The Scouts had been gone for months and their absence left a void in Rowan. She missed her playful banter and sometimes meaningful conversations with Captain Levi, her theory analysis with Hange, and the time she spent laughing with Petra. No one even knew if they were still alive. Rowan had hope though. She believed in the Levi and Hange squads. She did manage to find a distraction though, Captain Levi's words motivating her. She put everything she had into training, not quitting until she reached her body's limit. She easily proved that she was stronger than the others. Now with only Mikasa officially ranked above her, she knew she would make Levi proud whenever he returned.
The recruits finally reached the halfway point of their last year of training, kicking it off with some good ol' sparring. Rowan stood tall, stretching her limbs in the center of the green. She was assigned Jean as a sparring partner and that excited her. He had slowly maneuvered into their friend group, Marco in tow. She had sparred with every one of her friends, except for Jean. So far, Mikasa was the only one who took her down. She was excited to see what Jean had to offer. He was finishing up his last lap of sprints, so Rowan had a moment to collect herself. She shut her eyes and took a deep breath, enjoying the sun warming her skin. Her moment of bliss was cut short though as a hand sunk into her hair, fingers digging into her scalp. The hand yanked her back, her body falling backwards.
"That's such a cheap shot Jean!" She shouted, squirming against the force. Her eyes shot open as a familiar voice chuckled darkly. It was a voice she hadn't heard in years.
"Hello sister. Stop struggling. You're making a scene. It's time to come home." Thomas. His grip was unwavering, his voice firm. Rowan dug her heels into the ground, hoping that would slow him down. It didn't do much good though and she yelled at him to stop.
"Let me go! Thomas, we can talk about this! You're hurting me!" He was definitely ripping out tendrils of hair as he pulled and he didn't care. If he didn't want to make a scene, then he should just let her go so they could have a civilized conversation. If they weren't surrounded by her comrades staring them down, she would have just used her magic to put him on his ass. She didn't have to struggle much more though. They came to a halt, a dark figure bolting to the spot right next to them. In a breath, Thomas's hand was untangled from her hair, his body flipping into the air. He landed on his back, sprawled out in the grass. Meanwhile, Rowan took a moment to collect herself. She positioned her feet against the hard earth below her and took a deep breath to ease her shaking limbs. She glanced up to see the figure that broke them apart standing in front of her, shielding her from her brother.
"You need to come home Ro! Stop playing soldier." Thomas shouted, struggling to control his ragged breathing. He shoved himself to his knees. Rowan flinched back, her eyes shut. Ro. She hadn't been called that since she was a young girl. It was what her father always called her.
"But...I can't leave. If I leave, I won't be able to come back." She tried to focus on the conversation, her mind having other plans.
"You don't belong here anyway! You and I both know that. Stop this madness and come home. There's been a death in the family and you are needed in our village!" A death in the family? Rowan's breath faltered. That snapped her focus to the present and she opened her eyes to meet Thomas's gaze.
"I hate to interrupt this lovely family reunion, but Mixerton is one of our best recruits. She's strong and stubborn, but she has gained the trust of her comrades and she has learned to trust them. She isn't playing soldier...she is a soldier." Levi? He was the one who came to her rescue… again. She was so grateful he was still alive, her heart racing in response. She stared right at his back, noticing the curve of his muscles through his white shirt. She could just make out a bandage wrapped tightly around his core and her eyes widened. Was he injured? Why wasn't he resting?
"Am I supposed to care about what you think? This is none of your business. You don't know my sister or our village! Ro betrayed us and she must face the consequences she caused." Thomas growled, pushing himself to his feet. Ro. There it was again. Thomas was trying to break her resolve. He didn't deserve to call her that name. She was gathering her thoughts to form some kind of response, but Levi beat her to it.
"Yeah, I may not know her as well as you do, but I know this soldier, Rowan Mixerton, quite well. She is a pain in my ass and has the worst taste in tea I have ever seen. Despite that, she is one of the strongest and smartest soldiers I have ever had the pleasure of knowing. Your village should be proud." Captain Levi squared his shoulders, still standing between the siblings. Tears formed in Rowan's eyes and she wiped them furiously. Did he really think that of her? He was saying this in front of all the recruits, a crowd gathering to see what the commotion was about. To do this out in the open… he must actually believe it.
