Author's note: I still own none of the characters in this story.
Mario & Wario: The Greedlock
Chapter 1: Cruising for a Bruising
Somewhere just northeast of Toad Town, a shiny purple convertible roared down the highway. At the wheel was Wario, the greedy treasure hunter and video game maker, and in the passenger seat was Mario, the hero of the Mushroom Kingdom. Of course, both were very upset about the current pickle they were in.
"I can't believe that woman wants us to get her another pirate ship! And a flying one, at that! Shouldn't her S.S. Tea Cup be enough?" Wario moaned.
"You shouldn't be surprised," replied Mario. "After all, you sank the S.S. Tea Cup to the bottom of the sea!"
"Oh yeah, I forgot about that. Well, we'll just steal the crummiest Doom Ship Bowser has in his hangar. He won't miss it! My genius plan is flawless!"
Mario shook his head from side to side. "So how exactly do we steal a huge ship in the first place?"
"What do you mean by 'we'? I'm Wario, the best thief in the Mushroom Kingdom! I can get control of that ship all by myself! You can carry all my garlic, though. Just don't eat any of it!"
Angrily, Mario shouted, "First of all, if you're the best thief, then why couldn't you steal your castle back from Captain Syrup? Secondly, I'm not going to carry your garlic around." Mario pointed at the ten-pound bag of garlic in the back seat."
"Do you have any better ideas?"
"Why yes, I do." Before Wario could reply, Mario grabbed the car phone and began to dial a number. Wario was greatly angered by this, and grabbed at the phone in Mario's hand while Mario spoke into the receiver. The scuffle continued for quite awhile until the dangerously swerving Wariomobile almost hit a warp pipe on the side of the road. Screeching to a halt, Wario turned his car around and parked next to the green pipe.
"Thank you very much." Mario said as he hung up the phone. Turning to Wario, Mario said, "Wait here for a few seconds."
"Why should I do as you say?" snapped Wario. "You almost made me crash!" Just then, a rectangular figure shot out of the warp pipe, landing perfectly on Wario's face. As Wario was rubbing his nose, the figure sprouted legs and opened its eyes.
"Greetings, Mario," said Stuffwell, the computerized suitcase. "I understand that you need my carriability on your quest?"
"What is that thing?" asked Wario. "Is 'carriability' even a word?"
"My apologies, Wario," addressed the suitcase. "My vocabulation is not quite perfect, but I assure you that I will be a great help on your quest."
"Whatever you say, just carry all my garlic!" Wario threw his bag of garlic at the suitcase, which did little more than knock it over. As Mario stuffed the bag into Stuffwell, the suitcase called out. "Wario, do you need instructionization for using me in the field?"
"I don't care; just let Mario carry you around." Wario hopped back into the car, and Stuffwell somehow shrunk down like he always did and jumped into Mario's pocket.
After another hour of uneventful driving, the two men finally reached their destination: Dark Land Docks. This was where King Bowser, the ruler of Dark Land, kept all of his flying Doom Ships. Normally there would be bustling activity happening on this plot of land, but Bowser had not used his Doom Ships in several years, and for the most part the site was abandoned.
As Wario drove his Wariomobile closer, two armed guards approached the vehicle.
"Hey, you!" called out one of the Hammer Bros. "This is a restricted area, man. You, like, need to show some identification, okay?"
Before Mario could say something, Wario handed the guard his overly outdated driver's license. "Like, you're Mr. Wario, dude? I've never heard of you, man, but I guess you can do, like, whatever." The guard handed the license back to Wario, completely ignoring Mario, and let them move on. Wario drove his car into the nearest hangar he could find, eventually ending up in the cargo area of a run-down Doom Ship.
"Remind me to get the car before we give this ship to Syrup, or I'll pound you!" threatened Wario.
"Who's there?" called out a voice. A pudgy Koopa carrying a wrench ran up to Wario and whacked him on the head. "You're not allowed on this ship!"
Mario cleared his voice and said, "The guard outside gave us permission to come."
"Really?" said the astonished Koopa. "Well, I guess you can stay." The Koopa started to walk away.
"You just got lucky with him, Mario," taunted Wario. "I'm much better at talking smooth!"
"Hey, I heard that!" said the Koopa, returning with an angry look in his eyes. "So you're Mario, eh? I better do something about you, preferably involving giving you a good headache! They don't call me Rocky the Wrench for nothing!"
