Happy Halloween! I hope this update finds you all in good health and high spirits as lots may have gone outside or simply laid back on a Sunday.
I finally managed to find the time to update and I'm very glad that this train is finally moving forward. Sh*t, as one of my newest reviewers commented, is about to hit the fan.
Apologies for not being able to answer to all of your reviews, things at work are super, extra hectic. I've been working 10-12 hours daily and finding time for my hobby has been very hard. At least, I'm finally able to save up some and with Christmas coming soon, it's nice to know I'll be able to gift something nice to my little prince.
I updated Pinterest! So be sure to go around and check a couple of pictures there plus 3 covers for this fic! Isn't that awesome? The great KireikoAmi was amazing for the ones in 'The Otter and the Firefighter' so I commissioned these and I really hope you like them. Let me know what you think! Just look for Nerwen Tasartir and then go to the 'Part of Me' board ;)
Many thanks to JHsgf82 for always helping edit and check my grammar. Love u, boo!
If you want to support me, you can find me in Ko-fi as nerwent
Thank you so much!
He knows.
Ji Hoo was still standing in front of her, with such animosity coming off of him that she felt sick.
"Jae Hee, could you please cover me for a few minutes?" she croaked.
The girl was about to ask why; she was frankly feeling a bit scared of the scene in front of her, but Jan Di assured her it was fine.
"Sure, unnie…"
Asking Ji Hoo to please follow her, Jan Di left the diner and took him to the storage room in the back and closed the door.
He said nothing, and she didn't know what to say. Quite frankly, Jan Di wasn't even sure she could form any words as her throat felt like sandpaper, but she tried.
"You...what do you…?"
"You really don't know? Ji Hoo crossed his arms and stood like an angel of vengeance.
"I... I..."
"How could you do this?!" Jan Di flinched at his harsh voice. "To keep this... A child, for 8 years?!"
Jan Di hadn't seen him this angry, ever, not even when he found out she had kneeled down before Seo Hyun or when he yelled at her when she went to his house to discuss the situation with his grandfather.
"H-How did you find out?" And he scoffed.
"That's all you have to say? To ask how I found out?"
"I'm sorry, I-"
"You're sorry?! This isn't you breaking something of mine, Jan Di. You don't say 'Sorry' when you hide the fact that I'm a father!"
Back in the store, Jae Hee was a bit nervous. She couldn't be sure, but she thought she had heard yelling.
"Good morning! Fresh delivery!" Chul Moo greeted while carrying a crate of fish. "Jae Hee? Hi, I thought it was Jan Di's shift."
"Oh, oppa. Uh...I'm covering for her."
"Is she sick?"
"No...a man came looking for her and she asked me to cover for a bit. I think they needed to talk."
"Man? What man? Talk about what?"
"I don't know, oppa." Chul Moo had a hunch and asked what this man looked like. "Mmmm, he was super tall and very handsome... His hair and clothes were very stylish."
Without another word, Chul Moo went to the back. If Jan Di was talking with someone in private, this was the most probable place she'd be. When he was just a meter away, he heard loud shouting and stopped to listen.
"I didn't know what to do!" Jan Di's voice sounded as if she was in tears.
"How about telling me about it! That's a start."
Chul Moo wasn't going to stand anyone talking to Jan Di in that tone, so he quickly opened the door. Sure enough, Jan Di was there crying while an angry looking Yoon Ji Hoo stood before her, breathing hard.
"What did you do? Stay away from Jan Di, you bastard!"
Chul Moo went to grab him by the neck, but he was swiftly avoided and then pushed.
"We are having a private conversation here, so you better leave."
Chul Moo looked at Jan Di's tear-stained face, asking him to go, but he wasn't going to leave her alone with anyone who made her cry like that. Lunging a punch at Ji Hoo, he was once again blocked and, this time, put in a wrestling hold.
Ji Hoo squeezed for a second, making him cry out in pain, but he immediately let go after that, pushing him through the door.
"I'm talking to the mother of my child, so you better get away from me!"
With this, Ji Hoo slammed the door in his face and then pushed a heavy box against it to prevent another interruption.
Once this was done, he turned around again to a frightened looking Jan Di. Usually, this would have calmed his temper and diffused his anger‒the sight of her tears always managed to disarm him‒but not this time. This was something he couldn't understand.
"You told me you'd had your period; you said we were in the clear, and we used protection the other times, so how-did this-happen?" Ji Hoo asked as calmly as he could.
He wasn't yelling anymore, but his voice was so cold Jan Di thought she preferred him yelling.
"You said nothing; I had to find out through a DNA test about this. I thought 'She wouldn't do this to me; this is crazy.' But lo and behold, Ji Min is my son."
"Please," she tried to speak through the sobs, "if you could just let me explain..."
