Title: Head Over Heels
Author: Shinsei Kokoro
Chapter: 20: Here I Am
Updated: 26th December 2005
Syaoran Li P.O.V
It was about after twelve I think. Not too sure with the lights blinking and the music castrating my ears. I was with some of the guys at a rave. Meiling the geek was at home going through something on Hamlet or whatever. Chiharu was with her too. After that blow up I'd had with her, she was too chicken shit to even look at my face. It was just in time that Yamazaki had been there to protect his girlfriend, or I would have honestly done something reckless. That's how pissed I was.
That blimmin' bitch was always the first one to open her mouth, and one of these days if she wasn't careful enough, I was gonna blow out whatever teeth she had.
After I had woken up with a doubled up headache, blood down my shirt and Shiroi's face hanging above mine at the sick bay, I'd nearly knocked myself out cold again by smashing into his head. As if that guy's head wasn't a bloody coconut already.
He took me home the exact minute the nurse came in saying the deputy wanted to speak to me. Thanks to him, I was out before any further interrogation that would have definitely given me another nose bleed.
The news was out that it was Hiiragizawa's game plan, but since I had participated as well, I was in on the detention slots too. Then came the other news from Shiroi. That this shit had all been because of some of our girls gossiping about me and my fucked up life. And who else could it be than the biggest fucking mouth in the country. Chiharu, the damn bitch that grew chicken feathers overnight.
The hassling went on as always, but the news wasn't around the school. About me and Sakura I mean. Maybe Hiiragizawa had managed to keep his mouth shut after all.
"Hey, give me a smoke?" the girl grinding against me twiddled with my hair. Without another word, she took the cig hanging between my teeth.
No, that wasn't Minas. Let's just say that Minas was out of town. Some family business. It would be the happiest thing if this business lasted around for ever.
Heh.
"So what school are you from?" her breath was hot by my neck, and she lurched into me as people pushed by.
"The school in hell." I heard my own voice slur, and I began rating myself on how drunk I was. 8? 9? 10?
She laughed. And it reminded me of her again. Sakura fucking Kinomoto. But she never smoked.
"Really? Sounds like a totally crap school." Her voice was steady unlike mine. That's right. Sakura never swore either.
"It's a fucking boot camp." She laughed again, taking a long drag from my smoke, and then in the flash lighting I noticed the necklace around her neck.
A crucifix. Not the blue one that Sakura always wore, but a crucifix nonetheless.
I gave in at that moment. Grabbing her towards me, I kissed her hard. Who cared? Whatever it took to get close to the girl who haunted my sodding life, I'd do it. Even if it mean, it had to be a girl who was inches taller than her, ten times uglier than her and capable of smoking. And she was wearing the shortest skirts mankind had ever seen. Sakura never wore them. She went for jeans usually…well, that was until days back that is.
"Syaoran!" That was Shiroi. Always the man to butt in whenever I'm doing something good.
In a fumbling maze of daze and in a matter of seconds, I found myself being dragged away from the girl I'd been snogging. Bastard, would he ever stop being jealous! I tore away form his grasp, "Fuck off man!"
"You git!" Yamazaki's face was in front of mine out of nowhere. Was this a big crowd or what? "Who'd you take it from!" he was yelling. Maybe yelling to be heard above the music, and or maybe to make sure I was hearing.
"Get your own bitch!" I flung off him too, but he didn't seem to be as soft as Shiroi. He grabbed me by my sleeve, and huddled me forward. And before I knew we were on the street, the noise still blearing and the darkness suddenly becoming night in my eyes. One particular streetlight seemed to have invited annoying insects home.
"Who'd you take the shot from?" Yamazaki was shaking. No, he was shaking me.
"Quit being jealous bro. You know, you're my man." I grinned at him through my heavy eyes, patting his shoulder as he held me up.
"Fuck! Syaoran, the shot! Who'd you take it from!" He was screaming now. And I realized how much he sounded like Meiling at that moment. Maybe some things start rubbing off on your mates when you hang around them for too long. That's what I'd heard from my sisters a while ago. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if Yamazaki ever started shrieking about never putting the toilet seat down.
"Syaoran?" the voice seemed muffled, and my ears shut down right at that moment. This buzzing came to life.