"Proud? Are you serious? She's a traitor! I'm not leaving here without her." Thomas stepped forward and another presence stepped beside Rowan. She glanced up to see Petra, her eyes narrowed on Thomas. She entwined their fingers and smiled reassuringly at Rowan. Petra. She also returned from the Scout's mission and she was there to lend her support to Rowan.
"Then you aren't leaving, recruit." Captain Levi raised his blades, his deep voice evoking a shiver from Rowan. They were the last blades he had available and they were worn and cracking, but Rowan knew he'd still be unstoppable with them. He narrowed his eyes, his gaze challenging Thomas to make the first move.
"Ha. You don't scare me. Go play Prince Charming somewhere else, Shrimp." Thomas scoffed, his fists clenched. He would fight back. Thomas was a lot like Eren, full of untapped rage and aggression. There would be a bloodbath if someone didn't diffuse the situation.
"Captain Levi? It might not be the best idea to stain the grass with blood. It might frighten the other recruits." Petra spoke sweetly, her hand squeezing Rowan's.
"Captain...Levi?" Thomas's eyes widened, his stance faltering. Rumors of Levi's power had spread to their witch village before Rowan ever thought about leaving. Thomas knew exactly who he was and what he was capable of.
"I think the situation calls for it Petra. This is just a naive punk who thinks he can boss his sister around and blame her for something out of her control. He doesn't think Rowan has what it takes to be a soldier." His words were warped with disgust.
"Well that's just silly. She's officially the second strongest recruit. She'll be out running missions with our squad in no time!" That's all Rowan wanted. She wanted to be a member of the Levi squad and help bring Titans to their knees to save humanity.
"Now, we can continue to make a scene if you'd like. Petra can give you her ODM gear so it's a fair fight, but I warn you. I've had a very shitty time these past few months and I'm not in the mood to play fight." Captain Levi raised his blades, eyes fixed on Thomas.
"Whatever. She'll get what's coming for her. You won't be here to protect her forever." Thomas spat and he turned on his heel. Rowan let out a breath as soon as he started shoving through the crowd of recruits. He couldn't leave yet though.
"Wait! Thomas! Was there really a death in the family?" Her heart clenched. She needed to know what happened, if it was true.
"Our mother. She left the barrier to chase after you and she was murdered by Titans. You get to live with that burden, Ro." He stated flatly before disappearing into the crowd. Mom? Mom died...chasing after her? It's her fault? No. Tears erupted from her eyes, clouding her vision. Her knees felt weak and she crumpled forward, landing against Levi's chest. He had turned towards her once Thomas walked away and he bent to hold her weight up.
"Easy there." His voice was soft and she sobbed, her shoulders shaking as her fingers curled into his shirt. Her mother, her deep green eyes that matched Rowan's and her carefree, loving smile. She'd never get to hear her laugh at Rowan's sarcasm or see her dance with the villagers at night or see her teach the children new spells and about their heritage. She'd never get to stand side by side with her in the kitchen and cover herself and her mom in flour as they made bread or baked cake for a celebration. Her mom would never sing her to sleep again and it left her empty. "Come on. Let's get you clean and somewhere quiet," Levi gently uncurled her fingers from his shirt. He gestured for Petra to help steady her. Together, the trio navigated through the crowd, Petra and Levi shielding her from the stares. They walked into the dorms and Petra took over, leading Rowan into the bathroom. Levi stayed at the door, his back facing them before the door clicked shut. Rowan knew he would stand guard, keeping the space private for her. Petra turned the water on in one of the shower stalls before hugging Rowan tightly.
"I know it doesn't mean much, but her death is not on your shoulders. You can only control what you do, not how others react. Please remember that." Petra held her tightly before stepping away to let Rowan have some privacy. Rowan dropped to the tile floor, feeling the grooves press against her exposed skin. She sobbed, her shoulders shaking as she curled forward, making herself more compact. As the warm water soaked her, she looked up to the ceiling and screamed her heart out.
Rowan heard the water click off, a soft towel being draped around her. Her body had given up, her mind slipping away as the water engulfed her. Her shoulder was pressed against the wall of the stall, her head slumped against her knees. Gentle hands dried her off, pulling her to her feet. She felt clothes being pulled over her body and her eyes struggled to open. She caught sight of Petra, carefully dressing her and holding her body upright.
"She's decent." Petra whispered and the door to the restroom clicked open.
