For those of you who haven't read my profile yet, please e-mail me any typos you find in my fics. No, there is no prize for finding any, but it will make me very happy to keep errors down. (And a happy writer means better fics!) This chapter may be a little off, but stick with it. And yes, the whole thing about the fish is true.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Random Bits 6 - Chapter 2
Luca - Yuna and her companions have finally made it into the stadium, and are on their way to their seats.
Kimahri brushed irritably at the yellow paint staining his fur. They had just squeezed past a line of half naked, painted, and very zealous Auroch's fans. Following the unwritten laws of sporting events, some of them were obese and halfway down the road of Inebriation. Kimahri scowled as they jumped up and down (hooting and wobbling like flans), snacks and beverages raining down on the people around them. He hissed at them all.
The game began shortly after Yuna and her Guardians reached the Summoners Box, and Auron stopped Tidus from teasing the female population. Tidus stepped up to the parapet and waved to all the ladies, then disappeared, drawing a wave of disappointed moans, only to reappear a few seconds later to wild cheering. Yuna appeared at the parapet (the echo of a boom-stick connecting with the back of Tidus' head following her,) and blessed the game and promising new players. Wakka, chest so swollen with pride that he resembled a helium filled pigeon, was given the honor of signaling the start of the game. (Being the former captain of the Aurochs had its privileges.)
Wakka waved as the crowd cheered, and experienced a sudden confusion as the cheers died to disappointed sighs. He stood rigidly with the constipated grin common to those trying to buy time while they figure out what the heck is going on. Tidus' giggle alerted him to the cause. The boy was popping up and down from behind the parapet again, resembling a giant species of blond tunneling rodent. He was showing no signs of getting bored, and since no mallets were available, Kimahri used the next best thing (a boom-stick since Yuna was present).
With a predatory grin Kimahri popped him about the head a few times, then seizing both shoulder straps, lifted Tidus upwards with a quick jerk. Even Yuna giggled as the boy's eyes crossed and he made a noise best described as 'ghnhk'. Kimahri turned from the balcony, Tidus held out in front of him, and took his time walking to the bench. Tidus swung erratically from his own pants, desperately struggling against bisection.
Once the game got underway, and Kimahri moved Wakka out of his seat, (bringing the victim count for the Ronso Wedgie to two), there was a discreet game of musical seats. Ronsos did not make good bench buddies when their team started loosing. No one wants to sit next to you when you can pop someone's head open like a grape if you get angry.
Rikku was unlucky enough to be shuffled next to the Ronso after Auron 'faded' through the seat of the bench to escape. She squeaked in horror, eyes testing the elasticity of their eyelids as Kimahri snarled and clenched his bag of popped grains so tightly that it reduced the fluffy grains to powder. She turned beseeching eyes on her companions as Kimahri flung the bag to the floor and ground it into the stone with a foot. Rikku was rewarded with pale faces and quick head shaking.
Kimarhi followed the action with the intensity of a cat, the tip of his tail flopping madly. The proverbial crap hit the fan when the referee unjustly (according to the Auroch's fans) called a foul. The feline Guardian bolted to his feet with a growl, scattering concession wrappers and triggering the 'Hover Phenomenon'.
This particular phenomenon is a fascinating survival reaction caused by the sudden release of kinetic energy. Triggered by danger, the body releases a surge of adrenaline directly to fast twitch muscles, which allows the individual to scoot away from danger and get a head start. To the observer (usually the surprised threat) the individual goes from relaxation to sudden alertness within a few milliseconds, and can appear to 'hover' out of harm's way without the use of their limbs.
The 'Hover Phenomenon' is not to be confused with the 'Fright' or 'Surprise Reaction', where upon being scared or surprised, an individual experiences temporary paralysis of all extremities except the ankles. Those experiencing this reaction are afflicted with rigor and stagger around with the knees and elbows locked. There is also a 'loose' form of this reaction in which individuals loose all motor control and flop around helplessly on the floor.
