Rowan stretched her limbs, the afternoon sun warming her face as she woke from her hour or so of sleep. It was practically a nap and she would definitely pay for it today. Though, she had to admit that it was worth it. Celebrating the winter solstice with her chosen family was better than she ever expected. They ended up staying out by the fire all night, sharing stories of their childhoods and reminiscing about training. Levi stayed quiet most of the night, but he never once let go of her. Despite the stares of her friends, he didn't budge. Rowan knew how big of a deal that was for him and she was grateful that he was there, even if he didn't tell any of his own stories. Rowan talked a lot about her siblings and about what it was like growing up in a witch village. It was actually very similar to the village Conny grew up in and the village Sasha grew up in. Sasha lived with a village of scavengers and Rowan vaguely remembered crossing paths with human scavengers once or twice. Not only did they reminisce together, but Marco shared stories of the afterlife and spoke about their fallen comrades. He assured them all that everyone was at peace and had come to terms with what happened. Eren had asked if any of them knew about him, but Marco assured him that they didn't. They can only see what happens in the afterlife unless pulled by a crystal. For some reason, that comforted Eren, but Rowan didn't want to pry. Once the night ended, she helped Levi and Armin clean everything up. She bid everyone a goodnight and retreated with Levi back to the dorms. Once upstairs, the pair looked at one another, a soft smile on both of their faces. Levi had whispered a goodnight to her and gave her a quick kiss on her forehead before disappearing into his room. She was satisfied with that and retreated to her own room. She had even stayed up past sunrise to write everything down in her journal. Her memories were safe there. She smiled to herself and shook away her thoughts. She wanted to see if Levi was awake yet, so she swiftly got changed and bounced out her door. As she stepped into the hallway, Levi's door opened.
"Good morning, well, afternoon." She smiled brightly, but Levi simply frowned. He was already dressed in his uniform, cloak secured around his shoulders.
"Rowan." He spoke softly and Rowan hesitated. Did he regret last night? Did she mess everything up somehow? She remembered helping him clean everything up so he wasn't the only one stuck doing it. Armin had even helped, so it didn't take long. Levi had given her a promise back at the fire, so she knew she didn't cross any boundaries. "Rowan." He repeated and she blinked, refocusing on him. "Calm down. You didn't do anything wrong." He placed a hand on her shoulder, squeezing it gently. He really did know her well. Honestly, better than anyone else had ever known her. "Erwin caught wind of an uprising within the walls. Apparently, a few radical groups are protesting against your's and Eren's status." He frowned sourly.
"Our status?" Rowan's head tilted and Levi sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.
"They want you executed." He spoke simply and Rowan faltered. He said it so casually.
"Oh, is that all?" She huffed, nervous sweat beading on her forehead. Levi's fingers brushed her chin and he angled her face down at him.
"Nothing will happen to you. You're safe. I'm going now to discuss our options with Erwin. I promise you. I won't let anything happen to you." He spoke with confidence and though it did help ease some of her worry, it didn't alleviate everything. She nodded.
"Sorry to interrupt, but do you have a moment to chat?" Hange had emerged from their own room at the sound of Levi and Rowan talking. It seemed like they were waiting for her. Rowan nodded before turning to say goodbye to Levi.
"I'll find you after I talk with Erwin." He assured her, squeezing her shoulder once more before hurrying down the hallway.
"I really am sorry for interrupting, but I have some important matters to discuss with you." Hange dragged Rowan down three flights of stairs to the research lab in the basement. Rowan hadn't even been down to this lab yet. This one was larger than the one at the training camp's headquarters. It's walls were lined with floor-to-ceiling bookcases, filled with books. How did Hange even have time to read that many books? "So, remember those books I found about your kind?" Hange bounced around pulling books off the shelves while Rowan sat at the table in the center.
"Yes. The ones you gave me were actually all about magic and healing spells. I read through them over the past few weeks and learned a few new tricks I'd like to try." Rowan had a lot of time on her hands prior to the winter solstice, her friends all preoccupied with managing the injuries and trauma they experienced. She spent a lot of time with Levi and he helped her train and bond with her horse, Dahlia. She was grateful for his help and company. After that, she read through the books Hange had given Armin to give to her. She learned a few new healing spells and about different ways to manipulate energy. She'd have to practice the techniques at some point before she could trust herself to use them on a person or a Titan.
"Yes, well, I found others. I actually read some concerning things recently that I wanted to chat with you about." They glanced at her sheepishly and she waited for them to continue. "Your villages have people that are designated to lead, right?"
