The Scouts were gone for a few days and Rowan busied herself with finding gifts for her friends for winter solstice. She knew it wasn't a holiday they celebrated, but it was going to be a full moon and that meant gift giving in her village. It wasn't often that a full moon and winter solstice lined up, so she was going to take advantage of it. After prepping the infirmary and taking care of her injuries, she got to work crocheting Mikasa gloves that matched the scarf Eren had given her when they were kids. She then went into town and found the newest crime novel for Marco and a locket for Jean. It was a simple chain that had a big enough locket to tuck the crystal in, so he could always have Marco near his heart. For Armin, she got him a map of the world before the walls were built. She had to do some hard bartering for that to get the merchant to drop the price down. For Connie, she got him a coat that was less furry than the one he found in the storage room. This was sleek gray, but still warm. For Sasha, she found a small hot plate she could use to cook in her room until she was allowed to get a stove. For Petra, she grabbed bracelets from a local merchant. They had joked about getting friendship bracelets, neither of them having them as kids. Rowan could at least ensure that Petra could have them now.
Eventually, she found new goggles for Hange since they burned through their last pair and she found Eren a sleek pocket knife. Armin told her that Eren bit his hand to trigger the transformation into a Titan, but maybe the knife could help. That just left Levi. She had time to still think about it and she tucked all the gifts she got under her bed. She could talk to Hange about making the perfect tea blend for him. It would be a fun project to tackle. She smiled to herself as the bell at the top of HQ was rung, the vibrations shaking the building. They were back. Her heart quickened and she sprinted down the stairs and out the door. She was the first to get outside and she ran until she could see them clearly. They were all badly beaten and looked exhausted, but no one was crying or screaming for help. That had to be a good sign.
She beelined right for Levi who had gotten off his horse next to Hange. She dug her heels into the ground though, stopping her momentum. The entire garrison was staring at her and she wasn't sure how comfortable Levi was with revealing the change in their relationship. She met his gaze and he lowered his head, eyes shutting. She gave him a soft smile before she turned to throw her arms around Petra.
"Petra! It's so good to see that you're okay. All of you, really. I'm so happy you returned safely." She met the gaze of Eld, Gunther, Oluo, and Hange. They all nodded, forcing smiles. Something was off and she released Petra, meeting her watery eyes. "What happened?" Petra squeezed her shoulders. "I'll talk with you later. Just come to my room." She spoke softly and followed the rest of the squad into the headquarters. Gentle fingers pressed into Rowan's scalp, turning her face towards Levi. He ruffled her hair once before entwining their fingers together. Rowan's eyes widened, studying their conjoined hands before looking up to meet Levi's dark gaze.
"Come on then. The infirmary is going to need your help." He held tightly, pulling her away from everyone. She was busy searching the crowd, looking for her friends. Unfamiliar faces stared back at her, their wide eyes hyper focused on her and Levi. While she was happy a large number of her comrades survived, she was beginning to panic at the lack of her friends. She eventually met the gaze of Ymir, who was frowning sourly at her. Christa was next to her, tears flowing freely down her cheeks. Reiner, Bertolt, and Thomas were also there, seemingly unharmed and annoyed.
"Why? Where is everyone?" She was certain she hadn't missed them in the crowd this time. She would be able to spot Armin's bright blonde hair in any crowd. Levi had tugged on her hand, forcing her to face forward and pick up her speed. They walked for a while, the remaining Scouts fading away in the distance behind them. "Levi. Where are my friends?"
"With Armin." He spoke flatly and Rowan paused, tugging his hand back. Armin? Where's Armin? Why was Levi being hesitant to answer her?
"Armin? What happened to Armin?" She refused to move until he answered. She locked her gaze on his and he sighed, his resolve breaking ever so slightly. He tugged her to him and wrapped his arms around her.
"Hange did their best to keep him alive, but he needs you. Now." Rowan pulled away from him and linked their fingers together before sprinting towards the infirmary, dragging Levi behind her. "Rowan! Hold on."
"You said he needs me now. I don't want to waste time." She huffed, hardly catching her breath as Levi threw himself in front of her, standing between her and the infirmary door.
"Your friends...they've all been injured, but Armin is the only one that needs your attention. Do you understand?" He met her wild eyes and she frowned.
"I can help all of them though."
"No. You can't. Most of their injuries will heal within a few weeks. If you heal everyone, no one will be able to keep your secret any longer. You also don't know how that much healing will impact you. Focus on Armin." His voice was unwavering and Rowan bit her bottom lip, trying to push by him. He was stronger though and held his ground. "Promise me Rowan."