"Thank-you Petra. Go get some rest. I will watch over her." Captain Levi. His voice settled in Rowan's chest and she was grateful for both of them. She felt her body lift from the ground, strong arms securing her to a firm chest. She knew she was in Captain Levi's arms, the aroma of clean linen brushing her nose.
"Don't push yourself too hard Levi. You're injured and you need rest too. Perhaps you could ask Armin or Sasha to watch over her? I'm sure her friends could take turns while we rest."
"I'm well aware, but thank-you for your concern. I will rest once Rowan is taken care of." He assured her, carrying Rowan from the restroom.
"Okay sir. Please let me know if I can do anything to help." That's where the conversation ended and Rowan let herself drift off in her Captain's arms. She knew that she was safe with him.
When Rowan woke, she jolted up, the memories rushing to the forefront of her mind. She clenched her chest, holding her fists firmly against it as she gasped for air. Her mother was gone. It was her fault and it wasn't just some twisted nightmare. Thomas had really come to camp to drag her back kicking and screaming before dropping a bomb on her, shattering her resolve. If Captain Levi and Petra weren't there, she would've gone with him. She deserved to be labeled a traitor and held accountable for the death of her own mother. If she had never left the village, her mother would still be singing with the village children. Rowan knew death and tragedy were inevitable in this world, but she was naive in thinking it would never touch her family. She put too much faith in the witch village to protect her family while she was gone.
Rowan opened her eyes slowly, letting them adjust to the soft candle light. She was in a fairly barren bedroom, her body sprawled across a bed. Her body had sunk into the mattress, the pressure soothing her. Her gaze slid across the room, noting the tea kettle, mugs, and jar of honey. Her eyes then landed on Captain Levi. He was seated on the floor across from her, his back resting against the wall. His left leg was extended in front of him, right leg pulled up to his chest. His chin rested against his chest, his arms crossed in front of him. He must have fallen asleep while watching over her. A soft smile touched her lips. Maybe she could pretend it was all a dream. That wouldn't be so bad, would it?
"Sir?" Rowan spoke softly and Captain Levi stirred, his eyes snapping open. His gaze settled on Rowan, eyes softening as he studied her. "Thank-you for coming home and for coming to my rescue yet again." She really meant that. She knew loss was a guarantee in this world, but she wasn't mentally capable of dealing with more in that moment.
"Well, you are quite needy." He huffed, pushing himself up so he wasn't slouched. She chuckled quietly, that soft smile widening on her lips. He wasn't wrong. "I wasn't about to let some asshole kidnap one of our strongest soldiers." He muttered and then met her gaze. "I also wouldn't be a very good friend if I didn't step in." Tears instantly formed in her eyes again and she didn't realize she had any left. Levi faltered, his eyes wide. "Shit, why are you crying again? I can get Petra."
"No, silly. These are happy tears. That's the first time you've ever said we are friends." She smiled, gently patting her tears away to not irritate the skin around her eyes further.
"Hm. I suppose it is." He acknowledged, sighing in relief. That's when Rowan's eyes caught the color red, staining his white shirt.
"Levi, you're bleeding." She pushed herself off the bed, her knees hitting the ground as she reached to unbutton his shirt. The moment he called her a friend, the formalities slipped from her mind for good. There was no need for the charade any longer. She needed to help her friend. That's all that mattered in the moment. Red tendrils were swirling down his chest and soaking through the bandage.
"Oh, yeah. I tried one of Hange's new prototypes and it backfired. I told them it was a bad idea."
"But you still had to appease them. How deep is it?" Rowan leaned forward.
"Hange stitched it up. It's fine. I probably pulled the stitches out when I lifted you." He grumbled, studying the red staining his shirt.
"Let me see." Rowan pulled at the shirt buttons, exposing his chest to her. His muscles were defined, despite how lean he was. She paused, her hands hovering before she shook her head and started gently undoing the bandage. He stayed quiet, watching her carefully. She sucked a breath in, her eyes widening at the blood spilling from his chest. The wound was deep, much deeper than Levi played it off as. How was he walking around like normal? "Okay, do you trust me?"
"You already know the answer to that question." She met his gaze and she smiled.