The screaming turnip didn't get an answer. My chest hardened, and it felt like Yamazaki had ripped a knife through it. My head in pieces and my eyes suddenly seeing nothing but haziness. Wheezing, I grabbed the nearest thing to me, holding for whatever life as the air ran out of me. I gasped, but it felt like there was nothing to breath. Nothing to clench. Nothing to stop the slashes in my chest. Instead, I fell deeper into his hold. My skin suddenly feeling too hot. The back of my neck burning, and fire licking my face.
It was too hot.
There was no air.
And then there was darkness again. My pain reeking of it.
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V
There have been so many things I wish I would rather forget. I wish I never had a mother (or my mother in particular). I wish I had never come to Tomoeda. And I wish I had never met Syaoran. I wish I had never realized how much I cared for him, even no matter what he had done. Did that make me somewhat soft? Pathetic? Yes it did.
I wish I would stop thinking about him. Whether he was dead. Whether he was depressed. Whether he was going through something that I had caused him to do.
The guilt was unbelievable. Not only was I truly being a slut by being with Van, but now I had someone else's life on the thread because of me.
I hope he had never met me. I hope I had never been attracted to him. I hope…I hope for his sake that I'd just been another useless girl he had been trying to conquer.
It had been exactly three days since Meiling and Yamazaki had confronted me. Exactly three days since I had run away from them, crying. Three days of misery and crying all night again. Three days of wondering if he was snorting and taking any drugs right then. If he was lying somewhere helpless, sick and dying.
The guilt was unbearable. I went to Church all the three days after school. Lit candles on all the days. Praying for some advice on what to do. For reassurance. For me to stop thinking about him for just one second. For me to know what to do. It was the most agitated I had felt since a few weeks.
"Sakura?" the arm beside me shook my elbow, and I snapped my head to Van so fast that I nearly gave it a crick.
"Yeah?" I made a noncommittal sound somewhere inside my throat.
"What's wrong?" he was frowning again. But as a matter of fact, he had been frowning a lot in the past few days.
"Oh nothing…" I let him slide his fingers through mine, my chest suddenly heaving. It was warm against my clammy ones.
"Oh come off it." Now he was scowling, "It's not nothing. You've been like this since last week. What is it?"
So he had realized. My face burned, and I squirmed as he shifted from his side of the window, his thighs saddled up beside mine. This was wrong. This was sick.
"It's nothing." I smiled warily, "Really." But it was hard to ignore that he was cupping my face now, as if to speculate it.
"Hmm, really?"
"Really." I repeated myself, my breath hitching itself on my throat as he planted a soft kiss on me. The car seat (in which Eriol and Tomoyo had suddenly left us to grab a few cash from an ATM) burned underneath me.
What was I doing?
"You know, there's something I really like about you." I felt like gapping it, but I didn't dare pry his fingers off my face. I hadn't expected him to veer the conversation this way either. Was he going to blackmail me emotionally to get my annoyance out of me? Yikes, like no way was that going to ever work on me. I wasn't a freaking talking doll. Press the button and she answers.
"Oh yeah?" my voice was hoarse, and my eyes burned. This wasn't right. "What is it?" I blurted. This really wasn't right.
He didn't answer for a while, then brought an arm around me by my waist, "You're not like other girls."
My brain was freezing again, and I felt lost, "In what way?" I didn't want to cry near him. I didn't to let him know, that while he was doing this, I wished it were someone else. A particular freak in fact.
He paused, as if to think his words carefully, then said, "Well, you say what you want to say, and it's like you're playing it clean and honest. I like that."
But I didn't like that. Instead, it made me feel sicker. Really fickle.
"Thanks." And before he could slide his fingers into my hair to kiss me more, I opened the door my fingers had been groping at, "But I think I need some air." And I slammed it behind him, tears not stopping this time. I rubbed them away the second they came falling, desperately wishing Van couldn't see them from the window behind me.
Why was I with him? Was I that desperate to forget Syaoran? To actually become what he had thought I was? Nothing but a tramp?
Was this who I really wanted to be?
Syaoran Li P.O.V
For a second, when I woke up, I hadn't recognized my own room. For a second, I hadn't realized it was Meiling pacing my room, Yamazaki and Shiroi sitting by my bed. They looked like these blurry blobs for seconds, but after blinking a couple of times, I could actually make out the scrunched up look on each of their faces.
And then the interrogation began.
My mouth felt trashy, and my throat raw and hoarse. My body felt like it was gonna fall apart into pieces, and to lay it on top, it took enough effort to just keep my eyes open.