"Explain what? How you lied and kept our son away from me for 8 years? How you left me when things were finally going well? How you didn't bother to tell me about him when I found you again?" With each question he asked, his voice rose in volume. "You-You even told me you got pregnant right after you left the city! Do you have any idea of how much that hurt?!"
"Ji Hoo, please... Just listen." She was all but begging now.
"You can say nothing that will make this right." And Jan Di knew Ji Hoo was right; she had no excuse, no way of justifying her actions, but she wanted to at least tell him what had happened when she found out about Ji Min. She just didn't know how to start.
They remained silent for a minute, only the sound of Chul Moo trying to open the door could be heard. Ji Hoo took a deep breath and drove the final sword thrust home.
"I never pegged you for a coward...but I guess Geum Jan Di isn't the same woman I fell in love with."
Jan Di gasped at his declaration, both surprised and angry at his words. She was about to say something, but Ji Hoo had already turned his back on her.
He effortlessly moved the box in front of the door and stepped aside. Chul Moo almost fell over, and Ji Hoo felt a bit of satisfaction at it. He wasn't petty, but he had asked him to leave them alone, and this was no small matter.
Without looking back, Ji Hoo left.
"Hello?"
"Woo Bin-ah…"
"Oh, hey! What's up? How's Ji Min?"
"Woo Bin, I need your help."
"What happened?" Woo Bin was immediately on alert. This was the first time he'd heard Jan Di asking him for help.
"I need to go back to the city today."
"Sure, I can send my men for you. Are you coming with your family?"
"No, only me."
"What happened?"
"I just...I need to talk to Ji Hoo."
Quickly putting two and two together, Woo Bin sighed.
"I swear to God, I had no idea you could be this daft, Geum Jan Di." He heard her sniffling on the other side of the line, and he felt bad about it but also knew this wasn't his fight. "I will send whatever you need as soon as I can, but let me tell you that I'm very disappointed in you."
"...I know."
Hearing the clicking sound ending the call, Jan Di sighed and went to the market to explain to her mother she was going to go back to the city. She had already explained to her boss she needed to be absent again, and he understood, although he wouldn't pay her for that day.
She hoped against hope her mother would let her go without a lot of questions because she really didn't have the strength to go over the entire story right then and there; she needed to focus on details from several years ago, and that was already giving her a mild migraine.
Ji Hoo thought about getting up to get more whisky, but he currently felt the same amount of interest in moving as an amoeba. He was drained. Traveling back and forth for a 10 minute conversation, if that, had left him exhausted, and he still didn't have all the answers he wanted. Everytime he closed his eyes, he could only see Jan Di's crying face, but that only made him more incensed.
It just wasn't fair; she didn't get to cry her way out of this because he still couldn't find an excuse strong enough for her to simply up and leave him while pregnant!
Still thinking about all of this, he heard the sound of the door opening. Expecting one of the guys, he moved his head to the left and waited. No way he was moving from this sofa in the next...twelve hours?
But it wasn't one of his brothers that came in through the door, but the woman that had occupied his thoughts for the past day.
"What are you doing here?" Ji Hoo was going to kill Woo Bin next time he saw him. By logical process of elimination, he had been the one responsible for bringing Jan Di into the city so fast.
"I-" Jan Di's voice croaked, but she quickly cleared her throat and seemed to gather her bearings before speaking again. "I came because you deserve an explanation and-"
"I don't want to listen to you," he cut her off.
"But you are going to listen to me!" Jan Di had had enough. "Earlier, you went to my workplace and yelled at me in a storage room! Do not even think about talking back to me right now, Yoon Ji Hoo."
They were both incensed, both knew they'd never been so angry at each other or ever in their lives.
Ji Hoo huffed and sank further into the sofa, debating about whether to get up in search of more scotch or not. He had never been one for heavy drinking, but this definitely called for some kind of intoxication.
Jan Di went to stand in front of him. He wouldn't look at her, and she was going to wait. A minute went by, then five, then ten.
"Did you come to stand pretty in the middle of my living room?" Ji Hoo finally turned his eyes to her.
"No, I came to tell you what happened."
"What happened was that you kept a baby from me."
"What happened was that you slept with me and you didn't love me."
JI Hoo stood up so fast that Jan Di had to take a step back; he had kind of scared her.
"You think, you really think I would've slept with you if I didn't love you?!" He was expecting another yell; he was waiting for her to throw something else at him. It felt good to vent even if she was spouting nonsense. But then he saw her eyes well with tears and her soft voice came out with an answer that made him feel like crap.
"You didn't. Not the first time."
And he had nothing to say against that argument...because it was true.
He had robbed an innocent girl of her virginity only because he knew she would welcome him with warm, open arms. That was the lowest thing he had done in his whole life.
When he said nothing, Jan Di continued.