"Okay. I want to try something. Stay very still." She placed her palms against his chest, pressing gently against the wound. The blood pooled around her fingers and she took a deep breath. She whispered a few words, words her brain couldn't translate. She had heard her mother use this before, on villagers who had cut themselves. She hoped it cooperated today. A warmth emitted from her hands, the skin slowly pulling close. The skin sealed, smoothing out under her fingers. She smiled, going to move her hands away. Captain Levi's hands shot up and gripped her wrists. She was startled and looked up to see his wild eyes. He was confused and surprised, emotions that were foreign on his features. It was overwhelming and Rowan was shocked by the absence of his usual rough and somewhat emotionless exterior.
"Why would you waste your energy on me?"
"To thank-you." At least it was a simple answer. She could handle that for now.
"Why?" His gaze was locked on hers and she didn't know how to answer that question. She was frozen in time, lost in the familiar clouds of gray. Her eyes slipped down to his soft lips and she leaned in. After everything that happened, she wanted a win. She wanted comfort. She wanted to feel whole again. If it was ever going to happen, she'd have to be the one to do it. Levi would never make the first move, even if he wanted to. She had said they were friends, but she actually wanted something more. She wanted Levi all to herself, and though it was selfish, she couldn't help it. She thought he was an asshole at first, but he grew on her and now she didn't want to be without him. She actually thought their lips might connect and her heart was calm, ready to risk it all. That was, until the door flew open.
"Levi! We hav-" Hange stood in the doorway, door flung open with their arm extended. They cut themselves off mid-word and stared at the pair, mouth agape. "Oh no, am I interrupting? Sorry!" They covered their eyes and bounced back into the hallway. Rowan snapped back to the present and flinched back. She yanked Levi's shirt closed to hide the newly healed skin. The world spun as she stood and her knees gave out. Levi was quick though and he caught her before she hit the ground. She was emotionally and physically drained and using magic only made it worse.
"I think I overdid it. I-I feel so sick." The nausea hit her and she leaned into Levi. Her fingers curled into his shirt as she fought the urge to vomit on him. He eased her down onto the bed and knelt in front of her hunched form.
"Oi." She looked up at him, the walls spinning behind him. "Don't do that again." He flicked her forehead and she groaned, shoving his hand away.
"You can't tell me what to do." She grumbled and he snatched her jaw, locking eyes with her.
"I can and I will. You don't even know what healing does to your body. Stop before you harm yourself."
"It was worth it." She huffed, shutting her eyes and slipping forward. Her forehead was pressed against his shoulder and she breathed in the scent of linen. His familiar aroma calmed her and she was able to focus on her breathing.
"Look, I hate to interrupt again, but it's really really important." Rowan had almost forgotten that Hange was there.
"What is it Hange?" Levi didn't even move, leaving Rowan's head on his shoulder, her nose turned towards the nape of his neck.
"Commander Erwin wants us to head back to that town we found. Some of the books I grabbed look promising and the library could have some valuable information hidden away."
"Fine, but leave your prototypes here. I'll be ready in the morning." He huffed, shifting to lean Rowan against the wall. His shirt slipped open and Hange gasped.
"Whoa! How'd that heal so fast? My stitching is good, but not that good!" Hange threw themselves on the ground in front of Levi and pressed their fingers into his flesh. His eyes narrowed and he shoved Hange's hands away. "You did this. You're a witch, aren't you?"
"What?" Rowan blurted, unsure if she heard Hange right. Levi's expression was stone cold and his eyes slipped to Rowan's bewildered stare.
"You are, aren't you? I read all about your kind! There were so many books in that town's library! You have to tell me everything!" Hange's eyes were bright and they jumped up onto the bed next to Rowan.
"Uh…" Rowan was at a loss, thrown off by Hange's enthusiasm. Levi stood and yanked Hange by the wrist. He pulled them off the bed and dragged them into the hallway.
"Keep this to yourself. Rowan isn't a threat and she's not someone to experiment on. She needs rest. We will go get your books tomorrow and then you can talk with her." Levi held the door, ready to slam it shut.
"It's a secret? Ooh I love secrets! I won't tell a soul! I don't want to scare off one of our greatest resources! Here, Rowan. Before I go, take these. They were in the library. I'll make sure to grab more when we go back." Hange tossed her small crystals of alexandrite before disappearing down the hallway.
"This is either going to be fine or end terribly." Levi pinched the bridge of his nose, shutting his door. His shirt hung at his sides, his chest exposed to Rowan. She could definitely get used to that, well, minus the blood. "What did Hange give you?" He gestured to the crystals. Rowan frowned, moving them around in her hands. She thought back to what her mother had taught her. Aquamarine was used to purify and rose quartz was used to heal relationships. What was alexandrite used for? Wait. The crystals slipped through her fingers, settling on the blankets beside her.