"Fine! Fine. I promise you. Just let me help Armin." She needed to save him. She refused to lose another friend when she had the power to save them. Levi dropped his arms, stepping to the side. He extended his hand and Rowan placed her palm against his. He entwined their fingers and pulled her through the door. The moment she walked in, Rowan realized why he had warned her. Her friends were scattered in every bed, some conscious and some not. Mikasa was glowering as a nurse disinfected a wound on her arm. Other than that wound and some bruises, she seemed okay. Eren was beside her, steam escaping all his wounds as his body healed each injury. Connie and Sasha were across from them, bandages wrapped tightly around their arms and legs. They were both asleep, their breathing calm. Jean was on the other side of Eren, a bandage wrapped tightly over his eye and around his left arm. He was alert and locked eyes with Rowan. "I'm so sorry." She whispered as Levi led her into a secluded room. Armin was sprawled out on the bed, his arm tattered and twisted in an unnatural way. There were open wounds in his arm, muscle exposed to the open air. It looked like something had bit right into his flesh. He was pale, his breathing haggard. "What happened to him?" Rowan could hardly believe he still had an arm. She could work with that. Before Levi even responded, she was already running through the various healing spells in her head.
"Your friends were targeted. I'm not sure why, but the Titans were drawn to them specifically. Armin...he couldn't react quick enough and a Titan bit into his arm and flung his body around. Mikasa was able to cut the jaw, forcing the Titan to release Armin. She got him to safety and I cut down the Titan, but it was too late. Armin was already unconscious. I'm afraid that I don't know the extent of his injuries. I defended him until the attacking Titans all fell. Hange did their best to tend to his injuries first, but all they could do was stop the bleeding before helping the others. I'm sorry that I failed you." He hung his head, glaring at the ground. Rowan took a deep breath before touching her palm to his face.
"Failed me? You didn't fail me. I asked you to come back to me and you did." She tilted his head so he would look at her. That's all she ever asked of him and even then, she knew the risks.
"I couldn't protect your friends though."
"That's not your responsibility, Levi. We all signed up to be soldiers. We all knew the risks. Each individual is responsible for themselves first. You did your best to protect him. You and Mikasa saved his life."
"Tch." He pulled his face away and stepped towards the door.
"Please don't leave. I wan-...no, I need you to be here with me. I don't know what will happen to me after healing an injury this severe." Rowan could feel her nerves vibrating under her skin. Armin's life depended on her healing abilities and she had no idea if she could even save him. A hand pressed on her shoulder and she turned to lock eyes with Levi.
"I'm right here. I'll be here the entire time."
"Thank-you." She smiled at him before dropping into the chair next to Armin. She brushed his hair back gently before hovering her palms over his arm. She was grateful his bones seemed intact. She had never repaired broken bones before and didn't fully trust herself to do it now. She whispered the foreign words on her tongue, her palms warming as she closed her eyes. Energy seeped out of her, clouding her mind as it worked to repair Armin's arm. She focused first on pulling his tendons together, healing the muscle and easing the inflammation there. Then she shifted to closing the wounds and healing the skin. Levi's hand squeezed her shoulder and her eyes snapped open. Armin's skin had pulled back together, the skin smooth and tight around his joints. She let out a breath before placing her palms over his chest. She was certain he had internal bleeding, so she focused her energy on healing internal wounds and bruising. She did her best to judge how long this would take, the progress not visible to Levi or herself. Sweat beaded on her brow as her body slightly swayed. She was dwindling fast, but she was determined to see this through.
"Rowan. That's enough." Levi's whisper snapped her back into focus and her eyes opened. She didn't even realize they had closed. Her eyelids felt heavy, but she did her best to focus her hands. Her magic, in the form of a soft blue light, was pooling on top of Armin now and she cut the flow off. Was that her energy telling her the healing was complete? "That happened when you closed the last wound on his arm. I assumed it meant that you finished healing your target." Levi was observant and clever. She was greatly appreciative. The pair startled, turning to stare at Armin as he coughed. His eyes slowly opened and Rowan jumped to her feet, almost crumpling to the ground. Levi's hands settled on her waist, holding her body up.
"My head...it hurts so bad. What happened?" Armin's voice was hoarse and Rowan settled her palms over his head. He probably had a severe concussion and Rowan focused her energy on reducing the swelling. Her vision was fading, but she held on long enough to see her energy pool on his forehead before giving in and losing consciousness in Levi's arms.
Rowan startled awake, her heart racing. The organ was pounding against her chest, the urgency of it forcing her to sit upright in her bed. She noticed right away that she was in her room, the familiar navy blanket wrapped tightly around her.
"You're awake. It took you long enough girl." Petra. Rowan turned towards the sound of her voice and her gaze settled on her. Petra was sitting in Rowan's desk chair, a cup of tea in her hands. "I just finally convinced Levi to go shower and get something to eat. He hasn't left your room for longer than a few minutes once since you've been unconscious." Petra smirked, placing her tea on the desk and moving to sit on the edge of the bed.
