Our Recognition

Chapter 7

"See, I've finally woken from a long sleep
I'm ready to jump, to make that blind leap
'Cause I now believe I have the power in me
I've got the faith, baby, I can truly be free…"

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"Mom? You home?"

Lucas's voice was tentative and weary. He'd been out all night at the Rivercourt, just thinking. Since he'd been unable to sort out his emotions on his own, it was time to consult expert advice.

A worried Karen came down the hall in her bathrobe. "Lucas, where the hell have you been? I've been calling everyone you know. Even Peyton didn't know where you were."

At the mention of Peyton's name, he pulled out a chair at the table and sat down. "I'm sorry. I just had something to deal with."

"And you couldn't call me while you were 'dealing?' You know better than that, Lucas." Her tone was still angry, and rising.

Putting his hands up in surrender, he stopped her. "Look, Mom, could we skip the lecture just this once? I need to talk to you."

Karen's annoyance wilted at his serious tone, and she sat down across from him. In a calmer fashion, she said, "Okay, what is it?"

Luke was still grappling with this internally, and was having a hard time putting it into words. Finally, he said, "I know you don't like talking about this, and I know it's painful, but…it would help me a lot."

Karen waited somewhat apprehensively. "Okay…what?"

It took Luke's eyes a few moments to meet his mother's. When they did, they were glossy. And when he spoke, his voice shook. "How…how did you finally know you wanted to be with Keith?"

A golf ball sized lump seized Karen's throat, and she swallowed hard against it. She struggled with this every day…every day she knew her stomach was growing larger. But if it was this important to Lucas, she would tell him. "Well, my life wasn't the same without Keith when he left Tree Hill. I couldn't remember what my life was like before he was in it." She paused to collect herself. "He was my…best friend, Lucas. I always loved him. That was what I realized." A tear rolled down her cheek, despite her efforts. "That was what I realized too late."

It was the answer Lucas was afraid to hear. He really couldn't picture his life before Peyton. It was dark, empty and lonely before Peyton. She was his best friend. She and Haley meant the world to him as friends. But the feelings he held for Peyton were far deeper than friendship, that much he knew now.

He also knew he didn't want it to be too late. "But Keith knew all along, didn't he?" Lucas asked. "He was just waiting for you to realize it yourself."

Karen nodded silently as Lucas's gaze drifted. "That must've been hard for him," he finished.

Placing a hand on her stomach, Karen asked softly, "Why are you suddenly curious?"

He found it not so hard to say anymore. "Brooke told me Peyton still has feelings for me."

Grinning now, Karen laughed and remarked, "Well, it's about time."

Lucas was taken aback. "You mean…you knew?" Was everyone else painfully aware of this except him?

"It's been obvious since the day I met her in the hospital, Luke. And after the shooting."

Lucas was faintly annoyed. "How is it possible that everyone else knew but me?"

She shrugged. "Maybe you just didn't want to see. How long did you think Keith and I were meant to be? Andy knew, too."

Lucas suddenly saw exactly where she was coming from. It made total sense. She never saw Keith as an option almost because he was too close to her. He was a friend, and she didn't want to ruin that. She pushed that idea out of her mind to preserve his place in Lucas's life. She blinded herself to it.

"I denied it for too long, Lucas. Don't make the same mistake."

Lucas nodded, completely understanding now. But there was still one thing. "What about Brooke?"

Karen raised her eyebrows. "Do you still have feelings for her?"

"Well, yeah," he admitted with a shrug. "I'll always have a tie to her on some level. We had two pregnancy scares, and we dated for quite a while. But it's nothing like what I've had with Peyton all this time. I get that now. But I still somehow feel like I need her permission, you know?"

"You don't need permission, Luke," Karen told him. "You just need to tell her what you're going to do."

Lucas was hesitant. "It's kind of awkward."

With a chuckle, Karen replied, "That's life. Get used to it."

He stood up, resolved now. Smiling a little, he wrapped his mother in an appreciative embrace. "Thanks, Ma."

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Between third and fourth period every day, the students had a fifteen-minute break, one that most used to grab breakfast or finish homework they didn't do the night before. Lucas and Haley usually used it to complain to one another about their quickly growing homework pile, and today was no different.

