Chapter Six: Friday
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When I first regain conciseness, I notice that my body is numb. I cannot really feel anything until a wave a water crashes on my bare feet. The water is not just cold, it is freezing.
My eyes open and I see sand. The sun is shining and my hand is blue.
Sitting up I see the brilliant blue ocean.
I know, not by looking around but by instinct, that no one is on the beach. It is September and that time of year has gone and passed. That time of happiness has been tainted now.
I pull myself up to a sitting position and my ankle aches. I look and see the way my foot is bent in an odd way. Reaching down, I force it straight, crying out loudly as I do this.
Tears sting my eyes as the pain and soreness jolts my brain awake. I see that my arms had cuts and slashes from the trees, and my knee is bruised from me jumping out of Tomoyo's house.
As I look around this beach, I see myself as a little girl.
I see me and Touya in the waves, him trying to teach me to swim. I see my father laughing well holding the picture of my mother so she can see us too.
I see myself and my class at another beach, another time, playing volleyball. I remember that was the same class trip that she captured the Erase Clow card. I feel myself yearning for those old days.
As I stare out upon the mellow waves, if I try hard enough, I can see Syaoran standing on the edge of the ocean, hand stretched out towards me, smiling just like he did a little while after we caught the Hope card.
I feel a sharp cold wind hit my arms though, and those warm days vanish with the winter. I heard footsteps come towards me and can feel the aura's of who it is.
By the time they sit next to me, I have already called out their names…
"Kero…Yue…" I feel Kero's strong sun magic to my right mix with Yue's cool moon magic to my left. Kero is in his true form for once.
" A lot of people are worried about you." Kero states, trying to put a guilt trip on me. I can feel that he is really worried about me though because he scoots over to me hoping to give me some heat. My feet and hands are so badly tainted blue and I figure my lips are as well.
My skin is also very pale because I had not eaten all yesterday.
"Tomoyo was in hysterics, the brat looked like he was about to die and your brother was sitting on the couch, biting his fingernails…" he continued.
"Your father even came back from Europe early because he could tell something was wrong even before Touya called him." Yue finished for Kero.
"You could tell I was ok…" I whisper, my voice sound foreign to me. It sounds weak and hoarse.
Yue was now looking at me. "No, we couldn't."
I look over at him. "I couldn't feel your aura at all last night. I went to Tomoyo's house and found that you had not woken Kero up for the past couple days. You were missing though." Yue stated.
"We thought you had died." Kero whispered painfully. If I could have felt anything, I'm sure I would have felt as though someone had shoved a sharp metal knife down my throat and torn my stomach out.
"When we went downstairs we found Tomoyo and Syaoran sitting on the couch, talking. I think that Li-san almost died when we told him you weren't there and we couldn't feel your aura." Yue told her, folding his hands over his knees. His long silver hair was whipping in the wind gently. I glared and turned towards the ocean.
"Like I give I fuck." I forced out, my voice so bitter I knew that this couldn't be me. I could never talk to my guardians this way… never. Yue looked over at me blank but I knew Kero's eyes were wide.
"I don't deserve Syaoran or Tomoyo. I don't deserve either of you!" I shouted, my voice cracking with emotion despite my best efforts to keep it monotone.
"Why do you think that?" Kero asked.
I chose now to stay silent. Should I tell them?
"Kero," I whimper, "this isn't me." Yue stared at me wondering what I meant. If it literally was just a copy or it was just a figure of speech. I couldn't really tell him myself because I wasn't that sure.
"Just one week ago I was the genki girl, and nothing could bring me down. I was standing atop a pillar of innocence. I had my Syaoran-Kun, you both, Tomoyo-Chan, and my family…"
My eyes started to distort with tears. I didn't bother to wipe them away.
"What happened?" Yue asked in that insensitive but caring way that only he could pull off.
"I fell."
: The walls of the white hospital have no flaws.
They
are perfect, smooth. I see the old doctor tell my father I'm not a
virgin. I see him look angry and run out, leaving Syaoran standing
behind him.
He
is asking me why… why…
Syaoran finally turns away. I watch him walk out of the room and never look back. The door shuts and everything shatters, breaks. The walls are no longer perfect or smooth. They are chipped and stained grey. Everything turns pink…
"I
don't know why.":
I can't stand being by them anymore.
Their pity isn't only in their voices, it's in their auras and scents. I force me feet up and stand, tipping a little. Yue catches me but I pull away. "I have to go to school." I say, not knowing what to do.
I can't go home; I can't go to Tomoyo's. I know that everyone probably finally hates me because of the stunt I pulled. That is good though, because it will lesson the pain they will feel when I finally give out the truth. I will have to tell someone at some point.
All this pain that's been harboring inside of me feels about ready to burst and I cannot take it. I finally collapse over Kero's warm fur and wrap my arms around his neck.
"Oh, Kero-chan!" I cry out, feeling weak and vulnerable, "It hurts so bad!"
I feel a hand on my back and Yue's voice asks me, "What does?"
By now I can't breathe again because of the tears. "My heart!" I sob, "My body… it feels like he is still touching me!" I didn't realize I had let this information slip until it was too late.
I feel Kero's neck go ridged underneath me and Yue's eyes narrow.
"Who?" He asks.
"I don't know who!" I practically scream, letting go of Kero and stabilizing my weight on my wrists. I watch as the salty tears hit the even saltier sand and disappear just like they were never there.
"My brother had a party, remember Yue? Yukito was so drunk and I made Kero go back in the book… He came to my room well I was sleeping…"
Kero was now downright wild. "Someone has dared to touch my master!" He yells out, "Some bastard hurt you?"
I flinch and whisper "Who would ever love someone as impure as me…?"
Before I completely blacked out because of pure exhaustion I could tell that Yue looked absolutely pissed and Kero was trembling with Fury. For some reason it always felt like they were mad at me though…
I knew though, that I deserved their hate as well.