Title: Head Over Heels

Author: Shinsei Kokoro

Chapter: 21: Just You and Me

Updated: 12th January 2006

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I don't think I had ever felt this angry before. Maybe once or twice, but as I barged back into Syaoran's room, I slammed the door shut behind me. I was gonna let him have it. Scream my lungs out, until I could get at least something through that damned, thick, chicken-nest head of his. It was time he heard the bitch bark.

"You," my voice shook as I took in his sitting up body, "are a fucking asshole!" That comment wasn't part of what I had in mind. I hardly swore.

But Syaoran didn't look up. Instead he was doubled over, his head hanging down, chin tight against his chest. My frustrations were unearthing. So quickly that it felt like I had just stepped into a cauldron of fire.

"You care about nothing and no one but yourself!" I noticed his fingers shaking. Yeah? Now I knew he was listening for sure. "You're pathetic! You're honestly brainless! And even if you did by any chance have a few brain cells, I hope you spend that in listening to me right now!" I drew in a sharp breath, but he hadn't moved.

"You see I don't care if you think everything I say is bullshit, but you're gonna keep your ears open and listen to me." My voice had gone hoarse, and I belted back as I heard him groan. "Syaoran!" Not matter how shaky my voice felt, I kept it hard, "Are you listening?"

Then he made this strange noise. Sort of like a strangle at the back of his throat. An arm snaked out, and fingers clenched at the bed covers.

"Syaoran. Are you li—!" And that's when I saw it. Something that made my nerves freeze. Blood pooled on the sheets. Blood dripping down his chest. Blood smeared across his cheeks.

I ran to him, my feet going numb. So much blood. "Syaoran?" Lord, I had never seen so much blood in my life.

The fingers on his chest were trembling hard, and I could make out what he was doing. Firmly pounding his own chest. His breaths short and sharp. I could hear it. I could hear the sick thudding. The retching sounds he made.

"Syaoran!" I grabbed him by the back, pulling his head up. His eyes were half lidded, and the blood trailed down his nose, "Shit! Syaoran!"

Meiling had darted in abruptly, and for a second she stood staring aghast. Then her jaws clenched.

"Fuck!" she had suddenly grabbed his arms. "Come on Syaoran, get up!" She pulled him as he made another violent lurch, "Quick!"

"What's happening to him!" I felt desperate, and I watched as he choked on a breath, "Syaoran!" then cried back at Meiling, "We have to call a doctor!"

"No." the boy in my arms wheezed, his free hand suddenly grasping my shirt then pushing me away.

"Come on!" Meiling urged at me, "Help me! I think he's gonna be sick." I watched as a third lurch came, his mouth gasping for air. I watched as his eyes flew open wide, a painful cry croaking out of his throat.

I didn't wait to be asked twice.

As Meiling seized one arm securely, I took the other. Pulling him up on his feet, we stumbled along with him as he swayed. Then he heaved again. It wasn't too hard getting him into the bathroom, and then suddenly, he pushed us away. Skidding on his knees, he threw his head into the toilet, this time heaving completely. The vomit came after some more coughing and he panted uncontrollably.

Unable to do nothing but watch, I kneeled down behind him, holding his shivering back. He shook me once, but I held his shoulders tightly as he went for another throw.

The smell was acrid. It stung my nose, and I turned away, burying my face into the middle of his shoulders.

I watched as Meiling cleaned up the little drops of blood that had trailed after us, then I wiped at his sweaty body, "We need some wet towels."

Nodding, she was out as quickly as she had come.

I turned back to grab Syaoran's arm. He had stopped, but his head still hung down, mouth open, as if waiting for another stomach to fall out.

"Syaoran?" I touched the back of his head gingerly, digging my fingers into his hair, "Is that better?"

He groaned once again, breathing hard. Then he swung his head at me. His eyes looked at me through half closed lids. They were red and raw, and I gulped. I had never once seen him looking so miserable.

"Here." I pulled him back, just incase he would loose his balance and drown himself in the toilet. His head recoiled immediately from my touch, and I saw something flash in his eyes. But that was nothing compared to the blood stained on his face chest.

Meiling wasn't back with the towels yet, so I shrugged out of my own sweater. Balling it up into my hands, I dabbed it at his face.

He grunted by pulling back and I scowled at him, "Just wait, will you?" I stood up to hold him, and I reached in to clean out the red on his nose and cheek. He didn't protest. And I didn't warn him as I turned him around to wipe away his chest.

He winced before I could get away, fingers crawling back to hold his chest. God. What was wrong with him?

"Does it hurt there?" I asked as he fell on his knees again, knocking himself into me. His skin was wet and hot, and I could feel him trembling, "Syaoran?" I was close to sobbing. What the hell was happening to him? I felt his forehead, purposefully ignoring the way he was looking at me. There was a definite fever.

"Come on." I tugged at one of his arms, and laced it around my shoulders. But he pulled it back instantly, a frown slowly flaring into his features, "Come on!" I felt exasperated as he drew away completely, "You can bitch about me later! I promise." I pretended not show that I was sweating as well. This time, I pulled him against me before I could give him any warning. His body felt floppy and weak against mine, but I could tell from the way his face remained clenched, that he was trying his best to stay on his feet.

We walked to the door before he collapsed on me. I held him firmly by the waist as his arms shakily brought themselves around me for support. My legs felt close to buckling underneath me, but Meiling was just in time to help us. Syaoran grunted loud enough as we both clasped onto an arm each once again. I stripped the bed of the bloody sheets before we let him sit back down. And almost immediately, he fell back on his side.

