Laughter
Lily awoke with a start and a yell as her stomach was compressed by a dead weight.
"Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty; rise and shine!" Christina's voice yelled, going right through Lily's head with a similar effect to that of a pneumatic drill.
"Rise and shine? RISE AND BLOODY SHINE?" Lily screeched as she threw Chrissy off her, wide awake now. "Qu'est-ce que le point?"
"Aw shucks, Lils, don't go all French on me; you know I'm stupid."
"Shut up, you're not stupid. But I repeat: what is the point?"
"The point in what?"
"Waking me up this pissing early!"
"Er – lessons, Lil. You don't wanna be late on your first day, do you?"
Lily sighed, grudgingly. "I suppose not. Where are the other two?"
"Oh, they woke up of their own accord," Chrissy looked thoughtful for a minute, then added as an afterthought: "They're no fun."
"Yeah, cos having your kidneys crushed is hilariously entertaining."
Chrissy refused to acknowledge Lily's sarcasm. "Exactly."
Lily groaned and rolled out of bed, staggering to the bathroom. She threw open the door, then had it slammed in her face.
"Argh! Naked girl in residence! Get OUT!"
Lily muttered grumpily, "It's called locking the bloody door"
Jess had obviously heard, as she screeched, "IT'S CALLED BLOODY KNOCKING!"
Carrie breezed into the room just then, fully dressed and immaculately made up. "What's going on? Is everything okay? Wow, the weather's great! The clouds have disappeared!"
Lily groaned. "Bloody morning people…"
Once all the girls had managed to get safely dressed and down to breakfast, they noticed Professor McGonagall handing out their timetables for the year. Lily looked at hers after thanking her Transfiguration professor.
"Double Defence Against the Dark Arts first," she stated, as her friends looked at their own timetables between mouthfuls of bacon (James), pancake (Chrissy), crumpet (Jess), porridge (Carrie), toast (Remus), waffle (Peter) and black pudding (Sirius).
"Whf wf wfth?"
"Don't talk with your mouth full, carnivore."
Sirius emptied his mouth. "Chill out, Lily, just cos I'm not a rabbit like you." Chrissy snorted, looking disbelieving. James looked at Lily's confused expression and explained.
"Chris, he meant Lily's vegetarianism, not her desire to…copulate," he said, delicately.
"You sure?" Chrissy said, sticking her tongue out at an outraged Lily.
"Anyway," Lily said in a dignified manner, "we're with the Slytherins again."
"YOU'RE JOKING!" Sirius yelled at Lily.
"Bloody hell, mate – don't shoot the messenger!" James looked surprised at Sirius' outburst.
"Sorry, Lily." She smiled at him, not minding. "But we're with the sods for Potions, too. I don't know how much more of them I can take!"
"You're not the only one," Carrie said, uncharacteristically. She was normally the last person to speak ill of anyone. "I mean, I try to be nice to them but after four years of trying and failing I'm about to snap!"
Lily grinned. Carrie really was Little Miss Perfect. Religious, pretty, slim and clever she was all her pureblood parents could ever have asked for. No one resented this though – Carrie was too lovely to be jealous of.
"Come on, people," Remus said brightly, "tis DADA time and we have yet to terrorise our lovely new teacher."
>
Lily and Jess sat together at the back left of the class, with Carrie and Chris in front of them. This was their favourite position in any classroom: in the event of the 'silent writing' treatment, notes could be passed easily and more or less invisibly. James and Sirius were against the other wall, with Remus and Peter in front. Presumably they were applying the same logic as the girls.
Professor Van Spyk "What a name!" (Sirius) had left a note on the classroom door in a loopy cursive script written in red ink, which said:
'I may be delayed. Please take your seats and unpack your things.
P. Van Spyk'
The Slytherins had no choice but to take their seats at the front of the room, having arrived later than the eight Gryffindors.
Sirius, getting impatient after around five minutes, suddenly said, (very loudly) "Where is the bloody woman? Probably off shagging some Slytherin creep in a dungeon. No bloody respect," he grinned over at Lily and was puzzled as to why she was looking so apprehensive.
"Well, Mr Black," said a silky voice. The class, who had been listening to Sirius' outburst, fell silent. "I really am intrigued as to your logic. Do tell me why you would draw up such a conclusion?"