"I've never used them before, but they're said to be able to connect to spirit energy." Rowan remembered her cousin, Emery, explaining the crystals involved in communicating with the dead. If a person passes, their spirit remains in this plane for a few hours. During this time, it can be connected to a crystal. It can then return to this plane whenever the crystal is activated. Emery was more knowledgeable in this area, using her gifts to communicate with past elders and improve her healing magic.
"Hm." He nodded, dropping back down onto the ground. "You should get some rest."
"So should you." She whispered. She couldn't believe the Scouts were leaving again already. They were gone for months and they came back for one evening, only to be sent out again the next day?
"I'll be fine."
"Levi, you look like you haven't slept in weeks. Please take your bed back. I can sleep on the floor or go back to the dorms."
"Come here." He sighed, slipping the unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders before wiping the blood off his chest. His nose crinkled as he disinfected the area before tossing everything into the waste bin by the door. Rowan dropped her legs off the edge of the bed and he stepped towards her. He cradled her hands gently, studying the skin stained red with his blood. He took his time to disinfect each finger before scrubbing at her palms and the backs of her hands. He tossed the rags into the waste bin before squeezing both of her hands. He held them there for a moment, lost in thought. "I am sorry you had to do that." He sighed and Rowan couldn't help her lips turning up into a slight smile.
"I've seen worse." She shrugged and he nodded, placing her hands in her lap. He stepped into the closet space for a moment before emerging in sleep pants and a thin shirt.
"Move over." He muttered and Rowan obeyed, moving towards the head of the bed. Levi leaned his back against the wall, stretching his legs in front of him across the foot of the bed.
"I'm really glad you were here today. Thank-you for everything." Rowan admitted, content that he was actually up on the bed.
"I don't let my friends suffer alone." He said simply and she nodded with a soft smile on her lips. His eyes shut, his shoulders relaxing as the minutes of silence passed by.
"Levi?" She whispered, not wanting to wake him if he was already asleep. His one eye opened, settling his gaze on her. "Can I tell you about my family? I know you said that the less you know, the better. But...I'd really like to talk about them." He nodded, both eyes open now. She smiled softly, moving closer to him and leaning her back against the wall. Their arms were nearly brushing, but he didn't move away. "Well, my mother was the village's healer, but she also planned the feasts and danced with the children in the village center. She also loved gardening and often helped during harvest months. She married my father after they had my older brother Thomas. My father was a village guardian. He was strong-willed and a little too blunt at times. I get a lot of my mannerisms from him." She chuckled softly before continuing. "Then one day after my other siblings were born, he left to go get resources and never returned. The rumor is that he was taken by humans, but I'm not so sure. It didn't really make sense to me, but I was a child, so I believed it. That left my mother raising six of us on her own. She was also destined to be a powerful village Elder one day, so it was a lot on her plate. She would have been an amazing leader." There were the waterworks. Rowan knew the tears were coming, but she was doing her best to fight them off.
"So you have five siblings?" Levi inquired and Rowan was grateful for the slight subject shift. She nodded.
"Yes. Thomas is the oldest. He was meant to follow in our father's footsteps as a guardian, but he wanted to be a leader and an elder one day, so he trained day in and day out, learning our history and our core values. He had too much anger within him though and he ended up following the guardian path anyway. Then there was me, who ended up being the family disappointment. I wanted to fight and at first, I wanted to be a guardian like my father, but that changed when I saw the Scouts for the first time. They worked together and took down a Titan. I had never seen fighting like that and I wanted to be a soldier too. It was silly, really." She slumped her shoulders , hanging her head down.
"It is foolish." Levi nodded, but then he turned his head towards her. "But it's also admirable. You abandoned an easy life to help fight a war that's not even your own. You're stupid, but brave."
"Gee thanks." She nudged his shoulder with her own, a goofy smile on her lips. "So after me, the twins were born. Marcy and Matthias, though we just called him Mattie. The twins were the golden duo. I'm sure they're both the village healer now. Marcy was the spitting image of our mother when we were younger and her magic reflected that. Mattie was also a very skilled healer. He once put the bones in my leg back together after I got swept away in a river and he excelled at healing burns." She smiled fondly. "This one time, Mattie and I snuck into the village kitchen and took all the sweets. We gave them to all the other kids and we were nicknamed the sugar bandits. Though we didn't spend much time playing together, Mattie and I often got into trouble together. Whenever Marcy found out, she would scold us until we convinced her to join us."
