Rowan leaned over the sticky counter, cleavage visible as she waved her fingers. She had ditched her uniform before leaving, noting how it was a turn-off for most bartenders. She ended up wearing the only other clothes she owned, the clothes she fled to the walls in. She wore a v-neck top that fit her snuggly. It matched her dark green eyes in color and played well with her pale skin tone. With Mikasa's help, she shortened the beige floral skirt she had, making sure the fabric just brushed her knees. She added a slit up the side, exposing her upper left thigh. If she didn't flaunt what she had, the bartenders here never paid her any mind. At this moment in the very late evening she was fairly tipsy, feeling more confident as the drunken haze settled in her brain. The bartender came right to her, brow raised as he wiped out a glass.

"Whiskey on the rocks please." She placed folded bills on the counter and the bartender nodded.

"Are you sure darling? I could get you a martini or one of those bay breezes you girly-types like." A man at least a decade older than her leaned on the bar beside her. He had to be a foot taller than her and he smelled of cigar smoke. His hair was ruffled and his shirt was untucked, his body covered in sweat. The harsh odor assaulted her nose and she determined that the man hadn't bathed in days. While her village wasn't the cleanest, everyone practiced basic hygiene. Even if that was just jumping in the river to rinse off the day's grime.

"I prefer the burn of whiskey and spotting my own tab, but thanks big guy." She huffed, thanking the bartender before turning away from the man with her drink. The taller man scoffed, following after her. She slipped through the crowd, distancing herself from him. She was rather small compared to most of the other patrons in the bar and she could tuck her body away without much trouble. Once she was out of sight, she sipped at her whiskey, eyes trained on the night sky, hardly visible through the foggy window. Damn she wished this place had a dance floor. She could feel the alcohol and adrenaline in her veins, urging her body to twirl to whatever shitty music the bar was playing. She refrained though, finishing her whiskey swiftly before ordering another. After that, she was feeling the buzz, her mind racing. It thought of dancing and running, running far away from everyone and everything. Well, that wasn't the answer to her problems, at least not the one she was hoping for.

Rowan sighed, deciding to order her final whiskey for the night. These moments were for her to clear her mind, a rendezvous for just herself. It was more fun when her friends were there, but she realized Captain Levi was right. She didn't want to be a bad influence on them, so she would sneak out at night to have small moments of peace and alcohol to quiet her anxiety. It wasn't the healthiest coping mechanism. Rowan was well aware of that, but she didn't really care. For the time being, it would serve as a quick fix when her worries and troubles got too loud in her head. It's not like she could sleep most nights anyway, so might as well drink some booze and enjoy the normal atmosphere, even if it was sleazy and a tad lonely.

"Come home with me gorgeous. I'd like to show you a magical time." The man that approached her this time was well-dressed and even taller than the first man. Rowan guessed he easily rivaled Bertolt in height, which was quite difficult to do.

"Ha, no thanks buddy. Best try your luck somewhere else." Intoxicated or not, she would never go home with a stranger. She had no interest in what they had to offer.

"Aw, don't be like that. You'll have a good time and I'll take care of yah." He slid closer to her, reaching his hand over. His fingers cupped her butt through her skirt and even in her drunken state, she would retaliate. She placed her whiskey on the counter and yanked his hand up in one swift motion.

"Touch me again and I'll break each finger individually and then break your wrist." She growled and he shrunk back, pulling his hand from her grasp. She turned back, chugging the whiskey before ordering one more than she intended. This kind of shit never happened in the village. When a female witch turned eighteen, they were promised to a male witch and became off limits to everyone else. Well that dug up a memory. Icy blue eyes and a wide grin took shape in her mind, followed by that head of honey hair and slightly crooked nose. She wondered how Marvin was doing. Though she had no intentions of marrying him, they were engaged at one time. He spent years trying to convince her to go through with it and she resisted every time. He almost had her, her willpower breaking with each guilt trip of a conversation with her mother and sisters. He'd have to find a new bride now. She supposed he would have no trouble. He was one of the kindest and strongest witches in the village. She was a fool for leaving him behind, but she didn't have a choice.