Kimahri's companions appeared to hover along the length of the bench and pile up at the end without wasting time by standing up.
"Shot good!" Kimahri roared, drowning out the protest of the other Auroch's fans. The referee did not withdraw the call. Kimahri bared his fangs and hissed.
Reaching over the Ronso dragged Wakka out from under the seat and holding him up by the ankle, yanked his blitzball out of its damp nest in his armpit. Pulling back his arm he hurled it at the ref. Yuna dropped her head into her hands in mortified dismay. Had she watched, she would have seen the ball pass into the field without slowing down and slam into the man's head with a 'thwak'.
The unconscious man was towed off the field and replaced. His trembling successor took one look at Kimahri's cold countenance and wisely signaled the shot good, earning two points for the Aurochs. Kimahri took his seat, very pleased with himself until he encountered Yuna's displeased frown. He suddenly found that inspecting his fur for fleas and ticks was a very pressing issue.
The half time show went along swimmingly, considering that the Moonflow Hypello Aquabatics Team performed it. No one paid it much attention until the cheerleaders made an appearance, and most fans used the time to rush the bathrooms. Rikku stood impatiently in the ridiculously long line for the women's bathroom. For some reason the line was always longer for the 'little girls' room'.
"I'm gonna wet my pants!" the Al Bhed girl moaned as the line moved a few inches.
"Look at those guys," she complained to Yuna.
"There's hardly a line at all! And when there is one, it moves like cabbage through and old person!
Rikku pouted as a mob of guys filed in and out of the bathroom in a matter of minutes.
"Its sooo not fair!" Yuna patted her friend comfortingly on the shoulder. After what felt like an eternity to their bladders, the wait was over.
Tidus came around the corner as the last of the men left the bathrooms. He paused, slowing into the typical stagger of someone realizing that they had possibly just used the wrong room as a bathroom. The happy tune he had been whistling petered out with an off key screech. He glanced at the men's bathroom, then back towards the docks.
Tidus shrugged nonchalantly and grinned at Yuna and Rikku as they joined Auron for the trip back to their seats.
"You took a leak in the ocean, didn't you? You just whizzed off one of the docks." Auron accused.
"Yeah." Tidus replied, expertly hiding his embarrassment behind obnoxious cheer.
"I did have five drinks after all."
Rikku giggled and dragged Yuna ahead of the guys towards their seats. Tidus shrugged. Piddling out the window (or off a dock) was normal, as far as he was concerned. It was much more sanitary than collecting it in pits and there was less risk of some poor person stepping into it. Besides, fish lived in their own urine and feces. They excreted it into their environment daily and swam around inhaling the urine of other fish, and they were perfectly healthy.
The second half of the game began after the last Hypello was floated out of the field (one of several victims of an unfortunate mishap with some of the cheerleaders). The ball passed from player to player, traveling steadily towards the goal. A sense of urgency spurring both teams to try a few of their own Hail Yevons. The desperation plays kept the fans on the edges of their seats and the Ronsos happy, which was productive to a long life without cerebral trauma.
The opposing team was executing a surprise play that would certainly have spelled defeat for the Aurochs, when a pale blur streaked through the playing field. The disturbance stunned the opposing team long enough for the Aurochs to foil the play. The streaker then led the security guards on a merry chase through the players.
A sudden stillness froze everyone in the Summoners Box as dread filled Yuna and her Guardians. As one, they looked down the row to Tidus' seat. It stood as empty as a chocolate store hit by diabetics during a 90 percent off sale. Everyone groaned then the X's glared accusingly at the three remaining Y's.
"We didn't dare him. Honest!" Wakka babbled.
"We had nothing to do with it!"
"I'll kill him!" Auron was muttering under Wakka's desperate gabbling.
"It's just not worth it. I'm sending him straight to Jecht!"