While Meiling took the sheets to get new ones, I rushed around the room to open the jutted windows. If he had been feeling hot, the first thing he would need was some natural breeze.

When I turned back around, Syaoran had his eyes open. He didn't say a word. I couldn't figure out what expression he had on. He was still breathing fast, and as I neared him, I could almost hear his intake of breath.

Grabbing the wet towel lying in the bucket beside the bed, I squeezed any extra water out of it. I waited for a good long second then rolled him on his back, and wiped off his forehead. It was hard pretending not to notice his grim eyes on me. His hands came to my fingers, and before my heart could beat any faster, they grabbed the towel, "I can do it myself." His voice was gruff, and I let go of it the second his grip tightened.

When Meiling came back in this time, not only did she have a heap of sheets in her arms, but also two guys behind her. Yamazaki and Shiroi. She quickly threw a blanket on Syaoran to provide him some decency in front of his friends. They help him into a chair while the two girls made the bed. And all this time, I couldn't help but feel a little cornered. A little uncomfortable in the room.

After Meiling had finished helping Syaoran back on the bed, it was her who first spoke the words I wanted to speak, "Syaoran. Let's just call a doctor now. This has gone too far."

"No." he growled as she brought the covers to his waist, letting a new layer of sweat shine onto his exposed skin.

Shiroi sat where I had been itching to sit; by Syaoran, "She's right man. You look like shit."

"Yeah? Then why don't you fuck off?" his breath sounded laboured.

Yamazaki shifted in the chair, hurriedly running his fingers through his cropped hair, "Jeez, do you wanna die? Look at you! You're bleeding for no reason. Puking for no reason. We don't know what is wrong with you."

"Well, I do!" Syaoran bit out, letting a strange cough escape. He heaved in another large breath before replying, "You guys are on my fucking case. Get off now!" Another cough was followed, and soon enough, he was clutching his chest again, another strangled groan escaping his lips.

"Syaoran!"

I was the first one to move. I was the first one to grab hold of him and pull him back up in a sitting position, "Shut up now!" his soft whines set my neck on fire, "Can't you guys see? The more he gets riled up, the harder he finds it to breath!"

His bare shoulders felt hotter than ever, and I didn't fail to notice the mess of sweat at the back of his neck. "Syaoran?" I could hear Meiling's thin whisper. It sounded almost ghostly, "God. What is wrong with him?"

"He…" I rocked him slowly, "I think he has some chest pains. Has…has that ever happened before?"

"No." Shiroi spoke, "Don't think so."

I don't know how long I sat there for. Holding onto his bare waist. Patting his warm back, and swallowing hard every time I heard him take a long jagged breath. I blew onto his cheeks, as sweat trailed down from his forehead. Meiling patted it off with one of the wet towels, then held the cold cloth against his back. But I didn't let him go, because the hand gripped onto the front of my shirt hadn't budged.

I could nearly feel his pain. I could nearly feel his lack of breath. The giddiness. The hotness. And it made me heavy in the head. So heavy that I nearly couldn't see what was in front of me.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

I couldn't see. My eyes were hazy and my chest was being ripped apart into tiny goddamn pieces. It hurt. The pain was making me bite my own fucking tongue. I wanted to cry. Honestly, I did. I wanted to cry out the ache. But would I be able to breathe any faster then?

I held on tight, taking comfort of the cold on my back and the cool blow against my face.

I felt like if I stopped breathing only for a second, there would be no more air left. My throat hitched hard, but the air wasn't enough. I needed more. I fucking needed more air to breath.

It…it felt like I was strangling myself. And my head was spinning. So fast that I couldn't see. So fast that I could hardly keep my eyes open. My nerves felt jumbled and my muscles felt cramped underneath me. I wanted to jump. I wanted to run. I wanted to scream out loud. I wanted that dizziness to leave me the fuck alone! And my heart. My heart felt like it was being cut up into tiny ribbons. It bloody hurt. So bad. So fucking bad that I could do nothing but hold it tight in my hands.

And it hurt.

It hurt like shit.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

The two guys had left. I hadn't moved. Nor had Meiling. And neither had Syaoran. For a moment, I thought he was asleep. He had stilled with his head on my shoulders, and I could feel wetness. I didn't care if it was drool or tears or even blood, I just kept blowing cool air into his neck.

"Syaoran?" I whispered his name, and Meiling looked up at me. Nodding at me, she grabbed his waist from the back and pulled him a little. His grasp on my shirt broke easily, and the second I caught sight of his face, I could see his open eyes searching mine. I was hoping he had fallen asleep.

As she held him tight, I took the cloth from Meiling and wiped his forehead. He seemed to be breathing normally. And his face looked almost…a little peaceful.

Sighing in relief, I got up as she set her cousin out to lie on his back. Sitting on the small space next to him, I felt his face. The fever was still strong. Maybe even higher. I moved my fingers to push back the hair falling on his face.

He stirred slightly, and his hand flicked away mine with closed eyes and furrowed brows, "Fuck off."

I didn't realize how he made those two words sound so easy, when just minutes ago he was gasping for air. I didn't realize anything but my heart wrenching. I could nearly hear it. My surprise. My head rolling off into a dark corner. Even Meiling had stopped in the clothes she was trying to clear away behind the bed.

I stared hard at him. It seemed easy to remember every detail on his face. But so hard to forget how much his words always affected me.

Despite myself, I stood up on wobbly legs. I turned away before my eyes could let themselves sting when he was still watching. And I ran out of before I allowed the stupid tears to fall.