Sirius blanched, while his friends tried not to laugh and the Slytherins snickered, a few giving appreciative looks to their new Professor. She had forsaken traditional black robes for a red silk blouse with matching pumps and black trousers. Her dark curls were loose, coming halfway down her back, and Lily thought that she would have been able to pass for a student herself, had it not been for the superior smirk upon her face. If she had been a student, she would almost certainly have been a Slytherin.
"I…er…you…er…you were late and…er…I…" he looked down at his desk.
Professor Van Spyk leaned down to his level and whispered, so only Sirius and James could hear, "I'll put it down to teenage hormones and uncontrollable jealousy for whichever lucky Slytherin that may have been."
Sirius gulped as she stared him straight in the eye, daring him to challenge her. He didn't.
"Well done, Black," she said. "You're quite right." She looked around the classroom and said, "Not about shagging in a dungeon of course, but about the fact that I am late." She had reached her desk by now and sat on it, crossing her legs and looking each student in the eyes, making them feel strangely uncomfortable. "This, of course, is unacceptable and, should any of you try it, there will be an instant detention and twenty points from your house."
"Whaaaaa?" James said loudly.
"Yes, Mr Potter?"
"Well you were late, so why is it okay for you and not for us?"
"I apologise, but as I reached the classroom this morning I realised I hadn't yet drunk any coffee, so for your sakes I excused myself to the kitchen. I know a lot of you are probably thinking 'bitch' already, but let me tell you – if you ever meet me without my daily dose of caffeine, you'll rethink the meaning of the word in your own personal dictionary."
Lily smiled. She was a coffee drinker herself.
"So, as I said, there is no excuse. I give out punishments harshly, but only when deserved. Anything, and I mean anything that disrupts my lessons," she was talking mainly to the Marauders now, holding Sirius' gaze, James', Remus' and finally Peter's, "will be dealt with very severely."
Chrissy turned around and raised an eyebrow at Lily. Lily shrugged, grinning. It wasn't often that the self-titled Marauders could be made to feel uncomfortable by a teacher, especially a new one. What this teacher seemed to have worked out very quickly was that teenage boys could be made to feel guilty only by an attractive woman. Evil or not, Lily felt she was going to enjoy being taught by Ms Van Spyk.
Lorena Marx, a malicious Slytherin girl, raised her hand.
"Yes, Miss Marx?"
Lorena said slyly, "Professor, I was wondering: did you go to Hogwarts? And how do you know all our names?"
The Professor looked calculatingly at Lorena and her smirk disappeared. "A fair question, I suppose, if a little nosy. Yes, I attended Hogwarts several years ago. And, for the answer to your second question, I pay attention."
Lorena nodded, and a second Slytherin, a boy this time, raised his hand.
"Mr Hersh, yes?"
"What house were you in?" She raised her eyebrows. "Professor?" he added hastily.
"That's better. I was a Slytherin like yourself." Seeing the looks on the class' faces, she continued. "But by no means will I discriminate against those who are not in my house. And if a Slytherin plays up, they will be treated as harshly as members of other houses."
Lily openly smiled this time, and when the Professor caught her eye, she smiled back.
"I can see this is going to turn into a full-fledged inquisition, so you may as well get on with it. I'll answer any questions you throw at me. Within reason."
With that, the class started asking questions.
"Professor, how old are you?"
"Twenty one."
"Why are you a teacher?"
"There was a vacancy, I like Hogwarts, I like terrorising people." A few people laughed, but some looked slightly nervous.
"Can you really teach Defence Against the Dark Arts if you've got that little life experience?"
"Yes." No one argued.
"Will we be working out of books all the time like we did with our other teachers?"
"Hell no. I haven't forgotten how to live like the other old buggers in this place," she paused for thought. "With the exception of Dumbledore, of course. If ever there's a man who knows how to live, it's him."
"What's your first name?"
"Ah, Mr Black…" Lily thought Sirius was pushing his luck with this question, but Professor Van Spyk's face didn't change. "Cheeky, aren't you? My full name is Petra Marie Van Spyk. But don't even think of calling me that, or it's detentions for the rest of your school career. And before you ask, yes, I do have the power to do that."
Lily suddenly realised that P. Van Spyk had meant Petra, not Professor. Lily raised her own hand now.
"Ah, Ms Evans. I was wondering when you would make a contribution. I'm expecting a good question – don't disappoint me."
"Right," Lily wasn't quite sure what Professor Van Spyk had meant by that comment, but whatever it was, she wasn't going to rise to it. "Well, I was wondering why you're being like this with us? Most teachers wouldn't let us ask questions or say anything like what Sirius said earlier. Why?"
