This Time Imperfect

Chapter Four: Wednesday

:---:

This morning I woke up screaming.

At first I couldn't really breathe and my back hurt. I found that I was curled up on the floor next to the phone and the Sakura card book. Kero was still on the cover because I had yet to awake him.

I continued screaming until Touya rushed into my room.

He had a baseball bat father had given him for his birthday in hand, and was looking around with a livid expression.

He rushed over to me. "What's wrong Sakura!" He practically shouted.

I freeze. Should I tell him? No, never.

Giving the best smile I have a whimper out that it was a nightmare. I was telling the truth, technically, just not the whole truth. A few minutes later I find myself in the shower yet again.

This time the water is freezing over my skin, making it tingle and go numb. I feel that tingle both inside and out.

What I didn't tell Touya was that my dreams were not the only things scaring her. I'm starting to scare myself.

I walk to the mirror after my shower, and for once it doesn't have steam on it. My dull green eyes stare back at me and I find that they have large bags under them. It crosses my mind that I should have been better prepared for something like this.

I knew I couldn't stay happy for ever… or did I?

I wonder to myself if I will ever be happy again.

:---:

I walk with Syaoran to school without eating breakfast.

My father usually makes and this morning Touya didn't make it so I decided I could do without it. I didn't really even say hi to mom either because I think she would be ashamed if she could see me.

I feel Syaoran's aura next to mine, and know that he is giving me worried looks.

This should comfort me, let me know that he still cares, but instead it makes me furious. How could he worry about my well being when I cheated on him? When I didn't stay pure for him and probably hurt him so bad! I fucking betrayed him and he still loves me…

Then I realize it. I'm going to have to tell him.

My throat chokes up and I feel his gaze deepen as my fists tighten. He doesn't deserve it! Not at all!

"Stop feeling sorry for me Li-San!" I cry out before I can stop the words.

He looks over at me his eyes wide and his body shocked. Li-san? We have been dating for so long and I have gone back to being so formal like it was when he first got here. I feel regret start to flood me, washing over the other feeling of self-pity. "Sorry, Syaoran-kun. I've-"

He cuts me off, "It's all right."

:---:

I stand in front of Tomoyo and shift my feet uncomforatably. She is talking to me but I don't really hear her. I find that our mindless chatter isn't really interesting anymore.

I think about how horrible I was in school today again. I guess the teachers know I'm not sick anymore because Tereda-sensei berated me for not paying attention. On top of that, things between Syaoran and I have been really awkward.

Tomoyo looks up and seems to realize that I'm not listening to her. "Sakura-chan?" She asks, cocking her head to one side.

I look over, a little startled. I give out a quick apology and try to smile. I see her smile but it's a worried smile. It's the smile she gives when she knows I'm being false.

Tomoyo grabs my hand. "Your brother called my mother today and suggested that you stay at my place for the next couple of nights."

I know I'm confused, "Why?" I ask.

She tells me it's because he's worried about her. That he's noticed she hasn't been sleeping very well at nights and that he cant really keep getting up at 3AM to come to her calls.

I'm hurt inside, but I don't show it.

I know that he doesn't want to take responsibility for me now that I've been introduced to reality and I'm not his genki little fucking sister.

I look at the ground and glare, not even really realizing it.