Lust

As Lily entered her dorm again, Chrissy gasped. "Wow, Lil, you look amazing!"

"Ah, you're still delirious, I see," Lily said off-handedly.

"Shut up, Lily. Really, you look great. I swear if I was male I'd do you right now."

"What do you mean, 'what if'?"

Lily's face was soon hit by a high-speed pillow. "Alright, alright. I was only joking. You look gorgeous too."

"That's better!"

"Where are the other two freaks anyway?"

"Hey!" this was Carrie's voice from behind Lily's bed, answering one part of her question.

"Hey, Carrie, where's Jess?"

"In the bathroom fixing her cleavage. Apparently there isn't enough of it."

"My ass. That girl has enough cleavage for the four of us to share!" Chrissy said disgruntledly.

"Lily, can I have your shoes please?"

"Oh, sure." Lily bent down to rummage through her trunk and picked up a pair of white satin ballet shoes. "Here you go, honey. You'll have to shrink them though – my yeti feet are way bigger than yours."

"Thanks, Lil." Carrie got out her wand and began the adaptation process.

"So, Lily, ready for the grand unveiling?"

"Mais oui, naturellement!" Lily laughed.

"Come on then." Chrissy strode over to the bathroom and knocked impatiently on the door. "You got a big enough cleavage yet, Jess?"

"I think so," came Jess's muffled voice. "Come in."

Chrissy threw open the door and marched Lily inside. Lily felt Jess's hands from behind the door covering her eyes. She felt herself being pushed to where she knew the full-length mirror was, and Jess spoke.

"Three…"

"Two…"

"One…"

"Tada!"

Lily gaped. She really looked like a different person. Her dress worked wonders for her figure, and her cloak and shoes matched perfectly. The black curls falling down Lily's back didn't wash her out, but changed the shape of her face, bringing out her cheekbones and, along with her heavy dark eye makeup, made her eyes look much more…intense. The last thing Lily noticed was Petra's necklace. It was a delicate silver chain with a red snake made from tiny rubies dangling just above the fabric of her dress. It was perfect. It matched to perfection, and complimented everything about her outfit. Lily smiled. Even to her critical eyes, she looked great.

Lily turned around to thank her friends and saw that all three of them were now wearing the finishing touched to their outfits: Jess was wearing turquoise translucent harem pants and a tiny fuschia bustier showing off her flat stomach. She was wearing a gold belly chain, anklet, and headband. Her shoes were fuschia to match her top, and had pointy curling toes. Her mask was turquoise and gold, and she was wearing huge gold earrings.

Carrie, on the other hand, was very understated. Her white dress billowed and she had attached white ribbons to the ballet shoes that snaked up her slim legs and tied at the knee. She wore sparkling wings and a matching tiara. All you could see through her white mask was her eyes. The only makeup she wore was sparkling mascara, giving the effect of huge glittering butterfly wings.

Chrissy had put on her gold sandals and a snake-shaped gold bangle she wore on her upper arm. The gold beads in her braided black wig toned in perfectly. Her mask was white to match her dress, with gold edging.

"Come on then, girls. Let's go!"

The girls arrived in the entrance hall just in time, passing many students from younger years who had clearly come out to see the costumes. After all, if you couldn't go to the ball, you could at least enjoy guessing the identities of those under masks.

"Bloody hell, it's packed!" Chrissy said. All of fifth to seventh-year were stuffed into the entrance hall like sardines, waiting with great anticipation for the doors to open so they could see the sumptuous decorations they were sure Dumbledore would have concocted.

As they chattered, gazing around at the outfits of their peers, the doors began to creak open. Lily was swept inside by the crowd, and she could only gaze in awe at the decorations. The house tables had disappeared, and there were new stone benches all around the walls, lined with scattered cushions of orange and deep purple velvet. Every so often there was a ledge for drinks, and by the doors stood trestle tables laden with bowls of fruit punch and stacks of golden goblets. Cobwebs lined the walls, clustered in cracks and crevices, and bats hung from the rafters and swooped above the students' heads. Pumpkin lanterns glimmered and cast their eerie shadows from high upon the walls. Music played as if from nowhere, as there was no live band.