"Ah, an interesting question indeed." Petra Marie Van Spyk uncrossed her legs and looked directly at Lily. "I've realised that it is more effective to get to know people and apply knowledge afterwards than trying to spoon-feed you information. Has anyone ever noticed how much easier it is to help your friend with their homework than to try explaining something to a parent or teacher?" A few people nodded. "The same logic applies to teaching a class. If I know what makes you tick, I can teach you things in a way that you will remember. So that it will lodge in your brain instead of going in one ear, into an essay and out the other. I also believe in expressing opinion. I'm a very impatient person and I like to know what's going on around me all the time. That is acceptable for me as a teacher, so why shouldn't it be acceptable for you as students? I have access to information about you, so you should be able to access information about me. That is why I allowed you to ask questions. Also, I enjoy talking to people and if I treat you as inferiors, you will never be able to respect me as a peer in addition to an authority figure. This will make it impossible for me to teach you, to understand you, and to enjoy spending time with you. Does that answer your question, Miss Evans?"
"Yes, thank you, Professor."
"Right, in that case I think it's work time." A few people groaned and Professor Van Spyk gave a genuine smile. "I have noticed that this seating arrangement is not going to work. I am going to pair you up with someone more suitable and you will remain with them for the entire year. Unless, of course, I have any reason to rearrange you. I must tell you to trust me, as arguing will only get me mad and not get you anywhere."
People shifted in their seats, slightly annoyed but not wanting to argue. No other teacher had ever put them in a permanent seating arrangement.
"Naturally, I will not mix the two houses: I'm not into mass killing orgies." The girls giggled and most of the boys looked slightly alarmed. "Right, we'll start with the Gryffindors. Jessica Radley, Carrie Stevens." Jess raised her eyebrows at Lily and moved her stuff to Carrie's desk. "Peter Pettigrew, Christina Marsden." Chris sighed but smiled, moving over to Peter. "Remus Lupin, Sirius Black." Lily's eyebrows shot sky high and her jaw dropped. Two Marauders together? Not a good move in her opinion. "And that leaves…James Potter and Lily Evans." James got up, grinned at Lily, and moved over to her desk.
As their teacher paired up the Slytherins, James said, "Sheesh, I thought I was gonna have to work with a Slytherin for a whole year for a second there."
"I'm better than a Slytherin then?" Lily said, grinning.
"Yeah, course. I think this subject's gonna be alright now. I mean, the Professor – well – and I've got you to talk to. At least I didn't get Stevens."
"Carrie? She's sweet!"
"Yeah, but can you imagine trying to have a laugh with her?"
"I guess so," Lily thought about Carrie and James and decided that they were probably a match made in hell. Well, in boredom anyway.
Lily looked up at Professor Van Spyk, who was standing just in front of the blackboard.
"Right class, let's get started."
Rightie ho, thankyou time for you lovely people who reviewed!
Weird Not Boring Hiya, I noticed you added this to alerts or something, thanks for reviewing. Thanks for the encouragement, I really did need it :D
HPBeatles Thanks, I knew people were reading but it's just frustrating. I wrote a lot a couple of years ago, and to be frank, it was complete crap. Non-existent plot, pure fluff, everyone completely OOC...but I got about 250 reviews for each story! I guess I'm used to being able to get praise for complete bollocks, so I thought 'Aargh, is this even worse?' Have I already checked out your stories? I think I may have, but I'll check. Thanks anyway!
DarkAres Thanks for the praise. I see your point about Lily and Sirius not going together, but as you can see, she's not a happy Lily. Also, because this story is loosely based on what happened to me (me being Lily), I went out with a guy and had a Sirius-type situation, so I'm afraid it's gotta happen to her to. It'll work out in the end though.
Alexa.G Hmm, why the hehehe? Thanks anyways, lol.
jumpernumbernine Thank you! I totally know what you mean about being tired and just not being arsed. I'm like that with very important things like coursework. Blah.
See everyone, these wonderful people reviewed! Be like them! Do something for a poor English teenager...review!
I may not update too often, I'm hoping a couple of times a week if possible, but it really depends. I've just started Year 11 today for those other English people out there, and am doing 12 GCSE courses so I will have a LOT of homework. However, I am very happy as I got an A in the GCSE I took early and the guy I like has split up with his girlfriend! And I have a new matching beret, scarf and mittens! Wow! You may get a fair few updates in the near future due to my happiness haha.
Becca