Chapter 19: Meet the Minister
Well, I got the covid, and let me tell you that shit hurt. It was like having a really bad flu. My everything hurt for days. All better now.
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That night, after a nap, the trio left the Slytherin common room. Luna, once again, elected to stay there. She wasn't a fighter and she'd just be in the way. That and she liked to give Snape a hard time when he was trying to get the boys in trouble. She was a little angel and never did anything to warrant punishment.
Harry, Wade and Sirius made their way to the entrance hall. So far, the boys had not run into Snape, but they were sure the man would be lurking around the forest. They knew that he was trying to get them in trouble, but they also knew that they'd have to seriously hurt someone for the headmaster to kick them out. Even then, it wasn't a given.
The man was well known for giving many chances to change. Deadpool disagreed, but this time it worked in his favor.
"Stay in your dog form," Harry said to Sirius. "I don't want Snape to get you caught and sent back." He was worried that might happen. So far, there hadn't been news of the escape, but they might be covering it up.
The dog nodded and followed along. No way in hell did he want to go back to his cell. He might not be completely sane, but that was barking mad. Even his crazy cousin wanted out, if only to serve her master. Dozy cow. He had listened enough to her, and her husband, expound on the glory of serving Voldyshorts. He had taken great pleasure in setting her off, though it did bring the dementors.
They were almost out of the castle, right next to the exit, when the doors opened, and a man in lime green and a woman wearing too much pink walked in with five uniformed men. They looked like they might be important, so the gang stopped to see who they were.
"Ah, Cornelius and Dolores, what can I do for you this evening?" Dumbledore asked as he came from the hall his office was located. It looked like he had been waiting for them to enter the castle to make himself known. For all they knew, he might have been. Shouldn't the wards tell the man when there were visitors? Probably.
"We're here to arrest that costumed person you have hiding in your castle," Fudge said, looking around as if to spot said costumed person, which he did. "Him there," he said, pointing to Wade.
Deadpool waved at the man and then flipped him off. Fudge sputtered, and Dolores gave a girly screech.
"Arrest him," the pink toad said, using her whole arm to point him out, like the Aurors couldn't see who it was.
They just glared at her. They were here to arrest a man, not some kid in a costume. Umbridge had no friends in the DMLE. Well, one or two toadies, but they were so low on the totem pole, they didn't count.
"Wait," Dumbledore said, not liking them arresting anyone in his castle. "What, pray tell, has he done that you would arrest a child?" he demanded, standing in front of the kids and dog.
Harry, Wade and Sirius stood behind him, but were poking their heads out to see what was going on. Sure, they could take care of themselves, but Dumbledore made a good shield. If worse came to worse, they could make a run for it.
"He broke into Azkaban and freed Black," Umbridge screamed, as if she was louder, she was more important.
"Who is Black?" Harry asked, decidedly not looking at the dog at his feet.
"A notorious killer," Fudge said, only for Dumbledore to interrupt him.
"An old friend of your father, who was accused of turning on him in the end," the old man said in a sad tone. He looked at Harry with sad eyes.
"Oh, and he's escaped?" the boy asked, still not looking at the dog, but petting it absentmindedly.
"Yes, and that costumed child next to you is the one who got him out," the pink toad once more stated.
"Prove it," the chibi man said, standing next to the headmaster. He had his hand on Snuffles as well. He didn't want the guy to blow it by doing something stupid.
"You are the only one who wears that ridiculous costume," was her defense. She waved her hand to indicate the clothes that Deadpool was wearing, a sneer firmly on her face.
"I have been here all day," he said, lying through his teeth. Good thing he was very good at it. "I have witnesses to prove it," he added, nodding to Harry.
"I'll vouch for that," Harry said, though he wasn't as good at lying. He seemed to convince Fudge and Dumbledore, but that woman was still sneering.
"Woof," the dog said, nodding its head in agreement. Everyone looked at it like it was a strange thing for a dog to do. Snuffles just wagged his tail at the attention.
"Besides, I don't even know what Azkaban is," Deadpool said, folding his arms over his chest in an 'I dare you to call me on it' manner.
"It's a prison," Harry said, helpfully. "A bad one, I hear. They have demons there," he added, his eyes wide with innocent awe.
"Oh, I tend to avoid those," Wade said with a laugh.
"What? Demons or prisons?" Harry asked with genuine curiosity. He didn't know if the dementors were demons, or just really bad magical creatures. But maybe Deadpool knew real demons.
"Both," the chibi man laughed again.
"There you have it," Albus said, waving the Aurors back. "He was here the whole day," he added, thinking he would have known if the child had left. Either way they would keep it all in house, so to speak.
"Look, Dumbledore, a masked man was seen talking to the inmates," Fudge said, worrying his bowler hat. "We have to do something." His hat was going to wear out with how much he was rubbing on it.
"A man you say? Do I look like a man?" Deadpool said, waving his arm to encompass his chibi body. "I'm just a kid," he stated, holding his hand to Harry's head as if to compare their height.
"Now that you mention it…" Fudge trailed off, making Dolores look at him like he had lost his mind.
"Cornelius…" started Dolores, who was stopped by a raised hand.