"So, you've always been a troublemaker."
"Yeah, I guess so. I never viewed myself as a troublemaker. Mattie and I never hurt anyone, though we were quite mischievous. It was usually his idea though. I was always his support." She giggled. "When Annabelle was born, things changed a bit. The twins and I worked together to help my mom raise Anna after our father disappeared. I was actually playing hide and seek with Anna and Mattie in the woods when I saw the Scouts that day."
"It sounds like you have a very loving family."
"Yeah, I do. I wonder how Anna and the twins are. Anna was only six when I left. I wonder if she even remembers me." Rowan glanced at her clasped hands, twiddling her thumbs nervously.
"I'm sure she does. Children's memories are quite resilient at a young age." It might be utter bull shit. Rowan wouldn't even know. Despite that, Levi's words made her feel better.
"Thank-you for that." She sighed. "I'd love to ask Thomas about everyone, but he's irrational. That Thomas you saw on the green? That wasn't the Thomas I know. The Thomas I know cares deeply about his siblings and he would never lay a hand on any of us. He always viewed himself as the family's protector." Rowan frowned.
"A loss in the family...it can change a person. Despite that, if he touches you again, I will break his hand."
"Not if I break it first. He caught me off guard earlier, but it won't happen again." She assured him and he frowned slightly.
"Still, don't wander around alone while I'm gone."
"Captain Levi...are you worried about me?" She used his formal title to poke fun at him, nudging his shoulder again.
"Don't get used to it." He turned his head away.
"Whatever you say." She laughed before leaning back against the wall. "Levi?" She spoke before noticing his eyes were shut. "I'm sorry...I was just wondering what your family was like?"
"My family?" His brow furrowed.
"Yeah." She nodded, a yawn shaking her body.
"Petra, Oluo, Gunther, Eld, Erwin, and Hange. They are my family and have been for years." Rowan smiled.
"I know that, silly. That's not hard to figure out. I meant your family before you joined the Scouts."
"Tch." He turned his head away, stare distant.
"You don't have to tell me. I jus-"
"I had two people that I trusted. Isabel and Furlan. We joined the Scouts together." That caught Rowan off guard. She didn't actually expect him to answer.
"Really? What are they like? Are they still in the Scouts?" She scooted even closer to him, excited to learn about his past.
"Isabel was a lot like you, energetic and mouthy. She was a fighter and she wasn't afraid to speak her mind, even if it would get her in trouble. Furlan was the opposite. He was calm and level-headed. He knew when to be quiet and he knew when to fight." Levi spoke fondly of his friends and Rowan couldn't help but notice he spoke of them in past tense.
"It sounds like they balance each other well." She hoped he was just using past tense because he hadn't seen them in a while.
"They did, when they were alive."
"I- I'm so sorry Levi. I didn't know."
"It's foolish really. Friendships don't last long when you're a soldier." His outlook on life truly was dark and Rowan wished to change that.
"Ours has. We're going on three years." She smiled and he rolled his eyes.
"Tch. You're a recruit, not a scout."
"So we won't be friends when I'm an official member of the Scouts? That's kind of shitty. You're one of my closest friends." She yawned again, her body leaning towards Levi. Her head rested on his shoulder.
"I'm one of your closest friends?" He seemed shocked and appalled, which was definitely out of character for him.
"Don't sound so offended. You know the most about me, so yes. Deal with it." Silence was his only response so Rowan shut her eyes. "Isabel and Furlan sound wonderful. I'm glad you had them in your life." With that, Rowan let herself drift off in her captain's bed, head resting on his shoulder.
Silky material was wrapped around her body, enclosing it in a soft cocoon. That's all she felt when she woke, shaking off her sleepiness. Her eyes slowly opened, noting the blinding sunlight poking through the open window. Ah, so that's what woke her. It was probably early morning still, the sun rising to start the day. She stretched her limbs, glancing around the room before her eyes settled at a figure residing by her feet. Levi was curled in a ball, his body exposed to the chilly morning. He must have tucked her in after she fell asleep on him the night prior. Her cheeks warmed and she pulled the sheets up around her. He appeared small and fragile in his sleep, seemingly at peace. Rowan leaned in, studying his face. He was quite adorable, his facial features softened. She appreciated seeing him like this, in this vulnerable state.