Ah hell. She furiously wiped the tears that had snuck their way out of her eyes. She usually wasn't an emotional drunk, but her memories had other plans for her tonight. She chugged the last few sips and left a generous tip for the bartender before slipping through the crowd. She stepped outside, stretching her limbs before heading off towards the trails that led to camp. She stumbled every few steps but managed to keep her balance and her head up. She'd make it home tonight, or at least she thought she would, if she wasn't rudely interrupted. Suddenly the world flipped and she was facedown in the grass. She struggled under the weight of her attacker, but he pinned her arms to her back, using his larger weight to keep her on the ground. Shards of grass and dirt particles lodged themselves in her lungs, the bitter taste in her throat everytime she breathed in.

"I don't take kindly to rude bitches. You should learn your place in this world girlie." The man that groped her was on top of her and she could see rugged boots by her head. The sweaty man was also there, the pair teaming up on her. Well shit.

"You'll be coming with us, bitch." The sweaty man got right in her face, spitting on her forehead. Oh, just you wait. Rowan was ready to pounce as soon as they hauled her to her feet. She wouldn't go without a fight. They were cackling, unaware of her skill. She would be the one laughing once they eased the weight off of her. Before she could attack back, the weight was shoved off her, the man crying out in pain. She didn't even have time to react. The sweaty guy ended up doubling over in pain, before he was on his back. Rowan glanced up to see the figure of a rather short man, accentuated by the moonlight. Captain Levi was looking at the men in disgust. He was wearing a simple button down shirt over black dress pants with a black blazer pressed neatly over the shirt with an ascot tucked into the collar, nearly the same attire she saw him in by the willow tree.

"Tch. Pigs." He growled, glaring at the men who were sprawled out on the ground, unconscious. He was standing, arms at his side with his hands tucked into his pockets.

"You didn't have to help. I could've handled it." Rowan muttered, shoving herself to her feet. She had to hold her arms out, catching herself from falling back over. With all the tossing and turning in her stomach, the liquor was really hitting her now. She didn't plan for the added time and she wasn't sure she'd actually make it back to the dorms now, but she sure would try.

"You're so inebriated that you can hardly stand. Don't be foolish." Captain Levi turned his glare to her, as if he was disgusted with her actions as well.

"I would have been fine. I had a plan to pounce once they let me off the ground."

"You aren't a lion or tiger hunting its prey. You're more like a house cat that got trapped by the neighborhood dogs." That really got under Rowan's skin.

"So what does that make you, my owner? Ha! At least house cats have claws. I would have fought back." Rowan retorted, proud of herself for showing him up. He frowned, pinching the bridge of his nose in annoyance.

"Mind telling me why you're out here alone anyway? I thought you didn't like being alone at night."

"I don't, but I didn't want to get the kiddos in trouble." She grumbled and his brow arched.

"Kiddos?"

"Yeah, my friends. I don't want to be a bad influence but I needed a drink...or few."

"Well if you need a drink…" He started and she couldn't handle his pointless scolding again. He seemed to think he was holier than thou because he didn't need a drink to fight off his internal demons.

"Yeah, yeah. Shush." She hopped over to him and pinched his lips shut so he couldn't talk. His eyes narrowed at her, but he didn't move or push her away. "I shouldn't be a soldier. I get it. You don't have to keep reminding me that I shouldn't be here. I'm just homesick, alright? I didn't even get to say goodbye to my mom or my siblings or my friends and now I'll probably die before I get to see them again. It's a hard pill to swallow, okay? My family means everything to me." She didn't mean to spill her heart and soul, but there it was. She was drunk and he was stone cold sober and surprised by her outburst. Her hand dropped to her side and she frowned, tucking her arms in front of her. "I saw a lily while training today and it reminded me of the lilies my mother used to braid through my hair and it sent me on a downward spiral. I shouldn't be here. I know that. But I'm here and you along with everyone else are just going to have to deal with it." She was rambling now and she was grateful that he spoke before she could continue.

"Why'd you leave them then?" She didn't want that question, but she wasn't controlling the conversation.

