Anxiety

James watched Lily leave, a strange mixture of emotions filling him. He felt a sense of disappointment that Lily didn't want to face him (she was probably mortified at herself for crying on him, James Potter) that morning, but also happiness that she hadn't rejected his attempt to help her.

James didn't like Lily, not in that way. He had done, only months before, but when she began to like Sirius, he backed off and got over it. He had liked her because of her fire, her desire to seem invincible while really being so vulnerable. And she refused to show that vulnerable side to anyone, even Remus whom she had known for so long.

He wondered vaguely if, if it hadn't been for Sirius, he would still be ga-ga over Lily. He thought about the irony of having to reject one of Lily's best friends while Lily had wanted to know why. Of course he couldn't have told her – he would never have worked up the courage. He had made up something stupid about a family friend he was getting close to. Way to make a romantic statement, Potter. But now she was dating Sirius, and Sirius was the happiest he'd been for a long time.

Lily wasn't happy though. James had noticed that during the summer, but no one else had, not even Christina who was normally so perceptive. No one bar Remus anyway. The two guys had been the only ones to notice, and had discussed it many times since then.

"She'll realise in time," Remus had said. James supposed he was right, but it was painful to watch that process of realisation. And, knowing Lily, she would be torn between doing what felt right to her and doing what would make Sirius happy. But if Sirius was happy, Lily most likely wouldn't be. And that was no way for a relationship to be. Even James, with his limited experience of relationships (however much he bragged to the contrary) could see that. There was nothing he could do, though, apart from be there for Lily when she needed him.

James found himself almost wishing that Lily could be that upset again, just so he could comfort her and hold her in his arms. He had never been needed like that, never been clung to like he was the one thing keeping someone going. It was the best feeling he had ever experienced, being able to be there for Lily like that, especially as he had been longing for so long to be able to be that close to her. He thought, sadly, that maybe that chance was over now. He had intruded on her privacy and he wasn't sure that she was entirely grateful for it.

Lily had always been reluctant to confide in anyone, and to cry on the shoulder of someone who was almost a stranger to her, despite the four years they had spent in classes together, was very unlike her, and James was sure that Lily would be angry with herself for letting it happen, and probably avoid him as much as humanly possible from this point onwards. But she couldn't avoid him completely, thanks to their new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. James silently thanked the woman, Slytherin though she was. Some things were meant to happen, and James liked to think that this was one of them: Lily needed someone, and now she knew James was there for her.

As he thought of Lily, James looked down at his wrist and smiled. Clearly, Lily had indeed been grateful for any comfort she had gained from his presence. He read: Thank you.

>

Lily walked as fast as she could without making a noise, thankful suddenly for her limited ballet training which allowed her to be so light-footed.

She was mentally kicking herself. How could she have broken down in front of anyone? James Potter no less. No one knew how she felt, and that was the way she wanted it to stay. But now Potter knew something was wrong, and, knowing her luck, he would probably tell everyone what had happened, and then Sirius would berate her for not confiding in him, Chrissy would be hurt that Lily hadn't confided in her, and Remus would be kicking himself for not noticing and confronting her about it.

Not just that, but she had cried on Potter, clung to him for dear life, and fallen asleep with him. That was not something you did while dating his best friend. If it had been Remus instead of Potter, that would have been forgivable. Everyone knew how close Remus and Lily were, and there would be no reason for Sirius to get jealous, but with James…if Sirius knew, he would assume the worst. Whoever told him, whatever they told him, it would mess Sirius up. He was so protective and almost paranoid.

Why did Lily always end up hurting people?

She knew it was her own stupid fault.

In some ways she hated Potter for not leaving her alone, but she knew that, deep down, she had wanted him to stay. And that was why she had asked him to. He was an egotistical prick, but Lily had managed to see the other side of him. She knew that he was a wonderful, sensitive and amazing person. And, above all, she knew that he cared about her. They hardly knew each other and yet it just felt so right to cling to him for comfort and she had had to fight not to spill everything to him, to tell him what was wrong. He had never asked, he had known that she didn't want to talk, she had just wanted him to be there, to know that he cared.

Lily had never found anyone else who could do that. No one who could make her feel as safe as James had in that one night. She needed a friend like him, someone that she trusted beyond everything and she knew, crazy as it sounded, that she trusted James with her life. She hardly knew him and yet she knew that he would never hurt her.

James and Sirius were so similar that they were almost the same entity. She had heard them finish each other's sentences and she was sure that they could almost read each other's thoughts. Yet Lily saw them so differently; James made her feel safe and secure, and comforted, while Sirius…Sirius scared her. Lily knew Sirius would never hurt her either, but he was so unpredictable, so sensitive, where James was so solid and reliable.