"Fuck off." I managed to croak as I lapped onto some water that Meiling had brought. It was so funny that I nearly smiled. Meiling never brought me any thing.
"Whose syringe was it?" Yamazaki asked me once again, his voice heavy and tired. So maybe it hadn't been him that had torn my chest out. But now that I looked down at it, there was no torn skin on my shirt. Just the occasional puffing for air.
"I told you." I attempted turning over on my side, but that seemed impossible with my body weighing like fucking lead, "Don't know."
He looked like he was gonna tear his own hair out after tearing me apart. Yeah, I'd like to see a bald Yamazaki before I give my last wishes away. At least, that would be sort of entertaining.
It was the truth though. I didn't know who had lent me a syringe. I didn't even remember taking any crack. All I knew was that Yamazaki had been late with the deal, and I'd met up with a couple of street digs at the rave. I remembered following them out back, all these people with sleeves rolled up, and snorting sort of clumsy. Even I could have done better.
"Do you know how many diseases you can catch from a freaking shot? You never know where it's been!" Meiling shouted, and I half expected her to throttle me. What the hell had her undies in a bunch anyway? It wasn't like I'd stuck a needle into her or anything. It wasn't her who had passed out with her chest being torn apart by fire and ice together. It wasn't her who felt like she had officially lost control of her body. She wasn't restless like my ass was, with puke ending up meeting up at my throat every time I retched.
"Why the fuck did you do this?" Shiroi beside me was seething quietly. But they knew why. My deal from Yamazaki had been late, and last night I would have killed to be high. Killed to be feeling like I was flying. Like there was no shit to think about.
The next morning came in only a few hours. At nine, the school nurse came in to see me after a quick call from Yamazaki to the office. To check if I was truly sick, and not just faking it to wag. She left away right at the moment she finished checking my temperature. She said it was high, and asked me to call a doctor for further checkups. But I just faked away, saying that I already had an appointment set up for that afternoon. But of course, I would rather pass out again than end up with a doctor. And it's not like a little lie could ever hurt anyone. I was fine. In another day, I'd be back on the road.
Meiling stayed in with me, even though Shiroi insisted that he wanted to. I needed a break from that ass though. I would probably nail him up on my wall if he said another word of Sakura.
Except with Meiling around, that topic was bound to be expected. After I had rejected whatever she had made for lunch, she stayed by the chair beside me, never stopping to shut her yap. Hunger wasn't really my hobby, but I managed to eat a few slices of toast, with Meiling shoving it into my mouth of course.
"I know why you're doing this." That was the first thing she said aside than swearing at me constantly under her breath. I think this was because of the English class she was missing out on today.
"Yeah? Fill me in. I'd love to know." The covers had been kicked away from me, and I was down to being in my boxers. The heat had suddenly become too unbearable, but still…I couldn't help but wonder at the jacket and full sleeves Meiling was wearing. Maybe it was just me.
She only said one word though, and all mysteries were solved, "Sakura."
Brilliant. Where the hell she learnt how to annoy me, I didn't know. "If you're gonna talk about her again, then sod off before I do."
She just grunted, "You can't move a finger, so I don't suppose you can even walk."
"Don't havta rub it in." I managed to mutter from the side she help me turn onto. This morning when I had been drinking water, the glass had slipped out, and I had ended up wetting my bed.
"I'm not…but if you've been doing all of this nowadays just because of her then—,"
"Stop fucking talking about her!" It was too hard to yell, but I managed to succeed. Now if only she would shut up as well.
No luck as usual, "I will and I can! It's because of her that you're doing this."
"Get out Meiling." That was the only easy way to get through this.
"You like her."
"Get out." My voice crept into despair.
"And when you heard that she had other guys in her mind, you flipped."
"Fuck off!" I was too tired to yell, but I was loosing it. It was mad how she always seemed to hit the spot too well. I had almost managed to get the bitch out of my head.
"And now that she's with that Van—,"
"Leave me alone!"
"Is this just jealousy?"
"Yes!" I managed to scream right then, my answer too true. "I mean no!" But she wasn't finished.
"You're killing yourself because there's one girl you can't have? You're a bloody wuss."
That did it. I knocked out the glass that had been balancing by the edge on the bed, shattering it into pieces, "Can't you just mind your own fucking business? She's a goddamn whore, alright!"
"That's rich coming from someone who practically loves her to screw his own head!" her eyes hadn't flinched.