"How long have I been out?" Rowan's voice was rough, scratching against her throat. She felt like she hadn't moved in weeks, her limbs heavy.
"Six days. You've had a few IVs while you've been out. Hange and Levi have been taking good care of you. How are you feeling?"
"I've been unconscious for six days?!" Rowan's eyes widened. She had never passed out for that long before.
"Well, yeah. I mean, you did basically bring Armin back from the dead so it's no surprise there." Petra shrugged and Rowan's mind froze, right on the edge of freaking out. Did Petra know? "Hange told me. They thought I knew already. What you did for Armin...it was really amazing. I know you healed Captain Levi too. I forced Hange to tell me all about it." Petra twiddled her fingers, a nervous smile on her face.
"So...you know that I am a witch?" Rowan blinked, processing everything slowly.
"Yeah. I'm really sorry that I called you a monster. I didn't even know what a witch was. I talked to Levi after Hange told me. He talked me through it and also threatened to remove me from the squad if I told anyone. He's afraid that they would execute you on sight if they were given proof. He didn't even need to threaten me. No matter how scared or confused I was...I would never do anything that could harm you. You're still one of my best friends." Petra's smile widened as she became more sure of herself. She straightened her posture and Rowan threw herself forward, hugging her friend tightly.
"I was going to tell you. I was just so worried you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore. I should've known though. Levi was the first to know and he still trusted me. I should've realized that he was a good judge of character and that the people he surrounded himself with would think in a similar manner. I'm sorry I didn't get to tell you myself."
"I'm the one that unintentionally called you a monster. If the roles were reversed, I wouldn't have told you yet, so don't sweat it. As much as I'd like to sit and learn about your magic and your village, I know there's someone who has been very eager to see you. Mind if I grab them? I should be back in a few minutes." Petra hopped off the bed and smiled at Rowan.
"Sure. I'll be here." Rowan laughed and Petra joined in before slipping out the door. Rowan took a deep breath, relieved that Petra knew the truth. It was better this way. Maybe it was time for everyone to know the truth, at least, everyone in the Levi squad. The door pushed open and Rowan startled, not expecting Petra to return so soon. In the doorframe, stood Levi with two steaming mugs in his hands. He just stood there, staring at her. His eyes held a mix of emotions and Rowan was struggling to interpret them. Levi stepped forward, kicking the door shut behind him. He placed the mugs on the desk and walked right up to Rowan. He flicked her on the forehead and glared at her.
"Don't ever scare me like that again. You completely overdid it, you idiot." He growled and Rowan couldn't help but smile at the man. She lifted her arms and raised her eyebrows, hoping he knew what she wanted. A sigh escaped his lips, his resolve crumbling as he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around her. She held him tightly, enjoying the clean linen aroma and the warmth of his arms.
"I'm sorry Levi. I promise to do my best not to scare you again. That being said, I won't stop healing people. If I can save someone's life, I'm going to." She could handle the pain and recovery. She couldn't handle losing an innocent comrade.
"I know. I wouldn't expect anything else." He ruffled her hair before dropping onto the bed next to her. His shoulders relaxed and Rowan could picture the stress and worry leaving his body and relief washing over. It was honestly sweet…how much he cared for her. Though her memory was hazy, there was something he said before she healed Armin that stuck out to her.
"Levi." He turned towards her, head tilted slightly. "What did you mean when you said that my friends were being targeted?" He frowned in response to her question and leaned his back against the wall.
"It was just an observation Hange and I made. The Titans paid no mind to anyone else. They only attacked your friends. Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Jean, Sasha, and Connie."
"That doesn't make any sense though. There has to be another reason. Petra and Hange are my friends too and you're…"
"I'm what?" Levi caught her gaze and a slight smirk touched his lips as warmth spread across Rowan's cheeks and down her neck.
"Special to me. If they were targeting those close to me, the three of you would have also been targeted. Thomas was there too and even though we aren't on good terms…he's still my brother."
"Tch." Levi glowered at the mention of Thomas. "Thomas just stood and watched. He lifted his blades, but never struck one Titan. He didn't even try to."
"In all honesty, that doesn't surprise me. His main goal was to convince me to go home. I'm sure he couldn't care less about the Titans or about any human. Did you tell Commander Erwin?"
"No. If I had, Thomas would be dismissed and exiled."
"Is that an issue?" She thought that he would've favored that outcome.
"He's still your brother. I will never do anything that could hurt you." He tucked his chin down and Rowan smiled.
"Thank-you Levi." She reached over and squeezed his hand. He nodded, tangling their fingers. "So, why would someone target that group specifically? Do you think it could have something to do with Eren?"
"That was Hange's other theory."