Lily looked around and saw her three friends, standing a few metres away. She made her way over.

"Where are the boys?" Chris shouted, craning her neck to look over the crowd.

"Dunno," Lily yelled back. "They shouldn't be too hard to spot though; four guys joined at the hip."

The girls set off looking for the Marauders. After fifteen totally unfruitful minutes, Jess yelled, "Where the bloody Nora are they?"

"Merlin knows," Chris replied.

"Maybe they're not together after all," Lily said.

Carrie thought for a moment. "Yeah, maybe Peter's with some Ravenclaw friends."

Lily grinned. "I think you might be right. Look behind you."

Carrie turned and saw what Lily had spotted a short way away at the edge of the dancefloor: three guys chuckling suspiciously dressed as the Three Musketeers. The girls made their way over, and when the Musketeers noticed them, one stepped forwards and swept his plumed hat off his head, revealing tufty black hair.

"Miladies."

Lily smiled. Being the girl with the best dress for it, she curtsied in reply. "Milords." Then every single one of them burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" a second Musketeer asked, sweeping his dark hair out of his face and under his hat.

"I don't think they're taking our chivalry and comradeship seriously," the third Musketeer answered, grinning.

Jess burst out laughing. "Hahahahahaha! We're not taking you Siriusly!"

Sirius sighed. "Why is that joke always made?"

Lily said, between giggles, "Because…it's actually…damn funny!"

Sirius looked at James exasperatedly. Lily had to admit they all looked rather dashing in their old-fashioned outfits, especially with their new-found manners.

"Right, Padfoot, I think it's about time we split this lot up. Why don't you escort your lady to the dancefloor and we'll see what we can do with these two."

Sirius smiled and held his arm out to Lily. "Milady?"

She took it. "Come on then, you."

Lily danced with Sirius for over an hour, occasionally dancing with other friends and acquaintances who came over for a chat. The music so far had been very up-tempo, so when a slower song came on, Lily sank gratefully into Sirius' arms.

Gone, the voice that used to fill the room is all but gone

An echo of a perfect love that ended wrong

He placed his arms around her waist.

Girl, we tried so hard when love was on our side

And yesterday will always be the reason why

Lily rested her head on Sirius' shoulder.

You keep comin', you keep comin' back, you keep comin' back for more

Lily blushed as she thought of the last time she had felt this safe and secure with a man.

I'll see you in my dreams

There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory

I'll see you in my dreams

Why did she blush to remember it? At the time, there had been nothing between her and James.

Time, time will never be a friend of mine again

It tries to make your memory fade but I won't let it end

And there still wasn't, she reminded herself.

Let the sun go down, so I can drift away

Let me close my eyes and live another day

How could her emotions be so fickle?

You keep comin', you keep comin' back, you keep comin' back for more

She cared about Sirius so much, and enjoyed spending time with him, but she didn't want to be with him.

I'll see you in my dreams

There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory

I'll see you in my dreams

She had decided, in that instant, that she would have to end it. But when?

The truth, oh it's there for you to see

Sometimes it's painful to be on your own

The song was right. She didn't want to be on her own. I'll see you in my dreams

There we'll be safe tonight, from the lonely days of memory

But she had to be. That was a decision she had made and she knew that it was the right one.

I'll see you in my dreams

Back in my arms again, and no matter what tomorrow brings

I'll see you in my dreams.

But another thing Lily knew was that she could never be with James. It just wouldn't be fair on Sirius. He would know then that something had happened between her and James. Not only did she not want to lose her friendship with Sirius, but she didn't want James to lose his either.

"You look so beautiful tonight, Lily."

Lily stepped away from him and looked at her feet. "Thank you."

Sirius tried to take her in his arms again, but she pulled away. "Sirius, I'm tired. Do you mind if we sit down for a little while?"

