me tell you that you ain't gonna have nothing to eat if you don't get off your ass right now."

Her voice sounded squeaky to my ears and in seconds she hauled the curtains to the side and let me have the sun in my face.

"Sod off."

"Honey, don't you get that shit on me all right? Homeroom's probably started already and with that knock-off attitude you gave to the principal he might as well start suspending you again. You have a knack for being his worst student y'know?"

I couldn't see her but I could hear her rumbling around, complaining here and there, "And what the hell did you do to your room eh? Had an attack? God! I'd like to see that one." Her boots clanked right next to the bedside, and from the corner of my eyes I saw reaching out for my phone, "Oh and can I borrow this for sometime? I'm getting out of town with Hitomi tonight 'cause he wants me to hook him up with Asashi. He's been like going on 'bout her for days and I'm getting a headache every time he talks of her now. Seriously, he's like practically in love with that bitch. I'm just gonna be dropping him up there and getting back since his car got jammed up against that truck on Dominion. There's no way I'll be sitting around to see her face though. She's still got something stuck up her the last time I went to see her cousin, and she's got some darn trash she saves up for me everytime. I don't know why you guys find her so sweet. She's like a candy sucker man, I can tell you that. Y'know, last month at Shiroi party? I saw her like snogging with that—"

"Shut up!" I screamed it out before I could take any of her babbling any longer. "Damn! Will you just get the fuck out of here?"

I shouldn't have got up that's what. Because the moment I'd thrown the blanket away her face ashened right in front of my eyes, "What the—"

It took me sometime to realize what she was so drawn on about, "Get out Meiling."

"God!" her shriek couldn't have been any quieter and she was suddenly in front of my face, "Shit Syaoran! What the hell happened to you!"

"Meiling, get out." I didn't wanna know how I looked like right then. I just knew that my head felt like it'd been run over and that's all I needed to know.

"Man…" her voice drawled on to a tense silence, and I watched her face tighten, "Who was it?"

I watched her stand up straight and bite her lip in whatever anger she had up. "No one."

"Don't give me that! Who the hell did that to you!"

"None of your business." I didn't bother standing up to her height. I just wanted to close my eyes and get that sleep that'd run away from me last night.

"Syaoran!" I hoped she wasn't gonna start the waterworks, "Who did that to you! Tell me!"

"Shut up…" I droned through my teeth. If she'd be any louder then the entire apartment would be coming up to see what the heck was happening.

"Are you crazy! Look at your face and then tell me to shut up! Shit tell me! Who did it!"

I was right. So goddamn right.

In less that two seconds, my door was opening again with Yamazaki, Shiroi and Chiharu walking right in. "Fuckin' hell."

"What's going on here? If it's one of those siblings rivalry, I'd like to see one." Yamazaki crammed right in looking around my room like he hadn't seen it in days, "And if you guys are practicing some damn play, I just lost my bacon over—," If he thought my room was a mess, looking at my face had just stopped him from speaking. I imagined it was something worse.

"The hell!" Shiroi was the first one to react.

Man. I was still tired, and I wasn't in any mood to be playing nice or fair. I was friggin' pissing off my brains and my eyes were looking zoomed. I didn't need to say anything. I had to just give them the fingers, ignore the pain and go back to sleep.

And that's exactly what I did.

§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ

Liked it? Not too much to dwell on, but I assure you things are gonna be coming along with hot spice. It's not exactly a cliffy or so I hope, because I have a bad habit of leaving them at the end of every chappy. But I loved getting their thoughts out in this chapter. Lol. What's Sakura gonna do now…hmm…I'd go for some ice cream if I were her. It always dissolves pain into nuclear dust but it's her call.