"While they're close with me, they're also close with Eren. If the goal is to shatter Eren's support system to make him lose it and change into a Titan, attacking all of them would do it."
"Eren was a Titan though. If that was the goal, they achieved it by just sending multiple clusters of Titans at us. The boy is an uncontrolled firecracker and didn't wait for any guidance before changing." Levi frowned and Rowan thought it over.
"Well, what if they wanted him to go berserk? He has attacked Mikasa before which means he can lose control if he isn't focused. I feel like Armin's death or any of their deaths would overload him with grief and anger, triggering his loss of control." She thought it over before describing her thoughts.
"It's definitely something I should talk to Hange and Erwin about." He frowned and she nodded as he released her fingers and stood.
"Go ahead. I understand. It's important to figure this out as soon as possible."
"Don't be ridiculous. You just woke up. I'm not leaving you quite yet. Here, drink this." He handed her a steaming mug and she smiled.
"Black tea and honey. Thank-you Levi." She sipped at her tea, the warmth soothing her dry throat.
"Why am I special to you?" Levi spoke suddenly and Rowan choked on her tea, the hot liquid singeing her nostrils. She coughed, placing the mug on the windowsill. "You're disgusting." Levi huffed, dabbing at her nose with a handkerchief.
"It's your fault!" She retorted, snatching the handkerchief from him and wiping her chin and collarbone.
"I just asked a simple question."
"You know exactly what you did, you ass." She jabbed his chest with her finger before pressing the cloth against her top.
"Give me it. You're a mess." He huffed, snatching the handkerchief from her fingers. With gentle touches, he wiped the rest of her chin off, his hand migrating down to her chest. He was hyper focused, trying to dab every last drop of tea. Rowan was more occupied with the location on her body that his hands were placed.
"Here she is!" The door flew open, Petra bouncing into the room. "Whoa! Shield your eyes! Are we interrupting?" She giggled, her hand covering her eyes. Levi paused, his hand hovering now as realization set in. He cleared his throat, a light pink tinging his cheeks.
"I'm going to go chat with Hange. Finish your tea." He huffed, sitting up and walking from the room. "Petra. Armin, nice to see you up and walking around."
"Thank-you sir!" Armin saluted Levi as the man hurried down the hallway.
"Did we actually interrupt something? I've never seen the Captain blush before." Petra's eyes were wide and Rowan did her best to hide her blushing features.
"No, no. I just spilled tea on myself and he was helping me clean it up." She spoke swiftly, turning her focus to the boy behind Petra. "Armin! I'm so relieved to see you! How are you feeling?" She smiled widely, getting to her feet. She steadied herself before walking over and throwing her arms around the boy. That was when she realized that he was using a makeshift crutch to hold himself up.
"I'm alive thanks to you. I don't even know how to thank-you for saving my life for a second time now." He smiled sweetly, his eyes bright,
"Are your legs injured? I must've missed them. I'm sorry, I can heal them now!"
"No. Rowan, no. You saved my life. My leg will be just fine healing on it's own. We have to wait for everyone else to recover anyway before we leave on another mission, so it's fine. I promise." He assured her, using his free arm to push her back and lock his gaze on her stare. "Captain Levi and Petra said you were knocked out for six days. We don't even know if it causes any long term damage."
"I don't think it does. My mother never had to recover. My cousin never did either. I don't know why it's so hard on my body. It could be because I focused on training my attack magic rather than healing. I almost wish I hadn't now." She mumbled, rubbing her wrist. It took so much of her energy to heal because she never practiced as a kid. There's always a trade off.
"But if you didn't, you wouldn't even be alive right now Rowan. You needed your attack magic to defeat those Titans. You're perfect, just the way you are." Armin assured her. She smiled sweetly, appreciating his words. Her smile vanished though as Petra tensed, someone taking shape behind Armin.
"Can I talk to my sister, please? I won't keep her long." Thomas. He stood tall, towering over Petra and Armin.
"Of course. I should help Armin back to his room anyway. He needs to rest. Rowan, come to my room when you're done, okay? I have something to show you." Petra locked her concerned gaze on Rowan before guiding Armin out of the room. Rowan knew it was a cover, to help speed along the conversation. She was appreciative of Petra and how aware she was of the atmosphere between Rowan and her brother.
"I'm glad you're okay Rowan. Thanks again." Armin beamed, not phased by Thomas's presence.
"And I'm glad you're okay, Armin. Rest well." She smiled softly. The room dulled tremendously with only herself and Thomas in it. He shut the door behind himself, squaring his shoulders. "What is it?" Rowan didn't want to play any games.
"Is that any way to greet your own flesh and blood?"
"Blood means nothing here. You severed our ties when you tried to drag me away like a child and then threatened my friend." Rowan growled, her glare locked on Thomas's smirk.