Maybe I should just do everyone a favour and drop dead.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

My head cleared the second after my breath returned. For a few minutes I was just sitting there, letting the cold on my skin drive me to heaven. My stomach felt a little clearer, and I could blink my eyes good.

And then I felt her fingers holding my neck. Sakura Kinomoto's. I felt the fabric of her shirt in my hand. The softness of her body where I was leaning onto. Her lips brushing against my jaw. And her warmth just nauseating me. I felt so hot.

I couldn't believe what I was doing. I was letting her touch me. Hold me. Pat me. I was actually letting the bitch near me.

When Meiling pulled me, I opened my eyes wide. I wanted to see her face. I wanted to see what she was seeing.

But all I got was pity. In those bloody large eyes, all I saw was how sorry she felt for me. And soon the anger returned. It came back running into my blood. Just her face made all the blood in me run cold all over. I don't remember what I said, but her face collapsed. It flushed. And her eyes shook.

Watching her run out that door, it didn't satisfy me.

"Are fucking heartless?" Meiling's snarl crept up from behind, and I shut my eyes tight. Maybe I was.

All I got was a slamming door, then the door opening again. I peeked to see Yamazaki making himself comfortable on my chair and Meiling no where to be seen. "Sod off." My voice sounded hoarse and raw. Maybe my vocal cords were bleeding.

He gave me this blank look, and I turned my head away, "Why don't you just get some sleep. You're obviously in a shitty mood right now."

I didn't say anything. It was hard not to. It was hard to keep from asking if Sakura was gone or not.

I didn't want to see her. I didn't want to hear her voice. Knowing that she had seen me. At my worst moments. Helped me at my worst moments. And said all those things, also at my worst moments.

And just like that, an hour went by.

I didn't move an inch as I stared up to make out the little cracks in the ceiling. I had heard her just fine. I could still hear them beating in my eardrums. Her screams. 'If he liked me, then he should have trusted me!' My head burned at the sound of her voice. What the heck is trust?

'The first thing I see of him is making out with some girl, and you expect me to believe that he likes me? He makes me sick!'

Believe?

'I didn't betray him!'

Didn't she?

'He never once asked me if the rumors were right.'

Were they?

'So he's jealous again? That's good, because I sort of expected that.'

Had she played me?

'And it's not me he gives a damn about. Trust me, I should know that.'

How?

'If he liked me, he wouldn't have beaten up my brother over a bunch of rumors!'

Rumors.

Just rumors.

Were they?

Were they just rumors? No. They couldn't be. They couldn't just be rumors. Rumors were lies. And what I had heard from several mouths weren't lies.

Maybe Eriol hadn't had her. Maybe she was going out with Van just to get me jealous. But what about that guy in Tokyo? What about him? He wasn't a lie. Was he?

Before I could think anymore about it, Meiling was back into my room. Her face was hard and her fists were clenched beside her. Just one look at Yamazaki and he was already heading for the door.

"Is your chest still hurting?" her words were low and I hardly heard them. Out of nowhere she threw a shirt on me.

"No." Then after another lapse of silence, I turned to see her sitting where Yamazaki had just been sitting, "Is she gone?"

I never got a reply. Maybe Meiling had gone to drive her home. But then she wouldn't be here in my room. Maybe…maybe Sakura had gone walking. The thought made the back of my head cold again. Could she be walking out there somewhere in the middle of the night? All by herself?

"Did you drive her back?"

She answered only after a while, "You know, if you gave so much of a shit about her, I don't know why you end up acting like a bloody bastard after all she has done."

I didn't say anything. This time, I didn't have anything to say. I drew up the covers right over my shoulders, knocking over my shirt onto the floor.

And at that same time, the door opened.

Maybe I wasn't seeing right. Maybe all that blood. All that puke. And being handled by two girls had made me start to hallucinate. Because there she stood. Sakura Kinomoto. Her eyes anywhere but on me. And holding a tray with a bowl and cup.

"You'll have to get up." Maybe she wasn't looking at me, but she sure as hell was talking to me. And one look at Meiling told me the truth. This was definitely no hallucination.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

When I called home, it was about half past nine in the night. I spent a few minutes with Touya yelling at me about not calling him earlier, and the next few seconds explaining I was going to remain at 'Rika's' for a sleepover. He grumbled about it a few times, but when I hung up on him, I knew he wouldn't like it any better. I had told him that I would be getting to school with Rika and that he wouldn't have to worry about picking me up from school either.

I had made up my mind while making some chicken soup. I wasn't leaving this apartment. Not until Syaoran would agree to see a doctor.

When I turned back into his room, I was expecting the least. And things to blow up again. Meiling betrayed me by giving me a wink and sauntering out of the room. That hadn't been part of our plan. Our plan had been that I would give him the soup, then go back outside to watch some TV maybe while she continued to stay there.

I was frozen by the door for a couple of seconds, and when I looked back at the boy who had sat up on his bed, I nearly cried. I didn't want to be here.

"I'm not hungry." Those were his first words, and I took my first few steps towards him as he said that.

"Meiling told me you haven't had anything to eat for hours."

"I said I'm not eating that." His eyes were still watching me, and for a moment I felt like dumping the soup onto his head. But I just kept the tray on the table.

Sighing, I pulled up whatever courage I had in me right then, "You know what? I don't care." I hoped my voice didn't sound as wobbly as it felt, "You're gonna drink this whether you like it or not." And with that I took the bowl and brought it to him. Reflexively he caught it in two hands and yelped the second his held it.

"Shit! Are you trying to burn me!"