"I know they're safe. I shouldn't be the only one to have that reassurance though. I want to help everyone know their families are safe, but we have to get rid of the Titans first."

"How are you so sure they're safe?" Damn you Captain Levi. You won't get the truth out of her that easily. These were her secrets and hers alone.

"Don't make me answer that please. It's a secret." She giggled nervously, bouncing on her toes now.

"Tch."

"Sorry sir. Maybe I'll tell you one day...if I like you enough. You have to stop being such an asshole first though." She admitted and he rolled his eyes.

"I don't care if you like me or not." His answer was short and honest. If Rowan was actually sober, she would have run with that and bugged him about it more.

"Whatever you say sirrrr." If he didn't care, he wouldn't bother talking to her so much. He beckoned for her to follow him and she obeyed, not really sure which way camp was anyway. She shivered, the cool breeze causing goosebumps to raise on her exposed skin. Captain Levi shrugged out of his blazer, dropping it over her shoulders in one swift motion. She was going to protest, but the warmth soothed her, the aroma of fresh linen and musk overwhelming her. She felt safe, wrapped in her Captain's jacket. She mumbled a thank-you, slipping her arms under the fabric. They walked in silence and a gentle memory poked its way into Rowan's buzzing mind, "Can I ask you something?"

"I'd rather you didn't."

"Don't be a party pooper. I just want to know if you've ever seen the tulip and lily meadow during your missions beyond the wall?" She thought back to those damn lilies, the exact thing that triggered this whole mess.

"I don't think so."

"I'll have to show you sometime." She smiled to herself. Everyone had to see a meadow at least once in their life. It was a beautiful piece of nature.

"Sure, Rowan." He didn't sound like he believed her.

"It was outside my village when I was a kid. I only got to see it once a month and it was the last place my father took me before he left the village. I never saw him again after that, but I still think about the meadow a lot. It was beautiful. After my father left, we moved, so I haven't seen the meadow since. I was just wondering if it left too."

"I'm sure it's still there." He responded, gaze distant. Perhaps he had his own meadow he wished to return to.

"Sir. I have to pee." His eyes widened as she began to dance, the sensation hitting her suddenly, disrupting all her other thoughts. She couldn't contain it and she bit her lip as her eyes searched for a source of relief.

"No. No, you're fine. We will be back in ten minutes."

"I can't wait that long, Sir. I really can't. There's a tree over there. I'll just go there." She gestured to the hedges and trees and Captain Levi yanked on her wrist, forcing her to keep pace with him.

"That's disgusting. No, two minutes."

"How'd ten turn into two? Math doesn't work like that, Silly." Rowan let him drag her along, trying to ignore the pain stemming from her bladder. The camp's headquarters came into view and he dragged her through the bottom floor.

"Hange!" He shouted and squad leader Hange jumped up from whatever they were working on. They pulled their goggles up, adjusting their glasses so they could see better.

"Levi? Did you come to see the new-"

"Where's your bathroom?" He cut right to it, ignoring their excitement. Rowan didn't know much about Hange, besides that they were a squad commander and loved conducting experiments. Many recruits gossiped about them and their fascination with Titans.

"Down the hall. Last door on the left." They gestured away from the lab bench and Captain Levi grabbed Rowan's wrist dragging her down the hallway. He slipped his blazer off of her, shoved her into the restroom, and pulled the door shut. Well shit. He didn't have to jostle her so much. She took her time, doing her business and scrubbing her hands down. She stepped out and Hange was talking Captain Levi's ear off, raving about the latest blade they developed. It was still a prototype, but that's all Rowan really understood.

"This must be the drunken one. I'm Hange, nice to meet you." Hange caught sight of her and extended their hand with a smile.

"I'm Rowan Mixerton. It's an honor to meet you, Squad Commander Hange." She saluted before shaking their hand.

"No. Oh no, I hate that. You put up with that on a daily basis?" They mumbled to Captain Levi before shaking their head. "No thank-you. Just Hange is fine and no need to salute me. Save that for the Captain here and the Commander." Hange waved her off, placing the goggles back over their face. "If that's all you needed, I'm going to get back to work. Feel free to stop by when you're sober Rowan. I'd be happy to show you around the lab."