"I fucking don't!"
"You keep telling yourself that and you won't be getting rescued by Yamazaki again next time!"
"I didn't need to be rescued!"
"That's right!" Meiling had jumped onto her feet, "You didn't! You would have survived all by yourself! You do everything so well by yourself!"
"I do." I was gasping, and I rolled around with every effort I could muster. I just had to look at anywhere but at my stupid cousin.
"Oh get a fucking grip Syaoran! You're mad! Just because a girl didn't fancy you back!"
That was where I lost. There was nothing I could say to that but swear back more.
Maybe there hadn't been any Eriol Hiiragizawa, but what about that guy in Tokyo she had. That Van she was with. But lucky for you, she never has. Eriol's words had never left my mind. He had been right of course, and so had Meiling. Of course I was jealous. Of course. Who wouldn't be? Hearing that your girl was two-timing you with other guys. I was sharing her. And I didn't do sharing.
And that day, when she'd snogged him right in my face. It's not like I didn't know she was provoking me, but to see her stand there, her hands on some guy, and her body squeezed against him. Damn right, I was jealous. So fucking jealous. She had been mine first. She'd fucking fooled me. Maybe not with Hiiragizawa, but there were other guys. Maybe lots more I didn't know of.
And that thought got me sick once again. The crunch rose up back to my throat, the acrid taste leaving itself in my mouth to race it into disgust.
"I'm gonna get you what you want." I nearly didn't hear Meiling, and she didn't say anything more.
She was out without another look at me, and I was left staring blankly at her back. She didn't close the door.
What I want? Heh, there was no one in hell or heaven who could ever give me what I wanted. Never.
Not even Meiling, no matter how hard she tried.
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V
When I got home from school late on Thursday, the first thing I got was Touya coming into my room unannounced as always. He just flung the door open like as if it were some closet door. What happened to manners?
"You got a call an hour back."
I was yet to snuggle into my bed for a good, long sleep, but I still had to take Kero for his walk, "Who?" I muttered through shoving my feet into my sneakers and tying them with utmost vehemence.
"Some Meiling." Now why didn't that surprise me? "And she didn't leave a number. Said you knew how to get in touch or something like that. Weird girl."
"Tell me about it." I muttered just soft enough so Touya wouldn't catch my scowl and my string of curses. He left with me still glaring at the door, and it took Kero to start nudging me with his wet nose to stand up straight and brush his doggy hair off me.
But that was nothing. I had been ambushed in the toilets today. Yes. Ambushed. By a couple of guys as a matter of fact.
I didn't know what it was about these guys from the outcasts to sneak up on me in the girl's toilets, but it was not any less scary. It had been Yamazaki and another familiar guy. Dressed in combats and chucks, the Shiroi guy with all his earrings on. All I saw of him in a near end was a metallic glint. I wouldn't be surprised if there were more of those piercings on him.
Wounding up Kero's leash around my fist, I left my hairy mutt to chase after one particular butterfly, while I stayed thinking, my feet stumbling after unbalanced paws. The park seemed more or less empty. And there were probably a tonne of trashy cans and chips littered. Talk about a slumber party.
The first thing Yamazaki had uttered was, "You have to talk to him. As soon as possible." It had been during History where I had been in need to go desperately, but talking to a pair of gangly guys who looked like they had come straight out of some army tryst, had suddenly made me lost about the fact that I had once upon a time been in need for a leak. Not the best way to put it, but they hadn't left me with any other choice.
Then that Shiroi guy who had stayed quiet for a couple of seconds watching me closely had burst. He had started swearing and all I could do was stand still and nod with my legs crossed tight. All I could hear along those lines were, "It's all your fault."
Not like I needed to know that from every damn person I met. Wound me like I'm some fallen dog anyone could kick and prod.
What they wanted me to do was a little one on one with Syaoran. Conversation wise I mean. They wanted me to talk him into meeting with a doctor for a check-up. That was it.
But that was exactly why I had lost it. If Syaoran had been puking and bleeding, why hadn't he already seen a doctor? Who would be stupid enough to risk their life only to appear…macho? It was ridiculous! Why hadn't he gone for an appointment as soon as possible! If he knew something was wrong with him, why hadn't he made a move to help himself? What was stopping him?
Could it be me? I remember Yamazaki had said something about 'proving', but could that be it? Syaoran wanted to prove to me? But what? What was there to prove?
