Chapter 13: Meeting a House Elf

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Wade continued to wander the halls, when he came upon a small creature that was cleaning one of the classrooms that was no longer in use. He stopped to stare at the large-eared, bug-eyed, tiny thing.

"What are you?" he asked in a kind voice not wanting to spook the thing. It didn't look dangerous.

"Tilly is being a house elf," the little being answered, stopping her cleaning, and turning toward the costumed man. "Why is you being dressed like that?" she asked the often-asked question.

"I got tortured to death and it made me ugly," he answered truthfully. For some reason he felt the elf would understand.

"Oh, Tilly is being sorry for asking," Tilly said, with a great deal of sympathy.

"It's alright I got some nifty stuff out of it," Wade said, nodding sagely.

"What can Tilly be doing for yous?" she asked, resuming her wiping of the walls, but she kept glancing at him from the side. He was not a student, and she could tell he had no magic. She was fascinated, she had never met a muggle before. It did make her wonder why a muggle was in the castle. So, she asked, "Why is you being here?"

"My name is Deadpool, and I'm looking for secret rooms," Deadpool said, sitting down next to her, so he could be her height, even in his chibi form he was still taller. He looked at her and wondered if she was a slave, or just a servant. However, it seemed rude to ask, and he didn't want to be rude. At least not to her, or her kind. Anyone else was fair game.

"Has yous been finding any?" the little elf asked, looking at him with mischief in her eyes. Like all the other house elves, she knew the entire castle by heart. Even the places outside the wards.

"Mostly empty classrooms," Wade confessed, not really finding anything cool. "One or two vacant rooms with nothing in them," he added, just to cover all his bases. That and the author wanted to add more words. Lazy woman that she was.

"There is being a room on the seventh floor that Tilly is being thinking yous be liking," Tilly said, putting her rag down and heading out of the door. "Comes, Tilly will helps you," she said, waving her hand in a 'come along' manner.

"Alright," the excited man said, getting up and following along. "Is it a super-secret room?" he asked, taking the elf's hand, and skipping along with her.

"Not even old Whiskers is being knowing," she said, giving him a knowing look. "Tilly is not supposed to be telling students where it is being. But yous is not being a student," she said with a giggle.

"I like you. We're friends now," Wade declared with a superior air.

The two made their way to the seventh floor. There was a tapestry of a person trying to teach trolls to dance. On the other wall was nothing.

"Yous needs to be walking back and forth three times, and a room will come for what yous needs," Tilly said, hoping it would work for the non-magical man.

Deadpool shrugged at the strange request and did as he was told. "Something fun and dangerous," he muttered three times. The door appeared, looking like any door you would find in an apartment building. He opened it and there was only a pedestal in a bare room. He moved to said pedestal and read the note there.

'On the wall is another door. Go down to the Chamber of Secrets and kill the Basilisk,' it said.

Deadpool whooped and went to the door that had appeared. He went down the stairs three at a time. He was just that excited. He was almost Fred Astaireing it down. But tapdancing wasn't his thing.

He got to the bottom and there were snake statues everywhere. But no snake. He looked around and said, "Come out, come out, wherever you are." But nothing. Then he heard the slithering behind a great big bust of a man. An ugly man. Suddenly a note floated down the stairs. He caught it and read it out loud.

'Say: hissss, shssss, hisss, hiss,' it said.

Shrugging, Wade did his best to hiss the opening open, however it was not to be.

The note glowed green, and the writing changed.

'No, it's hissss, shssss, hisss, hiss.'

"I said that, you stupid piece of paper," he argued with the parchment.

The note glowed green again.

'Wait for Potter,' it said, giving off and exasperated feeling.

"Are you saying Harry can open it?" he asked the note.

'Yes.'

"Fine," Deadpool said, eating the parchment and stomping up the stairs. He was upset that there was no fight to be had. He had been looking forward to killing something. He had been good since he'd been here. The only person he might have killed was Dursley, and he wasn't even sure the man was dead. Cockblockers, all of them. Even his best bud, Luna.

Tilly was waiting at the top of the stairs. "Is yous being finding what yous wants?" she asked, wringing her hands.

"Yes and no," Wade said, sitting on the floor. "There is something down there that needs killing, but I can't get to it," he explained.

"There is being something in the school that needs killing?" the shocked elf asked, never having been down anywhere where there was a dangerous beast. Fluffy didn't count. He was still a puppy.

"There is, but only Harry Potter can get it out," Wade pouted, slumping on the floor.

"How about yous take off yours suit and Tilly wills being washing it?" the elf asked instead, not wanting to tell the chibi that he stank. "Yous can being taking a shower," she suggested, hoping he did just that. It might make him feel better.

"Good idea. Hold on, let me change the room," Wade said, getting up and going outside the room. "I need a bathroom with shower and tub," he said three times and opened the elaborately decorated door. That said 'Gentlemen's' on it.

Inside was a bathroom that you would find in a five-star hotel. It was large, silver and black, tile and marble. There was a large shower and a clawfoot tub, along with a toilet, a urinal, a bidet, and sink with vanity.