"How was I supposed to tie down the guy I loved with a baby when I knew he was in love with someone else? I didn't want to be the gold-digging commoner scum who tricked a member of F4 into a relationship by getting pregnant."
"How can you say that?"
"Deny it. Tell me you slept with me that first night because you loved me. Go on, tell me." He remained silent, breathing hard, hating that he wasn't able to come up with a reasonable answer. After a few more seconds, Jan Di sighed "You know what? This is stupid; I can't even call you out on that; I knew you didn't love me, and I still slept with you. You even gave me several chances to leave."
"I didn't love you, but I had strong feelings for you, Jan Di. I just didn't know it yet...I was so hung up on Seo Hyun." Ji Hoo had a quick memory of the last part of their lovemaking that first night. "And in the end, I could only see you and focus on you, Jan Di. It may have been for the wrong reasons, but in those last moments, I could only focus on you," he repeated.
And if you had wanted to leave, I would've, most likely, stopped you, he thought to himself.
To reveal so much after so many years was proving to be too much for both of them, and he asked her to sit while he did the same.
"Can we talk? Please, can we just...discuss this? I'll answer whatever you want to know." Jan Di begged and Ji Hoo looked into her eyes. He knew she wasn't going to lie now; after all, what else was there to hide? This was the time to put all the cards on the table. Nothing else to lose.
"Alright. How did you get pregnant?" Jan Di raised her brow in a silent question of 'Really?' and Ji Hoo, against his better judgement, felt his lips twitch. "Sorry. When did you get pregnant?"
"It was that first time. We didn't use protection, remember?"
"But how? You took the tests; you had your period…"
"I thought it had been my period, but I was wrong."
"How can you be wrong about that?" He was getting exasperated again. Ji Hoo was no doctor, but he knew girls kept track of those things.
"Okay, quick Pregnancy 101. There is something called implantation bleeding: after an egg is fertilized, it moves to the uterus and pushes itself into the endometrium. Then-"
"What's that?"
"Think of it as the lining of the uterus. If there's no embryo, the lining will be disposed of through a process we know as menstruation." When his face lit up, she continued her explanation. "So, when the embryo ruptures the lining, some blood vessels may break, causing blood to be present." Here, she sighed deeply. "It's not supposed to be as strong as a normal period, but my periods were never heavy. Two to three days of light bleeding at most, and then it stopped. The doctor I saw told me that, according to the date of conception, that's what I'd experienced."
"And because you didn't have regular periods…"
"Yes, I didn't think I was pregnant until I started feeling tired and sleepy."
"And why didn't you tell me then?"
"Because I was scared, and you were planning to leave for France."
He sorted through his memories again. Jan Di had been sleeping quite a lot a couple of weeks before he left, but that still didn't explain why she didn't tell him.
Reading what must have been going through his head, she spoke up. "You were leaving to meet Seo Hyun. How was I supposed to burden you with a baby when you were going to get back with her? I knew how much you loved her."
"I wasn't going to get back with Seo Hyun." Confused, he changed his stance on the sofa, turning his body towards her. "I was going to see her because we had some issues to discuss; I told you about this. About how the way I left her wasn't the best and we both wanted some...closure, if you will. So, I went and then came back...and all I found was your note."
"But...you never said…"
"Jan Di-ah, you and I were together. I thought you knew that?"
"How was I supposed to know that!?"
"Oh, I don't know." He was getting angry again, how could she not realize? "We went out together on dates; we spent almost every moment we could with each other; we slept together, I don't know how many times!"
"But you didn't say we were dating! You never asked me out."
"Oh, this is priceless. Did I need to spell that out for you?"
"Yes!" She was flabbergasted. "I think something as important as that should be said!"
"And you practice what you preach? You never told me I was going to be a father! You just went on your own without even saying goodbye!"
She stood up. "You think I wanted to do it alone!?" Jan Di was screaming now. "You think I wanted to do it without you? I loved you! Do you have any idea of just how much I loved you? But you didn't feel the same-"
"I felt the same!" He stood up, too. "Why else would I spend time with you? Why else would I hold you?" She didn't answer, and the penny dropped in his head. "No..wait. You're telling me you thought I kept making love to you while still thinking of Seo Hyun every other time after the first one?" When Jan Di remained silent he swore he could have hit something. "How could you think that of me?"
Jan Di really didn't know what to say to that.
The silence was deafening, and Ji Hoo clutched his head, disbelieving the woman in front of him.
"I…" Jan Di started trying to arrange her ideas, "I thought you liked me, yes. I thought that with the time we spent together you had come to feel something for me, but when I listened to you talking on the phone with Seo Hyun, I…"
"You immediately assumed the worst. And instead of coming to me to talk about it, you simply assumed!"
"Yes, Ji Hoo! I fucked up! I messed everything up! I got pregnant, didn't tell you, almost aborted, ran away-"
"YOU WHAT!?" He practically roared, but Jan Di was also running on pure adrenaline and she was tired of crying, so she stood her ground.