Holding the bowl by its rim, this time I brought the entire tray to him, "Trying?" I scoffed lightly under my breath, before replying in my lightest voice, "It's supposed to be hot. This way, it'll be good for your stomach."

"Get lost."

Fury assembled in me at those words. Keeping my lips from trembling or rather the tray in my hands, I bit the inside of my lower lip, "Why don't you go see a doctor?"

"Fuck off." Came his drawled reply.

"Exactly." I rested the tray on his stomach before he could protest, "I am not getting lost until you go to a doctor."

With that his lips curled into a wry smile and glared at me at the same time, "Then be prepared to spend the night."

Glaring back, I brought the spoon to his face, "I am."

But his eyes were already on the spoon, "I can eat by myself." His growl was low and hard. But it was surprising how a person could change their minds in just two seconds. And so for the next hour, I was left watching him eat like a sodding snail. I had gone back to sit on the chair and I rolled my eyes each time his trembling hand came to meet his lips with the spoon. What a coward.

When he was finished, it was about ten to twelve, and even then, there was still some soup left. Jeez.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

The soup was alright. Chicken wasn't really my thing, but it sort of warmed my throat and stomach. Just like the girl had said.

I didn't know what was happening to me. She was right there. Watching me eat…or drink or whatever. And I couldn't open up my mouth to ask her to leave me the hell alone. I couldn't say a single word. I admit, there were so many fucking questions I wanted to ask. About all the shit she had said. But what then? What would she say? Hell, what the fuck would I say?

"I hate Eriol." Her voice surprised me, and I gulped the last of the soup. Hiiragizawa? Were we gonna talking about that pimp now? Maybe I should just—

"I can't stand Van." Her eyes were on her lap, her fingers gagging themselves. Right. Like all they snogged was for shit.

"And there's no boyfriend in Tokyo who's waiting for me." My ears perked up at that, and my head went flat-lined. What?

Her legs jumped up and down, and she crossed and uncrossed them, "Tomoyo was jealous of me. She didn't like the attention Eriol gave me. She didn't like the fact that he liked me…the new girl." I could hear nothing but her voice, and everything else was silent.

"We talked and I came up with it. You know, maybe if I had a boyfriend, Eriol would give up on me. But…" her breath hitched, and she let it out slowly, "…it didn't…exactly go according to plan." Then in a small and soft voice she added, "As you might already know."

What?

A plan?

What the fuck?

"Don't fucking lie to me you bitch." The words came out before I could stop them.

"Shut up!" she snapped, suddenly getting up on her feet, "And if you ever had the decency to ask me about it, then I would have told you! It's the bloody truth. And if you don't like it, you can go kiss your own sorry ass!"

"I heard it right." My tolerance was breaking, and the sweat was coming down hard. No way.

"You heard it from two guys who heard it from Eriol! What else would you expect!"

"Hey! You played me!"

"No I didn't! Get your facts right before you accuse me you rat! Admit it, you were wrong! You're just some stupid psycho!"

"Don't expect me to believe you."

"I won't expect anything from you! You're blind, you're deaf and you have no guts!"

"Then why didn't you tell me!" my heart was beating, racing over the hills and down. Fuck. I'm not hearing right.

"Tell you?" her grimace was laced in anger and her eyes flashed like thunder, "How could I tell you! You bloody tore my house down! You beat up my brother! You kicked my dog! And then I see you cheating behind my goddamn back! When did you expect me to tell you! How!" her scream reverberated around the room, and my muscles fell limp.

"You had made up your mind before you even gave me a chance to explain! There was no time! You gave me no time! You're a self-presumptuous freak! That's what you are!"

No.

"You're mad." Her last whisper hit me hard, "You're honestly mad."

The room was silent. The entire apartment felt silent. And so was everything inside my head. All silent. 'There's no boyfriend in Tokyo waiting for me…'

"No…" I croaked.

"Yes!" she screamed, "You played me! And this is all your fault!"

All my fault. All my fault? No. Could it be?

No Eriol Hiiragizawa.

No Van.

And no Tokyo boyfriend.

Then it crawled into me. Shit, it slapped my face. "No one?"

She was panting, and as she walked to me I noticed for the first time that she had been crying, "No one." She squatted down by the bed, "…just you."

Fuck.

Had all of last month been for nothing? Had it all been…because of me?

"But it doesn't matter." I zoomed my eyes on her. What? "At least I got to know what kind of a guy you are." I could hear the disgust in her voice, and before I knew it myself, I was swinging my legs off the bed.

"Yeah? Well then, what did you expect?" my head was spinning, and my hands felt clammy, "Did you expect me to go quiet? Did you expect me to come up to you and ask you?"

"Of course! What else? How else would you know? But you didn't care to find it out the story from my side. You didn't even trust me!" Her face was near and so sour.

"Like hell I would! I had just heard that my girlfriend was cheating on me!"

Her expression was a tornado, and a finger suddenly stabbed my chest, "Then maybe you could have confronted me? Did you ever think of that?"

Shit. Her face was so near, and my back was burning, "I did that."

"That wasn't confrontation." she didn't stop crying, "That was abuse! You could have killed my brother!"

No. It wasn't. I was pissed. I was so angry. I had wanted her to suffer.

I slammed my eyes shut tight. No. It's a lie. It should be a lie. I hadn't gone through all that shit for nothing. I hadn't made myself crazy for nothing. I hadn't spent weeks seeing her everywhere I looked. So angry that I could smash someone. So angry that I could smash her. This girl, right in front of me.

No. She must be lying. She must be making it up. She must be saying this just so I could…I could what?