"No, course not, love." Sirius took her hand and led her over to a bench. She sank onto the cushions and, to her dismay, Sirius put his arm around her waist again. She had the sudden urge to swat it like a fly. Lily made a show of coughing.

"Oh, do you need a drink?"

"Yes, please," she smiled the most genuine smile she could, while thinking bad Lily.

"Wait here, I'll go and get you one." Lily watched as Sirius disappeared through the crowd in the direction of the doors on the opposite side of the room.

Lily breathed a sigh of relief and closed her eyes. Because of this she didn't notice that someone had taken Sirius' vacated seat until they spoke.

"So, the mudblood's shagging my dear cousin."

Lily's eyes snapped open and she spun around to face the intruder. She had long dark curls like Lily's, and was wearing a green and silver mask which hid her eyes. But Lily knew exactly who she was by the Slytherin smirk plastered across her immaculately lipsticked mouth.

"Bellatrix Lestrange."

"Cleverly observed, mudblood. I must say you've done an excellent job at hiding your identity. I would hardly have noticed you were a filthy mudblood whore, except for the man you were draping yourself all over."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You. The mudblood. Are shagging my cousin."

"Your cousin? Sirius isn't your cousin."

"You mean he hasn't told you about his family?"

"I don't care."

"Don't you? You're very angry for someone who doesn't care."

"Well I know he's not your cousin."

"Do you really? I believe he's introduced you to his darling cousin Andromeda?"

"Yes."

"She's my sister."

"No she's not. You look nothing alike."

"Thankfully. Fine then, if you're going to be difficult. Lucius tells me he saw you in Diagon Alley when he was out with Narcissa and some friends."

"Yes, but –" Lily thought back to that day. There had been only one woman in the crowd with Lucius Malfoy. And she had been…blonde, pale, and…exactly like Andromeda.

"Aha, she finally gets it," Bellatrix sneered, looking at Lily's expression of dawning understanding. "Narcissa Black, soon to be Malfoy, is my sister also."

Lily knew Narcissa. She had left Hogwarts the previous year and was another born and bred Slytherin bitch. She had never known her surname though. "But if you're Narcissa's sister, why is your name Lestrange?"

"Marriage, dear. It's what we respectable people do when we want to fuck someone," Bellatrix flashed her ring before Lily's eyes. "Now, I didn't come her to give you our family history. I came here to give you a warning."

"I don't want to hear any more from you," Lily said, suddenly more confident.

"I'm afraid I can't just permit you to walk away," Bellatrix said, and stood as Lily did. "Stay away from my cousin. Remove yourself from him and remove the tarnish from our family name."

"No."

"Why not, pray?"

"I can't," Lily was walking slowly backwards towards the dancefloor, looking around desperately for someone that would help her. Bellatrix was dangerous.

"Why?"

"Because – because he loves me."

Bellatrix laughed, low and menacing. "He loves you? I had credited you with some intelligence, despite your disgusting trash that you call ancestors. He doesn't love you, you stupid bitch. He just wants to fuck you. He's gonna fuck you good and hard and when you get boring and whiney he's gonna leave you. Dump you like the mudblood whore that you are."

"He wouldn't," Lily said, her voice shaking. "He's not like you."

"Not like me? How mistaken you are. He's as Black as the rest of us, but his Gryffindor traitor friends like that Potter have polluted him. But he's still who we brought him up to be."

"I won't leave him," Lily lied, desperately trying to hold Bellatrix off her.

"Then you leave me with no choice." Bellatrix pulled out her wand.

"You – you can't do that h-here. You can't hurt me. Everyone would see."

"Wrong again, Miss Evans. No one's watching. No one will see. No one cares about you, Lily Evans. You're alone. All alone." Bellatrix bared her teeth in the most evil smile Lily had ever seen.

"Wrong!" a male voice said from behind Lily. "She's not alone. Put down the wand, Bellatrix, before I hex you to Timbuktu."