"That sounds great to me!" And Rowan meant what she said. Hange's research fascinated her. If they learned more about the Titans, they could learn of more weaknesses. Plus, she'd love to help out with the research. She'd be willing to do anything to make a difference.

"Yeah, yeah. Come on." Captain Levi nodded his head at Hange before stepping back out of the headquarters.

"Captain Levi." Rowan noticed something and she was determined to make him realize it as well.

"What now?" He grumbled, glancing over his shoulder to make sure she was still following.

"I think you're a lot nicer than you want others to believe."

"Tch."

"It's true! You saved me at the bar and are walking me home to make sure I get there safely. That's very nice."

"You're a recruit and I'm a commanding officer. I would be a disgrace if I let something happen to you." He sighed, not even turning to look at her.

"Yeah, but…" When he put it like that, she supposed he was just doing his job. "Why were you at the bar anyway? I thought if you need a drink to ease your troubles, you shouldn't be a soldier." She retorted and his shoulders visibly tensed. To be fair, she never even saw him in the bar, but she was curious.

"I wasn't there for a drink. I've never even been inside that establishment." He snapped and she flinched.

"What were you doing there then?"

"I was taking a walk. Stop trying to analyze me and my motives. You won't have any luck." He muttered and she paused, halting her step.

"Challenge accepted!" She beamed, her drunken heart set on it. She'd prove him wrong. She'd get to know the real Captain Levi.

"It wasn't a challenge, you fool." He was pinching the bridge of his nose as he spun to look at her. "Just go to bed and don't sleep through breakfast tomorrow."

"Aye sir!" She saluted with a wide smile and bounced into the dorm. She hadn't even realized they had arrived at her home away from home. "It WAS a challenge though. We will be friends before you know it, Sir. I will find out why you were there tonight, just you wait." She smiled and poked his nose with her pointer finger.

"Tch." He turned away, tucking his face out of her sight. "Go sleep off your whiskey." With that, he walked away, leaving her confused.

"If you weren't inside, how'd you know I had whiskey?" She shouted, cupping her hands around her mouth. He paused and glanced over his shoulder.

"Your breath stinks like whiskey. You also spilled some on your skirt. You should really be more careful." He spoke just loud enough for her to hear him with her ears strained. He turned away before she could retort and vanished into the late night. Damn he was infuriating. She didn't smell that bad, did she? She huffed into her palm, sniffing it. Instantly, her nose crinkled. Damn she had bad whiskey breath. He didn't have to point it out though.

"Rowan?" A soft voice startled her and she held up her arms, ready to strike whoever snuck up on her. "It's just me, Armin!" Armin. He held his arms up in a defensive position, crouching to make himself look smaller. Rowan relaxed, her held breath escaping her.

"Armin! What are you doing sneaking around the dorms this late?" She hung her arms at her side, a grin on her face.

"I heard you and Captain Levi. I came out to make sure you're okay." He spoke sheepishly and she ruffled his hair with a goofy smile.

"Aw, how sweet. I'm fine, just annoyed with the Captain's sour attitude."

"Well, I couldn't help but listen to your conversation. I think I might know why he was by the bar tonight." His eyes were calculating and Rowan grabbed his shoulders, shaking him.

"You do? Spill it! Pleasseeeee." She shook him harder and he laughed, brushing her off.

"There's a lot of rumors that Captain Levi has really bad insomnia. When he can't sleep, he takes walks by himself."

"Well that's just depressing and not at all what I was hoping for." She frowned and Armin shrugged.

"What were you hoping for?"

"I don't know...that he had a secret lover or a weird hobby?" No, that wasn't actually true. She wasn't really hoping for anything. The answer just made her feel guilty. His late night walks and insomnia were none of her business.

"I don't think Captain Levi is really interested in anything else. He's given his life to the mission." Armin spoke thoughtfully and Rowan frowned.