"Yes, they're called Elders. They are the oldest and wisest of the village and often teach the younger generations magic while working to maintain the barriers that protect us from Titans." Rowan explained and Hange nodded, scribbling down everything Rowan said.
"Right, well, I read that these Elders all have a Titan form. They're supposedly given a form to protect the village from any danger, but once they become a Titan, they can't switch back. So, that doesn't exactly explain Eren's situation but it could give us a place to start." Hange read over their notes and Rowan stood.
"Who gives them a Titan body? I've never heard of an Elder having that kind of power." Surely she would have learned about that or heard it from someone in the village. It wouldn't even make sense. Once a witch was designated as an Elder, they could never leave the village. What would be the point of having a Titan form?
"The head of most villages have maker magic. They can gift witches with the Titan ability, I think. That's the best interpretation I have right now."
"Gift? It's more like a curse. What the hell are you even saying?" Rowan was appalled. If it was true, what did that mean for her? She was destined to be an Elder one day. Would she have a Titan form? Was her mother a Titan?
"Not according to these history books. It seems like it's part of your culture." Hange frowned, adjusting their glasses before they flipped through more pages.
"No. Maybe other villages do that, but we don't. I've never seen an Elder shift into a Titan. That would mean my own mother could become a Titan. That would mean that I could eventually be a Titan. I refuse to believe that." She shook her head, backing away from the table.
"Rowan...I know it's difficult to believe, but this might lead us to the origin of Titans. We have to explore it further."
"You think my kind had something to do with the creation of Titans?" No. There's no way.
"I think your kind directly created Titans. I just don't know why or how." Hange spoke simply and Rowan turned away from them.
"Why are you telling me this? Do you think I had something to do with it?" Her fists clenched, her heart pounding in her chest. To think that herself or her fellow witches could have anything to do with creating those horrendous creatures was ridiculous. She had never heard of such a thing and she lived in a witch village most of her life.
"Of course not. I just need some more insight. You know your kind better than anyone else that I know and trust. I'm trying to piece everything together, but these books are missing pages. If the witches created Titans, I have no idea how or why. Plus, it would've been way before you were even born." Hange tried reasoning with her, but she snapped.
"But you think I know something about this? If I did I would have told you and Levi. I never would keep something like that a secret." She told Levi everything. Everything except the source of her healing magic. And even that, she knew she would have to tell him eventually. Despite that, if she knew anything about Titans, he would have been the first to know. If she had said something like this to him, he would definitely have asked her to tell Hange.
"I have no reason to believe that you do. If you came here to infiltrate the military and spy on us or to even find people like Eren, you wouldn't have fallen in love with the number one Titan slayer in the world." Hange mumbled.
"Then why am I here Hange?" There was no point in even denying anything.
"Well, I was hoping you'd tell me if this was even possible. I also thought you deserve to know the truth." They made it sound so simple.
"I don't think it's possible. My kind...we fear the Titans just like you. It's why we adapted…" Rowan paused, reflecting on a moment in her childhood. She was sneaking around, poking her nose where it didn't belong. It was right before her father disappeared. An Elder had told him it was time. Her father argued, saying he helped the Elders design the barriers to shield them from Titans and humans. There was no reason to attack the humans. They weren't a threat. The Elder had said the human military had gotten too close, that Rowan had seen them and he can't have witches wanting to leave the barrier. They needed to be chased back to the walls where they belong. Her father said he wasn't ready. He didn't want to leave his kids behind and the Elder said he had no choice, that he can thank their ancestors for it. The barrier was fading and they needed to protect their own. Oh no. Did her father...was her father a…?
"Rowan? What did you say to her Hange?" A voice, a very familiar voice tugged at the edges of her mind.
"I don't know. I asked her if my theory could be possible and she zoned out!" Hange was frantic, papers rustling and books being flung everywhere.
"Rowan? Rowan!" She felt her body violently shaking and she shook her head, returning to the present. Levi. His eyes were wild and full of worry, his hands gripping her shoulders. His hair was disheveled, his eyes puffy. It looked like he hadn't slept in weeks. She hadn't even noticed his state until now. Rowan shook his hands off and stepped away. It wasn't the Elders who could become Titans...it was the guardians.
"Levi, I'm sorry. I want to talk with you about all of this, but I- where's Thomas?" She had to focus. She could apologize and spill her soul to Levi later, but she needed to find Thomas.