"Ah, right. Your boyfriend. Good ol' Captain Levi. You can't have a life with him. You know that, don't you?"
"What are you talking about?"
"One or both of you will meet your end before this is over. Do you really think you can survive this war? That the fearless Captain will survive this war? He would give his life for the mission without thinking twice." Thomas snapped, stepping towards her.
"Yeah, you may be right. I'm not naive, Thomas. I know the risks. It doesn't change how I feel about him." Rowan stepped back, her heel brushing the wall.
"Does he know the truth about your healing?"
"What do you mean?"
"Come on. Don't play dumb." Thomas scoffed. "Does he know that your life drains every time you heal? That you use your own life energy to heal the pathetic humans you call friends?" He was smirking wider now and Rowan's heart faltered.
"What are you talking about? Healing just uses up energy, so the ability gets weaker over time."
"Oh, you actually believed that shit Mom was spewing? If you actually learned our history and read our texts, you would know the truth behind your powers. In our family line, we manipulate our life energy. When we use it to attack, it acts as a boomerang and comes back to us. When we heal, it is transferred to the receiver and our lifespan is shortened." Thomas's tone didn't waiver, standing tall before her.
"You're lying. You have to be." She didn't want to believe it. She had healed multiple people now and bound Marco's spirit. How much had her life shortened? She didn't regret it by any means, but it still pained her to know.
"There's so much I could lie about. Sorry to say that's one of the more truthful things I've said."
"Why are you telling me this? It's not like you care." Rowan was struggling to process everything and he chuckled.
"You need to run along and tell Levi or I'll tell Armin. Hell, maybe I'll even tell the Commander."
"What kind of sick ultimatum is that?" Rowan shouted, eyes wide. Armin would just be overwhelmed with guilt and grief. He would never let her heal him again and he would tell everyone. She didn't even want to think about what Commander Erwin would do.
"That stupid Captain is keeping you here. If he knows the truth, he will try to stop you from using your power and you'll fight more. Then maybe you'll actually go home."
"You think I'm staying in this war for a man? Do you think that little of me?" Rowan was horrified.
"I know you are." He was so proud of himself, a smug grin on his lips.
"Shows how much you actually know me. I want Levi to survive this and I want to spend all my free time with him, but I'm here to kill Titans and fight for humanity, with or without Levi, that won't change."
"That's what you say now. Just wait until you lose him." Thomas turned away from her and opened her door.
"He's stronger than you think. Don't underestimate him or me. I've gotten stronger and I will survive this."
"Yeah, Mom thought the same thing and you see how that turned out." With that, he vanished down the hallway. Mom. Mom was one of the strongest people she knew and she was gone. It was all Rowan's fault. As tears welled in her eyes, she had the urge to get out of her room and disappear. She needed to run. She hurried out of her room, fighting the tears, hoping they wouldn't stream down her face.
"Rowan! Are you okay?" Eld. He was just walking out of his room as Rowan tried to sprint by undetected.
"I'm fine. I just… I need to get out of here for a bit. Please. I just need to go for a run."
"Okay, alright. Take a deep breath. It's alright." He placed his hands on her shoulders, squeezing them gently. "Clearing your head is key and if you need to run to do that, I won't stand in your way. All I ask is that you take a horse with you. Just go down to the stables. Take my horse. She loves everyone and she's a good listener. She will serve you well until you can bond with your own horse." He assured her, smiling down at her. Rowan nodded, wiping the few tears that had escaped.
"Thank-you Eld. I really appreciate it." She sniffed, her eyes focused on the floor.
"Just come back safely. Don't stray too far. The weather is getting harsh." She nodded in response and hurried off to the stables. Eld's horse wasn't hard to find. She was the only one to even meet her gaze. She bowed her head and Rowan smiled, placing her palm against the center of the horse's face. She cooed softly before kicking open the stable door and hopping on the horse's back. They took off towards the camp that was the recruits' home for three years. The stables came into view and Eld's horse knew exactly where to go, settling in a specific stall near the edge of the stables. Rowan took the time to brush her mane, thanking her for the trip. She tied her in and locked the stall door before venturing down a familiar path. The dirt was worn down, hundreds of recruits trekking down that very path. It seemed like that was decades ago. They had all grown, no longer the bright-eyed, naive cadets they once were. Rowan kicked up her speed, feet pressing into the mud as she sprinted. The wind whipped her hair back, storm clouds rolling in above, blocking the minimal sunshine she had to guide her. A winter storm? How fitting.