Rocky lunged forth, preparing to whack Mario hard with his wrench, but Mario performed one of his 'Super Duper Amazing Jumps' into the air, landing squarely on the Koopa's head. Wario joined in with one of his 'Super Bicep-Baring Shoulder Barges', launching Rocky forward and lodging his head neatly into a porthole. "What a pushover!" exclaimed Wario.
It was then that Mario noticed an oddly-placed treasure chest in the middle of the floor. Opening the chest, he reached in and pulled out a pair of Super Boots, causing Wario to laugh hysterically.
"Wah-ha-ha! Who would ever want to wear a pair of blue shoes? Those must be the ugliest pair of shoes I have ever seen!"
Suddenly, a Mushroom person walked up to Mario. "Hi, I'm Toadette, and I'm going to teach you how to use the Super Boots."
Wario continued to laugh. "Any idiot knows that you use shoes by wearing them on your feet! Where did you come from, anyway? Were you waiting behind that chest all day for someone to open it and ask how to wear shoes?"
Toadette ignored Wario's rude remark. "All you have to do is press the 'A' button after you jump in the air."
"Let me see those shoes." snarled Wario, snatching them from Mario's hands. "I don't see an 'A' button anywhere on these shoes! Don't listen to her, Mario. I can tell she's trying to con you into buying these ugly blue boots, and I'm not paying for them!"
Toadette, getting fed up with Wario's antics, whispered into Mario's ear, "I suggest you try out the Spin Jump on him first." In one complex move, Mario performed a high jump into the air, grabbed the Super Boots, put them on his feet, performed a flip, and crashed down onto Wario's head. Wario once again closely resembled a pancake.
"As you can see," explained Toadette, "I'm sure you will find many uses for the Spin Jump. I'm going to leave now and find another treasure chest to hide behind." As she left, Toadette kicked Wario, sliding him underneath a door.
"Okey-dokey," said Mario. "Now I need to get Wario back." Mario reached for the doorknob and turned, but the door was locked on one side. After pounding on the door, Wario finally opened it from his side.
"Thanks a lot, Mario," said Wario, his nose turning beet-red. "Just be glad that now we can go back to the castle." Wario pointed at the steering wheel and ignition button in the room.
"Not so fast!" shouted a voice from the ceiling. A spiny-shelled Koopa dropped down, body-blocking the controls from Wario. "Rocky the Wrench tipped me off to you two, so now you can either leave or face me, Admiral Boom-Boom!
"Bring it on!" cried Wario, preparing to battle the burly turtle man.
"Let's-a go!" cried Mario, striking a pose.
"Hold on a minute, Mario!" cried Stuffwell, jumping out of Mario's pocket. "I still need to instructionize you about Bros. Attacks!"
"Who cares, I can take him myself," grumbled Wario, barging forward. However, Boom-Boom simply turned around, causing Wario to crash into the spiny shell.
"As I was saying," continued Stuffwell, "with the Super Boots, you can use the move 'Flip Bros'."
"I don't care," cut in Wario, "I'm not even his brother!"
"Mario, please feel free to proceed and perform the Spin Jump technique on Wario."
"Wait a minute!" cried Wario before he once again ended up as flat as a pancake.
"Very good, Mario. Now, please kick Wario toward the enemy. Wario, please try to inflationate yourself when you slide under the enemy."
Mario gave the flat Wario a good kick, sending him sliding towards the confused Boom-Boom. When Wario stretched back to normal, Boom-Boom ended up flipping onto his back.
"Perfectitude!" exclaimed Stuffwell, "I see that you have mastered the Flip Bros. Remember to try other Bros. Attacks when you get more stuff." Stuffwell jumped back into Mario's pocket.
"Hey, can you give me a hand, here?" asked Boom-Boom, who was trying to get up. Mario kicked the pathetic excuse for a boss off of the Doom Ship, and then revved up the engine.
"What's taking those boys so long?" asked Captain Syrup to no one in particular an hour later. It was then that she saw the floating boat approach in the distance. Mario and Wario anchored the ship to the front lawn and drove out in the Wariomobile.
"This ship is awfully ugly, but I guess it will do," said the captain.
"Just tell us what to next so we can get this over with!" demanded Wario.
The face of the Greedlock changed from a 7 to a 6 as Captain Syrup told the two men her next demand.