"Woof!" Kero's bark tore me out of my thoughts, and while I watched him wag his tail around and poke his pinkish tongue out at me, I noticed I had gotten myself a little tangled in his leash. So much for a good dog owner. I wasn't even good enough to be a role model for my pet. That really was sad.
"Stop laughing at me." Sighing, I followed as he continued to drag me. Could it be that my dog was much smarter than me? I watched Kero jump. Then he started sniffing at a nearby tree. With his hind leg lifted up, I rolled my eyes. No. I was smarter. At least I used a proper toilet.
It was already getting darker by the time I reached home. Even though it was only six, I separated from Kero to grab myself a sandwich for dinner. Dad had said he would be working a night shift for tonight, so with Touya and his university work, I figured it would be better to eat something small and healthy for once. A good, large sandwich with eggs and maybe some chicken. By my last bite, the phone had began ringing from somewhere in the house. I turned around to see the receiver naked of its cordless. Great. That meant, I wouldn't have to go on a wretched phone hunt.
But in seconds, Touya came stomping in, "It's that girl again! It's the bloody millionth time she has called! Here! And tell her never to call back!" and with thrusting the phone into my greasy hands, he stomped back out. Talk about emotionally disabled.
I sat there for a few seconds, making up my mind whether to hang up on her or not. But with a mental image of Syaoran in a fleeting ditch, I brought it to my ears and blurted, "Hello."
"Took you long enough." I could make out Meiling's snap as soon as I spoke.
"What do you want?" I decided to tread carefully.
"I want you to come here." Her voice turned small and soft in a snap, but I could hear the rough lining to it. It was almost as if she had been crying.
I panicked before I could catch myself, "W-what happened? Is he okay?"
"No. I think he's getting worse. His temperature's really high." With silence on my end, I could make out her voice clearly. She had been crying.
"W-won't he still agree to see a doctor?"
"No! You have to get here and put some fucking sense into him!" I felt my blood rush to my brain coldly as she screamed, "Please Sakura. Please do this. Come here and talk to him."
My heart was racing a little to fast and I think I was hyperventilating. I didn't say no. I couldn't say no. I wasn't going to let that asshole suffer because of me.
"Alright. Come pick me up." And without another word, I hung up. I sat at the table silently, hearing my own heart beat, my own mind think, and my own eyes watch my fingers shake. I didn't realize I had been crying, but I hurried them off my face. Without another thought, I tore out of the kitchen and raced up the stairs, Kero bounding after me, his barks gleeful.
I reached Touya's door the second I passed it.
"Now what is it?" he gave me an aggravated glance from the pile of books and maps he was surrounded by, and I shut the door behind me before Kero could follow me in. A dog could never communicate with books on whichever end.
"I need to go to Rika's house."
"What?" he was still glaring as if I had gone crazy. His nose was still in scribbling something in a big, fat notebook. What was he writing? A theory on how he could have been an orangutan in his past life?
"I said I need to go—,"
"I heard you, but now? It's nearly seven."
I bit my lip hard, trying to stop myself from showing him the nerves in my legs that were twisting with anxiousness. I had to get there! "Please Touya! Her Mum's coming to pick me up anytime now, and I think I might be back in just a few hours."
His eyes were narrowing with each word I spoke, "But aren't you going for a sleepover? I—,"
"No! I need to help her with her clothes!" I was just jumping out any rubbish in my mouth.
"What?" Now my big brother was frowning at me and I felt like clenching my fists and banging his head.
"I mean she has a date tomorrow, and she doesn't know what to wear!"
"And her mother's coming right now?" he sounded almost skeptical. "I thought it was that Meiling girl on the phone."
"Yes!" I groaned by slapping myself mentally. God! "But Rika just called after her! And she needs my help! I thought you might say yes, so I—,"
"Okay. Fine, just stop yelling will you? I already have a bloody headache with the phone ringing, and Kero barking. I don't need you to make it twice as wo—,"
"So I can go?"
"Yes. Go. Get out of here. I have a lot of—,"
I didn't need to be told twice. After mumbling a quick thanks, I grabbed the nearest sweater from my pile of dirty laundry on my bedroom floor, and dashed back downstairs, Kero hot on my trail. Getting back into my sneakers, I yanked open the curtains to spot any headlights outside the gate.
Meiling was there five minutes later. I had to practically push Kero back into the house by the time I had settled myself into the passenger seat and put on my seatbelt.