She was hoping for snow, but nature would disappoint her on this particular day. Rain drops splashed against her skin, chilling her to the bone. It was freezing rain, particles of ice masked by the massive rain drops. Rowan sighed as she reached her destination. Her tree. Well, her tree that she shared with Levi during training. She had many fond memories at this exact spot and she pressed her palm against the rough bark. She sighed once more before she threw herself onto the ground, not giving a shit that the plush grass was muddy. She took a deep breath, spreading her limbs out. She'd probably freeze out here, but she didn't really care. Her life was shortened anyway. Who knows how long she actually had left. She was foolish and naive. She never should have left her village. Her mother would still be alive and serving as the next village elder. Thomas would be a guardian, the pride of their village, rather than risking his life to chase Rowan back home. Levi would have one less foolish soldier to care about. Warmth rolled down her cheeks and she startled. Were those...tears? She hadn't even realized she was crying. Once the realization set in, the sobs shook her body and she curled in on herself, pressing her cheek into the grass. Maybe this was how it was always supposed to be. This is Rowan's punishment for betraying her family and her village. She deserved to lose her life since she was the root cause of her own mother's passing. It was only fair.
"Oi. What are you doing out here? Are you trying to drown yourself? I don't think that puddle is large enough." Rowan's heart nearly lept out of her chest and she did her best to calm it as she sat upright. The water pooled around her limbs and she hadn't even noticed that she was lying in a giant puddle, her clothes completely soaked through. She turned and met Levi's gaze. His eyes were wide and full of concern, concern she didn't deserve.
"Are you here to drag me back to HQ?" She mused, dropping back down onto the ground, her body sprawling out in the puddle. Despite the icy water, she was comfortable here. Levi surprised her though, just like any other time they spoke. He dropped down next to her and laid back.
"No. I ran into Eld and he said you were going for a run and that you looked distraught. I decided to follow after you."
"How'd you know I was here?" She turned to study him and he was focused on the sky above them.
"I know you." He spoke as if she was foolish for even asking the question. "Do you want to talk about why you ran all the way out here during an ice storm?"
"Thomas. He stopped by after you left. I was talking with Armin and Petra when he just showed up and asked to speak to me alone." She frowned, turning towards him and pulling her knees to her chest. Levi turned to face her, his gaze darkening. Anger was clear on his features and she took a deep breath. "He told me something devastating, something I never knew about because my mother shielded me from it. He then gave me an ultimatum. I can either tell you or he is going to tell someone it will directly impact as well as Commander Erwin. He thinks that if I tell you, we will fight and it'll push us apart. He thinks I'm only here, fighting this war, for you." She choked out, trying to not give too much away.
"What an idiot. Is he honestly that stupid?" Levi lashed out and Rowan's eyes widened. "He actually thinks you are here because of me? You didn't even know me when you joined the military. He should realize that you are your own person and that you make decisions regardless of my opinion of them." He scoffed and Rowan smirked.
"Well, yeah. I told him that, but he didn't believe me. I think he's lost his mind a bit." She sighed and he frowned.
"Tch." They both laid there in silence for a few moments, listening to the ice rain splash in the puddles surrounding their bodies. Rowan knew they would argue if she told him the truth. She wasn't naive anymore. Though her heart would most likely break, Thomas still wouldn't get what he wants. She would never return home, not until this war was over. "Are you going to play his pathetic game?" Rowan blinked, her gaze focused on Levi's stare.
"I'm not sure. I'm scared." She huffed.
"Scared of what?"
"Of what you'll say." She spoke softly and he frowned.
"I promise that I won't judge you, Rowan." Rowan faltered, laughter escaping her lips.
"That's not even close to what I'm worried about, Levi. That wasn't even a thought. I just don't want to argue with you and I don't think I'm ready to process it quite yet." She admitted and he nodded.
"Well, do you want to talk about anything else?"
"What?" He narrowed his gaze at her when she responded.
"If you don't, then I have a question for you." He stated simply and she nodded. She had no idea what he was going to ask, but she braced herself for anything. Levi always surprised her. "Why can't you heal yourself?" Laughter bubbled up from Rowan's core and she curled in on herself, the humor of it all over-taking her thought process. "Was that an amusing question?" Levi pushed himself up so he could stare down at her. She let the laughter flow freely, enjoying the lighter emotion. Once she had her fill, she pushed herself up so she was eye-level with Levi. Her clothes clung to her body, the back of her garments completely soaked through. She ignored the tiny bumps forming on her limbs as the bitter air whipped by them, cutting through her skin to the bone. She took a deep breath, gathering her thoughts before speaking.
"Sorry. You just caught me off guard. I thought it was obvious, but I suppose that was naive to think." She took a breath before answering. "I just don't know how to." She shrugged, her tone light-hearted.
"Excuse me?"
"I...I don't know how. Most witches can't heal themselves. My mom could and if I actually trained on the healer path, I'm sure I would have learned. I chose to focus on strengthening my attack magic though. I would rather be able to defend myself and my comrades versus being able to heal my own wounds." She smiled, not regretting her decision.