"I didn't do it, alright!?"
"You said you almost did it!"
"Yes, Ji Hoo! Excuse me for thinking about how hard life would be with a baby. No matter if you were going to be in the picture, there were too many 'what ifs' not to consider the option even if I didn't like it at first!"
"Explain" was all he said and, this time, he actually went to get more alcohol. Retaining his manners, he offered a glass and she took it, quickly downing it before his eyes. Silently, he refilled it.
"When I first told my mom about it, she tried every tactic to get me to tell her who was the father, and I wouldn't. I only lied and said that it wasn't someone from Shinwha, and she…" Jan Di closed her eyes and breathed in, trying to reign in the rush of emotions. Never had her mom slapped her that hard. "She wasn't pleased. The very next day, she took me to a clinic that I thought was for prenatal care or something, but it was actually a clandestine abortion clinic. I left as soon as I realized what it was, but after that…"
"You heard me talking to Seo Hyun," he guessed.
"Yes." Jan Di felt her palms sweating and her heart rate elevated, so she sat back down on the sofa. "You have to understand, Ji Hoo, you never told me how you felt about me. We spent time together? Sure. Slept together? Definitely. But it was as if we were friends with benefits."
"You know that what we had, what we were was way more, Jan Di."
"Yes, but I don't know what else to call it. Do you?"
Ji Hoo rolled his eyes and motioned his hand to her, wordlessly asking her to keep going.
"The actual moment that made me decide not to tell you was the fact that you lied." She held his gaze, and Jan Di knew he was trying to remember how and when he had done it. "I asked you what your plans were for the New Year, and you told me you were going on a trip to help Jun Pyo finish a business deal, that you would probably stay for a week but would come back with gifts. You deliberately hid the fact that you were going to France to see Seo Hyun-unnie. What was I supposed to think?"
Ji Hoo cursed inside when he finally recalled his words. Yes, he had told Jan Di that but only because he hadn't wanted her to misunderstand. His only purpose on that trip had been to say good-bye to Seo Hyun face to face.
World of good that did.
Jan Di's expression at that moment held such sadness that he felt the first chink in his armor. Leaving behind the tumbler, he sat down next to her and took one of her hands in his. He explained what his reasoning had been and actually apologized for it.
"I just…I didn't want to hurt you, didn't want you to think I was going back to Seo Hyun. I still loved her, yes, but I wasn't in love with her, Jan Di, hadn't been for a long time already. You helped me realize it. I-" Ji Hoo just couldn't believe he hadn't said it before. "I fell in love with you. Forgive me for not telling you sooner."
Jan Di finally let the tears fall.
Ji Hoo took away her glass and gathered her up in his arms as she loudly sobbed. Shedding a few tears of his own, he still couldn't believe how wrong this all was, just because they weren't honest with each other, just because they thought their deep understanding of each other was enough.
"What made you decide to keep it?" he asked when her body relaxed. Offering his handkerchief, he waited for Jan Di to compose herself.
"I had already decided to go through with the abortion. There were just too many cons on the list, and my mom's constant nagging added to it. I spent Christmas with you, remember?" He nodded. "And I knew you were leaving soon, so I thought it best to do it while you were gone. I was going to need a couple of days to recover. Pamphlets, videos, internet articles, I read it all to be more informed. The very next day after you left, I went to the clinic alone, and I didn't tell my mom either. The whole thing was supposed to last minutes and then…"
"And then?" he prompted her, and Jan Di smiled.
"He appeared."
"Miss Lee Hyo Ri, correct?"
"Yes, doctor."
"I see, please sit." Jan Di sat down. "I just need to ask you some routine questions and then we can start, alright?"
"Sure."
Jan Di, under her fake name, answered about her last period date, her amenorrhea, when she thought the possible conception date had been, everything the doctor asked. He even explained to her about the implantation bleeding, and that led her to cement her idea about the abortion.
"I mean, spotting can't be healthy, right? Possibly there's something already wrong with...in there. Best to just- Can we go ahead and do this?"
"I believe you're right. We should see if there's something wrong."
"How? And why?"
"I have a machine for that; don't worry, it doesn't hurt. As to why, because it may affect the procedure. Trust me, it'll take but a minute."
So, Jan Di took off her clothes, and trembling and feeling her hands growing cold, she put on the paper gown and lay down on the stretcher.
"Deep breaths now, this won't hurt," he told her as he pushed the probe in. Jan Di looked at the ceiling the whole time, feeling a slight pressure down there. Nothing hurt, but it definitely felt weird. "So, you're definitely in your eight or ninth week and, from what I can see, everything looks normal."