"Hot damn," Deadpool said, and started stripping out of the suit, not the least bit modest. He never had been, and he wasn't going to start now. He then changed to his adult form, wanting to stretch for a while. Holding his chibi form was hard. He had no idea how he did that but thanked the author for making it happen. It was easier to get lost in the castle as a kid.

"Tilly's can be making yous a magical suit. Ones that yous not needing to remove mask to eats," Tilly said, having heard that the man was scarred, but damn that was bad. His whole body was pruned up, like he had been dehydrated and then given water and dehydrated again.

"Could you? That would be great," Wade said, not worried that the elf would tell anyone how he looks. She seemed too submissive for that. However, better safe than sorry. "Tilly, we're buds, right?" he asked, squatting his naked self down.

"Wes is being friends, yes," the timid elf said, gathering up his suit.

"Can you not tell anyone how I look?" he inquired softly.

"Sure," Tilly said, thinking of other spells that could be added to the suit. Like cooling and heating and sweat removal. It had never crossed her mind to tell anyone.

"Good, because I hate having to kill friends," he said with a smile.

Tilly was worried for a moment, but then nodded her head at the logic, and popped away.

"A real fucking shower," Wade said, stepping into said shower. He had showered at the Dursley's and the Leaky Cauldron, but not since he'd been here at Hogwarts. That suit was hot.

There was soap and shampoo provided by the room. He relished the water and stayed for a half an hour. Then he soaked in the tub for fifteen minutes. Then he realized that he was late getting to the kids.

"Tilly," he called, hoping the elf heard him. He hopped out of the tub and started drying off with the provided towel. It was as lush as a towel could be and still dry.

"Yes, Mr. Deadpool, sir," she said, popping in.

"Are you done with my suit?" he asked, finishing drying off.

"Tilly is being right back," the elf said and popped away. "Here is being your suit," she said, popping back in and giving it to him.

"Great, thanks," Deadpool said, starting to put it on. It was great to have it cleaned. It had been beginning to stink.

"Tilly is being making it better. Tilly will be making yous a new one," she said, brushing off some imaginary lint from his legs. She had to admit he looked better with it on. Poor man.

"Thanks, you're the best," he said, then took a whiff of the floral scent. "Lavender, my favorite," he said, donning the suit as quickly as he could. He then ran out the door and noted that the suit wasn't as suffocating as it had been. He could breathe easier, and it wasn't overly hot. "I have to talk to the house elves more often," he muttered to himself as he ran. As he ran, he shrunk to his chibi form.

He caught up with the kids outside the Great Hall.

"How was Charms?" he asked, catching up and keeping pace with Harry and Luna. Neville had been there, but he veered off to go to the Gryffindor table.

"About the same as Transfiguration," Harry said, meaning it was easy for him and Luna.

"I figured you'd be one of the best. That's why I had you read all those books," Wade said as they approached the Slytherin table.

"And I am grateful that you did," the preteen said, taking his seat and grabbing some of the large ham sandwiches and some crisps. He opted for water this time, pumpkin juice was an acquired taste. Only once a day for him. He did wonder if he could request milk, or fizzy drinks.

"I met a house elf," Deadpool said, taking a sandwich, tuna, and eating it right through his mask. He had doubted it at first, and was tentative to begin with, but it passed right through. Magic was amazing.

"What's a house elf?" Harry asked, after finishing his bite. Then he took another.

"They are magical servants," Luna answered, she opted for soup today. A good Cock-A-Leekie, that was quite filling.

"She fixed my suit, so I don't have to remove the mask to eat," Deadpool pointed out, taking another bite of his sandwich.

"That's great," Harry said, knowing that Deadpool hated eating with his mask up. Not that he cared what others thought. He just didn't think it was any of their business.

"I have two places we can go before dinner or later tonight. I'll tell you after lunch," Wade said, making an 'it's important' motion.

"Alright," Harry said, nodding his head in agreement.

The rest of lunch was a discussion on the classes and what they had learned for the day. And what classes were next, and how the kids felt about them.

They finished up, and Wade directed them to one of the many classrooms he had scoped out earlier. "Okay," he said, sitting on a desktop, "we can go see Fluffy again, or we can go kill a basilisk."

"What's a basilisk?" Harry asked, knowing what they were in mythology, but didn't know the magical world's version.

"They are giant snakes that can kill with a look," Luna explained, sitting on a desk, and kicking her feet. "They are born from a toad sitting on a chicken egg. They can not be bred, only magically made."

"Sounds like fun," Harry said, thinking hard on what they should do.

"I think that you should kill the basilisk," Luna said, with a serious air. "They are far more dangerous than what Fluffy is guarding."

"Wait, how do you know the dog's name?" Harry said, looking at Deadpool.

"The author told me, when she wouldn't let me in the door," Wade said, looking to his right and winking.

"Oh, anyway, I agree with Luna," the younger boy said, hopping off his desk and going to the door. "We have to get to class. It's DADA, and you said you wanted to be there," he said, leading the way out of the room.

"That's right, I'm not leaving you alone with that asshat," Deadpool said, hoping he could kill this one.