"Did your parents say anything?" Meiling asked, but I just shrugged.
"Just take me there."
And so without another word, I found myself racing through the streets in a car that was so familiar to me. My head had so many things thinking at once, that it was at a point of bursting. I was preparing myself to expect the worse. I was preparing what to say. How to act. When to leave. I was preparing myself to shut my ears tight if things would get out of control.
"Does he know I'm coming?" I almost whispered, and when she said no, I sunk deeper into the seat.
This meant that I had to expect probably a lot more. But I had to do this. I had to help him. I had to! I didn't have a choice in this.
The route back seemed longer than I could ever remember it. And the apartment building looked even darker and mangier from outside. We didn't turn to the elevators, instead Meiling ran up the stair, my feet clattering after hers. I didn't stop for a second as she barged through a door, her hand suddenly grasping my arm as we passed by Yamazaki, Shiroi and a couple of dodgy looking guys. But it was when she opened a bedroom door, when I paused suddenly. I yanked my hand back and left Meiling to walk into that room, yelling the name of the boy that made my skin crawl. The hairs on the back of my neck rose and I felt trepidation dawning onto me.
"I got you what you wanted." Her thick voice was faint against my rumbling mind. It was spinning and my throat felt constricted with panic. Maybe I was wrong. Maybe I shouldn't have come. Maybe this wasn't how it was—
"Sakura!" I heard my voice sharp on Meiling's tongue, and I all but forced myself to step in forward. This was my fault! I had to do this!
And that was when all hell broke loose.
Syaoran Li P.O.V
I felt like a fucking patient. After Meiling had walked out with a blatant lie, she had rushed back in running when I had forced myself off the bed to reach the bathroom to retch a little more. A second too late and my vomit had hit the tiles with Meiling still holding me up.
It had been disgusting. Embarrassing with Meiling watching and supporting me like I was some weak, helpless kid. I hated feeling like this!
She yelled a little more, begging me to let her take me to a doctor, but I pushed by her grasp with fumbling hands.
"Fuck off." Except this time, my voice came sounding like I had just been strangled. Then after making sure I was in bed again, she had stormed off. It had been about 4 two hours back, and Meiling came in often, sometimes her head just popping in through the gap. Her face looked strained, but I had to strain myself to open my eyes a little wider to re-check that. The heat seemed to have suddenly increased, and while I laid back down in my messy sheets, parts of my body went to sleep. But not my mind. Somehow, I just couldn't seem to doze off. Little random ass things just popped in.
Every little noise seemed to tick me off, and for a while I began wondering where the guys were and why no one other than Meiling had come in to annoy me. But they were probably at a bar or something by now, laughing at how I was sick in fucking bed. When Meiling started with her ranting again, I ignored her as she plodded out once again. When she didn't come back in the next half an hour, I started thanking whoever had kept her from screaming in my bruised ears till now.
But she came in after another five minutes, her face brought down to a half-frown and a half-frantic expression. "Syaoran." She was strangely calmed up, and I wondered if she had fallen and gotten some amnesia. "I got what you wanted." She stood there silent, as if expecting me to say something. Then she whirled back distractedly to the open door, "Sakura!"
That's when I got another nosebleed.
I didn't realize it at first. I just felt my breath stop at the sight of her. Then I lost it. I lost any control I'd ever had.
"What the fuck is she doing here?" I was yelling and pushing Meiling away when she came to me with a towel. I managed to pull myself up, one leg hanging off limply at one side, "Fuck! Get out!" I don't know how long this went on for, but each time I attempted to get up, Meiling shoved me back down to the pillow, thrusting the damn towel into my nose.
"This is what you wanted!"
"Oh for fuck's sake, who the hell told you that?" I had long stopped even glaring at the girl who stood still by the door.
"I don't need anyone to tell me that! I know of everything that you want!"
"And what you don't know is that you've got something really sharp up your ass! You're fucking with me again, and I don't fucking like it!"
"Quit your shitty swearing you asshole!"
"I can bloody swear at whoever I fucking want! Get her the hell out!"
"No I won't!" then she whirled around again to glare at Kinomoto, "And you are gonna beat the crap out him until you sort him out!"
"Meiling!" my voice was hoarse with yelling, and I could feel my throat tighten for air. Sort me out? What the hell?
"Shut up! You're gonna work with this whether you like it or not!" And then she ran out, slamming the door behind her and making sure it bounced back.