"Okay, so now-"
Jan Di's voice cut off as the doctor turned the screen around and she saw what he did just a second ago. A strange blob floating inside a black space. But as he moved the probe a bit, she could definitely see a form. "This would be the head, these are his arms and these are his feet. Well, I'm using masculine, but it's a bit early to know the sex yet."
"I...I…" Jan Di didn't know what to say because she hadn't been ready for the feelings assaulting her at that moment. There was a baby inside of her. She was actually seeing it. It wasn't completely formed or totally clear, but she could see it.
"Oh, wait. This will help you more." Clicking a few buttons, the view on the screen changed to sepia instead of black and white, and now Jan Di was clearly seeing what her baby looked like. "This is a 3D view." The doctor kept on rambling about the differences between one view and the other, but Jan Di couldn't hear him anymore. She was now looking at a human being, a tiny, small baby inside of her. "He's now at 1 inch, so you're doing very well right now."
"1 inch!? You're telling me all of him, those tiny arms, feet, head, body, that's all only- Oh my God, did he move!?"
"He most certainly did. Let me see for a second."
Clicking a few more buttons, the room soon filled with a whoosh-whoosh sound. "That's your baby's heartbeat. I must say, pretty strong."
Jan Di couldn't bear it anymore. She broke down crying. And this wasn't simply tears falling down, no; she was downright sobbing and gasping for air. She covered her eyes with her hands because she couldn't stand seeing the image of her baby anymore.
Feeling the probe leaving her, she heard the doctor telling her to take all the time she needed.
"He knew what he was doing. The doctor told me he wasn't against abortion, but he also preferred to show the girls that went to his clinic exactly what they were giving up. More often than not, he ended up performing the procedure, but he told me he saw how insecure and nervous I was and decided to give it a shot."
Ji Hoo couldn't imagine it. He knew there was technology to check on the fetus once the pregnancy started but never had any interest in it before. A small part of him was jealous for not having been there when it happened.
"He gave me a few pictures, told me what to expect, where I could get help or cheap health care but care, nonetheless, and that was it. I left the clinic with a ton of instructions and prenatal pills." Jan Di put her hand over Ji Hoo's. "Ji Hoo, I'm going to be completely honest with you. It would've been way easier to go through with the abortion, but I don't regret my- our son for anything in this world. Having him was the hardest, most tiring task I've ever had to face in my whole life, but…" Jan Di didn't know exactly how to explain the wonder that Ji Min was. "He drives me crazy most of the time, but I would gladly die for him."
Ji Hoo saw and felt the fierceness in Jan Di's gaze and words. He always knew she would be an amazing mother. She was kind and selfless and, often when she talked about her own mother, she would say something like 'When I have kids, I won't do that.', so he knew Jan Di wanted to be a mother. He was sure, though, that this wasn't the way either of them had imagined it going.
In the back of his head, he put a pin in asking Jan Di about this doctor so as to personally go and thank him for not letting her go through with something that would have scarred her for life. Both physically and emotionally.
They stayed silent for several minutes, each lost in their thoughts and, although Ji Hoo thought it was a given, he wasn't going to leave things to chance again.
"Jan Di...you know what I'm about to ask you, right?" Her eyes looked pleading, as if asking him not to do it. "I know all the repercussions this will have, but I want you and Ji Min here in the city."
"Ji Hoo, but...that means so much more than you're probably thinking of. This doesn't only affect you or me or Ji Min...You have a life, a girlfriend, and you're still an F4. You know the press will somehow find out and make a whole mess of things. They will go through my past and paint me as the worst kind of person you can possibly imagine, and I can't put Ji Min through that. What about school? Where would he go so that he won't be recognized and ostracized? I won't let my son be subjected to the same bullying I went through for something that isn't his fault."
"I won't let that happen."
"You don't know-"
"Listen to me." He took her face between his hands and repeated slowly. " ' . . We will have contingency plans; we will set up a press conference so that we can tell the media in our time and terms about Ji Min, and I will get you and your family a couple of apartments in which to live comfortably but not luxuriously as I know you wouldn't like it. But please, Jan Di, do not rob me of more time with Ji Min. I-" His voice crackled, and he hadn't known up to that point just how much this was really affecting him. "I don't know a thing about being a father, but I would like to learn. Allow me that chance; give me the opportunity to be in his life, and I won't let you down, I promise you that."
Jan Di could feel the honesty in Ji Hoo's words, the certainty and seriousness in his stance, and even if she wanted to, even if all she desired was to take her son and run, she knew she couldn't do that again, not after all they'd said that night.
"What about Sun Mi?"
At the mention of his girlfriend, Ji Hoo felt a pang of anxiety in his chest. There was no way he would lie about having a son, but he hated the idea of hurting her.
"I will tell her as soon as I can. Tomorrow. Today is way too late, but I will tell her and whatever happens, happens."
