Anger

"So, guys, what do you reckon to our new Professor?" Jess looked expectantly at the boys. The girls had already decided that they all liked Professor Van Spyk, despite her blatant Slytherinness.

"She. Is. HOT!" Remus said, grinning.

"Hell, yeah," Sirius added.

"Er, guys – she's a teacher." Peter was always the one to point out any flaws in their ingenious theories.

"So?" James said blithely.

"Good point," Remus said. "Who cares if we get battered if we get to do her first?"

"Very, very true."

"Excuser moi?" Lily said, snapping them out of their daydreams.

"Mais oui mon petit pantalon?"

"In case you hadn't noticed, she's pretty intelligent."

"What do you mean by that?"

"Well, she's hardly gonna do any of you, is she," this wasn't a question; it was fact.

"Why not?"

This time it was Carrie's turn to contribute. "Firstly, who would?"

"Hey!" this came from all four guys. Sadly, they all had rather inflated egos. Carrie chose to ignore them and Chrissy continued.

"Secondly, you're fifteen years old."

"Sixteen!"

"Okay, Sirius, you're sixteen. Who cares? She still wouldn't go for any silly little schoolboy."

"Lily doesn't think I'm a silly little schoolboy, do you, Lil?"

"Of course not."

"See!"

"You're not a silly little schoolboy. You're a completely stupid, idiotic, immature little schoolboy."

"Hmph!" Sirius looked outraged and Lily smiled sweetly at him.

"Anyway, Padfoot," this was James, "you're sorted. It's the rest of us who need to get laid."

"Shut up, James. Get someone your own age rather than aiming above yourself like you always do," Lily was getting sick of the boys' egos, even Sirius'.

"Miaow!"

"Oh piss off, I'm going to the library."

Lily got up, threw her bag over her shoulder and left the Great Hall, leaving her almost untouched plate of food behind her.

"What'd I say?"

>

Urgh, they're so annoying! I shouldn't let them get to me, but I can't help it. Potter's the worst. He just won't shut up about how bloody amazing he is, with his bloody messy bloody hair and his stupid bloody snitch. Bet he stole the bloody thing.

Sirius is just as bad though, glancing at all the girls when they walk by and cracking jokes to try to make them laugh. I know he doesn't mean it but I just hate feeling so worthless. Token girlfriend or something. I know, let's play 'how many of the girls in the year can you have on your ex-list'. I'm just a bloody lay to him, am I? Stupid prick. But a stupid prick who loves me. I can't ditch him, I care about him too much, but I don't want to carry on like this, shagging him when he wants me to all because I can't tell him no. It's not that I don't want to, I just – it's not me. I shouldn't have done it in the first place, I…hell, I don't even enjoy it. I need to tell him where I stand. I can't tell him I love him any more. Trouble is, I already have. I can't just go back and tell him I thought I loved him but actually I don't cos he's an egotistical prick.

I should think before I speak and get myself in stupid situations. It's all my problem, my mess. It's my problem Sirius thinks I love him and that I want to fuck him as much as he wants to fuck me. Why he wants to fuck me, I don't know. I wouldn't if I were him. Maybe he doesn't love me after all, maybe he's doing it all for some big joke. He's not doing it just to get laid, I know that. If he wanted to get laid, he could get someone much better than me. He wouldn't do that though. I know he cares about me, but I think he's kidding himself. He's got a messed up family and a messed up past, so he's trying to make the present as perfect as it can be.

Fuck him.

Fuck me.

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

Lily cried and cried. She sat on the sofa in the corner of the library, her Defence Against the Dark Arts homework on her lap becoming mottled with tears. She cried for Sirius, for Petunia, for all the people's lives she was messing up. She cried for her parents, who were always disappointed in her. She cried for her friends who didn't care. She cried for herself, for all the damn stupid things she'd done, and all the things that could have gone right that had just gone wrong.

A pair of eyes watched her through a bookshelf, watching as she curled up, her chin on her knees, her work falling to the floor. She didn't even try to pick it up.

He walked towards her, his eyes not leaving her shaking body, racked with sobs. He sat down beside her and reached out to touch her arm with his outstretched hand. She looked up, her face streaked with tears, her eyes red and swollen and her lip trembling.

"J – Potter," she said, her look of fear replaced by a scowl. "Leave me alone."

"You really want me to?" he asked, looking right into her green eyes, now bloodshot but always sparkling with a passion, whether it be laughter, anger, hope or love. James reached out and pushed an auburn curl away from her forehead.

She didn't answer, but turned her head away from him.