The voice was deep, calm and full of confidence. Bellatrix's smile faded, and she scowled, but lowered her wand.

"Now fuck off like a good little Death Eater."

She snarled, but turned and walked away. Lily turned to her rescuer and saw him putting away his wand. He was wearing chain mail and a helmet that only showed his mouth and had slits for eyes. His eyes were dark and deep, and his mouth – he had a beautiful smile, and as she watched him, Lily noticed a lip ring, right in the centre of his bottom lip. Lily bit her own lip. That was sexy. There was something dangerous about a guy with a lip ring.

"Nice fangs," the stranger said.

"Thanks," Lily replied, smiling and showing them off even better. "And thankyou. For saving me. My knight in shining armour."

He laughed, and his dark eyes sparkled. Lily noticed faint stubble on his chin, and shivered. It was the bad boy image to a tee. "No problem. Damsels in distress are my speciality."

Not only was the tall dark and handsome stranger funny, he was chivalrous too. "Well I'll have you know I'm no damsel in distress."

"You looked pretty distressed to me." That smile, oh that smile…

"Only because it was her. Bellatrix Lestrange is the sort of bitch who could make the devil cry blood."

"Tell me about it. At least you don't have to fucking live with her."

"What?" Lily was shocked. "You're a Slytherin?"

He laughed. "No."

"Then you're – oh, right. Matthew Kiedis."

"Head Boy," he nodded. "And I swear I'd give it up at the drop of a hat just to get away from Miss Fuck-me-I'm-the-Dark-Lord's-whore."

Lily giggled. "Well, hi. I'm Lily Evans."

"Lovely to meet you, Miss Evans." Matthew took her hand and kissed it. Lily felt herself melt under his penetrating dark-eyed gaze. "I've been watching you from afar."

Lily smiled again. She couldn't believe her luck. Of all the people who could have rescued her from Bellatrix, it had been a tall, dark, handsome, sexy, mature…Head Boy! Chrissy was not going to believe this. Jess was going to be so jealous. Her smile grew even bigger.

"What are you smiling at, green-eyes?"

"Oh, nothing," Lily lied.

"It's the last song, Lily Evans. Want to dance?" Matthew asked as a new song started.

"Er – sure," Lily said, squealing inside. She couldn't believe her luck! It was a slow song, so Matthew steered her onto the dance floor and placed one hand on her waist and one on her shoulder.

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

You been out riding fences for so long now

Lily stared into Matthew's eyes. They were so dark and soulful.

Oh, you're a hard one

I know that you got your reasons

She seemed to have a thing about dark eyes.

These things that are pleasin' you

Can hurt you somehow

James' eyes were dark and deep.

Don't you draw the queen of diamonds, boy

She'll beat you if she's able

But Sirius' eyes were cold and grey.

You know the queen of hearts is always your best bet

Sirius. She was dating Sirius. She shouldn't be dancing like this with another man.

Now it seems to me, some fine things

Have been laid upon your table

Especially one this sexy. But what did it matter? She and Sirius would be over soon anyway.

But you only want the ones that you can't get

That line was so true. She wanted James, but she could never happen. But Matthew Kiedis…maybe that could happen.

Desperado, oh, you ain't getting any younger

Your pain and your hunger, they're driving you home

Lily felt Matthew's hand that had been on her shoulder on the small of her back. She held him tighter, moving her body closer to his.

And freedom, oh freedom

Well, that's just some people talkin'

Lily could feel his skin brushing against hers. Her cloak fell over his arms as he held her.

Your prison is walking through this world all alone

They were even closer now, Matthew's strong arms wrapped firmly around Lily as she melted against him.

Don't your feet get cold in the winter time?

The sky won't snow and the sun won't shine

They swayed together, Lily thinking that nothing had ever been this perfect.

It's hard to tell the night time from the day

Except for that night with James, perhaps.

You're losing all your highs and lows

Ain't it funny how the feeling goes away?

"You okay, my vampire princess?"