"And now…" she continued, her tone so soft that I had to open my eyes to hear her, "Because of that…you're like this."

Like what?

"Because of me…you're sick." Those words did something. I don't know what. They stopped the racing of my heart. The numbness in my head. The shake in my fingers. And the disgust in my throat. Something tore free, and I grabbed her shoulders, slamming them into me. This bitch had screwed with me.

Ignoring my resisting mind, I held her tight to me. So tight, that for that second I was ready to squeeze the life out of her.

A rumor.

How could it…how could this have just been a rumor?

How could I have—?

How?

'No one…just you.' I felt her hand on my shoulder trying to push me away, but I brought an arm around her neck.

How could I have been so…fucked?

So screwed up?

I felt her shake underneath me. Her shoulders were trembling, and I heard her sobs.

And…fuck…something happened. It's…it's like…my heart broke or something.

Something tingly fell out of my eye, and I pulled her up, ready in pulling her waist towards me. She felt just like I could remember her. Man. I swear, she felt the same. She smelled the same.

I could feel her tears on my arm, I could feel her face pressed against my shoulder. I had never seen her cry. Not since that day…that day when I had ended things.

How had I screwed so fucking bad!

How…how had I been fooled…by myself?

Oh shit. Shit. Shit! Shit!

How!

How could I have been so…stupid? So unaware?

Then…then this really was my fault. It was all my fucking fault. It was because of me…because of me. All fucking because of me!

I tore her away from me, her face inches from mine, "Tell me again." My lips were hot, and her breath was hotter, "Just tell me…that you're not lying."

Her watery eyes froze, then shook again. Blinking the tears out, she bit her smooth lips, "You still don't trust me?"

"Just fuckin' tell me!" I shook her shoulders, ready to plunge into her neck. Her face was flushed. Red. And there were tears down her face, and some mascara smeared.

"I'm not lying…" that was enough for me. That was enough for me to keep myself from crashing her into me once again.

"God…" I murmured into her hair, and I felt her arms around me. How could…how could that be…

I felt her soft skin against mine.

And then I felt my chest squeezing again.

I ignored it for a second, not ready to let her go. Not ready to start thinking. But the pain hit in before I could help it. I couldn't breath. I couldn't see. Just a hazy fog.

"Sa…ku…" I gasped, the back of her shirt suddenly in my fists, "…ra…"

"Syaoran?" her sweet voice broke us apart, eyes looking at me strangely before they went wide, "Syaoran!"

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

I was crying loud. Pathetic, I know. But there was good reason. There was a good reason why my insides were so light, and my mind screamed with happiness the second time he hugged me. So tight that I felt like I was a part of his skin.

To me, it all seemed to be happening too fast. It all seemed too sudden. Just hours ago, I had hated him…and he was loathed me. And now…we were holding each other. He was keeping me locked under his arm. It seemed strange to me. That just me telling a few things could change. Would this have happened if I were to tell him this last week? That there was no one in Tokyo that I was dating. Maybe even the week before? Would he have done what he was doing right now? Or was he going through a sudden phase of weakness? Was this because he wasn't thinking rationally?

But then it went all wrong. The first time when I noticed it was when he tensed. His hold went a little limp, and I nearly slid down back onto the carpet.

"Sakura…" his call came sounding laboured, and I pushed him apart.

"Syaoran?" his eyes were half closed, and his lips tight against each other, his jaw fixed tight. The second his arms were free, they flew to his chest where he clenched them, "Syaoran!"

His face scrunched up in twinge, and his grunt came out as strangled as ever, "Meiling!" I screamed out, and the girl was in the room just in seconds.

I was still crying when we had laid him back down. Still crying when Meiling had asked me to leave the room for sometime. Still crying when Yamazaki and Shiroi had found me in the lounge, with hands over my face, and these stupid tears falling down. God! I hated myself. I truly hated myself. I had seen his painful face. His painful groans. And the pain in his eyes as he had kept them forced open just to say my name over and over again. It was killing me. God, why couldn't he just see a flipping doctor! Just to put me out of my own misery!

"Sakura?" Meiling's voice broke my thoughts apart, and I could see her standing there in front of me, "You okay?"

I nodded slowly. Of course I wasn't okay. "How is he?"

She sighed, "The same. I think you were right about those chest pains. He gets it every time he's peeved about something. It's as if his heart won't beat any faster so it hurts. And that somehow slows his breathing…I think."

I looked her…clueless. Just as clueless as Yamazaki and Shiroi looked.

"But…" her face became a little less somber, "He keeps wanting to see you." When I didn't respond, the tugged my arm, "So go."

I watched her small smile for a second, then I leaped back from the couch, rubbing away at my eyes hastily and driving cool air into them. I could almost hear the guys behind me chuckle.

Brushing down my skirt and shirt, I took in a large breath, letting it out the second I opened the bedroom door.

The first thing I noticed of him was the shirt he was wearing. Then the way he was looking at me.

"How are you feeling?" I was the first one to break the silence as I sat on the chair. He took a while in answering.

"The same." His voice sounded as monotonous as Meiling's. But from my eyes, he looked a little better than before the half an hour I had been waiting outside for. He wasn't cringing, and his face seemed a little less pale.

The silence kept dragging itself on, but we never broke eye contact, "Still hate me?" my hoarse voice finally blurted and his eyes narrowed subtly.

"Do you?"

"I asked you first."

"So? I asked you second."

"I asked you first, so you answer me first."

"What? Is this some sort of a game?"

"No, but only if you want it to be."