"He should be at the stables with everyone else. We lost too many horses on our last mission, so new animals should have arrived today from the garrison." Rowan pushed by Levi and sprinted out the door. She didn't stop running, knowing Levi was on her heels. Thomas was in the center of the group, keeping quiet while the others chatted around him. He looked up and locked eyes with Rowan. He faltered slightly, realizing she was running right at him. He freed something from his pocket and she caught sight of the light reflecting off of it as he sliced it across his palm.
"No! EVERYONE RUN!" She screamed as the air around Thomas exploded. Steam shot out in every direction and all the nearby soldiers went flying. Rowan's wrist was yanked backwards, her body pulled behind Levi's. He was shielding her from the heat of the steam.
"Rowan. Mind telling me what I'm looking at here?"
"Thomas…he can change into a Titan...just like Eren. As far as I know...he can't change back. At least...that's what Hange said. He must have realized when he saw me that I knew. Something that Hange said made it all click and it was clear on my face. He didn't come here for me. He could care less that I left the village. He always told me that he wanted me to be happy and follow my heart. He was upset because he didn't want me around when he achieved his true purpose for coming here. I think he came here to wipe out the Scouts." She tried to piece her thoughts together enough to express them to Levi.
"He's a fool. I won't let him take anymore lives." Levi growled. The steam had cleared enough for them to see various soldiers scattered around Thomas. The steam was too much for them, burning their skin. Thomas stood tall in the center of the massacre, screaming into the sky. He was bigger than Eren was in Titan form, his jaw pointed. His teeth were fangs and his fingernails were claws. What kind of Titan was he?
"Levi. I know…I know it's a lot to ask, but can I try to talk to him? He's my brother. I need to know why he did this." She knew she didn't deserve his trust, not right at that moment anyway.
"Five minutes." He snapped, his gaze furious as he grasped his blades tightly.
"Huh?"
"You have five minutes. I will hold back, but I can't guarantee the others will once they retrieve their ODM gear. Don't get too close." Rowan didn't waste time, sprinting by Levi. She knew it was stupid, getting close without her ODM gear. She knew Levi wouldn't let anything happen to her though. Despite this horror, he still trusted her.
"Thomas!" She shouted up at the beast. He screamed again, reaching his hand down. She lifted her hands, not willing to give up that easily. She forced her energy outward, holding his hand a few feet from her. "Thomas! This is madness! Why are you doing this? You don't need to do this!"
"You were always the naive one." Thomas's Titan form growled, it's voice deep and gravely. He could talk?
"I may be naive, but at least I'm not murdering my comrades!"
"Comrades? These pathetic fools are just fuel. Their souls fuel our magic and our barriers. You should have done your reading growing up Rowan. Mother was an idiot for letting you run around with the twins instead of studying. She let you be brainwashed by humanity."
"Don't you dare talk about our mother that way." She separated her hands and shot energy right at Thomas's foot. The force took his foot out, causing him to fall to his knee. Rowan kept herself steady, her body vibrating from the impact.
"This army has gotten too strong. You...Mikasa…Erwin...Levi. You're threatening everything our kind has worked to protect! I won't let you be a threat any longer!" Thomas shouted before swatting Rowan with his other hand. She wasn't prepared for that and her body went flying. She smacked into the roof of the stables, the wind knocked out of her. She struggled to get to her feet, her whole body screaming in pain. Thomas's hand was aimed right at her and she shut her eyes. Something hit her from the side and she tumbled, a body on top of her, shielding her from any danger. She met Levi's gaze and his eyes held fury.
"Your time is up." He growled before standing in front of her, blades raised. "Ackerman. Get Rowan to safety. I'll take care of this."
"Yes Sir!" Mikasa dropped down beside them, snatching Rowan and maneuvering them both to the top of HQ. Levi dodged an attack from Thomas, his body moving quicker than Thomas's body ever could. Thomas guarded his weak spot, Levi managing to cut through his hand. Levi spun back around and landed on the roof. He had been using Thomas's body to move through the air. He shot his grappling hook into Thomas's shoulder, aiming right for his head. He released his grip though when he was halfway there, in one swift movement he flicked his blades right into Thomas's eyes. Thomas screamed, his hands rising up to try and pull the blades from his eyes. Levi swung back up and around, standing on Thomas's head.
"Whoa, easy big guy. No one has time for a cry baby. Let's take it like a man, shall we? You have one second to tell me why I should let you live after trying to take Rowan away from me and killing my comrades." Rowan's eyes widened and Mikasa glanced down at her, placing a hand on her shoulder.