There was silence for a second, and I heard the soft click of the door as I shut my eyes tight, still holding the towel to my nose.
"Get out."
I couldn't hear any shuffling so I repeated myself, louder this time, "Get out."
Silence greeting me again and again, so I threw my eyes open, "Bitch! Get the fuck out!" I didn't want her here. I didn't want here in my room. I didn't bloody want her anywhere near me! Why the hell did Meiling had to do this! Why now! When I'm so freaking unable to make out any fucking sense!
I was tired! I was so damn tired! I—
"I'm sorry." It took me a few seconds to figure out that it hadn't been me. The voice had been soft and so silent that I nearly hadn't heard her. I wish I hadn't.
"Fuck off."
"I didn't mean to. I-I didn't realize—,"
"What the hell are you yappin' about!" I snapped before I realized that she was sobbing. She was flipping crying. Shit!
"I'm so sorry."
It had been weeks since I had talked to her. The last thing I'd heard from her was calling me a wanker. And now, she's saying sorry? Was I dreaming? Was this shit for real?
"Stop it!" Was this her way to score points?
"I'm really sorry!" I could see her now. She had come to me, by my bed, her arms holding herself.
I closed my eyes again, willing myself to ignore the damn tears, and bring my anger back up. Where the heck was it when I needed it the most? I couldn't feel it in me. All I wanted to do was bring her down on me. Touch her. But no. That was fucking crossing my line. She was a slut, and she was here because she needed something. That was all. She was here because Meiling had bloody dragged her to put up this sniveling act. That was it.
So I said the only thing I had been saying, "Get out."
Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V
I think I sort of lost it at that moment. I walked out before I could scrounge out another word, making sure to wipe out the tears with my sleeves. I couldn't believe I had just done that. Apologized to the pig. Even cried in front of him. After…after all the things. I had actually had the nerve to apologize! And for what? Nothing! He hadn't even looked at me! That bloody conceited little creep. He didn't deserve this! Hell with this! He didn't deserve me, and he certainly didn't deserve Meiling who was going through so much just to help him. He didn't deserve any help. His misery was because of his own treachery.
Maybe coming had been a bad idea all along. I mean…he had started it first. He had torn through my house first. Before knowing any facts for sure. If he was stupid in the head and ignorant enough to hear rumors that weren't true…its…it's wasn't my fault. If he had just asked me what was true and if I was playing him, then this wouldn't have happened. It was his fault more than mine. That I knew. He was the entire reason for this. Because never once had he asked me what was true. Never once had he let me explain.
I…I had just cried in front of him like a fool, even though I knew nothing would come of it. I mean, what had I expected? For him to suddenly jump back after seeing me cry and let me take him to a doctor? No. No. No! He was a heartless freak. If he didn't care of the well being of his own body and what others did trying to help him, then he was a useless junkie. He was a jerk who thought he probably could overcome anything. Overcome, my ass.
I saw Meiling in the lounge thingy the apartment had with a couple of chair and sofas. It looked like a dump. She had collapsed onto one of the couches and stood herself up instantly the second I came to her. The guys I had seen before were gone. And I stood there in the middle of what seemed like a wreckage.
"So?"
"So…nothing." I murmured, "It's hopeless."
Immediately heaving a sigh, she ran a hand through her hair and lunged back onto the sofa, "That's exactly it. You're supposed to make him unhate you."
"Look." I made sure my voice didn't waver, "This isn't easy for me. If I could, I would have strangled him there." And I also made sure she wouldn't catch sight of my balled fists.
"Really?" Meiling looked up at me through her curtain of hair, "Then you should know, that every night, I wish I could do the same." Her eyes were red, and I hoped mine weren't.
"There's a lot of stuff between us that—,"
"I don't care!" Meiling interrupted me with a glare, "I've told you before. I really don't care what he has done or what you have done. I don't even want to know." Then her voice came lowly and softly, "But I don't want anything to happen to him. I know something's wrong with him. And the only person who can get through him is you."
"Me?" my voice was sour as I faked a laugh, "You are his cousin, not me. You are the one he knows better. Not me. And it's not me, he gives a damn about. Trust me, I should know that."
"He's miserable."
"I tried ok. That's the only reason I came here. Just to try."