Leaving his Algebra class and crossing the hall, he met her by the lockers. He was glad to see her, too. He had a lot on his mind. "Thirty-two problems for Algebra II," he whined, resting his head against his locker. "That teacher is evil."

"Oh, cry me a river. I've got forty-five in Calculus."

Lucas grimaced. "Ouch. I have a Chemistry lab write-up due Friday."

"I have an AP Lit. paper due tomorrow."

"History test?"

"Macroeconomics test."

Lucas winced and gave up, shaking his head. "You always beat me at this game, I don't know why I bother."

"Me neither," Haley grinned, shutting her locker and turning to him. "But I love it. So what's bothering you?"

Lucas was thrown for a moment. "How do you know something's bothering me?"

"Oh please," Haley responded with a roll of her eyes. "I've known you this long, and you think I can't read you like an open book?" She swatted him playfully. "Come on, tell me what's up."

He leaned heavily against the locker. "Peyton still has feelings for me, Hales."

Her response was casual. "I know."

Lucas was puzzled. "You know? Did Brooke tell you?"

Haley immediately regretted her thoughtlessness. She knew Peyton wouldn't appreciate Haley spilling her secrets, but it wasn't like it was a secret anymore. Nevertheless, she lied, "Yeah, she told me the other day. But it's not like she had to. I mean…it's been fairly obvious since the year started."

He was getting tired of being reminded every single time that he was the only one who hadn't picked up on the real truth. "Yeah, obvious," he commented bitterly. "But I don't know what to do about it."

"Well, how do you feel about her?" Haley asked matter-of-factly.

"The same way. I really do. I mean, I don't think I ever really stopped feeling something special for Peyton. But I wanted Brooke to trust me again, and I pushed my other feelings away."

Haley smiled, glad to see that both of them were admitting how they felt. "You should tell her, Lucas."

"But what if things get complicated again? I don't want to come between Brooke and Peyton more than I already have."

"It's okay, Luke," a soft voice said from behind him. "You should tell her. The damage is done between Peyton and me. Don't let that stop you from telling her the truth."

He jumped, startled by Brooke's sudden appearance. More shocking, though, were the words she'd just uttered. He could literally only stare for a few moments. "Really?" he said incredulously. "You're telling me to go for it?"

She shrugged. "I'm sick of watching you two brooders pine away for each other. Just get it over with," she told him with a half-hearted smirk.

Lucas smiled gratefully. "Thanks, Brooke. That means a lot."

Nodding and walking away, Brooke headed down the hall just as the bell rang. Just as Lucas spotted Peyton walking to her next class as well.

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"I'm tellin' you, man, it was the play. Everyone knew at the play."

Lucas held the basketball at his side, shaking his head. "I swear, she was just acting. How did you know?" He passed the ball to Nathan, who dribbled up to make a shot.

"Oh come on, the tears? The sound of her voice? She totally lost it."

The ball rebounded back to him, and Lucas held it again. "I can't believe I never saw it."

Nathan looked at Lucas pointedly. "Are you going to tell her?"

"Yeah," Lucas nodded, "but I don't know what the hell I'll say. 'Hey Peyton, what's up? Heard you still have feelings for me. Wanna make out?'"

Nathan chuckled. "I tried that once, man. It didn't work."

Laughing aloud, Lucas started a one-on-one competition with his half-brother. He dribbled to the right and faked to the left, and Nathan reached out to steal it. Victorious, he slam-dunked and turned back to face Lucas, who shrugged.

"Seriously, though…I want to tell her soon. Since I bought her that ticket to Savannah, she's been avoiding me."

Nathan took a step forward. "You did what?" he said dubiously. "You bought her a ticket to where?"

"Savannah," Lucas repeated. "To see Jake."

With an ironic laugh, Nathan turned back to the basket and made a shot. "I officially don't get either one of you."

Lucas rolled his eyes. "It was before I knew, okay? Which was obviously a waste of money, since she won't be going."

Nathan glanced back. "How do you know she won't?"

"You think she'd still go?"

"She might," Nathan replied with a shrug. "Maybe since she doesn't think you feel the same way, she'll see if things could work out with him."

Lucas's expression was panicked as he ran from the Rivercourt.

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With the last of everything packed, Peyton closed the zipper on the duffel bag she'd been packing for the last half hour.

Just as she picked it up, the doorbell rang.