"Is it something you can still learn?" He inquired, his brow furrowed. Rowan frowned, thinking back to what Thomas had said. Would she take her own life energy to heal her own wounds or would she have to take it from someone else? That would make it even worse.
"I'm not sure. I never really wanted to, so I never looked into it. I suppose I could ask one of the expert healers in the village if I ever see them again. Or perhaps Hange has a book I can borrow." Her brow furrowed as she thought back to her healing lessons as a child. They really only discussed the basics, focused primarily on closing wounds and developing herbal remedies. She acted on instinct to heal Armin and reduce any swelling and stop the internal bleeding. As for binding Marco's spirit, she only learned that from her older cousin, Emery. She had never actually completed the spell herself before then and she was surprised it even worked.
"Tch. It would be nice to not have to worry about you so much." He mumbled and Rowan laughed, rolling her eyes.
"You worry about little ol' me?" She held her hands to her chest, a sweet smile on her lips.
"Only because you're incredibly reckless and impulsive." He huffed, turning his gaze away from her to scan their surroundings.
"We both know it's because you care about me. If you didn't, you wouldn't have come looking for me." She teased, sticking her tongue out. She shivered, her body starting to recognize how bitter cold it was outside. It didn't help that she was soaked to the bone and had ice chunks forming in her hair. The weather was relentless, freezing rain still pelting them.
"Come on." He pushed himself to his feet and extended his hand. Rowan shook her head, glancing down at the puddles and patches of ice around her.
"I'm not ready to go back there." She took a shaky breath before looking up to see Levi kneeling in front of her.
"We aren't going back to the Scouts HQ. My old room still has clothes and tea. I'd like to get you somewhere warm and dry." He explained, extending his hand once again. Rowan thought it over for a moment before nodding and locking their fingers together. Levi pulled her to her feet and she let him guide her to the old, temporary elite dorms. "I do care about you...more than I care to admit." She almost didn't hear him over the gusts of wind cutting through their already chilled bodies. A gentle smile touched her lips. Once they were inside the dorm building, she sighed in relief. It wasn't warm in the building, but the walls at least saved them from the freezing rain and wind. Levi paused in front of the communal shower room. "Go wash up. I'll find you some warm clothes." He gently pushed her into the room and she instinctively grabbed his wrist.
"Aren't you going to wash up too? It's my fault you're out here. It's only fair that you get warm first." She spoke through chattering teeth and the corners of Levi's lips slightly turned up. He placed his hand on the top of her head, patting it gently.
"This is nothing compared to the time Hange thought it would be a good idea to hunt Titans down in a blizzard. It had snowed so much that the piles were taller than our horses. They thought that the Titans wouldn't be active in the cold. Not only were they wrong, but we got lost in the blizzard for multiple days." With that, Levi turned and vanished down the hallway. All that was left of him was a puddle in the doorway. Rowan giggled, picturing the Levi and Hange squad trekking through the blizzard. Hange would definitely be the one to build snow people and instigate snowball fights. Rowan could picture the squads huddled together by the fire, that was, until she remembered one important detail. If the snow piles were taller than the horses, how did Levi even manage to walk through it? She laughed even harder then, having to take a deep breath to steady herself. He would definitely ignore her for the rest of the night if she brought that up. She decided to keep that to herself and focus on returning warmth to her body. She pulled her soaking clothes off her body and took the time to hang them on the shower stall doors. She then stepped into a stall, praying the heating element Hange designed still worked. As warm water engulfed her, she squealed in delight. She'd have to give Hange the biggest hug when she got back to the Scouts HQ. She spent a good bit of time in the stall before stepping out to see dry clothing and a towel neatly folded on one of the shelves. Levi. He must have popped in without her even realizing it. She dried off swiftly before examining the clothes. They were men's clothes. The top was a sweater that was a bit snug on her, but warm and soft. It felt like she was being hugged. The pants were quite long and she was swimming in them. Whose pants were they? She quickly braided her hair and stepped out of the shower room. Levi was leaning against the wall, completely dry and wearing a sweater similar to the one Rowan had.
"Whose clothes are these?" She lifted her arms, trying to stretch the material.
"Mine." He responded simply and she frowned.
"No way. Whose are they really?" She lifted her leg, gesturing to the folded material at the end. She had to cuff the pants to even be able to walk in them.
"They're mine." He stated and Rowan sighed.
"Levi, they're ridiculously long on me and I'm taller than you." She argued, gesturing to her legs and then his legs.
