Hospital Visits

Ch 2 – Dishonesty

Xander paced the small veranda, staring out into the night. He needed to get up early to do some work over at his mother's house. He was hoping to start the shingling of the roof in preparation for selling the old family homestead. Later today he also needed to go over the plans for the new mall. Joe, his former and future boss, had informed him that his first task as a crew chief would be back hoeing the foundation for it.

Unfortunately, his brain refused to cooperate and it was racing. It had been all evening as he'd tried to convince him self that everything Anya'd been saying was of utmost interest. It was getting more difficult to deny that he just didn't feel the same as he had about her. He wanted to blame it on Hyena; wanted to believe that the personality would fade and everything would go back to normal. He didn't believe it though. Something was happening inside him; something that Hyena and Commando both recognized and accepted. He was the only hold out, and why wouldn't he be? He was going to hurt the woman he had loved and explore something he never wanted to explore. He'd been considering all night how he was going to break the news to Anya that it was over.

She'd be hurt and angry, as well she should be. Under ordinary circumstances, that'd be awful, but here it was dangerous. Just because she didn't have her vengeance mojo going didn't mean she couldn't cast a spell, or summon one of her demon-friends to punish him. And just what were Buffy and Giles going to think? After all of his self-righteous anger over Angel, how could he tell them that he was falling for a soulless, empty, vampire?

But that was the problem, wasn't it? Spike wasn't empty, not to him. He believed in the changes he could see with his own eyes. And he wanted to be a part of whatever Spike was becoming now.

The thought brought a humorless chuckle at his expense. As if Spike is going to be thrilled that I'm suddenly wondering what it'd be like to kiss him. As if he's not already disgusted by Hyena's display. Why else would he be so MIA, lately?

Hey, his Hyena persona piped up. You weren't in the crypt with us. Yeah, you have the memory, but you weren't there. Believe me, there is no way Spike was feeling anything but desire for us.

Besides, Commando-Xander added, remember that chat in your hospital room? It's not like Spike hasn't played on the other side of the street a time or two. I really think you're worrying way too much about all of this. Well, except for that Anya problem. That could turn ugly pretty quickly.

Hyena growled deep within Xander's mind. We should kill her. She can't make a wish, if she's not drawing breath.

"Stop it!" Xander yelled, shattering the silence of the night around him. There's going to be no thoughts about killing any one, he directed at his counterparts. And if I hear any more talk like that from either of you, I'm going to Willow and Tara and seeing about getting rid of you permanently.

Good luck with that, Commando directed smugly, it's two against one on that plan.

"I don't need your permission," Xander whispered. "This is my life. You two are just figments."

Hyena remained silent, but he could feel her smoldering anger. Commando also fell into sullen silence, retracting back into the depths of Xander's mind, but not before taking one final pot shot.

Then why haven't you, yet?

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Xander was just considering going back in and trying once again to sleep, when Spike scared the crap out of him (thankfully, not literally) by crawling over the low slung wall. Coming to stand on the veranda, he was in vamp-face with his fists clenched.

"You alright," he directed at Xander.

"You mean other than a little heart attack? What the hell are you doing? And how'd you get up here, like that?"

"I climbed, what'd you think? Vampire reflexes…no problem with climbing up walls."

"Well, now, that's discomforting," Xander said with a smile. "It's good to see you, Spike. I mean, good to know you're not dust, seeing as how you've been missing for nearly a week and all."

"Just thought you could use the space. It's not like you didn't know where to find me, you know. That whole…" Spike shrugged, looking unusually awkward for just a moment.

"…my counterpart nearly raping you on the living room floor? Yeah, I thought that might have driven you off. I was kinda thinkin' you might need some space, too. And not that I mind, except for nearly screaming like a girl, but what are you doing here so late?"

Spike gave a hard look at Xander before replying easily, "It wasn't you on the floor, right? Not a big deal to me, Xan. I just thought it'd be easier for you if I gave you a bit o'time to deal with it. And, I'm here 'cause I heard you yelling something like, 'Stop'. Thought maybe, I wasn't the only evil dead that comes to visit, you know?"

"And you got into a brawl on the way over? What happened to the nose, dude?"

"Oh. That would be our Slayer, 'little Miss Sunshine' and her neander-brute."

Xander was angry that his friends were once again apparently on the abuse Spike bus. "Buffy and Riley? They did this to you?"

Spike gave Xander a grin. It warmed his cold, dead, heart that he was so outraged. Maybe the friendship would survive the Toth-incident, after all. He had to give it up to the human race; they seemed able to cope with nearly anything, no matter how humiliating or uncomfortable the situation they'd found themselves in. "Eh, don't be so mad, Xan. I was shooting off my mouth again, the way I'm so fond of doing. So…me and you, we're alright?"

"Oh, uh…yeah. Yeah, I'm cool if you're cool. I mean…I guess…uh, you know, we can just let things slide, huh?"

"Sounds like occasion for a beer, then?"

Xander smiled at Spike, relief spreading that at least this wasn't going to be a whole awkward thing regarding that whole Hyena-spectacle. Of course, now he just had to deal with his feelings, but at least Spike didn't seem to be aware of those.

"Sorry. I don't have any booze in the house, right now. We could Bronze it tomorrow after sundown though, if you want?"

"Then I'll see you there. Now get back in the apartment so's I don't have to loiter around here all night and make sure you don't get yourself bit."

"Yeah," Xander said, almost being pulled into Spike's blue eyes and the gold flakes you could just make out if you knew to look for them. "I should already be snoring away in dream land by now. I'm glad to see you, that we're good here."

"Good night, Xander."

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Riley lay in the dark of his apartment and thought over the direction his life had taken recently. In his hands, the picture of he and Buffy along with Giles was barely a colorless outline against the dark.

He had only realized tonight that it was the only picture he had of Buffy in the whole apartment. He also didn't remember ever seeing a photo of himself in her house or her dorm room. The thought made him sad and a little afraid.

Almost against his will, images of Sandy and her sweet giggle came to mind. Not that he was even tempted, of course. His heart and body were all Buffy's, but that didn't mean that he didn't appreciate her obvious interest in him. She seemed to give him more of her attention than Buffy was these days.

He rolled over, placing the picture down on the pillow that Buffy used when she was here. Guilt continued to gnaw at him over his behavior; over what the changes were doing to him emotionally. That brought on a little bit of doubt that his added strength was a good thing after all and he worried that the Initiative might have damaged him in some way. Dr. Walsh and her damned experimenting; who knew what she'd done?

Riley tossed and turned in the dark. He felt like a sailor at sea, being tossed about by a storm and there was no safe haven in sight. And though he tried to find some hope that he and Buffy would find their way through this, in the early morning hours, he felt utterly alone.

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End Ch 2