"So, if I want it to be a game, then—,"

"For God's sake, just tell me!" I stood on my feet as his eyes shifted, "Fine. No." I couldn't stop myself from feeling the nervousness seep in again, "I don't know why and for what moronic reason…I-I can't hate you." His nod came slowly and I licked my dry lips, "Your turn."

"Do I have to answer?"

I nearly tore my hair out, "Yes, you do."

"As in a yes or a no answer."

I sighed at his antics, then shook my head, "You know what?" I sat back on the rickety chair, "Forget I even asked."

The silence continued…for ten more minutes.

"Who else knows?"

"What?" I looked at his form, confused, "Knows what?"

"About the guy…err…from Tokyo. Your…boyfriend or whatever."

Seeing his disgruntled expression, I didn't miss my chance at smiling at myself, "Just Tomoyo…and you."

Again he nodded. The comfort that we had shared before when he had hugged me, seemed to have vanished. And now…there uneasiness.

"Why didn't you tell me all these days?"

My smile faded, then I returned to look out the window, "I was angry. Pissed. Hated you enough to kill you."

The answer seemed to satisfy him, then he asked again, "Why the hell are you with that wuss?"

"Who? Van?" his silence was enough to confirm it, "I…I guess…I just wanted to make you jealous. So that…"

"So that what?" his gaze was intent and I hesitated. He had heard me when I had blown up at Meiling. Why the heck couldn't they have thicker walls?

"So that I could pay you back." I didn't look at him once I said it, "I wanted to make you feel how I felt…when…when I saw you with that girl. I wanted to hurt you."

He spoke after a whole minute.

"Congratulations," I looked at him half irked and half puzzled, "It worked."

Somehow I didn't know what to do. Cry or laugh. Throw my arms around him or continue hating him. It was a hard decision. So I just stayed where I was, hoping I appeared to look blank.

"It worked quite good." I stole a glance at him, then at the tiniest twitch that appeared on the edge of his lips. I got back up on my feet.

Falling by his bedside, I felt his forehead again. I knew the fever would still be there, but it felt as though I just needed an excuse to touch him. I brushed his hair back and I squirmed lightly as his eyes picked me apart. Maybe he still didn't like me touching him…

"What is with you and that skirt?" I looked at his accusatory stare, then nervously pulled at my skirt. It was one of the minis Tomoyo had made me buy, but it was safe to say that it covered most of my thighs.

"Shut up. I happen to like it." I mumbled under my breath, suddenly feeling a bit exposed as his eyes continued to watch, "Do you mind?"

"Mind what?" his lips spread a little into a small trademark smirk. I could almost hear what he was thinking.

I scowled at him, "Not staring."

"Nah." His smile widened, and I rolled my eyes.

"Are you hurting anywhere?" I asked lightly, gathering up my courage and bringing my hand to hold his. In three short seconds they tightened around mine. I felt heat creep up my neck the same time he pulled me down. And I was left feeling dizzy.

"Is that a trick question?"

"Just answer me Syaoran." I glared at him.

His whisper was so soft; I almost didn't hear him, "Everywhere." His face was drawn together, and he looked so serious that in the next few moments I never expected him to pull me down further and kiss me.

I wanted to pull back. I wanted to slap him for even trying that. But resisting was impossible.

His lips felt soft on mine and almost hit me like a ton of bricks. A zillion stars bursts across my eyes as he pried my mouth open. I could remember this. The same moments. I could remember them from a few months ago. When we were in this same apartment. In a room across from here somewhere. I think I was dreaming.

His hands were around me, and before I knew it, my heart was racing a million miles. I could feel his hair in my fingers. His actions were so slow that I almost lost count of time. I remembered his lips kissing mine. I remembered his hot breath against my face. I remembered my skin going numb at his slightest touch.

I felt overwhelmed with this stark burn. And so before I knew it, he was kissing me hard. Our tongues clashing and a sense of pure ecstasy came pouring into my head. I don't think I had ever felt this tense before. I don't think I had ever felt something as wonderful as this.

It struck with every memory I had of kissing him. Every memory of holding him, letting his fingers weave through my hair, and his breath tickling my neck. So many memories.

And then I felt his exasperation. His fingers slid up to clasp tight around my face, and I could feel the violence in his touch surging. Parting only for a second, he kissed me again and again. So furiously that I felt nimble in his grasp. My arms felt like jelly. And I could think of nothing but of the boy kissing me. Could feel every thread of his emotions snaking into that kiss. Anger. Madness. Desperation. Hurt. They wound me up strangely, and in a moment of confession, I let him have me.

I still wanted him.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

She was just the same. The same as I could remember her. A little shy. A little awkward.

Her lips tasted the same, and her hair felt the same. So damn soft. Breaking away from her mouth, I pushed myself into her curls, letting the smell of her shampoo scream out her name. Her skin was just as smooth. Her face red as it went every time I used to kiss her.

I never realized I had missed her so fucking much. Everything about her. It made my back freeze with pleasure. It made my muscles clench and unclench at the same time. For a second, I lost my breath once again. But I had her. It didn't matter how much it hurt to breathe, because she was mine again.

"Is that better than what your boyfriend gives you?" I felt her tense as I said that. She swallowed in a sharp breath and I pushed some hair off her face to smirk at her.

She was redder than usual, her fingers playing with the hem of that tiny skirt she wore, "Why do you want to know that?"

"So that I know if I should improve or not." The words came out of my mouth so smoothly that I had to wonder what the heck I was even saying. But she saw right through me.

Her green eyes bored through mine, and I was left thinking on how many times I wanted to see those stunning eyes. Her crucifix had fallen against my chest, and I thought of all those girls I'd seen wear a crucifix.