"Yes well, Erwin thought I would grow into them when I first joined the Scouts." He huffed, turning away and gesturing for her to follow. Rowan's eyes widened as she studied the pants. Did Commander Erwin think Levi would eat so much that he would grow five or six sizes? While the Scouts definitely eat better than the cadets and average people within the walls, they still don't eat well enough to gain that much weight. That's not even accounting for the ridiculous height increase Commander Erwin was anticipating. Rowan shook her head and followed after Levi, hopping up the steps until they reached the familiar room. Though dusty, it was still spotless and luckily the stove still worked. Levi already had a full kettle on the stove, two mugs ready and waiting. Rowan dropped down onto the bed, stretching her legs in front of her. She folded her arms in, enjoying the softness of the sweater. It protected her, shielding her from any bit of cold that remained in the building.
"Levi." She spoke softly and he paused from searching the cabinet beside the stove.
"Hm?" He acknowledged her with a simple sound.
"Do you know what the winter solstice is?" She questioned, thinking about the upcoming days and how little time she had now to gather everything for Levi's gift.
"No. Is it some kind of holiday?" He inquired, handing her a steaming mug. She smiled down at the mug before looking up at him.
"Yes. We celebrate it in my village. We usually have a feast on the last day of fall as the season transitions to winter. On this day, we experience the shortest day and longest night. We even have a festival, to spend time together through the long night. Every once in a while, a full moon aligns with the winter solstice. On that specific evening, we exchanged gifts with our family and friends. It'll be a full moon during the winter solstice this year. It's in two days and I guess I'm just a little homesick." Rowan frowned slightly, thinking of the last celebration she experienced. Marvin had dragged her to the center of the village, spinning her around and teaching her how to dance. They had finished the feast and she had spent many hours helping her mother prepare the meal, so she was banished from helping clean everything up. Instead, she was ordered to have fun. Marvin was tasked with ensuring she listened. He definitely succeeded. Rowan spent the rest of the evening laughing and stumbling over her own feet. As the festival winded down, Marvin led her to the edge of the village. With the meadow behind them, he proposed to her. It was beautiful and if she was a different person, she would have sobbed and accepted before falling into his arms. This wasn't the case though. She had already decided she was going to flee the village before the next winter solstice, to serve in the human military. She knew she was going to use her powers to help the humans fight Titans. Thus, she turned away from Marvin and sprinted home. She had avoided him for weeks, until he decided he would spend his days trying to convince her to say yes. Of course, he never succeeded, and yet that was the memory that manifested in her mind when she thought of the festival. A gentle touch on her cheek startled her. Levi was leaning over her, his thumb wiping the tears that had slipped down her cheeks. She hadn't even realized she was crying.
"I doubt we will be leaving for a mission before then. What can we do to celebrate?" He inquired, his head tilted as he studied her watery gaze. She sniffled, pulling her face away to wipe at her eyes.
"Do you know how we can get access to the kitchen? I could make us some celebration foods. Then, we could all have dinner together. Well, everyone who knows I'm a witch that is. It would be us of course and then Hange, Petra, Eren, Mikasa, Armin, Sasha, Connie, Marco, and Jean." Rowan counted her friends on her hands and smiled. She really did find a family here.
"No, but I'm sure your friends could assist with that." He huffed, retrieving his tea from the desk behind him.
"I don't know what you are referring to." She spoke quickly, sipping at her tea.
"I'm not a fool. I am completely aware of Sasha, Jean, and Connie's weekly conquest." He mumbled, locking his gaze on her wide eyes.
"Are you going to tell the Commander on them? They mean no harm. Sasha is just food-motivated. Connie and Jean tag along to support her." Rowan frowned, wishing her friends were more careful. She didn't know what the punishment was for stealing food from the higher-ups, but she assumed it wasn't pleasant.
"Tch. I don't particularly care about what your friends do as long as they stop goofing off during training."
"Oh, okay. I'll ask them for help."
"Ask Hange too. They love mischief." He mused and Rowan nodded.
"True." Rowan chimed in.
"Though, Sasha would probably eat everything before it finished cooking." Levi mumbled and Rowan nodded. He made a valid point, but she would still probably ask her. "Hange would also probably distract you. Then everything would be burned." Levi added and Rowan, smirked. She caught onto the game he was playing.
"Levi. Do you want to help with the feast?" She mused and he scowled, glancing away.
"I'll supervise." Rowan scooted to the end of the bed and placed her tea on the windowsill. She hopped up and threw her arms around Levi. He held his tea above her, not wanting to spill it down her back. His body was tense, startled by her actions. She only squeezed him tighter.
"I really appreciate you Levi." She whispered softly, her chin resting on his shoulder. He simply placed his tea behind him and wrapped his arms around her. He held her to him tightly and they stayed like that for a few minutes, enjoying each other's warmth. Levi released her and extended his hand. When their fingers were entwined, he tugged her down onto the bed and held her curled up body to him, her head resting on his chest. Their legs tangled together and neither of them spoke a word. They laid like that for hours and eventually, Rowan drifted off in Levi's arms.