"You all will die!" Thomas growled and Levi sighed before jumping down and slicing right through Thomas's nape. Thomas crumpled and Levi launched himself off, landing on the top of the stables. He glanced at the blood on his hands.
"Tch. Disgusting." Rowan watched as Thomas's Titan body began to disintegrate, yet she had no tears to shed for him. Levi dropped back down to the ground, studying the bodies scattered in front of the stables.
"Mikasa? Can you bring me back down there?" Her friend nodded, grabbing Rowan and bringing her down to where Levi stood. Rowan dropped to her knees, watching the steam roll off of Thomas's body. She lost her brother now in addition to her mother. Though she knew that being a soldier would bring loss and grief, she didn't anticipate this much. She hung her head, curving her body over her knees. She still didn't have any tears for him and she just stared at the ground. A hand rested on her shoulder and she glanced over to see Levi sitting next to her, eyes trained on the Titan form. Mikasa joined them, sitting on the other side of Rowan. Others stepped up as well including Armin, Conny, Jean, and Sasha. Eren had wandered over to them, but stood with his eyes trained on the disintegrating Titan body. "Thank-you for making it quick Levi." She spoke softly and he sighed.
"It had to be done. I didn't want to prolong the inevitable."
"Can we go see Hange? I owe them an apology." She turned to glance at Levi and he nodded, pushing himself to his feet. He extended a hand and pulled Rowan up. He didn't release her hand though, keeping their fingers entwined.
"Clean this up." He gestured to the pile of bones remaining where Thomas's Titan form once resided. "Recover the injured and prepare the burn unit." Rowan's friends and the surrounding soldiers all saluted, nodding their heads.
"Wait! Rowan! I need to talk to you." Eren ran after them and grabbed Rowan's free wrist. Levi pulled Rowan to the other side of him, separating their hands and flipping Eren onto his back. "Why?" He gasped, the wind knocked out of him.
"You can wait. Leave Rowan alone until she is ready to talk about it." He grumbled, before pulling Rowan off towards HQ. She couldn't even apologize to Eren, her mind warped with memories of Thomas and her mother. She thought she already processed and accepted the loss of her mother, but she was wrong. It all came rushing back. "You don't have to do this now." Levi stopped outside of the doors to the lab. He grabbed her shoulders, locking his eyes on her gaze.
"I do though." She mumbled and he nodded, releasing her shoulders and turning to leave. "Wait." Her hand snapped up, fingers wrapping around his wrist. "Don't leave. Please stay with me."
"Hange doesn't bite. I have to report the incident to Commander Erwin." He didn't move further away though and she tightened her grip on his wrist.
"I'll go with you after and I will tell him everything. I need you here with me right now...please."
"Very well." He nodded, turning and locking their fingers together. Together, they pushed open the doors to the lab.
"Rowan. Levi. You both look awful. What happened?" Hange poked their head up from their lab bench, shoving their goggles up and over their head.
"You were right…for the most part" Rowan clenched her fist before releasing Levi's hand and stepping forward. "It's not the Elders who have a Titan form...it's the guardians. They are witches who train to protect our village from any threats. My father was one and I'm sure he changed into his Titan form when he disappeared. My brother, Thomas...he was one too. He didn't come here to bring me back to my village. He didn't care that I was here. He just wanted me out of the way so he could take down the Scouts. He said we have gotten too powerful. If he radicalized and came here to fight, I'm sure there will be others. In fact...I already know there are others here." She let it all out, laying it there for Levi and Hange to process.
"Who else is here?" Levi stepped up next to her, eyes wild.
"Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt. I think they all have Titan forms. Unlike Eren, I think they mean to do harm." She shut her eyes for a moment before turning to face Levi. Fury settled on his features and if Rowan didn't know him so well, she'd be terrified.
"How do you know that?" Hange chimed in and Rowan sighed.
"Marco. He told me how he died…" She looked down and Levi's body tensed. "He said that he overheard Annie, Reiner, and Bertolt talking about Titan forms. They didn't trust him to keep his mouth shut so they held him down while Annie took off his ODM gear. Then they threw him down, off the roof and then waited for a Titan to do their dirty work." Her fists were clenched, eyes shut as she tried to not picture the scene all over again. "I don't think they're witches. I don't sense any magical auras around them. I think they're like Eren...whatever Eren is." Levi turned away, starting to walk towards the door, but Rowan stopped him, standing between him and the door. "Annie is in the military police and the others are Scouts whether we like it or not. Are you going to just go right for them and cut them down in front of everyone? I know they killed Marco and potentially others. Trust me, I want them six feet under too. We have to make sure that my theory is correct first. I trust Marco...I do. And the three of them might be horrendous people, but I don't know for sure that they are Titans. It's just a theory."