Nah. This was the real one. The same damn eyes. The same blue crucifix. And the same girl that I wanted. This same girl that had been driving me crazy.

"You don't need to improve." Her voice was soft, and after hesitating she leaned down to quickly kiss me once, "Never." Twice, "Ever." Then thrice. "I like the way you kiss me just fine."

"Better than any of your boyfriends?" I couldn't help asking, and I watched her smile. I watched her eyes sparkle, and she poked my nose lightly with a finger.

"Yup. Van, Eriol, the one in Tokyo and even the ones from my past life. Happy?"

"Happy." I let her laugh a little. I hadn't heard it for a while. I let her run her fingers over my face, and then she leaned down to kiss me again.

There was nothing but this silky warmth as her hair fanned out beside me.

"So…" she laid her head on the pillow next to mine, "…are we good?"

"Define good."

She smiled again and threw an arm around me, and I was left staring into her jewel eyes, "As in will you be cheating on me any time soon?"

"Only when your back's turned." I replied. Believe it or not…I was teasing. I never teased.

Pouting, she punched my arm, "So it's not going to work."

"Whatever." I shrugged lightly, then watched her blush when I bumped my nose against hers to kiss her. It was going to work all right. Imaginary boyfriend or not, I wasn't gonna let her get near anyone else. She was mine. All mine.

And I didn't think this could get any better.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

Would I have ever thought of this? Would I have ever imagined that today, I was going to be back with the guy who had the habit of stomping on my heart and then making it flutter with just a look? That today would be the day when my wish was going to be coming true? That today, would be the day when all questions would be answered, and all misunderstandings would be cleared?

I mean, I hadn't exactly forgiven him. And I don't think he had either. He seemed slightly wary, and I found each time he touched me, a hazard to my own breathing. At first, I felt a little cautious at kissing him. As in, what if he were to loose his breath again? What if his chest would start to hurt again? Just because of my suffocating him.

I tried for some space. I really did. But it seemed impossible. It seemed impossible to go back to sit on the chair when he was right there in front of me. Not swearing at me. Not wanting to kill. Not hating me. It seemed so impossible to not like him. So damn impossible for not being near him, holding him, as if making sure that this was not truly a dream.

Maybe someone up there had finally blessed me. Maybe all those weeks of suffering had paid through. All the days and hours of thinking about Syaoran. Cursing him to hell and back. Envisioning the day he had fought with Touya. Envisioning all he had yelled at me. Envisioning the day I saw him kissing that girl. And envisioning his tightened back when he had seen me kiss Van.

I could never forget those days. Never.

But I couldn't ignore what was happing right then either. I couldn't forget his kisses. The way he would tightly hold my hair and put his face in it. For all I knew, I don't think I had washed my hair in three days. No, make that three and a half.

It was impossible to ignore what I was feeling. The happiness. The utmost happiness of almost feeling…good about myself. I don't know what it was, but I couldn't stop smiling. Maybe it had happened all too suddenly, but I didn't care. As long as it had happened.

Even when we decided to shut the lights. When I decided I would stay with him tonight. And even when I kneeled on the floor, and kept my head on the side of his bed, just where his fingers could play with my hair. I couldn't stop feeling like all was finally right. That with a few words to Dad and Touya, to the people at school, and to myself, that things would be okay. Between me and Syaoran. Between me and my life.

But what were the chances? The possibilities? I didn't want to think about what Dad and Touya would say. And no way on earth did I even want to imagine what Eriol, Van, Tomoyo and the rest of the school would have to say.

My eyes burned, and I lifted my head to glance at the boy on the bed. He didn't look like a peaceful angel. He didn't look a baby when he slept. Instead, he looked tired. So tired. His face was moist and his hair was wet with sweat. I could nearly make out the dark circles under his eyes, and it kept me thinking on how many sleepless night he had spent right here.

Biting the insides of my cheek, I reached out to his hand with my mind still in pause mode and laced my fingers around it. Bringing it to my face, I felt it firmly against my eyes, my silent tears dropping and running down through the gap between his fingers. I felt them move a little. With the surprises that came along with this night, I found this a surprise myself. I softly kissed each finger, then held it tight in both my hands, letting the hotness of his skin seep into my cold cheek and hopefully cool it. I was afraid to let him go.

I didn't know why, but I didn't stop crying for a long time. Silently. I hated being weak, but that was what he made me. He made me weak against myself. So weak that I was helpless not to cave in. In a rush of mindless thoughts, I rocked myself to sleep. At that point, I had figured something out.

It was never going to be possible to forget someone I cared about. Forget things that had happened. I couldn't forget that I had a mother who was married into a rocky family. Had a stepbrother who most probably hated my existence. It was because of her that I was here, living my mistakes. Understanding what it meant to have your mind break again and again. Appreciative of the things you've always had, and never realized. I couldn't forget that there was one person right here in front of me that needed me the most, no matter how much he denied it. No matter what I did and whom I dated and pretended to fall in love with, Syaoran was never going to leave my mind. This time I knew it for sure.

I knew what I had to do.

Syaoran Li P.O.V

On my clock, it said four in the morning.

She was asleep. I knew it because her breath was sort of rhythmic against my hand. I didn't move them. I didn't dare. And I knew as long as she held my hand, I would get some sleep. Man, even a little bit would do.

As long I would wake up seeing her sitting right there, holding my hand. And her eyes telling me that she knew me inside and out. Then I would make her pay for all the moronic emotional things she has made me go through. Bullshit I've never thought of. Things she has hammered through me.