"I won't let you destroy a relationship just because of this, Ji Hoo!"
"I can't not tell her, and you know it. What good would it do to wait? You and I weren't together, and I haven't cheated on her, but I know this will still do some damage. The best I can hope is that she'll understand and still remain by my side through it all."
Jan Di looked down and shook her head.
"I really am sorry…Can you ever forgive me?"
"Yes. You know I can never stay mad at you for too long, but this one will take some time to get past. So just, give it time, okay?"
"Okay…"
They smiled, having reached an agreement about where they would go from that point on.
"I should go."
"Just stay, there's the guest room there. Take a shower, have some tea and rest, and I'll ask Woo Bin to take you back tomorrow. I-How should we tell Ji Min?"
Jan Di smiled. "I don't think that will be much of a problem. He will be ecstatic that his favourite F4 is actually his dad."
"R-Really? I'm his favourite?"
She chuckled at Ji Hoo's excitement. "Yeah, by far. I just hope he can also forgive me, in time."
"Jan Di-ah, Ji Min adores you. He may not immediately understand the circumstances under which you did what you did, but he will easily forgive you. You're his mother, and he loves you more than anything. These past few days we all saw it."
"I don't know. I feel like I managed to dodge the debt I owed for a long time and now it's finally time to pay. My family, Ji Min, I have to talk to them and let them know, plus the people at work about me leaving…"
"Okay, stop for a second. Just breathe. For now, all you have to do is rest. We already went through a lot today. Let us sleep and decide more in the morning, can we agree on that?"
"Yeah, yeah…I think that's best. I'll pass on the tea if that's okay, I just want to sleep."
"Sure, you know where to find me should you need anything."
"I think I still remember where everything is, don't worry."
"Okay then…Good night, Jan Di."
"Good night, Ji Hoo."
"I knew it! I knew it, I knew it, I just…I knew it!" For a while, Jan Di's mom's only answer to confessing Ji Min's parentage had been sputtering facts and dates, laughing, and then repeating 'I knew it.'
"Just let me know when you're done, so that we can move forward with this conversation." Jan Di asked her mom and the next second, she calmed down and sat next to her daughter.
"Forgive me, but it's nice knowing I wasn't wrong. What I can't understand is, why didn't you tell me? I knew it had to be one of those F4 guys."
"Several reasons, Mom. One of the most prominent ones is that you would've used him as a source of unlimited funds when that's not what he should've been."
"I-"
"Do not even try to deny it; you know it's true."
"Okay, I recognize my faults, and I am sorry that was one of the reasons you didn't come forward before but, Jan Di-ah, this is one of the most unfair things you could've done to Ji Min."
"Mom…"
"No, you listen to me. You gave up high-school, years of your life, suffered from postpartum depression, almost killed yourself working those first years and, most importantly, you deprived a child of meeting his father when he was alive and well and would've provided for you two, whether you were a couple or not, he would've made sure Ji Min wanted for nothing. And you can try to paint me all the pretty pictures you want, that all a child needs is love, but you and I know that is not true."
Jan Di was ashamed. Even after so many years, she felt small whenever her mother scolded her. It was worse because she was right.
"You know what our circumstances were, Mom. I apologize for my lies, and I know I owe Ji Min his father. Actually…"
"Actually…?"
"He wants us to move to the city near him."
For the first time during their conversation, Na Gong Joo was speechless.
"B-but, when will we see you and Ji Min again? You know that we can't-"
"Mom, when I say 'us' I mean all of our family: Dad, you, Kang San, Ji Min and I."
"Won't he feel like we're taking advantage of him? I wouldn't want us to hinder any kind of relationship you and Ji Min might start with him."
Jan Di chuckled. "Just the fact that you're thinking about Ji Min and me first, Mom, proves to me that you've changed."
Gong Joo had always been interested in money, hell, her mother had wanted her to attend Shinwha to land a rich husband and get the family out of debt. But after Jan Di had stubbornly stated she wasn't going to terminate the pregnancy, even through fights, reprimands, and cold periods between them, her mother had surely but slowly changed, all because of that new life that came to the world.
Jan Di could remember clearly how her mother and father had started eating less only for her to be well-fed during the first months after Ji Min had been born, all so that she could be strong and provide milk for their grandson. It hadn't been easy, but they had all changed even when she had been selfish enough not to give the baby up. True, the fact that they had to relocate to the island hadn't been her fault, that had been her father and his stupid gambling addiction, but still, maybe it would've been different if she had gone through with the abortion. Maybe Kang San wouldn't have had to work at such a young age. Maybe he would've been able to finish school instead of worrying to provide for the family. That was something she hoped to make up for with her brother.
"He'll be coming soon, probably in the next couple of days, so that we can sit down and tell Ji Min about it. We can discuss more details then but, Mom, this will not be easy. He has a life, and he is who he is, so at some point, the press will have to know about us. We're already checking legal routes so that we're not harassed by reporters of news channels, but I'm going to need all of your help, so that we're protected, okay?"