Knowing she wouldn't get back to sleep with the sun high in the sky, she decided to carefully pull her legs out from under the sheet. She stood and maneuvered over to the stove. The set-up was similar to the one in his office, so Rowan figured she could make do. She grabbed the kettle and wandered down the hallway, looking for a water source.
"There's my favorite magical being! Good morning!" Rowan spun, eyes wide. Hange stood at the end of the hallway, smiling brightly as they waved enthusiastically.
"Good morning Hange." Rowan smiled through her clenched jaw. She realized that keeping her secret just became increasingly more difficult.
"Oh, don't worry. Loosen up those jaw muscles before you crack your teeth. No one else is up at the ass crack of dawn, so your secret is safe. Is Levi awake?" They stepped down the hallway and rubbed their fingers into Rowan's cheeks, loosening her jaw muscles. Rowan tugged her face away, a giggle escaping her. She couldn't be mad at Hange. They were such a bright and eccentric spirit.
"Levi is still sleeping. I was going to make him some tea, but I couldn't find a place to fill the kettle." Rowan held the kettle up and Hange beamed.
"You both are too cute! Am I the only one who knows about you? I'm sure Levi isn't the PDA type, but you are really good at hiding your relationship from the others!" Hange bounced excitedly and Rowan held her hands up, shaking them in front of Hange's face.
"Whoa, wait, what? Relationship? There's no relationship Hange! Levi and I are just close friends." Rowan assured her, her cheeks on fire now. She could feel the heat traveling down her neck and she was certain she was red as a tomato.
"Awww, you're blushing! No need to be embarrassed! I think it's sweet. Levi deserves some happiness in his life. We see too much death and destruction in our daily lives."
"Hange, we are not in a relationship. We are just close friends." Rowan stated clearly.
"Close friends. Riiighhttt." Hange nudged Rowan's shoulder, eyebrows raised. "Close friends don't put themselves in the position you both were in last night."
"You caught us in a vulnerable moment! That's the only time it has happened!" Rowan shut her eyes, clenching her fists as she shouted.
"That's what they all say." Hange laughed before thinking it over. "If you aren't in a relationship, you should fix that. We never know when the Titans will take us out. I know Levi is rough around the edges, but he's a good person who deserves some normalcy in his life." Hange smiled gently, their demeanor more serious.
"I'll think about it okay. I know it's what I want, but I feel selfish wanting it. I doubt Levi wants anything like that." Rowan tucked her chin against her chest, eyes on the ground.
"Maybe it is selfish. Who cares? We sacrifice our lives to fight Titans for humanity. We deserve to be a little selfish here and there." When Hange said it out loud, it made logical sense.
"I'll think about it, okay?"
"That's fine. Just don't wait too long." Hange shrugged before grabbing the kettle from her hands. They gestured for Rowan to follow, the pair winding down the halls together. Hange opened a door, letting Rowan walk through first. "This is our temporary kitchen. You can use it whenever you'd like! The spigot is right over here. The water is mostly clean, but you're boiling it and Levi hasn't died from it yet so it should be alright." Hange shrugged, filling the kettle with liquid that had a slightly troubling brown hue.
"Great, thanks." Rowan watched in horror, the water a little too speckled for her liking. Hange shut the sink off and handed Rowan the kettle.
"Go make your man some tea. I'm sure he will appreciate it! No one has ever really been there to take care of him." Hange smirked and the flush immediately returned to Rowan's cheeks.
"He's not my man." She grumbled, following Hange back down the hallway.
"Once you both finish your tea, let Levi know that I'll be at the stables, prepping the horses! Commander Erwin would like us to head out before the morning ends." Hange waved before hurrying down the hallway. Rowan smiled softly. Though overwhelming, Hange had a vibrant and curious soul. Rowan admired that and she was grateful to find a friend in Hange. Rowan slowly pushed the door open, eyes landing on Levi's sleeping form. He still looked like he was knocked out cold, so Rowan put the kettle on the stove. She would have to grab it before it started squealing. She grabbed tea bags from the jar residing next to the stove. She placed one in each glass mug before swirling honey all over the inside of her mug. She waited until she could hear the water boiling, bubbles forming and popping in the kettle. She turned the stove off and divided the hot liquid between the two mugs. She used a spoon resting on the table to stir Levi's tea before stirring her own. She let it sit for a few minutes before tossing the tea bags in the garbage bin and giving both mugs a good stir.
