Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters mentioned, they are property of Seven. I'm just playing with them for a bit.
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Saving Grace is a series of one shots that follow on from one another, depicting the lives of Matilda Hunter and Lucas Holden.
Full Summary: Matilda Hunter is forced to live a life she hates. And loves. Stuck between life and death, she hovers, waiting for someone to come and save her. Waiting for that one moment that will change her life. Lucas Holden has been forgotten for most of his life... for alcohol, for the endless stream of men his mother would bring home. He's told he's special, but he refuses to believe them. What will happen when serendipity takes hold of their lives, and a series of random events lead to one ultimate mistake?
Rated M for drug & alcohol abuse, sexual situations and suicidal thoughts. You have been warned. Do not read further if you are uncomfortable with these things.
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Saving Grace
Chapter Eleven: Pills
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I hope my smile
can distract you
I hope my fists
can fight for two
So it never has to show
And you'll never know
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She smiles at me from across the other side of the room, but it doesn't reach as far as it should, and her eyes dart from mine back to the front as soon as they can. She's been doing that a lot lately, pretending that she needs to be alone, pretending that she can't be with me because she wants to focus on school work… pretending that she's smiling at me, when she really just wants to look away.
Pretending that everything was fine, between us, with the world.
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I hope my love
can blind you
I hope my arms
can bind you
So you'll never have to see
What we've grown to be
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But it wasn't. She'd cry at night, when she thought I was asleep. She'd crawl out of bed and walk towards the window, her nightgown flowing gently in the breeze that snuck through the crack. I'd see her silhouette huddle into a small ball as her head fell onto her knees, sobs racking her body. My hands would ache to reach out to her, to hold her frail body in my arms, to whisper comforting words tenderly in her ear until the nightmares stopped haunting her once and for all.
But my mind said close your eyes, and pretend like she's still next to you. Pretend that you don't miss her warm body curled up in your arms, pretend that you can't hear the painful tears that are calling you… pretend that you wouldn't want to be wiping the fallen cries from her cheeks. Pretend that you're living the life you want to lead.
Because she's pretending too.
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One may think
we're alright
But we need pills
to sleep at night
We need lies
to make it through the day
We're not ok
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And during the day, she'd try and cover up her lies. She'd apply make up to cover her hollow eyes, and walk down the hallways with that same 'I don't give a damn' manner she always had. She'd ignore the cruel taunts thrown to her by Cassie and Belle, she'd flash the boys a grin, and she'd strut up to me. But the glint in her eye that had once been there… for a short while… it was gone. And the smile… it was fake… it was forced… it was something I always feared I'd end up seeing.
Because it meant that she'd broken even more. It meant that she had taken herself further away from the caring, loving life that I'd attempted to offer her… and even if she'd rejected that life, it still mean she'd always believe she was alone against the world.
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One may think
we're doing fine
But if I had to lay it on the line
We're losing ground
with every passing day
We're not ok
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I felt her shift that night. Felt her body move away from mine instantly, after she believed me to be sleeping. But this time, instead of moving to the windowsill, she turned to her dresser. Opening the draw slowly, I could imagine her cringing as each movement she made managed to make it creak that little bit more. I felt her hand fumble through the junk I could only imagine she had hidden away in the dark depths of her privacy.
Finally, the fumbling stopped, and I heard a click of a lid… Then nothing. The lid was shut, the drawer shut, and I felt her body shift back down under the covers. Her body was inches away from mine now, her breathing slow, calmed, and, as she rolled to face me, I saw her lips set in a graceful smile that I'd never seen before.
It was like everything had been lifted from her shoulders.
As if she were free.
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But that's one thing
I would never
One thing I would never
That's one thing
I would never say to you
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She was gone the next morning when I rolled over to hold her in my arms. The early morning sun was only just peaking though the windows. Like a hazy dream returning, I remembered the events from the night before, and believing that this was for the best, I slowly eased myself up from my laying position and moved towards the bed side table, which Maddie had quietly found last night. Pulling open the drawer, I found, sitting on top of the scattered sheets of handwriting, of the bottles of perfume and tubes of lipstick, a small white bottle.
A bottle of prescription pills. For depression. Made out to Matilda Hunter.
This particular bottle was made out to her a month ago. And, as I read on, I learnt that if she had taken two a day, she would have been though this bottle by now. And onto another. The pills were supposed to help her memory, help her behaviour. They were supposed to make her happy.
Or numb her soul.
And she didn't want that. Even if it meant that she had to live with her painful past, her horrific memories.
She couldn't kill herself slowly from the inside.
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But that's one thing
I would never
One thing I would never
That's one thing
I would never say to you
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She came waltzing, humming, back into the room twenty minutes later. Her damp hair was sticking to her face, which shone like the morning sun. She smiled at me, that hypnotic smile I hadn't seen in days, and for a minute I considered not showing her the bottle, and letting her continue to live the lie that we'd both found ourselves entrapped in.
But watching her stone cold eyes, which only appeared to have found their spark again, I knew that this was it. This was the moment we'd both feared all along. The moment of truth, when everything came crashing down again.
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AN: Two chapters again? Has she gone mad? I think so, because there are only three more chapters to go. Because of a couple of reasons. The main being, I started this when I was in a crap place. And I'm no longer there. So I feel that I can't give it the justice it would deserve if I was going to make it longer. Again, thanks to Kate for proofing these two chapters so quickly You truly are a great proof reader. Enjoy guys!