"No one is going to touch my children," said Gong Joo, and Jan Di went to give her a hug. Through all of the hardships, bad times and worse times, her mom was still her mom, and had proven to step up when things mattered.
"Thank you, Omma."
"Aigoo, you're my firstborn, of course I'll protect you."
They had cleaned their tears and were sitting down to drink some tea when her mother thought to ask a very important detail.
"Wait, you told me the father is an F4 but haven't told me who. Is it Master Goo?"
"Um…Ji Min's father is Yoon Ji Hoo."
After a couple of seconds, her mother screamed at the top of her lungs 'I KNEW IT!' And Jan Di could only sigh.
Ji Hoo was feeling way more nervous than he thought he would. He had already talked with Woo Bin about the living arrangements for Jan Di, Ji Min, and the rest of her family. Ji Hoo didn't mean to separate Jan Di from her parents, but he knew that after years of living together, she would appreciate a space of her own with her-their son. They briefly, but successfully, discussed several issues the morning after she had stayed in his house.
Living arrangements? Check.
Legal advice? Check.
Family/girlfriend discussions? Work in progress.
Ji Hoo's visit to the island? Work in progress (next two days at most).
Schooling for Ji Min? To be discussed.
Work for the Geum family? To be discussed.
Helping Jan Di finish school? Something he hadn't brought up with her yet but would do when the time was right.
What he was facing right now was the 'Family/girlfriend discussions' item. Jan Di had already spoken with her mom, and she would be telling the rest of the family the next day, for her father and brother wouldn't arrive until the next day.
So, she was done with her portion of the task; now he had to do it.
Once again, he hadn't expected to feel so nervous to do so.
Ji Hoo loved Sun Mi, he did. He wouldn't have asked her out if he hadn't.
At that moment in his life, he hadn't given up hope on finding Jan Di, but he knew there was no possibility of them simply finding each other and picking up where they had left off. There was too much hurt there for that to magically happen. So, Ji Hoo accepted Geum Jan Di would forever hold a special place in his heart, but he wouldn't close himself off to love as he had done during his Seo Hyun period.
Sun Mi had been a breath of fresh air. Although she had been a typical rich heiress, she had gone through hardship, and there was darkness in her which she had openly shared with him, and that helped him to see her as an equal, for Ji Hoo also held darkness in his heart.
They weren't broken, and they weren't perfect.
He hadn't tried to compare Sun Mi to Jan Di, or even Seo Hyun, because all of them had been different in his life.
Seo Hyun had been his first love.
Jan Di had been the love of his life.
Sun Mi was the woman he now loved and could see himself growing old with.
But now there was an issue that needed to be addressed and discussed, which was the reason for Ji Hoo inviting Sun Mi to his house, and now that she was here, he was trying to find the right words to say.
"There's something I need to tell you," Ji Hoo said once he had taken her coat and offered her some tea, which she refused. They sat down on his couch, and she waited.
"Yes?" Sun Mi was worried. Ji Hoo hadn't been the same over the past few days, and now that he had finally decided to tell her what's wrong, she was hoping it wasn't what she was suspecting.
She watched Ji Hoo breathing in, finally looking directly into her eyes before saying the last thing she expected to hear that night.
"Ji Min is my son."
Shock. Just mindless shock because that wasn't what she had been preparing herself for.
"E-Excuse me, what?"
"Jan Di's son, Ji Min, he's my son."
Sun Mi's face must have told Ji Hoo how confused she was, so he showed her the paternity test.
"So, you two…?" Sun Mi left the words lingering; she was still scanning the piece of paper that told her the child she had met and known only for a few nights was the son of her boyfriend.
"...Not exactly."
"Sex friends?"
Ji Hoo quickly shook his head no. "It wasn't like that, no."
"Then how was it?!" She was trying to keep her cool, but she deserved answers!
"What Jan Di and I had...I don't know how to explain it, Sun Mi-ah. We were everything the other needed at the moment. She wanted a safe place, and I wanted comfort. We both provided that, and things kinda...escalated."
"And she came back to the city to tell you, right?" Sun Mi knew she should've been more careful!
"No." He put his hand on hers, but she was way too shaken up. "Sun Mi, listen to me. I don't know if you remember, but I found her by chance. Ji Min was lost, and I helped him look for his mother, who ended up being Jan Di. We hadn't seen each other in almost 8 years!"
"And when did she tell you?"
"She...didn't." Ji Hoo explained how Yi Jung had told him about his suspicions and how things had moved forward from then on.
"You're telling me all this time she was here you hid the fact that you had had a relationship with her? Or whatever you want to call it."
"I didn't hide it."
"Then why didn't you tell me!?"