"No, the prisoners said it was a man. You, boy, where is your father?" Fudge asked Wade, thinking the crazy must run in the family. it did in the wizarding world. Look at the Blacks.
"Don't know," the chibi man said with a shrug. "I was raised in a box," he finished with an even tone. He had played this game enough with Vanessa to pull it off without a hitch.
"A box?" many voices asked, all looking at one another as if they hadn't heard correctly.
"Yeah, a box, in the middle of New York," Deadpool said sincerely. "Right downtown. It was cold as fuck in the winter, and hot as hell in the summer. But I lived, and I became a strapping young man." He did a ta-da movement, which was lost on everyone but Harry.
"You poor lad," one of the Aurors said, obviously believing the child. "No wonder you wear a costume. You must be so ashamed," he said like it made sense. Well, wizards were never accused of common sense.
"Does your father also wear a costume?" Albus asked out of curiosity.
"Don't know, maybe," Wade said, shrugging again. "I never met the man, but I must have got the urge from somewhere," he tacked on for good measure.
"Very well," the headmaster said, flipping his hand in a 'there you go' gesture. "You must be looking for the boy's father," he added as if that solved everything.
"I'm sure the miscreant deserves punishment for something," Dolores said, like all children deserved punishment no matter what. She was an evil sadistic bitch.
"I don't like you," Deadpool said, glaring at the woman, though no one could see. He palmed a needle that he got from… somewhere.
"The feeling is mutual," she snarled, moving forward to grab his arm.
He smacked her hand away, and she withdrew it with a scratch marring the back. "I'll see you punished for this," she hissed, trying to grab him again, only to have her arm caught by an Auror.
"Leave the kid alone, Umbitch," he said, not liking her at all. The only person who liked the bitch was Fudge and they were all sure it was due to blackmail on her part.
"It's Umbridge," she snapped, yanking her arm away.
"I know what I said," the unrepenting man said, tossing the offending limb away from him. "You're not touching the kid," he said, standing firm.
"I'll see you fired," she threatened, turning to Fudge, who was affecting a 'I didn't see anything' air. "Cornelius?" she questioned, there was a threat in her voice, which the man ignored.
"Dolores, you grabbed the boy without cause," was all the man said, then he turned and left the castle with a mumbled, "Sorry to have bothered you, Dumbledore." He waddled away as fast as his chubby legs would carry him. He'd have to do something. Perhaps he'd post dementors around the school. Something to think about.
"It is not a problem," the old man said, watching the ministry contingent leave. "There now that that unpleasantness is over, what are you two doing out this late?" he turned to the kids and dog. Not that they were out very late, but it was close to curfew.
"I'm training Harry," Deadpool said as if it were obvious. "I train him every day. We have to do it at night, because he has class during the day," he stated, stretching his arms over his head, like he was relieving some tension.
"Training? Whatever for?" Albus asked, not sure how a child could train another child. Especially since one was a muggle.
"To kill, of course," Wade said, his voice smiling.
"Truly?" the old man asked in disbelief.
"No, he's joking. Though, he is teaching me to fight muggle style," Harry quickly said, pulling Deadpool back to his side, and shushing him.
"And you deem this necessary?" the headmaster inquired, not knowing how that could be important.
"I need to keep up my strength," Harry said, in way of an explanation.
"Don't worry, Snape knows," the costumed man said, like that made it okay.
"Very well, do not stay out too late," the gullible man said as he turned away, making a mental note to ask Severus about it.
"Well, that happened," Wade said, leading the way out the doors.
"Yeah, it did, though I'm not sure what that was," Harry said, then pointed at Deadpool and said, "You got sloppy. How many inmates did you talk to?"
"Only five or so. I didn't tell them not to say anything. I mean who would believe them?" Wade defended himself.
"Obviously, Fudge and Umbitch," Harry said, heading towards the forest in a run and making his way to their clearing.
"How is it my fault they are idiots?" Deadpool asked, as he kept pace with the enhanced boy.
"Why did you scratch Umbridge?" the preteen wanted to know. He knew it was on purpose.
"It's a slow acting poison," Wade said, proud of himself for that. No one told him he couldn't kill her. She wasn't part of the school. That much pink needed to be put down. Unless, it was Frank, then it needed to be hugged. That and the woman just gave off evil vibes.
"You can't just… you know what? Never mind, do what you will," Harry said, throwing up his arms in frustration.
"Woof?" Snuffles said, tilting his head at Deadpool.
"Oh, he just knows nothing he says is going to make a difference," the masked man said, following Harry to the clearing.
The centaurs had not come back since the first day, but Snape was there, hidden in the thicket. Deadpool could smell the man, and he was sure his companions could to. after all, that much grease let out an offensive odor. Would it hurt the guy to shower more often?
They started sparring and soon the spiders started showing up. You would think after a few days they'd stop, but it seemed the intelligence was only for the older ones. The younger ones just kept coming back.
Deadpool had a philosophical dilemma. If Snape was killed by a spider, would it be his fault? If Luna wasn't there to see it, would it still be murder? Well, it wasn't his question. It came from the author, who got it from a reader, odonnelzoo99. Still, it was a question for the ages. One he was seriously thinking about as the spiders came closer and closer to Snape's hiding place.