"I want to change that. No one should live like that." She sighed and Armin grabbed her wrist, pulling her towards the girls' bunks.

"I don't think he really wants to change, but I'll support you with whatever you decide. Get some sleep though. You'll need it." He left her at the doorway and headed off towards his own bunk.

"Thanks for looking out for me Armin!" She smiled, whispering louder than she should as she waved.

"No problem Rowan." He grinned before slipping away. Rowan sighed, deciding to take a quick shower and brush her teeth to rid herself of any lingering scent of whiskey. Once she was done, she face-planted in her bed, listening to Sasha's snoring as she drifted off into a drunken slumber.

She did sleep through breakfast and through the first training session. She knew she was screwed the moment she heard labored breathing over her head. Her whole body tensed, knowing what was coming. It sadly wasn't the first time she slept through training sessions and good ol' Keith was probably furious.

"Get your ass up, recruit! I want you running until your feet bleed! Go! Now!" His voice, though aggravating, was the jolt she needed to kick her body into gear.

"Yes sir! Sorry sir!" She saluted, her body finally listening to her brain. She pulled socks and her boots on before sprinting out of the room. She didn't want to get yelled at anymore and she didn't want more attention drawn to her. Rowan wanted to kick her past self. Why did she think gulping down whiskey was going to make her pain go away? It was a temporary and wasteful fix. She kicked off running, following the worn-in path in the grass from all the recruits who have suffered the same fate of running until their legs gave out. She ignored the throbbing of her head as she pushed on. She would show she could handle it. She would prove she deserved to be there and if running would do it, then she would run. As she ran, ignoring the strain on her lungs, she noticed the Scouts training in the afternoon sun. Captain Levi. She had to apologize for the night prior.

Her eyes caught sight of Captain Levi sparring with Gunther. He dodged every strike and swiftly flipped the larger man onto his back. Captain Levi didn't even break a sweat. Rowan sprinted towards them and Captain Levi glanced up to see her in all her glory, heading straight for him. His eyes widened and it was then that Rowan realized she was still in her sleep shorts and tank top from the night prior. Her hair was disheveled, still in the knotted bun on the top of her head, white-blonde hairs sticking out in every direction. She came to a halt, digging her boots into the dirt to stop her momentum.

"Good afternoon Sir." She saluted, covering her chest with her arm.

"You look horrendous." He responded, eyes narrowed as he closed the distance between them. "What is this?" He gestured to her mess of hair. She glanced up at the exposed hairs and she frowned.

"My hair? It's in a bun...Sir."

"It's horrible and messy." He frowned and she matched his expression.

"So sorry that my appearance displeases you." She crossed her arms over her chest. "I came over to apologize, but I'll just leave so I don't disgust you further."

"Stop being so dramatic. Frankly, your appearance is just inappropriate. Do you often stroll around in your underclothes?" Rowan's cheeks reddened. She couldn't help the heat coming to the surface of her skin.

"They're not underclothes! They're pajamas. Who's the one that's inappropriate here?"

"While he is quite dense, he's not entirely wrong." Hange bounced behind Captain Levi, looking Rowan over once before carrying on with their business.

"Damn it Hange." Rowan huffed and Captain Levi rolled his eyes, turning away from her. "Wait! I'm not done."

"Don't you have laps to run?"

"Yes, because I slept through the morning training session even though you told me not to. I messed up, okay?"

"At least you are aware of your faults."

"I just wanted to say I'm sorry for last night. I'm sure I said things I shouldn't have. I vaguely remember it, but something stuck out to me." She let the last statement hang for a moment and when he didn't respond, she continued. "I shouldn't push for answers. I don't share everything with anyone, so I shouldn't expect it from anyone in return. We all have our secrets."

"Glad you had that epiphany."

"I still accept the challenge though. I would like to be friends, Sir." Rowan smiled and Captain Levi shook his head.

"Good luck with that. Go get changed before you get into more trouble. No recruit should look that unpresentable." He met her eyes once more before returning to his squad. Rowan clenched her fists and her jaw. She swallowed her retort though, knowing she would get him back for it one day.