"There was no reason to." He tried to calmly explain, but all Sun Mi was feeling was a black void in the center of her being. "Jan Di wasn't around. She wasn't even part of my life when you came into it. Tell me you've told me about every person in your past." Sun Mi blushed and had to bite her tongue because she knew her past was way more tainted than Ji Hoo's. Still, she had told him about it before they started anything. "This is as much a shock to me as to you, more so."
"How could you let that happen, Ji Hoo? You were a grown man; you should've known better!" She took her hand away from him and stood up. Even at her lowest, Sun Mi had always used contraception, and she knew she was free of any STDs after years of taking tests.
"It was one time, and I was a mess that night!" It was the first time Ji Hoo sounded a bit exasperated. "The woman I had loved for more than 10 years was moving on, and I just wanted to disappear. I think it's safe to say I wasn't thinking straight. And Jan Di... She gave me comfort knowing I didn't love her, that I wasn't even thinking about her while we were... together. Do you think any other woman could do that? Would you be able to do that?" Sun Mi was at a loss for words. She didn't have an answer for that. "So don't judge her and don't judge me; we were young, and we made a mistake! I made a mistake, but whatever the case may be, Ji Min shouldn't have to pay for what we did."
"Oh," Sun Mi sat back, "you only slept together once?"
Ji Hoo was regretting his choice of words. "I-I meant to say I was careless only one time."
Sun Mi nodded, understanding the meaning of the phrase. "So what, you're breaking up with me?"
"What? No...I- Sun Mi-ah, I care about you a lot, or else, I wouldn't be in a relationship with you. I love you. I owe you respect, and that's why I'm telling you about me being Ji Min's father. It is me who should be asking if you're going to break up with me." Ji Hoo saw Sun Mi had tears in her eyes, and he hated himself for making her feel like that. "I'm going to bring Jan Di, Ji Min, and the rest of her family back to the city. Woo Bin already found an apartment near here, where they're going to stay. I'll pay for everything, and I'll sign Ji Min as mine as soon as he's here. This will inevitably reach the tabloids and lots of questions will be asked, but I won't leave Jan Di or Ji Min alone. Also, I want to be involved in Ji Min's life; he deserves a father, and I'll do as much as I can for him. Knowing what's coming my way, do you still want to be my girlfriend?"
"I-I need time to think about this, Ji Hoo. You can't just simply spring this on me and expect me to answer immediately."
"Of course not, take all the time you need." He hesitated for a second but then kept on talking. "And, just to be fair, this is not me setting a time limit or anything like that, but you should know that I will be traveling to Jan Di's home in the next couple of days to talk to her family and to tell Ji Min who I really am."
Sun Mi scoffed. "Of course you are." And then she thought of something. "Wait a second, when did you see Jan Di again? You have had to have discussed all of this in person."
Ji Hoo sighed and braced himself for round 2.
"I went to confront her yesterday…"
"You sound tired," Jan Di told him after he greeted her on the phone.
"I told Sun Mi everything. She just went home."
"How did it go?" She was truly worried about ruining Ji Hoo's relationship with Sun Mi.
"As good as I could expect, I suppose. She didn't kill me, but she did tell me she needed some time to think."
"Ji Hoo, I'm so-"
"Don't. If you keep apologizing for this, I'll soon grow tired of it and that will piss me off, I assure you."
"Alright. So, what are we going to do next?"
"I'll probably go down there tomorrow or the day after tomorrow, I'll call or text to confirm."
"Okay."
"Everything still okay with your mom?"
"Yes. We talked for a long time, and I think it'll be easier with Dad and Kang San."
"Good. Let me know when that's done, too."
"Sure thing. Oh, wait for a second."
"Okay."
Ji Hoo stayed on the line for a few seconds, and then he heard a voice that made his heart thump loudly.
"Ji Hoo hyung?"
"Hey, Ji Min-ah." He smiled as he gripped his phone harder. "How are you doing?"
"I'm about to go to bed, and Mom told me I could say good night to you."
"Of course." This was his son he was talking to. It felt weird to hear him calling him 'Hyung', but he guessed it would feel even weirder to hear Ji Min calling him 'Appa' out of nowhere. "Good night, Ji Min-ah, sleep tight. Be good to your omma, alright?"
"I always am! Good night, Ji Hoo hyung."
"Bye bye."
Ji Hoo waited, and then Jan Di got back on the phone.
"Sorry, he realized it was you and begged me to pass the phone."
"Whenever he wants to talk to me, just give him the phone, no matter the hour."
"...Really?"
"Really." And he meant it.
"Alright, then. I need to put him to bed, so I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow?"
"Yes. And, Jan Di?"
"Yeah?"
"You can also call me whenever you want to talk."
"I know. Good night, Ji Hoo."
"Good night, Jan Di."