Desperado, why don't you come to your senses?

Come down from your fences, open the gate

Lily nipped his neck with her teeth. He laughed, sending another wave of…lust, yes, lust, down Lily's body.

It may be raining, but there's a rainbow above you

Lily looked into his eyes, his deep brown eyes. They were so close…

You better let somebody love you

They were so close their noses were touching. Lily took a deep, shuddering breath, and readied herself for what she knew was coming.

You better let somebody love you

Before it's too late.

The lights came back up, and Lily pulled away. She looked at the ground, embarrassed. She couldn't do this! She had a boyfriend, a boyfriend who – hell, a boyfriend she'd abandoned. A boyfriend who'd gone to get her a drink and had come back to find her seat empty. A boyfriend who could have seen her kiss another man. Thank Merlin she didn't.

"I – I've got to go," Lily stammered, and ran off, not waiting to see the shocked expression on the face of her knight in shining armour, the man who'd been there when she needed him.

Lily ran back to the dormitory, not stopping as she heard Remus shout after her, or when she crashed into an indignant Hufflepuff on the stairs. She only stopped when she reached her bed, and flung herself on it, sobbing. Why did everything have to be so hard?

Chrissy came in a few minutes later, out of breath. "Sirius wants to talk to you. He's – he's pretty upset. What happened?"

"Nothing," Lily said cheerfully, wiping her eyes on her hand. She avoided Chrissy's eyes and walked down to the common room, not looking at anyone she passed. She spotted Remus and James on a sofa, and Remus pointed out of the portrait hole. Lily walked outside and saw Sirius immediately. He was leaning against a wall, gazing at her intently.

"Hi, Sirius," Lily smiled weakly, but he didn't even seem to notice that she had spoken.

"Where were you, Lily?" His voice was deadly calm.

"Where was I?"

"That's what I asked you, Lily. I brought you a drink and came back, and you weren't anywhere to be seen. I sat there, Lily, sat there and waited, and you never came back. And then do you know what I saw?" Lily shook her head, refusing to look away from Sirius, whose expression was nasty. "I saw you dancing with another guy. Having the time of your life. You had eyes for no one else. You said you were tired, so I sat down with you. You said you were thirsty, so I brought you a drink. You weren't thirsty or tired, Lily. You had enough energy to dance with someone else. You don't love me any more, do you? You're a liar and a cheat, Lily Evans. A liar and a cheat."

"Sirius, it's not like that…"

"Stop with the bullshit, Lily. I don't want to hear it."

Lily was angry now. "Sirius, please –"

"No."

"Argh, why am I even trying? Of course you don't want to hear! I've tried to tell you things so many times and all you can hear is what you've decided I'm going to say! The reason I wasn't there is because your cousin was trying to kill me, and that boy I was dancing with saved me from whatever hell she was going to unleash on me! If you had told me about your evil family and what they would try to do to me, maybe I would have been a little bit more careful. Maybe I wouldn't have been in that situation to start with! You're right that I've been lying to you though. When you've asked me if I'm okay, I've said yes. When you've asked me if I want to spend time with you, I've said yes. You're an amazing guy, Sirius, but your jealousy and fucking paranoia has been driving me mad! I've tried to tell you, but you just wouldn't listen! You've been trying to keep me on a fucking leash!"

She looked at Sirius, who just looked like he was carefully ignoring everything she was saying. This was the worst thing he could have done. "You know what, Sirius? I feel I should tell you this just so you know what you've been putting me through," Lily was screaming and crying now. "I don't love you, Sirius. I don't fucking love you and I never fucking will."

Lily knew she had gone too far, but her mouth had run away with her. Sirius didn't even look at her, he just walked right past her, into the common room and back to his friends. Well, that was it, it was over. No more paranoid Sirius. But probably no more Sirius full stop. He would probably ignore the fact that she even existed now. And what she really didn't need was Remus or James coming out to berate her.