Then Meiling's glare vanished, and replacing it came quick traces of sadness, "But he really likes you. You are the only he will li—,"
"Likes me?" this time my laugh wasn't fake and I think overrode my anger, "I don't think you're even a little bit close to anything truthful. If he liked me, he wouldn't have beaten up my brother over a bunch of rumors! If he liked me, then he should have trusted me! If he liked me, he shouldn't have been a total asshole by wrecking my family. Do you know the things he has made me go through? No you don't! Right now, I apologized! I don't even know for what. It's him who should be doing that. It's him who has sinned!" I was breaking down, but thankfully, I wasn't crying. My anger was burning, and it felt good to let it out. This had been the first time I had told anyone else about this. The first time. "I hate him honestly. You have no idea how much I hate him. But—,"
Her hands had extended towards me, and they landed on my shoulders, "He can't help it. He has always been a bastard."
"But he—,"
"He judges quick. He was hurt."
Then I wrenched away from her, "Hurt? What about me? What about the silent treatment I got from my family! I broke their trust over him! My brother had a black eye for weeks because of him! And you know what, I didn't even let them call the police. Because I knew he was angry. But does he know how angry I am? He is the whore, not me. The first thing I see of him is making out with some girl, and you expect me to believe that he likes me? He makes me sick! You tell him that!"
There was a bit of more silence, before Meiling grabbed my wrist and dragged me down with her to the couch, "Sit." But she stood right back up in front of me.
My insides were riling and I was shuddering with fury. I didn't know what more Meiling could possibly say. If she asked me if I felt guilty, then yes, I would agree with her. I could feel the guilt choking me. But I wasn't going to let her tell me how much hurt her cousin was before she knew my side of the story. Because she had to know what a sore loser Syaoran was before she could support his hide. He was ignorant and irresponsible.
"Believe me Sakura. More than anything, he has changed since this happened." She made sure her voice was a whisper, and my insides churned. If he has changed, then I have mutated. "But that's what he does…I think. I think that's what he has been trying to do. Ignore that you betrayed him."
"I didn't betray him! Never once."
"And now that you and that Van—,"
"So he's jealous again? That's good, because I sort of expected that. What is he going to do this time? Beat me up instead of my brother? Or maybe put my house on fire?"
I could see confusion contorting her face, then she blurted, "The fire at school? No! That wasn't Syao—,"
"It doesn't matter. The point was, he never once asked me if the rumors were right. Never once." I was clenching the cloth of the sofa in my fists, and for the first time Meiling looked empty of a comeback, "If he can make out with girls to ignore the fact that I'd betrayed him, then I can go out with whoever the hell I want to, to ignore my hurt. That's strictly my business. Not his, not yours."
Meiling watched me nice and hard, and I confront her back. Then her face lowered, and she looked back at me pleading, "I'm sorry for you. Don't forgive him. But…please help him. Do anything you want. I really want him to see a doctor before anything happens to him and if Aunty finds—," that's when Meiling froze at her words, and I was left trying to predict them.
"What Aunty? Whose?"
Meiling didn't answer my question. Instead, her voice dropped even more, "Sit here. And…I'll talk to him again. I'll see what I can do…"
That was where she left me. And that was where she found me when she came rushing out just about a minute later. She dropped on the chair opposite me, eyes never looking at me.
"He heard us."
My heart slammed against my ribcage, my anxiousness a second away from squeezing my breath, "And what did he say."
She looked at me with a small smile on her face, "Something I had expected him to. That all you're telling me is a load of bullshit."
The slamming stopped. And so did the anxiousness. "B-bullshit?" I repeated her words slowly, each syllable a tear to my hopefulness. Meiling nodded, and I stood up on my heels, a spurt of rage suddenly making my head convulse, "Bullshit?"
If hell had broken loose before, this time I was gonna make sure he was going to the swallowed by the pits of hell, and never be allowed to return back. I'll show him bullshit!
§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ
A longer chapter for you guys. It's probably my fastest update in a few months. Not much was able to be filled in this, sorry. But in the next chapter, I'm planning on focusing a lot more on the dialogues than details said and given by the person of the point of view. Hope you guys liked this chappy though. I kept each povs nice and short, just so a brief account of each part that Sakura and Syaoran share are given. Changing povs is sort of hard for me, because I sometimes give Sakura an extra boost of aggression when it's Syaoran who's feeling most of it. But enough of that. Nity nite for now. I'm feeling too sleepy to type another word.
Bye! And a merry christmas! A day late, but that's okay right?