"A very convincing theory actually." Hange frowned, moving over to flip through handwritten pages of notes. "Here's my thoughts. Annie is in the MP, while Reiner and Bertolt are here. Correct?" Rowan and Levi nodded, waiting for them to continue. "I have friends in the MP. I'll have them keep an eye on Annie. Meanwhile, we need to get Bertolt alone. I think he will cave before Reiner does. For now, I'll keep reading and see what I can find in these texts about people like Eren. There might be an answer somewhere buried here. Just make sure to stay aware and on guard around Reiner and Bertolt. No one should be alone with them." Hange's plan made logical sense despite it ultimately being a waiting game. They couldn't do anything without proof. Levi's fists were clenched, his jaw tense.
"So be it." Levi turned and walked through the doors. He didn't even look back at Rowan and she chewed on her bottom lip. She had no idea what to do, but apparently Hange read her mind.
"The answer is always time. He needs time to process." Hange squeezed Rowan's shoulder and Rowan sighed.
"I know. It's just hard to give him time when I just want…" She let her words trail off.
"To spend all your time with him?" Hange took the liberty of completing the thought for her.
"Yeah…"
"Then go be with him. The good thing about Levi is that he will tell you if he wants to be alone." Hange pointed out and Rowan didn't have any argument with that. "Go be with him. I'll keep reading and come find you if I have any other questions." They waved her off. Rowan smiled softly.
"Thanks Hange."
"Anytime. Now get going." They buried themselves in their work and Rowan didn't hesitate. She hurried out the lab doors, and nearly tackled Levi.
"Levi. What are you doing?"
"You asked me to stay down here with you. I just needed some air. Come on then." He gestured for her to follow and she paused. He glanced over his shoulder, meeting her gaze. "Commander Erwin is expecting a full report. I'd rather it come from us than anyone else." He stepped forward and grabbed her hand, pulling her gently down the hallway.
"Levi?" He paused at the sound of his name. Rowan's hands were shaking and she glanced down at them. "When Commander Erwin learns the truth, will he hand me over to the military police, banish me, or execute me himself? I just want to prepare myself before we speak with him." She laid it all out for him, her fear and worries apparent.
"I can't promise you anything. I don't know how he will respond to all of this. All I can say is that I will be at your side and support you. I will do everything I can to keep you safe, even if I have to confess my own feelings to do so. I promised you, didn't I?" He assured her and though his uncertainty rattled her, his sincere honesty kept her whole and she nodded.
"Thank-you Levi."
"Don't thank me yet." He mumbled before pulling her up to the top floor. Before he even knocked, Commander Erwin opened the door. His office was neatly organized, nearly mirroring Levi's, minus the obsessive tea station. The desk was also in a different place, residing under the window with two chairs on the opposite side.
` "Levi. Rowan. I was just about to go looking for you both. Come in. Have a seat." Rowan let Levi pull her into the room and sit her in one of the smaller chairs between the desk and the door. Levi stood beside her, not taking the other open chair. Commander Erwin sat directly across from Rowan, eyes trained on Levi. He was waiting patiently. This seemed like a well-practiced routine, one that Rowan never dreamed she would be a part of.
"I would like to report that Thomas Mixerton was harboring a Titan form. Unlike Jaeger, he was hostile. Rowan tried to talk him down, but he attacked her. To prevent any more casualties, I disposed of him. I believe there were six casualties and five injured, though the infirmary should have the most accurate report." Levi stated firmly, his tone unwavering.
"Understood. Rowan. Anything to add?" Commander Erwin glanced at her and she tensed.
"Unlike Eren, Thomas could not revert back to his human form. Once in Titan form, the shift was permanent." She added, maintaining his gaze. He nodded.
"While I am sorry for your loss, I have to ask. Were you aware of his Titan ability? A few eyewitness reports say your appearance is what triggered his drive to transform. Others say you were the first to respond. Some of your comrades have expressed their concerns in regard to the incident."
"Sir-" Levi went to speak, but Rowan cut him off.
"I was not. I spent my whole life, unaware of what my brother was hiding. I found out a few moments before he transformed. Hange has been doing research into my kind. I learned that some of us can obtain a Titan form if we choose to train to be a protector of our village. Thomas had said the Scouts became too powerful with you, Captain Levi, Mikasa, myself…" She took a breath. "He wanted me to go back to the village so he could take out the Scouts without any remorse. I believe that his downfall was that he severely underestimated Captain Levi."