And this time, I was gonna keep her with me no matter how much she wanted to get away.

It was a brilliant strategy.

Sakura Kinomoto P.O.V

When I woke up, it was because of the sudden emptiness in my hands. I think it was hardly about seven after a quick peer at the clock that hung on the wall opposite. I strained my ears to hear any noise in the household, but when there was nothing but silence, I knew that the entire apartment was still asleep. His hand had left mine to dangle by the edge. As for me, I had somehow ended up half sprawled on the floor, and I groaned as I rubbed at my aching waist. It wasn't always that I slept at odd angles on floors. And as I glanced at the quietness of the boy on the bed, I grinned. It certainly wasn't always that I woke up to see a hottie sleep like he were finally an angel.

I rolled my eyes. What a thought. The day Syaoran Li would be an angel, would be the day I would morph into a goat. Laughing quietly to myself, I picked myself up, rubbing the dirt away from my eyes and letting out my usual morning yawn. I stretched my arms as far as they could get, and let my eyes wander across the room. Maybe I could tidy it up a little as a surprise before he woke up.

Falling back down on my knees again, I reached out to push back the hair off Syaoran's face. He didn't stir.

Sighing thankfully, I traced the side of his cheek with a finger. Still he didn't open his eyes. Smirking to myself, I took this opportunity to heave myself up onto the edge of his bed and lean down to kiss his lips softly. Then his nose. His forehead. His chin. His cheeks. And lastly his lips again.

I shuddered a little as I bent back. His skin felt somewhat cold against mine. Holding a hand against his cheek, I frowned. They were sort of icy. Cupping his face with both my hands, I felt for a temperature. It was gone. At that point I noticed his sweat had disappeared too.

Cheering up, I kissed him again. The stupid fever had finally gone. Phew!

"Syaoran." I whispered into his ear, the ends of his hair tickling my lips. He was a little better. I just knew it. Maybe after a little bit more coaxing, he would finally even eat a little bit more. Maybe I could get some oden? And ramen maybe? And a little bit of stir-fry?

"Syaoran." I ran my fingers to tidy his bangs. I watched his silent immobile face, and shook him, my finger prodding at his stomach, preparing myself to tickle him the second his eyes would open.

But they didn't.

"Syaoran?" I shook him a little harder. He was such a heavy sleeper for an arrogant guy. Maybe all the sleep he had lost from yesterday were taking their toll on him right now. But I was much evil. No way was I letting him sleep. His fever was gone. So he should be able to move around a little. And I bet his muscles were all cramped up. This was somewhat what had happened to Touya when he had broken his leg in senior high. So I poked him some more.

No. He didn't budge. Grasping his shoulder, I shook them. "Oi! Get up." Was he playing some sort of a joke on me? "Syaoran, it's not funny. Get up. We need to get you walking and getting some air." Then I wrinkled my nose, "And maybe a shower would be good too."

I didn't get a response.

That's when I froze. My heart tightened a little, and my stomach did a few quick flip flops. My head tore itself from my mind, and I shook his body, "Syaoran?"

No.

"Syaoran?" I patted his cheeks. A sense of cold fear washed over me.

No.

"Get up!" I shook him harder. Closer, his face was pallid. But I didn't get a response.

No. My chest had tightened. And I stopped breathing to hear his laugh that would come in just seconds. I waited so long.

"Syaoran!" I slapped his face.

But he didn't move an inch. There was no laugh.

A wheeze came from me. And I felt like someone had shot me. My mind burned. I slapped his face harder. "Syaoran!" But my scream wasn't loud enough. Because he didn't wake up. "Syaoran!"

The tears came before a shiver ran through me, and my spine entangled, "No." No. I wasn't thinking. He was playing with me. Some game. Some really sick game, "Syaoran! Get up!"

My breath ran away. My heart stopped beating, and I was screaming before I knew it, "Syaoran!" my tears felt hot, and as I groped for his fingers, I noticed how they were frosty against mine.

No.

No, this wasn't happening.

"Syaoran!" I grabbed the front of his shirt to shake him further, almost lifting his waist off the bed "Get up!" my blood had rushed cold, and I didn't stop screaming his name.

"Syaoran!"

But he didn't move. His fingers were limp in mine, and I dropped them quickly. They hadn't moved. Oh Lord.

No!

"Get up, you asshole! Get up!"

He didn't get up. His eyes didn't move. He didn't grin. I double over him, my breath coming in rasps, my head shut off. "No." I barely heard myself.

No.

No.

I stumbled back. I fell but got back up. It was too quiet.

No. Lord. No.

I backed up until I could go no more. I felt the wall behind me. Everything was silent. Nothing was moving.

No.

I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't hear anything. And he didn't move. I felt like I was dead. I felt like I had been slaughtered. I felt like someone had drowned me. Killed me.

And then I screamed. I screamed till my lungs burst and my throat opened out. "SYAORAAAAN!"

§ђϊη§зϊ-Кσќσѓσ

Uh…those who hate cliffhangers, please raise your hands up. Okie. Now no throwing tomatoes or flinging your knives at your screen. I am armed and ready for defence o0

And btw I lied. About that more dialogues thing. I don't think I've had to write a more emotional chapter. Sentence after sentence after sentence. Hardly any room for dialogues. My bad. And the repeating phrases were driving me crazy! Writing drama can get so stressful…

Anyways! Now enjoy screaming at me.

P.S. Go easy please? I did make this chappy extra longer…I mean, more than 9000 words is quite long…looks at you with puppy dog eyes