Lily ran away. Away from the guilt that was flooding her, away from the anger she felt at Sirius, away from her fear of what her friends would think of her now. She ran along the corridor, turned corners, ran along more corridors, until she came to a set of stairs: the Astronomy Tower. She could be alone there – no one went up there, it was out of bounds.

She hurtled up all the stairs and fell in a heap at the top, under the stars. She couldn't move any further, she was exhausted. All she could do was sob. She wept so hard that the cracks between the flagstones filled with water and formed streams, flowing gently to the edge of the tower.

Lily didn't hear the footsteps on the stairs, or the voice calling quietly, "Lily? Is that you?" She only looked up when she felt a hand on her shaking shoulder, and when she turned her head, the face she saw through her tears was James'. She was so relieved that he wasn't mad at her that she threw herself on him, crying her heart out.

A strange sense of déjà vu washed over James as Lily leant on his shoulder, sobbing like there was no tomorrow. But this time he understood why she was crying. Everyone in the common room, and probably a lot of Gryffindor Tower, had heard Lily yelling at Sirius, and James had found himself sympathising more with Lily than with his best friend. This was why, as Remus talked to Sirius, James had sneaked out to find Lily. He only found her on the Astronomy Tower because he went there himself, sometimes, when the guys were getting on his nerves. He had known she would be at the top because of the teardrops on the stone steps.

James felt Lily's sobs subside, and he realised that she probably had no more tears left to cry. He brushed her black hair out of her eyes, smiling at the memory of doing the same with her red hair weeks before, and she looked up at him. When she saw his smile, she smiled weakly back.

"I'm sorry," she said, but James ignored her.

"Let's go get you some hot chocolate."

He pulled her to her feet and they set off, walking slowly as Lily leaned on James, too tired to walk by herself. It would be a long walk, but one that they would silently enjoy.

First thing's first: I own neither of the songs used in this chapter. I searched long and hard for songs I knew from the early 70s (I'm figuring that's fairly accurate as to the setting of this story) and didn't have much luck. I ended up using I'll See You In My Dreams by Giant in the 80s some time (it's a great song and I frankly don't care about the accuracy) and Desperado by the Eagles in 1973. Also a great song, which you might know.

That was a long 'un as I promised you, and I hope you enjoyed it. I was very surprised by the number of reviews I got for chapter ten, thank you all!

Angel2510 How was double chemistry? I hope you're still alive :S I was thinking earlier, if my chapters get longer, will your reviews get longer too? I hope so hehe. I had a hilariously funny day today, despite horrible stomach cramps, and I'm updating about 10 minutes after getting home, just as I promised :D Enough Sirius-bashing for the time being?

Blue Sky Dreamer I updated! Hope you enjoyed it.

Sunshine65 Thanks! I love Sirius too, and things will work out for him, I promise. But his character lends itself so well to 'fatal flaws' that it just makes him perfect for this kind of storyline. But everything's out in the open now. I hope I'm depicting Sirius well enough - has his character got enough depth? I'm trying my best but I don't know how he comes across to you guys.

HPBeatles Well, that was the L/S scene. I didn't want to draw it out too much as there'll be plenty more tension for all of them in later chapters. About the pendant: I think it will have some part to play but I haven't fully decided yet. It may be small, it may be large. Who knows? Any ideas anyone?

Weird Not Boring Sorry, I didn't mean to suggest that you were criticising unnecessarily, I appreciate it. Feel free to suggest anything else I should sort out or explain, whether I can do that in the story or not. Sometimes I just don't see those things. Petra has become my favourite character now. I just love naturally evil people! And thanks. I try my best :)

scaramouche-black I figure it might be a while till you read this, but I just want to let you know that your review is appreciated! I didn't think anyone would be so enthusiastic about the first chapter - I think it's a little boring. Oh well, thanks!

Right, well I'm very tired now, haha. I've posted the first chapter to a new story and I'd appreciate it if some of you would check it out - I'm not too sure whether I should continue it or not. Anyhow, review please! I think I deserve it for this one...

Becca