"Your kind. Care to elaborate on that?" He wasn't on edge or even remotely surprised by her statements.
"I am a witch, Sir. I come from a lineage of healers, but I can also use my magic as an energy force. Annie wasn't lying when she told you what she saw. I was fighting for my life against those Titans and I did what I had to...to survive." She paused, but his expression didn't change. "I have only used my powers to help humanity and I will continue to do so until I am no longer on this Earth. I believe that I am valuable to the cause Sir, though I understand and respect any hesitations you may have."
"Levi, were you aware of all this?" Commander Erwin turned his gaze to Levi.
"Yes sir. I have known of Rowan's abilities for quite some time now. She has been a great ally and has used her power to save my life and her comrades' lives numerous times." He nodded and Commander Erwin thought over their words.
"I would like to see your power in person." He stated and Rowan's eyes widened. "We shall head out beyond the walls in two days. Hange said the town we found still held a plethora of resources. I will speak with them on the matter. For now, I would like Levi to keep a close eye on you." The commander locked his gaze on Levi's and Rowan could tell there was some kind of silent communication there. "I know that Levi would not have protected you if you posed any threat to humanity, but I'd like to be cautious moving forward." He closed the book in front of him. "Levi. I'd like a list of cadets that you wish to join our excursion with Rowan tomorrow. Come see me in the morning." Commander Erwin spoke with such certainty that Rowan would believe every word the man spoke.
"Yes sir." Levi saluted him and Rowan followed suit, hopping to her feet and saluting him.
"Get some rest for now. Both of you." Levi nodded, stepping out first.
"Good day sir!" Rowan waved, quickly saluting before Levi pulled the office door shut.
"Let's go." He huffed, pushing open his door and gesturing for her to follow.
"Uh, I was just going to head to bed and rest for a bit, if that's okay." She rubbed the back of her head and he pointed into his room.
"I'm not giving you a choice. Get in here. Now." He stated firmly and Rowan knew he wouldn't budge on the matter. She followed him into the room, dropping down to sit below the window as Levi shut the door. Levi swiftly took off his ODM gear, dropping it into his closet before sitting on the floor across from her. She noticed his room was spotless as always aside from a stack of papers on his desk. The writing supplies were scattered on the desk and it seemed extremely out of character for him.
"I'm shocked your room isn't spotless." She teased, trying to lighten the mood, but Levi's eyes darkened. He pushed himself off the ground and dropped the stack of papers on her lap before he carefully put the other items away in the desk drawers. Rowan's brow furrowed as she read the neat script scratched into the pages. They were letters...all of them...to their fallen comrades. There was one for Marco, Farlin, Isabel, and other names she did not recognize. They all started the same, with Levi apologizing for failing them. Tears settled in Rowan's eyes and she shoved the papers away from her. The words on those pages weren't meant for her eyes. "Levi….I'm so sorry. I-"
"Save your apology. It's fine." He snatched the pages back before tucking them away into the desk. "Petra always talks about the benefits of journaling and writing her thoughts out. I thought it would make me feel better. After the last mission, when we almost lost Armin, a lot of memories resurfaced." Levi muttered, sitting back down across from her.
"But Levi...you didn't fail them. They all signed up to be soldiers. You led them, but you weren't tasked with protecting them. I can't really speak for any of them, but Marco, but I know that they don't blame you for what happened. You did the best you could."
"I wasn't strong enough." His gaze was locked on the floor and Rowan pushed herself forward. She grabbed his wrist and pulled his body towards her. He was hesitant at first, but she kept pulling until he gave in. She sat up with her back against the wall, pulling Levi forward so he was leaning on her. She wrapped her arms around him, holding her to him.
"I'm so sorry that you feel that way. No one should ever feel that way. It's a feeling I know well. I blamed myself for my mother's death, but I realize now that I can only control my own actions. It's the same for you, Levi. Our comrades choose to fight everyday. We all know the risks. The only ones to blame for the deaths of the fallen are the Titans. To honor them, we just need to continue the fight and put an end to this." She held him tightly, his head on her chest. He shut his eyes, tucking his head under her chin. She didn't expect a response from him, so she just held him while he slept, his soft snores soothing her racing mind. She busied herself with recalling her teachings from when she was a child. Perhaps an answer was buried somewhere in her mind.