"Levi?" She whispered, afraid to poke the sleeping captain. He stretched his limbs out, his eyes opening.
"Hm?" His hair was tousled, sticking up in every direction. His clothes were wrinkled from how he had slept and Rowan just wanted to wrap her arms around him and squeeze. In that moment, she realized just how many layers Levi had to his soul. This was the unguarded Levi, the just rolled out of bed Levi. She was rather fond of him and she knew she was in trouble. The more she got to know him, the real Levi and not the Captain everyone else saw, the more she needed him in her life. Shit.
"I...uh, made some tea for you. Hange showed me where the kitchen was. They said they will be at the stables, preparing the horses for the mission. I can leave, if you'd like." She rambled through her thoughts before she took the time to organize them. Levi furrowed his brow, glancing at the mug Rowan had extended to him and the mug that was in her other hand.
"Stay and finish your tea. It shouldn't go to waste." He spoke simply, sitting up and taking the mug from Rowan. He sipped it, the scolding temperature not bothering him. "It's good. Thank-you for making it." Rowan just caught sight of the slight smile on his lips before he returned his mouth to the mug.
"You're welcome." She smiled, standing awkwardly with the mug in her hands.
"Are you just going to stand there staring at me? Sit down." He nodded his head towards the open space beside him. "What did you and Hange discuss anyway?"
"What-nothing! Nothing important." She mumbled under her breath, glancing away as she dropped down on the bed next to him.
"Your red as a tomato face tells me otherwise. I thought we were close friends. Close friends don't lie to each other." He glanced at her over his mug and she scowled. Damn him.
"It really isn't important Levi…" She whispered into her own mug and he still stared at her. "Please don't make me say it."
"Well, I could just go down to the stables and ask Hange. I'm sure they'd be happy to tell me all about it." He inched closer to the edge of the bed and Rowan's heart quickened.
"No! I'll tell you." Her shoulders slumped and Levi seemed satisfied with that, leaning his back against the wall once again. "Hange thought we were together last night." She mumbled into her tea.
"We were. Why is that such a big deal?" His head tilted and Rowan sighed. Of course he was dense. She knew he was oblivious, but not THAT oblivious.
"No...like...boyfriend and girlfriend...together." He lowered his mug, gaze distant as he thought over her words.
"Why would Hange think that?" He was killing her slowly. He might as well just take a knife and stab it right through her heart.
"Because of last night...after I healed you." She tried not to picture herself leaning in, eyes trained on his lips. Damn her and damn Hange.
"Oh." Well, at least he wasn't that dense. He seemed well aware of what almost happened last night. "Rowan...I don't think it's a good idea." This was exactly what Rowan was expecting. She knew he would reject her, but she held onto that little sliver of hope. Despite her low expectations, it still hurt. It hurt worse than any physical pain she had experienced during training thus far. Levi had looked away from her, a frown on his lips.
"I understand. That's why I didn't want to say anything." She closed her eyes, aggravated by the tears forming there. Why did she have to cry again? She really didn't think she had any tears left. "I should get going so you can get ready. Please keep yourself safe. I'll wash the mug and return it when you come back." She mumbled quickly, shoving herself off the bed. She reached the door, but Levi was right there. He held the door shut, eyes trained on her teary gaze.
"Rowan, I never want to be the reason for your tears. I just don't think I am right for you."
"I know, I know. All that matters is the mission...saving humanity. I get it, okay? You're a commanding officer with a shining record and I'm just a recruit who is scared of heights. Save your breath, I'm fine. It's just a stupid crush. I'll leave you alone from now on." She was being a bit dramatic, but she just wanted to leave and curl up in her bed. She wanted to leave this man behind her and focus on what she left her village for in the first place.
"That's not what I want." He spoke softly and she shoved him away from the door.
"Well it's what I want and for once in my life, I'm going to be selfish. Please be safe out there. Goodbye Levi." Tears were running down her face now and she ducked under the arm he had put in the doorway. She took off, sprinting down the hallway and away from the man that slowly made a home in her heart.
"Rowan!" He shouted after her, but she didn't care. She needed space and air. Lots of air. She kept running, not looking back. She lost her mother, her pride, and her light in the span of two days. She was done swallowing her tears.