There was a sudden rush to grab Auron as the veteran Guardian drew his sword and tried to climb the edge of the parapet. The two women, a former blitzball captain, and a Ronso hanging off him hindered his progress.
"Auron not go." Kimahri rumbled reasonably.
"Not swimmer. Can't hold breath."
"I don't need to breathe!"
The struggle continued as Yuna attempted to calm the enraged Unsent Guardian down and save her beloved Tidus.
"What's up?" came a familiar voice from behind them. The entire party froze, then turned to stare at Tidus. He blinked back at them curiously, sipping from a drink he was managing to juggle along with three hotdogs and a bag of popped grains.
Feeling rather silly, Tidus' embarrassed companions returned to their seats, exchanging sheepish glances. Auron frowned into the depths of his collar suspiciously. Reaching a decision, he nudged Kimahri and motioned towards Tidus. The Ronso casually reached behind Rikku and smacked the back of the young blitzball player's head.
Tidus leaned forward and glared at Kimahri, who directed the malice towards Auron.
"What was that for?"
"Just in case."
Auron grunted. Something was just wrong with the whole situation. The streaker had to have been Tidus. Sure the large screens set up to allow everyone in the stadium a better view of the action had followed the comical chase. The problem was that the person had moved so quickly that no one had been able to get a good look at the streaker. He sighed and tried to ignore Intuition as it hammered at the back of his mind. Besides, the boy had clearly been at the concession booth.
Only after Auron turned his attention back to the game, did Tidus heave a mental sigh of relief. He looked at Rikku, who was sitting next to him, and held out a hotdog. The Al Bhed girl gave him a curt nod and grudgingly accepted it, a small napkin passing into Tidus' hand in return. (The exchange exhibited an expertise seen only in disreputable neighborhoods where illegal substances change hands in broad daylight.) Tidus grinned cheerily at Rikku and pocketed the napkin. 20 gil was 20 gil and after the Temple Streaking this was nothing.
Kimahri tentatively sniffed his hotdog, hoping that it wasn't actually made out of a dog. He still didn't understand the human custom of giving food strange names. Hamburgers weren't even made out of ham, for Yevon's sake! He was cautiously biting into it when a giant foam finger swatted him on the head. The Ronso growled and looked down to see Tidus grinning up at him. Kimahri's ears fattened in irritation.
Taking one of the empty cups from his cap, Kimahri crushed it against his broken horn. He looked back down at the perpetually clueless blond who seemed unfazed.
"Hey, pass it on." Tidus whispered fiercely, waggling his eyebrows meaningfully at Auron. Kimahri chose to ignore him, which proved to be a mistake. The young Guardian relentlessly prodded his hairy friend. It only took a few minutes for Tidus to hop on the ride to Kimahri's Last Nerve. Exasperated, Kimhari smacked his older companion on the back of the head, pitching him out of his seat.
"Pass on."
After working out the kinks (i.e., stopping Kimahri from beating senseless anyone who slapped Yuna), Kimahri found the primitive game rather amusing. The slap was good-naturedly passed up and down the line, but ended quickly when Kimahri slapped Auron and his head exploded in a cloud of pyre-flies. The Ronso yowled in surprise, and scrambled up one of the decorative pennants hanging behind their seats, fur standing on end.
Auron reassembled himself and had a good laugh at the disconcerted horror on his friends' faces. Alacrity for the game quickly diminished and the warrior found that no one was willing to sit beside him.
"Come on fraidy cat." he teased while Kimahri clung stubbornly to the banner, ignoring Yuna's best efforts to coax him down.
"Fine. Stay up there. Tidus, you can have his beverage cap."
"Right on!"
Tidus eagerly snatched up the forgotten cap and rammed it on his head. Kimahri growled menacingly as the teen started drinking from the plastic tubes. He could see the slobber sliding along them. The Ronso leaped from the banner getting a face full of highly pressurized beverage as it left the blond's mouth and he turned to flee.
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