James got up, and Lily heard him sigh. She watched him turn and began to cry again. "No, don't leave me!" He turned to look at her. Her lip was trembling even more now, and she looked so alone. "Please?"

He sat down beside her again and put his arm around her waist. She buried her head in his shoulder and cried. Somehow having someone there who cared just made it worse. Lily wanted to cling to James for dear life, not wanting to let go of the one person who had come to her rescue when she needed it most.

James lifted her gently onto his laps, both arms around her now. She cried into his shoulder still, her arms around his neck. The warmth of his body only made her cry harder, irrationally, crying now because the tears were still coming and she couldn't make them stop.

James' arms around her were what Lily had always wanted to feel. No one had ever been there for her when she needed it most. She was so used to crying alone that crying on a shoulder was almost a whole new experience for Lily. Her mother never comforted her when she cried. Lily doubted she knew how. Her father would do his best, but Lily just couldn't talk to him. Her friends were there for her, but she could never cry in front of them. However upset she was, she just couldn't look that stupid in front of people so apparently perfect.

Lily cried for hours, not stopping when the lights in the library began to dim, showing that Madam Pince, the young but terrifying librarian, would soon be coming round to throw out late readers.

James summoned his invisibility cloak from behind the bookshelf where he had left it and carefully placed it over himself and Lily. She looked up at him, wondering what he was doing, but he just said, "Ssh," and Lily buried her head in his shoulder again. James cast a silencing charm so that Lily's sobs would not be heard and rested his head on hers, feeling her warm silky hair against his cheek. James smiled and closed his eyes.

>

Lily woke up and raised her arm to rub the ache in her neck. Strangely, her elbow hit something warm and solid. And it wasn't her. It grunted and gave a little sigh. Lily's eyes widened in shock, and she looked sideways.

She was lying with her head on James Potter's lap. His hand was resting on her stomach. Her eyes widened further as she tried to remember what had happened. Surely -

But then Lily realised they were on a sofa, fully dressed, in the library, and the dawn light was just creeping in, bathing James' face in a weird grey iridescent glow. He was snoring slightly. As Lily remembered why they were there, she smiled and looked at her watch. It was 4.45am.

Lily got unsteadily to her feet, moving James' hand to lie on the sofa cushion and winced as she felt her aching limbs. She intended to go back to her dormitory and get some sleep and, more to the point, avoid awkward questions about where she had spent the night and with whom.

Lily bent down to pick up her things and nearly screamed as she saw James' – well, didn't see James' feet. They weren't there! Then she remembered something else. His invisibility cloak must have slipped off them during the night. Lily picked up her things and searched for a piece of scrap parchment to write James a note. She didn't have one.

Looking at James' upturned hand, she had another idea. A way to wake him up so he could get back to his dorm and thank him without having to comfort him. She didn't want to face him after draping her sobbing form all over him the night before.

Lily pulled out a quill and ink and wrote on James' wrist: Thanks. As he stirred, she grabbed her things and scarpered. She didn't want him to see her leave.

Little did she know, a pair of bleary brown eyes watched her red hair fly as she turned a corner and disappeared from sight.

I came up with the idea for this chapter and didn't know whether to write it or not. It might have been better to leave it till later in the story, but everyone seems to want some L/J of some kind and at the moment, that's the closest to romance you're gonna get. Actually, that's pretty romantic, even if it wasn't meant in that way. But was it? Hmm, we'll have to see...

vivphy05 Thanks for sticking with it. And also, you're the only person so far who's commented on the looming awkwardness, but it's gotta happen some time. They'll make it up though. We know they do, right? Thanks for having trust in my plot-writing abilities too - I promise I know exactly where I'm going with this. Hope you like the way it's turning out!

Angel2510 They suck, don't they? GCSEs, I mean. I've just started year 11 and it SUCKS! We ruuuuuuule the school though hehe. I hope this is enough L/J tension for the time being. Don't expect things to be hunky-dory too soon though...tension is a good thing.

Weird Not Boring That teacher's based on a combination of me and my IT teacher, and the name comes from an alter-ego I have (long story). I'm glad you like her, I'm gonna LOVE writing about her. most of my teachers are boring but I make the most of the ones that aren't.

HPBeatles Hey Daphna, how's things? I love that teacher too - she's like me when I grow up muahahaha. I'm gonna be a scary evil teacher. Actually no, I'd be a crap teacher. Oh well. Anyway, I'm glad you're sticking with it...

So, I dunno how that was, but lemme know if you liked it, loved it, or just downright hated it. All you have to do is review!

Becca