But it was not her place to compare the two. She was dating Sirius, he loved her, and she had never thought of James as a romantic interest in her entire life. Well, in the four years that she had known him. She found it amazing, though, that she had known him so long and never counted him as a friend. Somehow, in the one lesson they had spent as partners, they had managed to hit something off, and Lily had known, as she looked back at her Professor to see her give a small smile, that this had been Professor Van Spyk's intention all along.

As Lily entered the common room via a very disgruntled Fat Lady, she glanced at the fireplace. All that remained of the usually roaring evening fire were a few glowing coals. Lily shivered. She was so cold now. It felt like all her body heat had been left with James on that library sofa. She had never realised how much difference the heat of a person's body could make.

Lily looked around into the shadows. She had never liked the dark. She began to run up the stairs and didn't stop until she reached the door to her dormitory. She slumped against the wall and closed her eyes, her breathing heavy and her eyes wet with more unshed tears of frustration and hurt.

She heard the portrait hole open and close, and faint footsteps across the floor of the common room. James.

>

James walked through the common room, feeling the cold that he had felt since Lily left him. He smiled at the memory of her snuffling snore as she had lain in his lap.

He heard a door open and close and smiled. Lily.

>

It had been a month since the night Lily had cried in James' arms, and she was more grateful to him than ever. Not only had he neglected to mention the night's happenings to anyone else, for which Lily would be eternally indebted to him, but he had also been as nice to her as ever, never mentioning what had happened or asking for an explanation. Lily thought this was because James was trying to ignore that the night had ever happened, but little did she know, it hardly left James' thoughts when he was around her. He so wanted to help her, but he knew she had to make the decision to confide in him herself.

The two had been growing closer, having fun, and Lily had unknowingly been drifting away from her other friends. She had only noticed when their conversations began to seem trivial and odd, and when she had to ask whose crush they were talking about. Only Remus had noticed the change in Lily, but he had put it down to her spending more time with Sirius which, to be honest, she had avoided doing. Lily was getting steadily more unhappy with their relationship and had tried hinting to Sirius that she wasn't happy but he was either stupid or just didn't want to know. The real trouble was that Sirius seemed to like Lily more, not less, with each day that went by, and with this came even more jealousy and paranoia.

James also cared more for Lily with every day that went by, but not in the way Sirius did. She was becoming like a sister to him, someone he could talk to without worrying about their opinion of him or fretting about offending them. She regarded him in a similar way, but, unlike James, she noticed the times they flirted and playfought as something more than sisterly affection.

Lily chewed her mouthful of pasta thoughtfully, half listening to the girls' conversation about Remus (using an ingenious codename, naturally) although she was more interested in the boys' new prank idea which they obviously assumed she couldn't hear. However, she decided to keep mum about it – it would be a shame to ruin genius in the making.

Just then, Professor Dumbledore stood to speak and the Great Hall fell quiet. Lily turned to face him, wondering what he could be announcing now.

"My dear students, as you all know, October the thirty-first is Halloween."

"Well blow me down, how did he guess?" Lily giggled quietly as James whispered in her ear.

"We – that is to say, your teachers and I – have decided that we should turn out usual feast into a ball." This brought conversations all around the hall. There was normally a New Year ball – did this mean that was cancelled? "Quiet please, if you will allow me to continue? Thank you. This is not in place of our usual New Year ball for the entire student body. This ball will be exclusively for fifth year and above, and will be a Masquerade Ball. Partners will not be necessary. Thank you."

The rest of dinner was spent in conversation about the ball and the fact that there were only three weeks and therefore three shopping opportunities before the ball. Someone had decided to make this term a little more interesting, and Lily thought to herself that she had a very good idea whose plan this ball had been.

I didn't really want to post this chapter this soon, but as the previous one went down so well I thought I would. This is almost the second part to that chapter, so for those of you who liked that, you may like this. And you might be seeing more of the new teacher soon too, as people seemed to want more of her.

Weird Not Boring Like I said, the alter-ego thing is a bit of a long story. Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter. This stuff only happened to me because I cry such a lot haha. Well, it obviously didn't happen quite like this as I don't go to a boarding school and I didn't fall asleep on a sofa in a library, but it was a similar and just as cute situation. Sometimes I just love my life! Thanks for keeping up the reviews by the way, it really means a lot to me! And if anything seems wrong/out of place, please let me know as I do occasionally get carried away and just write what the hell I like.

Angel2510 Course I boss people around! I've always done that though, it's not just cos I'm in year 11. I boss year 12 and 13 around too, not to mention my teachers...haha. I'm glad you liked it, this is kinda finishing it off. There will be more cuteness, but maybe not to the same extent for a little while at least. Thanks for reviewing, I like being able to actually communicate with people - feel free to tell me about whatever random crap you want as I'm sure to be bored while checking reviews. Ta muchly!

HPBeatles Short and sweet. Thanks! Hope the standard is still good...:S

I've got another chapter written already, which is very unlike me, so I might update tomorrow, depending how many reviews I get - as soon as I get 4 I'll update and that's a promise. You know how to make that happen...review!

Becca